Bah Humbug!
This could be the first in a succession of thoughts about Christmas and all things holiday season.
I'm currently avoiding phone calls from my mother. It's been easy lately. I worked out I haven't been home since last Wednesday, except to feed my cats, change clothes and do washing. I know she's going to guilt trip me about where and how I spend Christmas.
Last year I spent Christmas in Las Vegas. Technically, I wasn't by myself, because my online friend Matt came over from KC to spend a couple of days with me. But I was on the other side of the planet to my family and I liked it like that.
The year before, I spent Christmas with a girlfriend and her family. Well, I spent most of the day with them and the rest of the time in solitude.
Prior to that, Christmas was always spent with the ex and his family.
I think C has plans, or at least has hinted, for me to spend Christmas with his family. The thing is, I'm really good when it comes to celebrating with other peoples' families. Just not my own.
I spent too many years with mum crying over something stupid, or trying to please everyone by visiting either mum or dad, then the other one, on Christmas day and spending half the time looking at the time and figuring out when it's politely safe to leave.
I don't want to deal with, "you should come up and see your sisters". I don't want to deal with, "but I haven't seen you in so long". I don't want to deal with, "I'm so poor and can't afford anything".
I've heard these things too many times. I don't want to see my sisters. If they can't pick up a phone once a year to say hi, I'm not gonna buy a plane ticket to see them and pretend to be happy families. I know I haven't seen my family in a long time. There are reasons I moved away at such a young age. I'm tired of being made to feel bad that my mother is on a pension and doesn't have a lot of money. It's all relative. I make a decent wage, but my cost of living is such at the moment that I don't have a lot of spare money either. I don't whine. I know I am in control of my circumstances.
So I have to tell my mother, at some stage, yet again, that I won't be flying up there for Christmas. I have to tell her that I'll be spending it, more than likely, with C's family. And I probably will have to tell her that I am going on a holiday to Sydney in January. I know I'll have to justify how I can spend money on a flight to Sydney, yet I can't spend a comparable amount to see my family.
I don't go all nuts over babies and pregnant women. I don't go all nuts about birthdays, especially my own, except if I'm very close to you - then I will go out of my way to make you happy. And I don't get excited about Christmas.
Until I get a few happy holiday seasons under my belt and I'm not made to feel guilty for not wanting to be with my family - strangers who I happen to be related to - I just cannot get excited about the whole deal.
So there you have it. My first "Bah Humbug!" moment for the holidays.
I'm currently avoiding phone calls from my mother. It's been easy lately. I worked out I haven't been home since last Wednesday, except to feed my cats, change clothes and do washing. I know she's going to guilt trip me about where and how I spend Christmas.
Last year I spent Christmas in Las Vegas. Technically, I wasn't by myself, because my online friend Matt came over from KC to spend a couple of days with me. But I was on the other side of the planet to my family and I liked it like that.
The year before, I spent Christmas with a girlfriend and her family. Well, I spent most of the day with them and the rest of the time in solitude.
Prior to that, Christmas was always spent with the ex and his family.
I think C has plans, or at least has hinted, for me to spend Christmas with his family. The thing is, I'm really good when it comes to celebrating with other peoples' families. Just not my own.
I spent too many years with mum crying over something stupid, or trying to please everyone by visiting either mum or dad, then the other one, on Christmas day and spending half the time looking at the time and figuring out when it's politely safe to leave.
I don't want to deal with, "you should come up and see your sisters". I don't want to deal with, "but I haven't seen you in so long". I don't want to deal with, "I'm so poor and can't afford anything".
I've heard these things too many times. I don't want to see my sisters. If they can't pick up a phone once a year to say hi, I'm not gonna buy a plane ticket to see them and pretend to be happy families. I know I haven't seen my family in a long time. There are reasons I moved away at such a young age. I'm tired of being made to feel bad that my mother is on a pension and doesn't have a lot of money. It's all relative. I make a decent wage, but my cost of living is such at the moment that I don't have a lot of spare money either. I don't whine. I know I am in control of my circumstances.
So I have to tell my mother, at some stage, yet again, that I won't be flying up there for Christmas. I have to tell her that I'll be spending it, more than likely, with C's family. And I probably will have to tell her that I am going on a holiday to Sydney in January. I know I'll have to justify how I can spend money on a flight to Sydney, yet I can't spend a comparable amount to see my family.
