The Ugly Stepsisters

Happy birthday to two of my sisters this week.

My eldest sister reminded me, although I knew anyway. I haven't heard from K (almost 45, the eldest) for at least a year. She surfaces when she wants money or pity, or both. K is a strange person. She can be lovely. She'll buy expensive gifts for birthdays etc, but I am always inclined to feel the gestures are empty and/or shrouded in guilt for something that she's done to upset prior to that event. She's highly intelligent, but I joke that she uses her powers for evil, instead of good. She's always scamming someone. Mum thinks she just has awfully bad luck and gets into situations that aren't her fault. She's still making excuses for her behaviour.

I believe K has serious mental issues. Sometimes, it's almost as if she has no conscience at all. She can do horrid things that (have) cost us (me, mum, my brother, for example) money or emotional stress, then a short while later, ring and talk to you as if it's all love and rainbows and warm fuzzy stuff. She almost has a split personality. She's a hypocondriac. If you hurt your toe, she needs her foot amputated. And it goes the opposite way as well. I remember I was considering a long time ago to study psychology. Next thing, K rang one day and said, "Oh, I'm going to (uni or somewhere) to study psychology. You were going to do that, weren't you?" All innocent, but with a sense of "you failed, but now I'm going to live your dream", even though it was my choice not to go to uni.

Whenever K rings, she never says, "Hi, how you doing?". She just launches straight into what she wants. Like today. I haven't heard from her, like I said, in over a year. As I picked up the phone, it was noisy on the other end and I couldn't hear clearly, so I wasn't sure it was her.

Her: "Quick, write down this number, before I forget."
Me: "Sorry?"
Her: "2584. Write it down."
Me: "Is that you, K?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "Oh, ok, hi. How are you? I'm fine. Thanks for asking."
Her: "Oh yeah, hi, yeah, ok. Listen, my phone's busted and I can't read the screen. What's mum's number?"
Me: "Mum's mobile?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: (give her the number)
Her: "Is it hot there? It's damn hot here."
Me: "Yes, it's hot." (I have no idea where she is. I don't ask.)
Her: "You know it's R and G's birthdays this week?"
Me: "Yes."
Her: "Well, if you're talking to them..."
Me: "I won't be. I don't know where they live or their numbers."
Her: "Oh ok, well thanks. I have to get back to work."
Me: "Ok. Bye"

I suspect she called me at work because last time she called my brother, he hung up on her. Mind you, she hadn't called him in ages as well, and she'd finally called at 7am on a Saturday morning and woke him up. He never found out what she wanted. She must have told mum, because mum asked my brother why he hung up on her. He said the phone disconnected. It's just easier that way.

I'm sure I'll get a call from my mother, reminding me about the birthdays too.

C asked me the other day if I was going to call them and extend an olive branch. I told him, no. I put in enough effort that was not reciprocated years ago. I'm sorry, but if they haven't been able to ask one single time how I'm doing, or what's going on in my life in the last 8 or so years, I don't think I'm obliged to ring long distance to wish them well on their birthdays.

Funny, my three closest girlfriends are my sisters' ages. THEY are my real sisters. The ones who know me, who've been there for me and always will be. They're the ones I ring to wish a happy birthday.

Choices...what to do

I have to move out of my townhouse at the end of February. Well I don't have to, but I have an evil landlord and I'm not inclined to keep feeding his bank balance for any longer than is absolutely necessary.

C and I have talked about me moving into his place. He was the one who first brought it up, ages ago, but we decided a couple of weeks ago we'd put that conversation on the backburner till we'd spent some more time together.

Really, we've been cohabiting the entire time we've been together. Moving in would mean that I just don't have to drive 40 minutes to another house each night to feed my cats and I can stop living out of back packs and travel bags. But then it's so much more than that too.

It would also mean a big financial benefit for us both if I did. But then, I'd be paying more in petrol to get to work, because it doubles my current trip.

At the same time, I have to consider other options, which begs the question, where do I move to? Do I move closer to work (somewhere I don't want to be terribly much longer), and further away from C? Or do I move closer to C and further away from work? Or there is option 3 which is to remain where I am for another 6 months, but I'm not at all comfortable with that idea, because the place is just too big for me and it's a waste of money, when I could get something more appropriate for less.

If I don't move in with C, it would be likely I would in another 6 months, which means I'd have to move twice. An idea I'm not keen on, since I've moved 17 times in the last 15 years and I'm tired of not having some sort of 'base'.

In all of this, I have to consider what I want to do in relation to work. I'm not too fussed on the actual job I want, as long as I enjoy whatever I'm doing. But where to look? If I go back to corporate (which I think I'd hate, after being able to wear casual clothes every day for the last 3 1/2 years), then it'll be a city job. That'd mean more money, but again, depending on where I am living, would be approximately a 60-80 minute trip each morning.

If I look for a job in the suburbs in between where C and I are now (which is mostly construction or major manufacturing - industries I've worked in before), I'd get less money, but it might be an easier lifestyle to a certain degree.

Right now, I really am at a loss what to do. I have about 6 weeks top to decide and where I work and live are going to have to mesh somehow, so it's not a simple decision.

I don't want to live with C just because I can, or because I haven't got any other options. If it's going to happen, then I'll make sure I'm comfortable with my reasoning for it. I've never actually had to choose whether or not I was going to live with a boyfriend. It always just seemed to work out that way by itself. This time it's going to be a conscious choice and for some reason I'm just not allowing myself to think about how I feel about it.

Will have to face it soon, though.

Seeking perfection

Yes, I'm back! And R, yes, it's because I was out and about with the boy all weekend. I can't remember what we did on Friday night...oh, yes I can, we watched a DVD (Love's Brother), but it was a pretty laid back night, so nothing really to report on.

On Saturday, I went to my weekly visit to Dr Fun-Killer, who told me that I'd managed to drop 3% body fat in ONE WEEK! Now, normally, I don't check to see what I weigh or what the results of the other tests he does, are, but this time I had to see it for myself. And yep, down 3% body fat in one week. Way cool! I also passed my psychological target weight (I needed to drop to a certain point before I believed it was actually going to work), another nice confidence booster.

I've been trying to catch up with my brother for weeks now, and yesterday we finally managed to tie him and his girlfriend to lunch, which was nice. My brother and I used to hate each other when we were growing up. I think it was more to do with us taking our situation out on each other, rather than anything else. We're really good friends now.

Anyway, the funny thing is that C's sister was also around yesterday and he was almost going to invite her to lunch as well. That would have been interesting, because my brother is also called Chris, but his girlfriend and Chris' sister share the same name as well.

After that, we rang just about everyone we knew to go visiting, but nobody was home, so we just went for a cruise down by the beach.

Saturday night, we watched Robbie the Reindeer. Yes, it's a kids movie, but one of those ones that has subtle one liners that only adults will pick up on...and it happens to be pretty funny too.

On Sunday we got a brilliant brainwave to put some Christmas lights on the front of the house. Just one set of icicle lights across the front porch area and one regular set just above them, nothing spectacular. "Let's just start out small and we'll build on it each year". That was the plan anyway. But we're both the type that once we start something, it has to be done just right. So we put the lights up and decided that we needed just one more set. Um...we got slightly more than that...

At 7pm last night (still daylight, due to daylight savings) we finished...having spent about $150 on blue and white lights, of which we calculated were well over 1000 in number...and the whole entire front of the house and roof is now lit up!! Now, considering C's friend has more than 20,000 lights, we're chicken feed in comparison, but for our first effort, it looks damn fine and people were already slowing down last night to check it out! Woohooo! We rock! hehe

Despite sunscreen and the eventual donning of tshirts and hats, we (me moreso than he) are doing nice lobster impressions today.

I'm in rather a good mood today. Even with bright red skin, hayfever I've had for about 3 weeks and bloodshot eyes. Maybe coz I know I only have two more weeks of this torturous place I call 'work', before I go on holidays.

Taking offers

I found this on another blog somewhere in the blogosphere.

I was curious to find out my "worth" (Brad, how are your shares in my blog doing?), because C and I were talking last night about that whole, "I'll give you $1M to sleep with your wife" thing and we were wondering what price we'd settle for.

I'm worth $2,444,322.60! How much are you worth?

There's Klingons on the starboard bow

...and other strange goings-on.....

Friday November 26, 2004
Campaigners fighting for a ban on blonde jokes in Hungary turned violent in a protest at a Budapest bar called Blondy, throwing food at the windows and urging blonde women working there to go on strike. Maybe I should go on strike too!

Thursday November 25, 2004
A car park attendant in the US bought a lottery ticket on the day he was declared bankrupt - and won $A59 million. Juan Rodriguez, 49, a Colombian immigrant, hit the largest ever New York state jackpot. His wife has now taken him back. Wait for his 'accidental' death.

