Thursday, August 27, 2015

High on emotion

Washing of the Water - Peter Gabriel

River, river carry me on
Living river carry me on
River, river carry me on
To the place where I come from

So deep, so wide, will you take me on your back for a ride

If I should fall, would you swallow me deep inside

River, show me how to float

I feel like I'm sinking down
Thought that I could get along
But here in this water
My feet won't touch the ground
I need something to turn myself around

Going away, away towards the sea

River deep, can you lift up and carry me
Oh roll on though the heartland'
Til the sun has left the sky
River, river carry me high'
Til the washing of the water make it all allright
Let your waters reach me like she reached me tonight

Letting go, it's so hard

The way it's hurting now
To get this love untied
So tough to stay with thing'
Cause if I follow through
I face what I denied
I get those hooks out of me
And I take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side
Kill that fear of emptiness, loneliness I hide

River, oh river, river running deep

Bring me something that will let me get to sleep
In the washing of the water will you take it all away
Bring me something to take this pain away


Sometimes, I have so much to say that I don't know what to say, so I'll let lyrics say it for me. Usually, someone else's. 

It's possible to be happy, excited and looking forward to good things, appreciating all you are and all you have, yet still be sad, feel let down, frustrated, and isolated. 

A few hours ago, my thoughts were a lot more articulate. Now? I've listened to too much emotional music, sung too loud and scared the cats away. Here I was thinking they only didn't like 'I Am Woman'. Seems they also do not like Chris De Burgh.

Today has been a walk down memory lane. I'm a long way from where I started and yet I feel like I've not gone very far at all. 

I will wake up tomorrow and it will be a good day, for I will make it so.

4 Comments:

Blogger Anonymous G said...

Nice to see you here, E. <3

True what you say about looking forward, being appreciative yet sad ...

Then again, each new day is a new opportunity. xo

5:22 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

xoxo

12:16 pm  
Blogger SJ said...

*Cough!* *Hack!* *Wheeze!*

Man, it's dusty in here...

Did you try the engine? Will the blog even start after all this time?

1:33 pm  
Blogger Iskander Niarchos said...

I wondered how things have turned out for you pureatheart11 ;)

Still sorry Ted Bundy and I couldn't take you to see Shania Twain in Vegas

Kiss Kiss!! send me an email back ok?

3:35 am  

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Everything's changed, but it's still the same

I like it here. It's my safe place. The people who know me here are people I trust. Facebook is staged. This is me raw; shoeless, dirt on my face, in an old t-shirt that hasn't been washed in too long. I'll tell you things I wouldn't tell you in person, but I'll say them anyway, when they need to be said.

No naming names, as usual. There'll be initials and pseudonyms. That's how it works. If you join me on this ride (again, or anew), hang on. I'm not sure where it's headed.

I'm frustrated, yet content. I think that's just how deep thinkers live.

Kalliope. Epic poetry. My life.

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Thursday, May 06, 2010

Almost a year!!

I figured I should come back here and see if it's still around....if anyone who read before is still around. Are we all on F@ceb--k now?

About 30,000 things have happened since this time last year. I'm not sure what to say and probably won't say any of it now....just thought I should check in and say I'm still alive, still head above water, and doing....not as great as I'd like, but things aren't as bad as they could be. Plodding along...

I'll be back soon....at least in less than a year from now! xox

7 Comments:

Blogger Meg said...

I follow on FB! :)

11:17 pm  
Anonymous giJ said...

But will it be less than 11 months? How about less than 10? ;)

7:32 am  
Blogger Mel said...

*hanging head*

I don't 'FB'.
LORD knows I have enough troubles with blogspot!

But I'm glad for the tidbit.
Better for the holiday card that got sent on letting me know you were doing okey dokey.
But I do miss reading about your life, go figure.

<-- is a sappy silly person from time to time.....

8:07 am  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

Glad to see someone else checks in only once a year!

xo

6:53 am  
Anonymous Greyor said...

I stopped by to see if you're still about. It's been awhile!

Hope everything smooths out.

1:42 pm  
Blogger :) said...

LOL. I also have a hard time blogging now that I have FB.

