Some days...
....it would be nice to share the responsibilities with someone.
I feel slightly schiz0phr3nic lately. The good is really good, the not so good is overwhelming and I skate between the two moment to moment. To be honest, it's exhausting - mentally and physically.
I do not like feeling up one minute and down the next, depending on what's happened. September is my "life will get back to normal" month - that's what I'm telling myself. That's what I'm hoping.
Ya know, I had a bunch more typed out, but I deleted it. I don't want to whine. There's a big hole and I have to figure out how to get out of it...soon.
Ok, I decided I had more to say.
It really piss3s me off that I'm earning way below my potential these days. I used to have disposable income. I used to do pretty much whatever I liked. I'm really annoyed that the last job didn't work out, because all I needed was another 6 months to get a buffer. I'm annoyed that they pushed me into a corner and made me make a decision I didn't want to make.
I'm stubborn and I'm determined...but that doesn't get bills paid. Working does. I know my business will be successful. The companies I'm working with are extremely supportive of what I'm doing now and the idea I have for when I come back from K0k0d@. The feedback I've had from people who have related interests in that project is also very positive.
But I'm doing it on my own and trying to juggle doing what I have to do with doing what I'd like to do....I don't know how I'm going to get through this, but I know once I'm there, the pressure will be off. And I should be in that place before the end of the year.
The last 18 months of my stupid illness getting worse, lack of proper employment, trying to build a business.... Honestly, I must be insane! I've given up lifestyle and so much more to be able to do what I want to do. I'm stubborn enough to get it done and be where I want to be.
I'm also stubborn enough not to ask for help and I know that's the downside of being me.
I feel slightly schiz0phr3nic lately. The good is really good, the not so good is overwhelming and I skate between the two moment to moment. To be honest, it's exhausting - mentally and physically.
I do not like feeling up one minute and down the next, depending on what's happened. September is my "life will get back to normal" month - that's what I'm telling myself. That's what I'm hoping.
Ya know, I had a bunch more typed out, but I deleted it. I don't want to whine. There's a big hole and I have to figure out how to get out of it...soon.
Ok, I decided I had more to say.
It really piss3s me off that I'm earning way below my potential these days. I used to have disposable income. I used to do pretty much whatever I liked. I'm really annoyed that the last job didn't work out, because all I needed was another 6 months to get a buffer. I'm annoyed that they pushed me into a corner and made me make a decision I didn't want to make.
I'm stubborn and I'm determined...but that doesn't get bills paid. Working does. I know my business will be successful. The companies I'm working with are extremely supportive of what I'm doing now and the idea I have for when I come back from K0k0d@. The feedback I've had from people who have related interests in that project is also very positive.
But I'm doing it on my own and trying to juggle doing what I have to do with doing what I'd like to do....I don't know how I'm going to get through this, but I know once I'm there, the pressure will be off. And I should be in that place before the end of the year.
The last 18 months of my stupid illness getting worse, lack of proper employment, trying to build a business.... Honestly, I must be insane! I've given up lifestyle and so much more to be able to do what I want to do. I'm stubborn enough to get it done and be where I want to be.
I'm also stubborn enough not to ask for help and I know that's the downside of being me.
posted by E in Oz at 8:04 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 8:04 pm
4 Comments:
Yaknow--all of those things are true. They're true about you, they're even (potentially) true about me.
I have my moments when I'm well and truely frustrated with the financial side of things today. I opted years ago to get out of doing something I didn't like doing, to go to where my heart and passion was. It was a good choice then, I even know it's a good choice for me today. I'm just not accustomed to financial issues--and they've found me.
I don't like it.
I don't think I'm required to like it.....just to accept these are the circumstances today and continue to work towards something getting different.
We don't have to like it.
Nor do we have to like the 'interferences' that happen.
Darn good thing, huh?! LOLOL
Stupid "no complaints" purple bracelet..... *grumbling and changing wrists*
OH well!!!! ;-)
Sometimes I am amazed at the parallels of our emotional lives. But why should I be when we are both single adult woman supporting ourselves? I hear you loud and clear on wanting to have someone to share responsibilities. And it's not that I don't want to take care of these things, but it would be easier if I had that personal support.
Hugs
So.
You've had time.
You've (hopefully) stayed determined and focused enough to move towards where you want to be.
I'm just concerned--wondering where things are at, how you're doing and if life has begun to treat you a bit more kindly.
Mostly..I'm just bothered that when things get tougher, you get quieter. LOL Yeah, I know--pot calling the kettle black!
How are you?
What's goin' on?
You doin' okay?
(((((((((((( E )))))))))))))
Yup....me and some Chinesey symbol makin' person stopping in again and again....
(((((((( E ))))))))))
Sending wishes for a gloriously happy and wondrous Christmas!!
(cuz I can!!)
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