Wednesday November 24, 2004
A Serbian tie-maker plans to launch a range of penis cravats for the man who has everything. Designer Neven Vrgoc says they can help men make a good impression on a first date or even be awarded by satisfied women. Now we know how the writer spends his first dates!

Tuesday November 23, 2004
To avoid detection after robbing a jewellery shop, a Taiwanese man hid in an attic with a stock of bread and water. This week, a month after the robbery, he turned himself in to police, saying he could no longer stand his own body odour. Soon to be appearing in the Darwin Awards, I'm sure.

More here.

And who's now singing that Star Trekking song?

"Gimme your doggie bag, or I'll shoot"

Surely there are more important things to go to court over....?

Second acquittal over 'fajita-gate'

Prosecutors plan to retry officer in food-fight case

SAN FRANCISCO, California (AP) -- A police officer was acquitted Wednesday of a charge linked to his involvement in an drunken off-duty fight over a bag of steak fajitas two years ago. Jurors deadlocked on an assault charge, and prosecutors said they planned to retry him.

The jury found Matthew Tonsing innocent of battery and voted 8-4 in favor of acquittal on a felony assault with a deadly weapon charge. Jurors had already cleared him of a misdemeanor battery charge.

On Monday, the jury acquitted David Lee, one of three San Francisco officers arrested for allegedly confronting two men outside a bar and demanding their doggie bag of fajitas.

12 Steps

There were actually 13 steps, but we sat on the 12th one.

My brother and I would sit there, in the dark, on the back steps, waiting for our eldest sister to come and pick us up. We’d stay the night at her place.

Inside, my mother would be crying. Her boyfriend would be yelling, abusing her, hitting her. She just took it. He put a barstool through the ceiling one night.

He was always drunk. She was always depressed.

I have an image in my head of him on one side of the kitchen table with a knife. The rest of us on the other. I’ve never been able to remember if it was just a dream, or not, but I can see it clearly.

These are the things I think of at this time of year.

Horror-scope

Today's horoscope for Leo:

A lover -- or an ex -- will send you some startling news. Does that mean you'll be deserting your current situation? Not hardly. You're well past that kind of thing. But you might want to have lunch and catch up.

The one and only offline message I received today:

Hi E, haven't heard from you in a while so I guess things are going really well with your new man. I know it is naughty of me but a part of me hopes that things dont work out as I think you feel something for me but the timing is just wrong. Am I right about you having feelings about me?

That's from the guy I had to let down twice. So he wasn't a lover or an ex, but it's still a weird coincidence.

Now I have to let him down yet again!

Bah Humbug!

This could be the first in a succession of thoughts about Christmas and all things holiday season.

I'm currently avoiding phone calls from my mother. It's been easy lately. I worked out I haven't been home since last Wednesday, except to feed my cats, change clothes and do washing. I know she's going to guilt trip me about where and how I spend Christmas.

Last year I spent Christmas in Las Vegas. Technically, I wasn't by myself, because my online friend Matt came over from KC to spend a couple of days with me. But I was on the other side of the planet to my family and I liked it like that.

The year before, I spent Christmas with a girlfriend and her family. Well, I spent most of the day with them and the rest of the time in solitude.

Prior to that, Christmas was always spent with the ex and his family.

I think C has plans, or at least has hinted, for me to spend Christmas with his family. The thing is, I'm really good when it comes to celebrating with other peoples' families. Just not my own.

I spent too many years with mum crying over something stupid, or trying to please everyone by visiting either mum or dad, then the other one, on Christmas day and spending half the time looking at the time and figuring out when it's politely safe to leave.

I don't want to deal with, "you should come up and see your sisters". I don't want to deal with, "but I haven't seen you in so long". I don't want to deal with, "I'm so poor and can't afford anything".

I've heard these things too many times. I don't want to see my sisters. If they can't pick up a phone once a year to say hi, I'm not gonna buy a plane ticket to see them and pretend to be happy families. I know I haven't seen my family in a long time. There are reasons I moved away at such a young age. I'm tired of being made to feel bad that my mother is on a pension and doesn't have a lot of money. It's all relative. I make a decent wage, but my cost of living is such at the moment that I don't have a lot of spare money either. I don't whine. I know I am in control of my circumstances.

So I have to tell my mother, at some stage, yet again, that I won't be flying up there for Christmas. I have to tell her that I'll be spending it, more than likely, with C's family. And I probably will have to tell her that I am going on a holiday to Sydney in January. I know I'll have to justify how I can spend money on a flight to Sydney, yet I can't spend a comparable amount to see my family.

I don't go all nuts over babies and pregnant women. I don't go all nuts about birthdays, especially my own, except if I'm very close to you - then I will go out of my way to make you happy. And I don't get excited about Christmas.

Until I get a few happy holiday seasons under my belt and I'm not made to feel guilty for not wanting to be with my family - strangers who I happen to be related to - I just cannot get excited about the whole deal.

So there you have it. My first "Bah Humbug!" moment for the holidays.

Jewels

His eyes sparkle.

I don’t think I’ve ever known a guy before whose eyes truly sparkled. Or maybe I just never really paid attention.

He has clear, green eyes. Not light green, but more like the green of the sea. Even in the dark, they shine.

I can tell what he’s thinking by his eyes.

I want....

• a sausage roll
• a hamburger
• double cheese/double pepperoni pizza
• spaghetti aglio e olio
• fettuccine carbonara
• chocolate
• Baskin Robins icecream - any flavour
• fried rice
• M&Ms
• Tim Tams
• Mint Slice biscuits
• jelly beans - even the black ones
• Coke
• a Baileys on ice
• half a dozen white Sambucca shots
• toast with Vegemite
• hot, fresh bread with butter
• carrot cake with lemon icing
• lamingtons
• chocolate mud cake
• fried dim sims
• two minute noodles
• nachos with extra cheese and guacamole
• gnocchi con pollo
• crostolli
• marzipan
• raspberry jelly
• chocolate bullets
• licorice allsorts
• a king size Cherry Ripe
• lemon cheesecake
• a Big Mac and fries
• a chocolate sundae with extra hot fudge sauce
• Pringles
• Reeses peanut butter cups - large and small
• Hershey kisses
• anything with green or red food colouring
• Chinese spring rolls

These are just a few of the things I have not eaten in six weeks. Not to mention the hundreds of other things that fail to come to mind right now.

Oink, freakin oink...I've made myself hungry now. Dammit!

So...what's your vice, folks?

Casey Donovan - Australian Idol

She's 16, she's not a Jessica Simpson look-a-like, she's unpretentious and original, sometimes inarticulate (as 16 year olds can be), and she has an incredible voice.

She's our Australian Idol for 2004.

She reminds me so much of me at that age. No, I wasn't dark haired, and no, I wasn't overweight. In fact, I was very blonde and probably unhealthily skinny. But I sang. It's what I did. It's what I wanted to do. It's what I would have done if someone had just told me that I could...

I thought Anthony Callea would win. He has the 'look', the style and the voice. He's the 'package'.

Casey is unique. I have to say, I was really impressed that she won. The fact that she got so far and that she got that far on her merits and despite (or because of?) her unusual look, makes me pleased in a way about the Australian public. I'm glad people voted on overall talent and not just who was 'prettier' or had the most charm/sex appeal.

Casey is in her element when she sings. When she gets over her nerves, her talent truly shines through.

My congratulations to her.

No congratulations to Telstra though, for their serious faux pas in relation to Casey's website.

Family - part 1

I called this part 1, because I'm thinking it'll be a prelude to the things I really need to vocalise - for my own benefit and probably my long term sanity as well.

So here's the basic rundown...

Three older sisters. Between them two dads. The older one has a different dad to the younger two. The youngest is 9 years older than me. The eldest, 12.

My brother is 13 months younger than me. We share the same dad.

Mum and dad divorced when I was about 4. Dad remarried when I was roughly 12.

My stepmother has two children from a previous marriage. A daughter the same age as my youngest sister. A son a couple of years younger.

I know hardly anything about my maternal grandmother. She died when my brother and I were around 10 or so. My maternal grandfather died at sea in WWII.

We have family in England. I think they're aunts, uncles and cousins of my mother. I believe mum has an aunt who lives in her state, but they don't speak often. Something to do with fights over my grandmother's estate when she died, I think.

On my dad's side, I talk on the phone every week or two to my grandfather. I hardly know my dad's mother, my paternal grandmother, at all. I know we used to go see her quite regularly when we were little. I don't even know her name.

Dad has one brother. His kids are around my age. They're my cousins. My brother and I haven't spoken to them probably since we were about 12 or 13, maybe younger.

My eldest sister has a daughter who's now 25, married and living in Italy, with 4 kids. She, (my niece) is my favourite relative. My eldest sister was/is a single mother.

My middle sister has a son. His father is Canadian and has hardly anything to do with him.

