Manchester Lane

The boy's taken to frequent use of the 'L' word. Most often when we're talking late at night. He shows me in small ways every day that he means it, and last night gave me his spare set of house keys. That he trusts me that much after only 3 weeks, amazes me, but it also says a lot about his commitment to me. Funnily enough, I can't yet bring myself to reciprocate. I still feel the need to hold a little longer onto my own space. Not a bad thing though; just progressing at my own pace.

I met two of his cousins last night at a place called Manchester Lane. (Ian, it's off Flinders Lane, $47 for a 3 course set menu (not a lot of food, but very nice) and a soul/blues band (Andy Cowen), with a pretty good atmosphere.) That part of the city is especially difficult to find parking in at night, we discovered, but we managed to get there on time and not get rained on, despite leaving the umbrella in the car. C's cousins were lovely (both women). In fact, so far everyone he's introduced me to (work colleagues and now his cousins), have been really nice people, so that makes life a lot easier.

Being out with the boy last night confirmed a lot of things for me. I wasn't feeling well yesterday, so I scrounged around my house for something to take in order to function while we were out. I found a bottle of the medication I used to take, but that I went off when I was going through the Army application process. I took one of those pills. I won't say what they are, apart from I need Government approval for a prescription and to take them, and it has to get renewed every six months. Not surprisingly, the boy was a little shocked, but then accepted it, like he has done with everything so far.

I've been treated well by guys before. Still, sometimes it's hard for me to accept compliments and positive reinforcement. Maybe coz I just don't often buy it, I don't see it in myself, or I look for an ulterior motive. I don't do that with Chris. He says how he feels and what he thinks and I know it's the truth. It's hard though, to come to terms with the fact that he likes me for me, and all the health problems and idiosyncrasies that are part of the package that is me.

But I think last night, sitting in Manchester Lane, I came to some sort of acceptance about him and about us. I don't know what that really means for me in terms of the near or distant future, but I discovered it doesn't really scare me as much as it did before.

I'll be meeting his parents tomorrow night. This time last week, I was really worried that it might be too soon and I wondered if he was just caught up in that feeling of being happy and content because of how he feels rather than what he feels. Now I understand it's a happy medium between the two. He's not in this as a passing thing. He's not just another practice person.

I dunno. If it all fell over in a heap tomorrow, I wouldn't have any regrets about letting myself get close. Today, at least in this moment, we both genuinely care about each other and that's the most important thing, whatever happens tomorrow.