I don't go all nuts over babies and pregnant women. I don't go all nuts about birthdays, especially my own, except if I'm very close to you - then I will go out of my way to make you happy. And I don't get excited about Christmas.
Until I get a few happy holiday seasons under my belt and I'm not made to feel guilty for not wanting to be with my family - strangers who I happen to be related to - I just cannot get excited about the whole deal.
So there you have it. My first "Bah Humbug!" moment for the holidays.
posted by E in Oz at 2:38 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 2:38 pm
6 Comments:
Amen sista!
I'm already getting pissy about the idea of going to my parent's house for Thanksgiving. In two days I'll be in hell. Only hubby and I will be there this year. My sis and fave bro can't make it, nor can my kids. Ugggh... and barf.
Oh well, at least this year hubby and I (and my kids) will spend Christmas with hubby's family (a hell of a lot more fun) I'm sure I'll be hearing moaning and whining about that all day on Thursday. This will be the first year in my entire life that I haven't spent Christmas with my family. Oh, what a wonderful Christmas it will be!
Be prepared for a major venting ranty blog post this weekend!
It's good to have someone else with similar issues...
xoxo
Hey Eve!
Did you get my emails?
I think that my YahooMail is acting funny again.
Talk later...
e.
E,
Yes, I did. I got one late yesterday afternoon, but I was on my way out and didn't have time to respond. Was actually going to respond on your blog, but you beat me to it. ;-)
Nice to hear from you. Will try to catch up soon. :-)
Hugs!
You know, I actually like my family these days (after many missed Christmas' due to "sorry, not enough days off of work to come home"). But I still don't have a desire to be home for Christmas - something about it screams too much pressure, always has. If I'm going to visit my family, I pick a weekend when I can get a discounted ticket, when the sun is going to be warm or maybe because work sent me that way. Most people in the U.S. get only two weeks of vacation a year and frankly, I want to be seeing the world with my SO(or even by myself) rather than going home for the holidays. It says nothing bad about my parents, in fact I think they did a great job of pushing us out of the nest, never guilt tripping us into coming home but always supporting me when i did (i can only see this years later, mind you!)..
So anyhow, I just wanted to say I understand. This is YOUR life, you only get one shot at it and you should be living it the way you want. Yes, maybe respective to your mother you make more money but I understand you wanting to spend it the way you want to spend it, to take a little trip to Sydney rather than flying home for the holidays..Oh my gosh, I SOOOO can relate!
I'm sorry you get the guilt trips, I understand not picking up the phone to tell your mom you aren't coming. I certainly understand enjoying someone else's family on the holidays! I think putting up with a guilt trip phone call (which lasts 15 minutes or so) is a lot better than forcing yourself to spend a weekend in a situation you don't feel comfortable in, even if it's your own family (moreso because it's your own family!)...
What am I trying to say here? I guess to me, it's not a Bah Humbug moment but a mature girl knowing that her happiness is most important at this point in time. That's not a bad thing, girlfriend. Most people would agree with you!
Hugs,
A
Am I the only one who is looking forward to spending the holidays with my family this year? I guess I lucked out and got family that I like.
And I spent last Christmas is Iraq, and Thanksgiving, and New Years! The last one hurt. A sober New Years...perish the thought.
-Brad
I also like being home for Christmas. :) It just about killed me two years ago when I had to call from Bahrain and try to explain to my then 2 year old why I couldn't visit him for Christmas. ("Don't you want to spend Christmas with me?") That year, my mom had to pull my lazy assed brother and sis in law out of bed to say, "thanks for letting us crash at your place and use your car for 6 months... sorry we were too lazy to send you a Christmas card while you're sitting 12 miles off the coast of Iraq." Ok, so technically it was a lethargic, "Merry Christmas."
And then there's my aunt, who always makes little pot shots at me (like the year I came home pregnant and she asked me if I knew the father in front of ALL the relatives at the dinner table, and last year when her daughter got engaged- on the way to my grandma's house!!! and my aunt asked if I was anywhere close to getting married).
But my grandma and mom (and other relatives) totally ROCK! And I wouldn't miss them unless absolutely necessary. Besides, it's fun smacking down my self-righteous churchlady aunty! HAHA, you know I'm a strange one. It's not a mystery if you met my family.
Well, E, as my mom says, it's nice to have people to spend the holidays with but the main thing is that you create your own traditions that you enjoy. (Even if your tradition is trying something different every year!) One of these days you should come to Hawaii for Christmas!
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