My youngest sister has a son who's 24 from her first marriage and three other kids to her second husband. All three are in school now. I've never met the youngest.

I'm pretty vague on dates and timings, which should explain how close we're not.

I wouldn't recognise most of these people if they were sitting beside me in a bus.

That's enough for now.

The weekend

On Saturday, Dr Fun-Killer told me I'd lost another 2kg (4.4 pounds) last week. I don't feel it. I don't see it, but psychologically, I'm just about to the point where it's starting to make a difference and I can really be positive about it and know that all my effort is paying off...or will do, eventually.

But now for my weekend update. For a start, I forgot how tiny 6 year olds are. C's son, A, is a total cutie; sandy blond with blue eyes and huge eyelashes. For reasons I can't go into, I can't put pictures of either of them on here. Wish I could...

I got to C's house Friday night and they were watching Shrek II and A was playing Game Boy Advance and I ended up getting instruction on how to beat up bad guys and the art of making facial expressions that directly correlate to the number of buttons you have to push at once.

Saturday afternoon we all went to see Polar Express, which wasn't a bad movie. A little dark in places, so A got a bit uneasy, but good all round. Next was the toy section of K-mart where we promptly pressed all the buttons on the noisiest cars and trucks and ended up buying A a kinda truck thingy that we've all been playing with ever since. (with a button that says "Emergency! 911 - call for backup!")

Then we went to see the Christmas windows display in the city, which was also the Polar Express theme.

Last night at dinner the boy whispered to C, "is Eve going to be your girlfriend, coz you guys are so in love". LOL So that was the first of the questions. Meanwhile, I'm pulling the batter off scallops and eating like a cannibal.

Then today, we went to a Christmas tree farm and cut a Christmas tree and chased sheep. Why there were sheep in the Christmas tree farm, I have no idea, but we got some cool photos. :-P

Put the tree up, played shooting games in which I somehow always ended up being the one to meet the untimely death, chased each other, had a picnic in the backyard, played hide and seek, took the football (soccer) the park and now I've come home to recover for a while, while C takes him back to his mum's place.

Just before they left, A said, "so are you going to be dad's girlfriend?". I asked him if it was ok if I was and he said yes, so I guess I have approval from the right person.

We didn't end up going to C's sister's place because A's little friend was away camping for the weekend, so there was no reason to really go there.

I am sooooo tired! Trying to recoup here at home for a few hours, then I'll go back up to C's later on tonight..and watch the Australian Idol final...and then fall in a heap. But he doesn't know that yet.

And an extra thought, since this is my blog and not 'the board' I post on. Considering I was never one to want a family, to want to be responsible for a child, to share my time with someone and their child, I think I handled the weekend pretty damn well. C asked me if I was ready to run. I'm not. I knew what I signed up for. I know I'll need to go through adjustments and the responsibility of helping to look after a miniature human is going to be a steep learning curve, but I'm ok with the idea.

And it's going to make me deal with my own family issues. I guess this is where I start growing up too.

Loyalty

Yesterday, I was mad. Moreso than I've been in a long time. Someone I call a very close friend was the recipient of some pretty pathetic hate mail.

I could not sit back and let you take that without doing something about it. They disrespect you and they disrepect me and everyone else who has the honour of being called your friend. I'm pretty passive generally and it takes a lot to get me really worked up, particularly when things are directed at me. But mess with my friends and people I care about, and that's another matter completely.

I will go into bat and I will defend you always. I am so sorry the things were said that were said to you. I hope they haven't hurt you too deeply and that you know everything they said was untrue and probably coming from a place of pure jealousy.

I did what I did, small as it is in the scheme of things, because I needed to publicly support you and defend your character. If I could have done more, I would have.

I will always stick up for my friends - whatever it takes.

I hope you're doing ok.

Meeting the family, the kid, the ex

It appears it's going to be an interesting and busy weekend for me. I'm driving up to C's place tonight after gym and I'll get to meet his son. Really, I'm not sure how I feel about this. Not because I don't want to meet him, or I'm not ready, but rather for the child's sake. Chris only recently broke up with his ex and I'm a little concerned about there being a constant parade of women in his dad's life and what sort of impression that gives. Granted, it's only been me and the one ex, but still... Apparently, A (son) took the news of his last breakup really well (he's 6 btw) and didn't seem to care all that much. Chris spoke to his sister about introducing me and they both think it won't be a problem.

I guess it's just because, in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, "it's only been a month". I don't have any concerns about not being around next month, or the month after, or anything like that, but I think it's just prudent to be wary about the effect on the child. Maybe I'm over-analysing....thinking of my own role models (or lack thereof).

On Saturday, after I visit Dr Fun-Killer and do some stuff at home, I'm going back to C's and we're going to Bendigo (couple of hours drive away) to spend the weekend at his sister's place and do birthday things for him with all his family. I'm ok with this, but considering the last time I did the 'meet the family' stuff was 7 years ago, it's a little daunting. And to be honest, it'll make everything more 'official' between us. Again, it's a long time since I've been in this position and as much as I want it, it scares me in equal proportion.

Sunday should be interesting. Things going as he anticipates, I'll get to meet his ex - his son's mother. I don't mind this. I think it'd be a good thing, because if I was the mother, I'd want to know who the father's seeing, if they're involved with my kid. C's going to let her know in advance that I'll be there when he drops A off on Sunday afternoon.

So it's gonna be a big weekend. Looks like things are starting to get serious...

Rich, are you still out there?

Hey, I'm getting your emails, but I'm getting messages back from your work server to say my email address is blocked, so I assume you're not getting them. Do you have a yahoo address I could send to, or a military one? (You being deployed before January now?)

Yes, things are good for me. Nice change huh? You'd approve of this one. :-)

Good luck with Ben's Wilmington doctor visit. I hope it all goes well and he starts to understand the extent of what his injuries were and why it's gonna take time to get back to normal.

Hugs to you and your family. Hope everyone's doing well.

E :-) xx

Birthday surprises 101

Today is the boy's birthday. I deliberated for a long time as to what to do for him. It's only been a month, so couldn't be too big. On the other hand, we're practically cohabiting, I have a set of keys to his house, I drive his car (albeit frustrating because all the gadgets are on the opposite side to mine and it's hard to get used to) and it's all very serious, so couldn't be too small.

He told me not to spend a lot of money. Two issues here. First, I don't have a lot right now, so that's not a problem. Second, even though I really dislike anything celebratory to do with myself, I tend to go all out for people I care about.

He collects 'stuff'. Tickets from places he's been, movie tickets and brochures, theatre programs, cards, letters, etc. So I bought him an artist book so he can put things in it.

I also bought him a cake, a dozen balloons, a big indoor plant and a couple of cards. But to give him all this was posing a problem, because he's on night shift this week. So I devised a plan that included me sending him off to work last night, driving up to his place and putting everything there so he'd see it when he got home this morning.

Of course, something always goes awry. As he arrived at my place to take me on a picnic, my girlfriend from Brisbane, who I haven't seen for two years, called to say she was down here for one night and one day. I couldn't tell C I couldn't go on the picnic with him and I couldn't tell her that I couldn't see her. All the while wondering how I was going to get my whole surprise to work.

I went on the picnic with C, then called Nic when I got home and explained that if she wanted to see me, I was in the middle of a surprise birthday idea, so she'd have to be a co-conspirator. I picked her up and we took everything to C's place, I put the key in the door and she noted the house alarm. Ok, so I hadn't figured on that, so I had to call the boy to find out the code.

Turns out the stupid thing wasn't on, so I gave away part of my plan unnecessarily. At least he still didn't know what I was going to do.

He got home at 0615 to a hallway lined with balloons, a big damn potplant on his kitchen bench, the scrapbook all wrapped up on his bed, a cake in the fridge (which looks like I made it, but I didn't), and post-it notes all over his house in odd places, which should take him a while to find.

At 0620 I got this message: "And I thought it was going to be flamenco dancing lessons. I can add best ever present to best ever first date. Thanks my love. :-D"

I sooo rock as a girlfriend!!

Damn firewalls and paranoia

I was living a blissful, peaceful internet existence until this week. I was bypassing our regular firewall at work, able to go where I please, do what I like, and chat to whomever was available.

Enter the control freaks - 'oops, we might get a virus from someone surfing the net, or chatting' - even though we have high end virus protection and FTP is blocked, so I have to revert back to the regular firewall. Not to mention, the idea of a firewall is to stop people getting into a domain, not to stop people getting out.

Goodbye chat, hello problems. For a start, we've got this thing called Sonar that tracks everywhere we go on line. We have to log in once we browse outside of our domain and then keep that browser window open all day, otherwise we have to keep entering our name and password for every new site and every link we click. Can anybody say the words, "pain in the arse"?

Next, I can't use Mozilla to view blogs. I just get blank pages, even with the upgrade from the Beta version. I can't use Mozilla to read iVillage message boards. In fact, about all I can do now is view regular sites like cnn et al, and check my webmail. Yahoo mail no longer works on my Mozilla. Better still, Yahoo mail won't even load properly on IE ("yes, we know there's a problem loading Yahoo" Huh?!). It just displays as text and I get no graphics. iVillage works fine (thankfully).

The problem with me having to go back to using IE is that IE was a problem for me to begin with, which is why I switched to Mozilla in the first place. I was getting all sorts of adware crap and IE was doing stupid things like not allowing me to view source code and things like that. I'm geeky. I need that kinda stuff.

So now I have a minimum of three browser windows open at once. I can't even view my own blog properly. I can see my posts, but I can't see my sidebar at all from work.

A happy me is a productive me. I truly don't get much work done when I'm restricted like this. Give me more freedom, allow me to do my own thing, and I'll get my work done and I'll be productive. Clip my wings and I'll spend most of my time trying to figure out how to get around it.

Meanwhile, I am such a good girlfriend, and since I'm in no mood to work right now, I'll post about it separately.

Margaret Hassan

CARE Australia, the charity group which employs kidnapped British-born Iraqi aid worker Margaret Hassan, said Wednesday that it appeared she had been killed in Iraq.

The organisation said it was shocked and appalled by the apparent death and its priority was now to support her husband Tahseen Hassan.

"It is with profound sadness that we have learnt of the existence of a video in which it appears that our colleague Margaret Hassan has been killed," the group said in a statement.

"We want to express our deepest sympathy to Mrs Hassan's husband, Tahseen, and to her family."

CARE Australia, which was responsible for the international aid group's Iraq operation described Hassan as an extraordinary woman who dedicated her life to the poor and disadvantaged in Iraq, particularly children.

"The whole of CARE is in mourning," it said.

"Through her courage, tenacity and commitment, Mrs Hassan assisted more than 17 million Iraqis living in the most difficult of circumstances.

"Everyone who met her was touched by her personality and compassion."

CARE said its staff and volunteers would continue working around the world fighting poverty, responding to humanitarian emergencies and helping to rebuild communities.

"CARE sincerely thanks the Iraqi people for everything they did to try to secure the safe return of Margaret Hassan and for the many expressions of support," it said.

A CARE Australia spokesman said the charity would make no further comment out of respect for the Hassan family.

Hassan held British, Irish and Iraqi nationality, was married to an Iraqi and had lived in the Gulf country for 30 years.

From here: http://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/afp_asiapacific/view/117526/1/.html

As aid worker Margaret Hassan [was] held by kidnappers in Iraq, freelance journalist and long-time friend Felicity Arbuthnot describes the charity boss's heroic endeavours to help the people of Iraq. Even in the bloodshed and turmoil of post-invasion Iraq, the kidnapping of Margaret Hassan, head of Care International in Iraq, is incomprehensible:
Margaret Hassan fell in love with Iraq more than 30 years ago, when she travelled there as a young bride with her Iraqi husband Taheen Ali Hassan.

They had met while studying in London and the former Margaret Fitzsimmons, from Dublin in the "land of a thousand welcomes", fell in love for a second time with Baghdad - formerly Madinat al Salam: City of Peace - and the land known through time as "the cradle of civilisation".

She converted to Islam, learned Arabic and took Iraqi citizenship.

Read the rest here: http://www.commondreams.org/views04/1022-27.htm

Happy birthday, Ian

What's up with every guy I know having a birthday this week? I thought I had a 'thing' with Aries guys. LOL

HAPPY BIRTHDAY IAN!

Have a fantabulous day! :-) x

ps. are your parents here yet?

Relationships are expensive

Pre-Chris, I don't think I ate very much. I know I bought sandwiches for lunch, hot chips on a Friday, for $2.20. I know I bought 3-pack frozen vegies that cost $3 - and lasts three nights. I occasionally had toast and a cup of tea for dinner. Sometimes, two minute noodles bought at the last minute from the corner store. I never had any food in my house. People fed me when I turned up (usually pre-planned for meal times), because they've been to my house often enough to know my cupboard is bare and my fridge contains milk that's past the use-by date.

Dr Fun-Killer put a stop to most of that, and forced me to buy real food - meat, vegies, eggs, cheese. So off I went to the supermarket and bought the minimum of everything that I could - one piece of meat, one piece of chicken, my 3-pack vegies, a bag of nuts - enough that I was doing all that Dr Fun-Killer expected of me, but not really going out of my way in a major way. Besides, real food costs a lot of money and I haven't had much of that lately (meanwhile, Dr F-K is getting rich!).

Just as I'm getting used to the taste of real food on a frequent basis, along comes Chris. Coincidentally, he likes real food too. Who knew other people bought all those things that fill the aisles in the supermarket? I can't imagine anyone would want to buy some of those things, but people must, because I've seen them in their pantries. Chris has some of those things too. Sauces, flours, different kinds of rice, herbs and spices, thing that go in the fridge that I never knew were things of sustenance.

To my surprise, I have some of those things now too. In fact, I have gone out of my way to get them. But worse yet, I'm finding myself buying twice as much as I need - just in case. I can no longer buy one piece of meat. I have to buy two or four. I can no longer buy one 3-pack of vegies. We might need them at his place, so I buy extra. I have started buying fresh milk, not long life. I buy two types of tea, twice as much salad, bigger packs of chicken - in flavours I've never bought before.

And once I meet his son, I'll be thinking what to buy for him as well. I doubt Chris would want to torture the poor kid by making him have all the plain things we eat (although if he wanted to torture him, all he'd have to do would be make him drink apple cider vinegar and be done with it). This means the range of food type substances is going to increase yet again. I suspect I'll have to travel up aisles in the supermarket that I haven't ventured up in a long time. Aisles with bottles of things in a variety of unnatural colours and flavours, and become a professional in all things chocolate and icecream-like, once more.

Apart from the fact that I've realised I now work solely to keep Dr F-K living a great lifestyle and to keep two fridges stocked, I'm finding I'm very comfortable (surprisingly so) with the domesticity of a serious relationship. Hard to believe, when only a matter of weeks ago, I was just getting used to the idea of keeping my options open and the only commitment I had was to remember to feed my cats on a regular basis.

Happy birthday, Brad

Brad, in my part of the world, it's your birthday already, so I just wanted to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I hope you have a great day and that the next year brings you much success - as a writer as well as in all other ways.

Sending you birthday hugs. xx

Happy birthday, Brad

Brad, in my part of the world, it's your birthday already, so I just wanted to say

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I hope you have a great day and that the next year brings you much success - as a writer as well as in all other ways.

Sending you birthday hugs. xx

Poisonous potions and parents

Dr Fun-Killer told me yesterday that I'd lost some more weight. I can't see it and I don't feel it, but he says it's true. Well, I can see it in my face, but nowhere else. My fear is that I'll just lose weight from my face, the rest will slip to where it's most comfortable on my thighs and I'll start to look like a pin-head character from The Far Side. I don't want to be a pin-head.

But I've been having bad hayfever (well what I thought was hayfever, but I might have reconciled myself with the fact it's more likely a chest cold now). So I asked Dr Fun-Killer if he could help. It turns out he's not a naturopath at all. He's a witch doctor. One of the most evil sort - the kind who looks generally nice looking, smiles and laughs a lot, tells you how well you're doing, then feeds you poison under the guise of being helpful and caring.

Oh yes, he says, I can make you some herbs that will stop the symptoms. But I have to tell you, it doesn't taste very nice, so you'll have to have another drink ready to wash it down with. I need a chaser? Oh dear! Worse than the yellow stuff?, I enquire. Oh yes, much.

I felt like my head was going to implode, so I prepared some flavoured mineral water in one glass and measured out 10ml of his poison into another glass and filled that with mineral water too. It looked like dirty, filthy sewer water, and he was right. I've never tasted something so foul in all my life. It was like mixing cleaning fluids with a bit of petrol and drinking it - but much worse. I doubled over, screwed up my face and wandered around my kitchen shaking my head for a few seconds before I was able to reach for the second glass of mineral water to get rid of the taste. He said it would take ten minutes to work. I thought by then I'd be in an ambulance needing my stomach pumped. I have to say though, whatever potion he came up with, witch doctor style, in his back office, it worked.

But I was meeting Chris' parents last night, so I had to do whatever it took to look normal. My fear was turning up there with tissues stuck down my sleeves, bright red nose, bloodshot eyes and tears like I'd been crying all day. It had occured to me as I was leaving that, "hey I could be meeting my inlaws for the first time". Ok, so it was kinda irrational, but I blame that on the poison too. Regardless, it didn't help to be thinking things like that.

So I stopped and bought the boy flowers on my way. I'm not one who thinks the girl always should be the receiver. Anyway, it wasn't a bunch of roses or anything like that, but rather a nice centrepiece display box he could put on the table at dinner. I scored points with the parents for doing that too. hehe

His parents arrived at about 4.30 in the afternoon and I left at just after 10.30pm. His mum brought the food, so the boy and I just had to serve it and clean up - my kind of dinner. They're great people, very easy to get along with. They used to teach ballroom dancing and apparently were champions way back when, so I scored yet more points when they found out I also did ballroom and latin for a while. The boy joked that maybe I'll want to start hanging with his parents more than him now. Unlikely, but kinda funny.

At one stage, the boy decided they weren't going to have enough milk for breakfast, so he went to the shop. He asked if I wanted to go, but his dad wanted to go with him. I stayed behind and had 'quality time' with his mum. It was less weird and uncomfortable than I thought it was going to be, and that was a relief. We talked about Dr Fun-Killer and rangehoods and how I grill things in the oven, and other 'women stuff', which I impressed myself with. I didn't realise I could hold a conversation about kitchen appliances, cooking and other girly stuff and actually appear to know what I'm talking about.

Dinner with his parents was going really well. Meanwhile, my mother, who lives two states away, took it upon herself to start sending me crazy text messages. She's never been technology savvy before, but she's mastered the art of the text message, including all the abbreviations. I have no idea how she learnt these things!

The first message: News flash! After all these years Lilli (her cat) has caught a mouse. Proud & purring.xx

The second one, which I deleted by mistake went something along the lines of: Oh, I've been watching the news. Horrid weather there & flooding. R U OK??? xx

The third message: Do you remember (guy's name) from (my high school)? If so, see news or Sunday paper. Hero.

I didn't respond to the first message, because I'm sure I'll get the full rundown when I talk to her next. I said, yes I'm ok and it's now sunny, to the second message and thought to myself, I'm sure she didn't send that same nutty message to my brother. Apparently, he can look after himself better than me in a bit of bad weather, in her mind. The third one, I didn't respond to either because I don't remember the guy and I didn't see the news. But now I'm curious to find out what he did, dammit.

So over the space of a couple of hours, these things all crossed my mother's mind and were important enough to her to send me messages about. Meanwhile, I was sitting down at dinner with normal people wondering how my family got so screwed up.

I should take some more of that poison this morning, because I feel like crap. It's only really a few seconds of my life, tainted by foul tasting liquid and mini convulsions, but it's time I'll never get back.

Sex adventures

We parked underneath the exhibition building in order to not get rained on at the end of the night. It was still fairly early in the evening, so we bought our tickets and decided to go across to the Casino complex to get something to eat.

We went to one of those places that's always overbooked. "There's a 20 minute wait guys, but sit at the bar and I'll find you when a table's ready." Ok. In these instances, it's all about timing. The place was super busy and there were no bar stools, so we were loitering for a few moments. We turned around and suddenly two stools were empty. We moved towards them with that 'calm on the outside/panic on the inside' feeling you get when you know that by the time you get to said stools, they might already be taken and you have to casually walk past them as if you weren't really interested in sitting down at all. Luckily, we beat another couple by literally about two seconds. They didn't understand the 'don't look like you care' rule, and were slightly miffed. Oh well, move faster next time, guys. We ordered drinks and eventually got a table and had a nice meal.

By the time we finished, it was raining torrents outside and we had to cross the street from the casino complex to the exhibition building. Needless to say, we got completely drenched in a matter of seconds. So much for parking where we did to avoid getting rained on.

I've been to Sexpo before. It's a lot of fun, you see some crazy things, some crazy people, and some things you really didn't need to know about. The first thing we did was get ourselves comfy for a stage show. We couldn't remember what was on, but it ended up being a fashion show with a difference, put on by Marquis de Sade and Alice in Fetishland (I think). Beautiful costumes, let down by bad acting and music that was slightly too loud.

My one complaint was that there were just too many people to move around easily. I've been before when it's not been so crowded, but last night I was a little frustrated. I think we saw every kind of vibrator and stimulation gadget for women and men, that you could think of, t-shirts with slogans not for the faint hearted, fake tattoos, piercing places, health exhibits and more.

This year, they had something different, or at least I haven't noticed other times I've been. Peep shows. We got to stand in line and pay $2 to see a girl on a couch do...well....do stuff. There was also a section you could walk past that was free. People behind large see-through curtains, back lit with red lighting, in various degrees of getting it on with themselves or each other, including one couple on a 'swing' that was clearly having sex. No, Sexpo is not for the faint hearted or the narrow minded.

We didn't buy anything. Neither of us had any cash with us - a story in itself. There were some funny shirts and gadgets and things, and a toy dog that did naughty things that I threated to buy for Chris' son for Christmas, but nothing that really appealed. Oh, the boy picked up a calendar with pictures of different sex positions for each day of the year. According to the calendar, on 15 Nov, I'm supposed to get it on with a black chick on a chair. Sorry, not gonna happen. LOL

My favourite (I have a favourite?) tattoo studio, Smart Arts, didn't have a stand there this year. That was disappointing.

The last show of the night was Miss Nude Australia 2004, so we stayed to watch that. From a completely gymnastic perspective, I was impressed with the positions she got herself into at varying heights on a pole. Talent, whatever way you look at it. She had fake breasts though. Not sure why, but in my mind, Miss Nude should be all natural.

The ticket machine in the carpark ate our ticket and our money, so we had to beg to be let out. We must have looked trustworthy, because they gave us another ticket to get out before they actually confirmed our story and fixed the broken machine. I was pleased with this. I didn't want to sleep in the back of a convertible beetle in a carpark.

All in all, it was a good, fun night. Just a few too many people there to enjoy the stands as much as we could have.

Perfect timing

Sometimes, someone says exactly the right things, just when you need to hear it.

See.... Again, I hear you, but do not see where those words come from. If I managed to make you smile at a point when you were down, you are welcome. If I helped you to explore some ________... well that is what I call a self licking ice cream cone. I was certainly the primary beneficiary and should be thanking you. As for you being beautiful, I never, and will never understand your issues with that... I don't bandy words with Australian Blonde Goddess', I just lust after them.

The "epiphanies" you apparently had were, from my perspective, simply the result of you getting off your ass, and embracing your environment. Trust me, anything I initially did to help was just me trying to see you __________. I did not fall in love until I realised I had found a soul mate... one that had always been there, not someone who "changed" and became more attractive. The confidence was always yours to have...For some odd reason, you just weren't strutting your stuff.

So tell me about the lucky man. ________________
I love you Eve, I truly do...

Reassuring, yet disconcerting

We have a stop coming up, I may be able to Yahoo it up for a bit... maybe.
I will stay safe - ducking a lot, and calling in massive amounts of aviation fires.
More to come - some first hand Iraq accounts as I live them...
XOXO
J

....at least he's still safe.

Manchester Lane

The boy's taken to frequent use of the 'L' word. Most often when we're talking late at night. He shows me in small ways every day that he means it, and last night gave me his spare set of house keys. That he trusts me that much after only 3 weeks, amazes me, but it also says a lot about his commitment to me. Funnily enough, I can't yet bring myself to reciprocate. I still feel the need to hold a little longer onto my own space. Not a bad thing though; just progressing at my own pace.

I met two of his cousins last night at a place called Manchester Lane. (Ian, it's off Flinders Lane, $47 for a 3 course set menu (not a lot of food, but very nice) and a soul/blues band (Andy Cowen), with a pretty good atmosphere.) That part of the city is especially difficult to find parking in at night, we discovered, but we managed to get there on time and not get rained on, despite leaving the umbrella in the car. C's cousins were lovely (both women). In fact, so far everyone he's introduced me to (work colleagues and now his cousins), have been really nice people, so that makes life a lot easier.

Being out with the boy last night confirmed a lot of things for me. I wasn't feeling well yesterday, so I scrounged around my house for something to take in order to function while we were out. I found a bottle of the medication I used to take, but that I went off when I was going through the Army application process. I took one of those pills. I won't say what they are, apart from I need Government approval for a prescription and to take them, and it has to get renewed every six months. Not surprisingly, the boy was a little shocked, but then accepted it, like he has done with everything so far.

I've been treated well by guys before. Still, sometimes it's hard for me to accept compliments and positive reinforcement. Maybe coz I just don't often buy it, I don't see it in myself, or I look for an ulterior motive. I don't do that with Chris. He says how he feels and what he thinks and I know it's the truth. It's hard though, to come to terms with the fact that he likes me for me, and all the health problems and idiosyncrasies that are part of the package that is me.

But I think last night, sitting in Manchester Lane, I came to some sort of acceptance about him and about us. I don't know what that really means for me in terms of the near or distant future, but I discovered it doesn't really scare me as much as it did before.

I'll be meeting his parents tomorrow night. This time last week, I was really worried that it might be too soon and I wondered if he was just caught up in that feeling of being happy and content because of how he feels rather than what he feels. Now I understand it's a happy medium between the two. He's not in this as a passing thing. He's not just another practice person.

I dunno. If it all fell over in a heap tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets about letting myself get close. Today, at least in this moment, we both genuinely care about each other and that's the most important thing, whatever happens tomorrow.

Remembrance Day

Was yesterday - 11 November.

Remembrance Day is the day Australians remember those who have died in war.

In 1918 the armistice that ended World War I came into force, bringing to an end four years of hostilities that saw 61 919 Australians die at sea, in the air, and on foreign soil. Few Australian families were left untouched by the events of World War I - 'the war to end all wars' most had lost a father, son, daughter, brother, sister or friend.

At 11am on 11 November we pause to remember the sacrifice of those men and women who have died or suffered in wars and conflicts and all those who have served during the past 100 years.

We should stop to remember more often.

Sometimes you have a win

I felt like crap when I went to work today. Not sure if it's hayfever or some flu type thing, but I wasn't happy to be having to sit in the office. So I walked straight into my boss' office and said, "I'm going to check my email and get a few things done, then I'm going to work from home." I didn't ask, I just said. His response was something along the lines of, "yeah whatever", or something equally as uninterested.

I read my email, made a cup of tea and came home. I've been good though. I haven't turned the tv or the radio on, and I've been productive for the last couple of hours. I've certainly got a lot more work done than I would have had I been at my desk.

So now I'm sitting here in my track pants, on my lounge, having eaten bacon and eggs for lunch (yes, approved and encouraged by Dr Fun-Killer!), and I'm about to snooze for half an hour, then get back into it.

Hopefully, I'll feel better by later on this afternoon, because the boy and I are going out tonight for a dinner his cousin is putting on for her birthday. It's bad enough that I have the whole 'first impression' nerves thing going on, but I still don't even know what I'm going to wear. I don't want to look like crap when I already feel like crap. Ugh!

Meanwhile, I got to come home from work for the day for no real reason. My boss' indifference is sometimes a very positive thing!

Sleep-time now. :-)

Ranting

1. The election is OVER. In fact, it was over before it started. So PLEASE take down your freakin signs from your front gardens and shop windows. They're not required anymore!

2. If you work where I work and you set up a committee that revolves around the major component of my job, but you don't involve me in the committee, don't complain when you want to make 'drastic changes' to the process and I say, "NO!".

3. Do not drive around in the rain with your fog lights on! It's spring. I don't care how much it rains, it does not require you to blind me with unnecessary fog lights.

4. I remember when I first moved down here that petrol (gas, to the overseas folks) cost about 62 cents per litre. I paid $1.12 per LITRE the other day. WTF is up with that?

5. Why is it, the busier you are, the more phone calls you get and the more stupid people come out of the woodwork and ask you stupid questions? What part of, "No, I'm busy for the next week" don't you get?

6. If you can't decide what lane to drive in, or you don't know if your turn is this one or the next one coming, get out and walk, or catch the bus. You shouldn't have a licence. Plot your course and your destination BEFORE you leave.

7. Oh and 'womens' day' at Sexpo is tomorrow and I can't go, which means no free toy with my entry ticket! Dammit, why couldn't it be Friday, when I am going?

Ok, I'm done for now. Feel free to add your own.

Computer humour

Any of these could be from people I work with.

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
----------------------------------------------------------
Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..."
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
----------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
----------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates damn it!
------------------! ----------------------------------------
Customer: Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
----------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.
----------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk:! Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!
----------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
----------------------------------------------------------
A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
----------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
-- --------------------------------------------------------
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend! has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!
----------------------------------------------------------
Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

Ack!

The boy has said the 'L' word three times in the last twelve hours now - all of his own volition - and I'm about ready to have a heart attack.

I was not ready for this!

Hmmm...maybe more later when I've collected my thoughts a bit better.

It took 32 years, but it finally happened!

I became one of 'those' women.... I lost my car in a carpark! Aaarrrgggh!

Ok, I was running late, not paying attention to where I was, feeling guilty (for reasons I'll explain in a sec), and just generally flustered. But I pride myself on being of above average intelligence. Now though, I just feel like a dumb blonde! Ugh!!!

Anyway, R, you may remember James (the teacher I went to lunch with once)? I contacted him quite a while ago on the site I met Ed on (before I met Ed). He assumed the gentleman role and proclaimed his interest, but sat in the background while I went through the whole Ed saga. Every now and then, he'd ask if I'd heard from Ed after that whole debacle, I'd say no, and we'd talk about catching up. We kept missing each other, so it never happened.

Then I met Chris. Meanwhile, James realised that things were over with Ed and asked if we could catch up. So I had to tell him again that I'd just met someone, but that I'd be happy to meet up for coffee.

I've never unwittingly broken someone's heart once, let alone twice in about as many months! So coffee was slightly uncomfortable and I felt awful, but what can ya do? I felt obliged to pay for our drinks, which probably just rubbed salt into the wounds. He was ok about it all, although the disappointment was quite evident.

Guess it's just the way things work out. Still, it sucks to be the bad guy - twice! - and then need help to find my car. Oh, the shame!

Today has got to improve!!

On this day

Ever wondered what events, accomplishments or inventions happened on your birthday? Find out here and post some in your comments.

These are some of mine (7 August):

• Henry Fielding left London for Lisbon, 1754
• Mata Hari born, 1876
  
• Oliver Hardy died, 1957
• Alberto Salazar born, 1958
  
• Garrison Keillor born, 1942
• David Duchovny born, 1960
  
• US Congress passed Gulf of Tonkin resolution, 1964
• The Bee Gees first number 1 hit, 1971
• US Embassies in East Africa bombed, 1998
• Georgia institutes a state board of corrections, 1945

"I don't recall seeing Nachos on the list."

That's what Dr Fun-Killer said when I told him I'd eaten Nachos on Tuesday for lunch. Chris and I had been out for a drive (public holiday) and the weather had turned bad very quickly, so we thought we'd stop, get something to eat and watch the Melbourne Cup. We turned up at a pub just as the kitchen was closing, so all they had was nachos. Considering all I'd eaten all day prior was nuts, I was having nachos - even if they weren't on the list.

But despite that, and despite having had toast two mornings this week ("That's going to set you back slightly". "Ugh, ok."), I have lost 2kg of body fat and gained 1/2kg of muscle! (that's 4.4 pounds and 1.1 pound respectively)

I am so freakin proud of myself for sticking with this health thing. I've never dieted before, never really eaten healthy (even though I've always been quite fit), and I've been feeling like I haven't made any progress, despite drinking so many concoctions and taking fish pills that make me burp fish breath.

So it's good to actually see computer generated evidence that I'm achieving what I set out to do. Being such a results driven person, I needed this to help me keep going.

WOOOHOOOO! I rock! Now, where's my gold star??

Do you know where you're going?

My grandfather is God-fearing. Not just your regular run of the mill God-fearing, but the type that relates everything back to God. For example, I remember years ago I was watching Melrose Place and he happened to be staying at my place. He watched for a while, then asked for a run down on who was who and what was going on. After that, I didn't get to follow much of the rest of the episode, because a discussion started, about how they shouldn't all fight and backstab and that love is more important and we're going to a better place.

My grandfather is 85 (or is it 87?) and hard of hearing, but he's very fit and active for his age. He grows his own vegies, is always travelling to visit someone somewhere, and always has a story to tell about, "remember Auntie whatshername from (some town) and that we went to her place when you and your brother were about 5?".

Some of my earliest memories are of my brother and I road tripping it with our grandfather in his little red Torana. We'd sit in the back seat and fight - at least until we were allowed to have a tube each of Sweetened Condensed Milk, and we'd be content.

I also remember he used to carry around what I called God pamphlets in his top shirt pocket - little palm-sized 4 page pamphlets preaching about all sorts of things. He never went anywhere without them and unsuspecting passers-by would be greeted with, "Do you know where you're going? Someone loves you." And my brother and I used to want the street to open up and swallow us whole.

He doesn't carry them anymore and the Torana has been sold. But he still travels about the place, going from state to state, visiting relatives (whose, I don't quite know) and friends.

And he calls me often. I suspect it's because he knows I'm not one for making trips to see my relatives a priority, so he enjoys the one sided phone conversations. One sided, because he can hardly hear, and he talks over the top of you in an attempt to say as much as he can in the few minutes of coin he's put into the local telephone box. You can be mid-sentence and suddenly there'll be, "ok then have a lovely day, bye bye Evie"...and he's gone.

When he asks if I know where I'm going to these days, I say, "Yes, I do. You just leave my name at the door when you get there, so they'll let me in". We laugh. As much as my brother and I get frustrated at these conversations (because most of them are very early on a Saturday or Sunday morning, because he's worked out it's the only time we're ever home), I know I'll miss them when they stop.

I suspect he'll be gone one day soon and no doubt he'll leave my name at the door when he gets to Heaven, just like he promised.

Which office moron are you?

Did they know this is what I do for a living?? LOL

I'll smoke you a kipper, because you'll be back for breakfast. You're the cult television show quoting, user account deleting, soap loathing IT Manager.

Something in your childhood has made you the way you are. You've been hired to provide a service to everyone else in the office - you make the computers run, and you make them run well. You've streamlined everything; you've removed all the viruses and installed all the firewalls. The only trouble - the only hole in your veneer of digital perfection - is the way you laugh at everyone.

If someone doesn't know UNIX, you laugh at them. If they lose their password, they laugh at them. If they visit a website using Microsoft Internet Explorer and their computer succumbs to an Internet worm, you laugh. Then you take a swig of your Coke, and with another hearty chuckle tell all your friends on IRC about the idiots you have to deal with.

Maybe it makes you feel better about yourself, although let's face it, you don't need help in that department. You're great, you. Fantastic like burning cool. If only those luddite office fools would let you play Unreal Tournament in peace.


Which Office Moron Are You?

Female friends

I'm seriously lacking in this department. More often than not, it doesn't bother me, but at other times, it does. I have two close girlfriends locally. Both are married, are 10 years older than me, and have kids. My closest single girlfriend lives two states away. Sara, who is the best thing that ever happened to me, lives in South Carolina. Any other girls I'm in any way close with, are my net friends (and you know who you are).

I have plenty of single male friends. I talk a lot to them on the phone and we hang out together. I relate much better to guys than girls. I've just never really been the girly type (much to my mother's chagrin), I don't much like girly things and I just can't get excited about hair, makeup, clothes and shoes. I'd definitely rather be hiking and putting up a tent than working out some new recipe or knitting something.

I suppose I'm just more conscious of it now, because conversations with Chris seem to contain a lot of, "Stew and I went ...., Darran said ...., my friend Tony .....", and not a lot of, "the girls and I...". I know it doesn't bother him, because he has female friends and he and I talk openly about exes - well you can't avoid it when you've spent most of your life in a relationship - but it bothers me from time to time that I don't get a lot of female interaction in my day to day life.

I work with all guys. The only women I work with are all in their late 40s/early 50s and have adult children. I'm the only single female here. So it's not exactly a conducive environment for friendship forming.

I don't know if I really even want to have more female friends - it's taken me till now to actually find women I relate to and get on with and can have intelligent conversations with. But it'd be nice sometimes to have a single local girlfriend who I didn't feel I had to compete with on any level and who I could call to discuss boys, or just do stuff in general with.

Just feeling a little detached.

Paris, city of romance

This is where Leon (see: artists/detect), my fearless offsider proposed to his long time girlfriend, Melissa, a couple of weeks ago. He's forgiven for only just telling me because he's still away and I guess they were too busy doing newly engaged couple things in Paris and London. He bought her ring on 5th Ave in NY. Pretty cool, methinks.

But to say I'm happy and excited for him is an understatement. It's almost worth a girly squeal, except for the fact that if I did, he'd give me his, "you're behaving like a chick again" look.

He's back in the office next Tuesday and I'm not ashamed to admit that I can't wait to see him. It's been a month since we've had a conversation, due to all the courses I did and him going overseas. I'm just sooo looking forward to having someone to hang with and talk to again.

He just better bring me something from all his travels, even if it's not from 5th Ave. LOL

Things that go bump in the night

No, no, get your mind out of the gutter, not those things.

I went to bed on time last night. I know this because my laptop automatically adjusted for daylight savings and I'd re-set the clock on my stereo. I got to my bedroom and set my alarm clock for this morning. Why I didn't look at the actual time, I have no idea.

In the middle of the night, there was the biggest crack and bang noise I'd heard in a long time. It sounded close to my house, but since I didn't hear voices or any sounds of concern from the street, I went back to sleep.

I woke up at 5.30am, feeling like I'd slept enough, but glad to have another hour or so. Eventually, I got up when my clock said it was 6.55am. Figuring I had a bit of time to check email, I went downstairs and logged onto my laptop. It was still running from the night before and I'd parted company with it while looking at Ian's blog, so that's what refreshed when I connected the cable.

"Oh", I said, "Ian's got nifty time features now. Hey it's 8.04am here". A moment passes and recognition sets in. "I'm supposed to be at work!" You can tell I haven't been at home lately, or I would have noticed a long time ago that my clock was wrong! So I rang work and told them my power had gone out and I'd be right in. All was fine.

I rushed around like a madwoman and was ready pretty quickly. Now let me explain briefly, my townhouse has a long drive up the right hand side and my garage is at a right angle off that, at the back of my place. Along the length of the drive is a 6ft wall. I can't actually see out into the street until I pull out of my garage. Imagine my surprise when I zoom out, get half way around the corner and see a tree in front of me!

Yes, next door's tree had pretty much snapped in half and was covering my entire drive and half their front lawn. That at least explained the bang in the night. So then I had to call work back again and explain that I was now ready to leave but couldn't get to work because my car was blocked in. Luckily, they found it pretty funny.

I had to call emergency services volunteers to chainsaw all the branches and move it out of my way so I could at least get my car out. The good thing is that Chris wasn't at my place last night and the neighbours only had one of their two cars at home, otherwise their car and Chris' would have both been written off - and they're both new cars.

It's not all bad. I got to sleep in for an hour, bum around at home for a while and have a decent sit down breakfast and chat to Sara for a bit. Not really a bad way to start the day.

And now that damn tree won't be leaving crap in my courtyard anymore! Woohooo!

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em....

Well it looks like the women in the house across the street from me (the ones next to the Aboriginal family), have decided if they can't escape the noise from next door, they'll just drown it out with their own.

I really do not need to be listening to the Jackson Five at 11.15pm when I'm trying to get to sleep. This is why I should have chosen the smaller room at the back of the townhouse.

Definitely a case of hurry up and wait till I can move out. Or should I just pull out some Dolly Parton and crank up a bit of 'Nine to Five'?

Finally - news on my dinner with Famous Guy

We went to The Stokehouse (skip the intro, choose upstairs, find the food menu and check out the 360 deg view). Ian, if you haven't been, go - but take your credit card, or someone else to pay!

My first impressions? "Geez, this guy looks like my boss, but more drunk!" All dressed up in a suit and tie, he was looking very much the business guy, except for a kind of man-bag he had with him. He was half way into a bottle of white wine of some description when I got there, but I'm sure there'd been more consumed before that. Despite this, he was pretty nice and a very interesting person.

I'd had hayfever all weekend and managed to have a complete sneezing fit in my car just as I pulled into the carpark - and of course, I'd forgotten my tissues. To say that I was embarrassed to be sniffing and wiping my nose all night, would not begin to explain it. I'm sure he thought I had some sort of bad bladder problem, because I kept excusing myself to go to the bathroom just to blow my nose - and sticking toilet paper up my sleeve was not an option. This was inbetween distracting him and making him look out the window so I could use my serviette! Yes, it was horrid and I wanted to slip quietly under the table!

He drank wine, I drank vodka. The conversation kicked off well and we forgot to look at the menus, much to the frustration of the waitresses. When we finally ordered, I was coerced into ordering an entree (I really only wanted a main), so I chose a dish of scallops with fennel and what was called 'blood orange' and just looked like mandarins to me. Well, 4 tiny scallops and a few slithers of fennel cost $21!! He ordered natural oysters. The waitress convinced him to take the dozen - at $3.50 each! After this, I just chose to ignore the prices altogether and not feel guilty.

Figuring my diet was not going to be affected by having an actual main course at this stage, because I don't think my body even registered that it had ingested something, I ordered some Whiting fillets. Three decent sized fillets and some potato that I couldn't eat, thanks to Dr Fun-Killer. I did have one piece and it was soooo nice, so I just looked forlornly at the rest till Famous Guy decided he'd reach over and eat them off my plate (well he asked first, but still...!). Famous Guy had ordered a pork fillet. And that's pretty much what was on his plate. It was huge, but that was it. There was something else in a little pile on the plate beside it, but I couldn't work out what it was - and you can't ask these questions sometimes.

After the main, I was manipulated (well, a little) into ordering a dessert, so I chose the smallest, healthiest sounding thing I could find, which turned out to be like a kind of raspberry icecream with a marshmallow squished flat into the top of it.

So....Famous Guy is a character. Very politically incorrect, says what he thinks, likes to push buttons and be a little difficult, and thinks he's incredibly funny. I found his wit humorous, but it was at a level that would go over average Joe's head and just appear to be arrogance. He used to be a lead singer/songwriter in a band in the 70s and has kept his hand in the industry in some way since. He also ran for local Government in the last election as an independent. I didn't ask him who won his seat.

He was telling me of all his world travels and the women he'd met in Paris and Barcelona, among other places. I discovered he had his own stalker until recently. I can't really picture this, but I suppose each person appears attractive to at least one other, so it's possible. It sounds like she was a groupie who just got a tad carried away.

Apparently, he's been to Libya 7 or so times and is friends with Yasser Arafat. Famous Guy had lots of stories to tell and I think I got to hear most of them over the course of 4 hours. He also invited me to his property on an island in the bay - then qualified it by saying I could bring along Chris (or anyone I liked) as a chaperone. I was offered to audition to sing with a local band he's put together. I don't know if that was just the alcohol talking though, so I'll wait and see if he brings it up again sober.

At the end of the night, he said that Chris would just want to pin me up in his butterfly collection. Not quite sure what he meant by that. Could be he's very astute, or that he got his nose out of joint because I'd told him I was going to see Chris after we'd finished dinner, or both.

Either way, I ended up driving him home (well to somewhere he said he was sleeping that night), because it was on my way home anyway. And I got a rather odd pat on the head for my troubles, which amused me greatly.

I had a great time and I certainly got to meet an interesting character - albeit he turned out to be a little bit more keen on me than I anticipated. I don't think I'd go somewhere with him again, just the two of us - I don't want anything resembling anything like a date happening. But it might be cool to go check out the scene on his island property and I can take Chris with me so it could be a nice adventure.

I didn't get his autograph, but he said he's going to send me some cds of his music. Can't complain about that.

Protein has made me superwoman

No...really!

Or maybe it's all psychosomatic (or I'm just psycho!)...

My lovely naturopath, Dr Fun-Killer has given me two things that have worked wonders for me in the last two weeks. The first is a magnesium powder, which I've been taking twice a day and before gym and I have not had even the tiniest headache ever since. This has astounded me, because the headaches stopped literally as soon as I took the powder the first time. Considering I'd been having pain that would put me almost out of action for a few days, for the last number of weeks, this is impressive!

And I've been having protein shakes. Let me say right here that I always pictured protein shake drinkers as the overly beefy brainless guys at the gym, who spend more time and money on mirrors for their bathrooms (bedrooms, kitchens, wherever there's free wall space etc) and sound systems for their hotted up cars, than anything else - the kind of guy who can't reach his neck to do up a tie or wipe his butt, because his muscles are too big (yes, I've known this kind of guy before!).

So here I am - a protein shake drinker! And I can tell you, it makes a big difference. I've been lifting more weight, with less effort, my muscles are recovering faster and I'm nowhere near as tired after gym as I have been previously. This is a good thing for someone with a sleep disorder!

All the money I'm giving Dr Fun-Killer every week seems to be paying off.

But I make this promise.... I will never, ever end up looking like this.


Yes, it's a woman!

It's no good when...

having to work gets in the way of your social life and blogging! I don't even have time to chat (sorry guys!). ...sigh.....

Having some much needed time by myself tonight, so there'll be updates a-plenty then.

Random bits and pieces

1. The boy's Irish and it just happens that I lived with a Scottish guy for 3 1/2 years and I learnt a lot of Irish songs when I was doing my classical training. So you can imagine what our neighbours think when they suddenly hear Danny Boy, Loch Lomond and Scotland the Brave belted out impulsively as duets, as the mood arises. Next stop is the local Irish pub to go humiliate ourselves in public...

2. Driving back from the supermarket today, something caught my attention. A guy was standing just outside his fence, on the footpath, watching something. Normal so far....but the fact that it was raining, he was hugely overweight and only had on a pair of shorts, had shaving cream on his face, a razor in his hand and had half shaved his beard, disturbed me somewhat.... I didn't even see what he was looking at...

3. At the bbq yesterday, there was a little six year old girl in a wheelchair. She has a disease (the name of which stupidly escapes me right now), and is not able to really communicate at all. But later into the night, the music went on and the volume went up. And I got to see the most amazing thing. This little girl (who was so unbelievably pretty) started singing out loud to Suzi Quattro. She knew all the words to all the song. Her eyes lit up and she was just so happy to be there in that moment. Made me realise it's the little things that can make a difference to someone...and made me grateful for so many things...

4. Being healthy is damn expensive. I spent $203 on groceries - healthy food - no chocolate, sweets, anything. See: no comfort food to help me get over the fact that I spent so much money and didn't bring home anything fun...

Thinking thinking...pros and cons

Chris went out on Friday night with the wife of a friend of his, to a party she had to go to, so I didn't get to see him. I really didn't mind because it was only the second or third night we hadn't seen each other since we met and, frankly I needed the break.

I rushed around on Saturday doing all my usual Saturday stuff, including seeing the naturopath (who said I was doing well but had not lost any more weight....methinks not losing weight is not doing well...hmmm). Anyway, Chris had told me about a bbq he was invited to and asked if I'd go too. I'd said yes, but he didn't tell me it was early (1pm), so we got there fairly late, because I still had my own stuff to do.

I asked him who he was going to introduce me as (friend, gf?) and he said he didn't know. He also hadn't warned the hosts that he was bringing me along. Needless to say, the lady of the house answered the door with, "And you must be Eliza" (his ex whom they'd obviously never met). At this point, I laughed and said no, and she and Chris both went bright red and apologised profusely. I thought it was pretty funny.

I ended up getting on great with everyone, which is cool because sometimes at these things you can find yourself sitting in a corner not relating to anybody - but there was enough geeky talk (all the guys were engineers) and not too much baby talk (one lady was pregnant), so I was happy.

Afterwards, we went back to Chris' place and he initiated 'the talk' - where are we going, what speed are we going at, what do you want, have you thought about how my son fits into my life, you realise I have to have a friendship with his mother, do you like spending time with me, etc etc etc. My responses - I don't know, full speed ahead, I'm not sure, yes I'm aware of your responsibilities, yes I'm fine with the fact that you and his mother are friendly, yes I like spending time with you. I told him straight out that I wasn't sure that I was ready to give up my independence and start being responsible to and for someone else, but that we could continue spending time together and just see what happens. Probably a bit of a cop out, but it's how I feel and he was fine with it. Somewhere in all of that, I think the status changed to 'official exclusive relationship'. After just over a week, I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but at least I know he plans on sticking around. I just don't know if I will...

He did give me heart palpitations when I talked about having to move out of my place in February, when he said, "well by then we'd be looking at you moving in here". I'm all for forward planning, but still.....!

Yesterday was strangely domesticated. He went grocery shopping, bought and made breakfast (which turned out to be lunch because we hadn't realised daylight savings had kicked in and we were an hour ahead of where we thought we were), and mowed the lawn while I cleaned up. Then we went clothes shopping for me.

I hate clothes shopping. With a vengeance. Nothing ever fits, because I have a pretty small upper body, but bigger hips - and I'm in between sizes at the best of times. I tried on a pair of jeans in one store and if I had have been by myself, I would have gone home after they didn't fit. But I perservered and the boy was patient. We went somewhere else and three more pairs of jeans later and insecurities issues about my body fully depressing me, I said I didn't care about stinking jeans anymore and wanted to try on shirts. When three of those fitted fine around my torso, but not in the sleeves, I was about mental.

Then he found me a top (yes, the boy was actually having a good time looking for clothes for me, while I was in the middle of a crisis), which seemed great. Was black stretch material, quite hugging, with a low cut v-shaped neckline and no sleeves. I had really high hopes for that top. I put it on and it looked like it might be a winner. But after adjusting, the bottom of the v-cut was..um...toooo far down and it clung so much I looked like I had no chest at all. Now, I'm all for plunging necklines, but when the top is formed so that anything that was being plunged down to is squished beyond recognition and no longer able to be seen, it defeats the entire purpose of the plunge. So that top went back on the rack and I demanded that we have coffee and go home before I went postal. I watched him eat cake and I felt better. I hate shopping!

It wasn't till we got back to my place that we realised we'd been an hour behind all day. I had my dinner with famous guy to go to, so C got sent home and I got ready. That dinner was an adventure in itself and I'll post about it separately. I had told the boy that I was going out to dinner with this guy, but it hadn't occured to me to ask if he was ok with it, so I asked him about it when we were out shopping. He was cool with it. Not that it would have made any difference to me going or not, but it was good to know he wasn't going to go all weird on me for no reason.

Still, I'm feeling a little restricted. He had the top down on his cabriolet yesterday and, sitting in the passenger seat, I seriously felt like the stereotypical blonde in the sports car with the dark haired guy in shades driving, and it all looked too much like the 'perfect picture' scenario. I know I shouldn't question everything and that I should start to just go with the flow and accept that we have a good time together. I just need challenge, and excitement and spark but everything appears so normal and so 'right' that I might go a bit stir crazy after a while.

Maybe I should go abseilling or skydiving... I need to do something extreme.