PS- Hi Mel!

8:02 pm  
Anonymous SJ said...

Hi Eveie!

6:05 am  

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Friday, June 26, 2009

Some days...

....it would be nice to share the responsibilities with someone.

I feel slightly schiz0phr3nic lately. The good is really good, the not so good is overwhelming and I skate between the two moment to moment. To be honest, it's exhausting - mentally and physically.

I do not like feeling up one minute and down the next, depending on what's happened. September is my "life will get back to normal" month - that's what I'm telling myself. That's what I'm hoping.

Ya know, I had a bunch more typed out, but I deleted it. I don't want to whine. There's a big hole and I have to figure out how to get out of it...soon.

Ok, I decided I had more to say.

It really piss3s me off that I'm earning way below my potential these days. I used to have disposable income. I used to do pretty much whatever I liked. I'm really annoyed that the last job didn't work out, because all I needed was another 6 months to get a buffer. I'm annoyed that they pushed me into a corner and made me make a decision I didn't want to make.

I'm stubborn and I'm determined...but that doesn't get bills paid. Working does. I know my business will be successful. The companies I'm working with are extremely supportive of what I'm doing now and the idea I have for when I come back from K0k0d@. The feedback I've had from people who have related interests in that project is also very positive.

But I'm doing it on my own and trying to juggle doing what I have to do with doing what I'd like to do....I don't know how I'm going to get through this, but I know once I'm there, the pressure will be off. And I should be in that place before the end of the year.

The last 18 months of my stupid illness getting worse, lack of proper employment, trying to build a business.... Honestly, I must be insane! I've given up lifestyle and so much more to be able to do what I want to do. I'm stubborn enough to get it done and be where I want to be.

I'm also stubborn enough not to ask for help and I know that's the downside of being me.

4 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

Yaknow--all of those things are true. They're true about you, they're even (potentially) true about me.

I have my moments when I'm well and truely frustrated with the financial side of things today. I opted years ago to get out of doing something I didn't like doing, to go to where my heart and passion was. It was a good choice then, I even know it's a good choice for me today. I'm just not accustomed to financial issues--and they've found me.
I don't like it.
I don't think I'm required to like it.....just to accept these are the circumstances today and continue to work towards something getting different.

We don't have to like it.
Nor do we have to like the 'interferences' that happen.

Darn good thing, huh?! LOLOL

Stupid "no complaints" purple bracelet..... *grumbling and changing wrists*

OH well!!!! ;-)

10:29 am  
Blogger thyst said...

Sometimes I am amazed at the parallels of our emotional lives. But why should I be when we are both single adult woman supporting ourselves? I hear you loud and clear on wanting to have someone to share responsibilities. And it's not that I don't want to take care of these things, but it would be easier if I had that personal support.

Hugs

9:37 am  
Blogger Mel said...

So.

You've had time.
You've (hopefully) stayed determined and focused enough to move towards where you want to be.

I'm just concerned--wondering where things are at, how you're doing and if life has begun to treat you a bit more kindly.
Mostly..I'm just bothered that when things get tougher, you get quieter. LOL Yeah, I know--pot calling the kettle black!

How are you?
What's goin' on?
You doin' okay?

(((((((((((( E )))))))))))))

9:26 am  
Blogger Mel said...

Yup....me and some Chinesey symbol makin' person stopping in again and again....

(((((((( E ))))))))))

Sending wishes for a gloriously happy and wondrous Christmas!!
(cuz I can!!)

11:23 pm  

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Saturday, June 20, 2009

On impulse

I've been sitting here thinking about where I'm at and how I got here. Things are looking good and positive on the outside - I have a few clients (two more in one day this week!) and have been offered some ongoing work a couple of days a week doing something that will probably send me insane by the 3 month "Do I want to keep doing this?" date I've agreed to.

I'm getting lots of positive assistance and support from businesses I've contacted, who are working with me in various ways to help me build my personal training business. One in particular is actively finding referrals for me - and if I meet with those referrals, I can invoice the business for my time. It's nuts. And it was his suggestion. I can see us working more closely down the track, but it's good already.

The thing is, I'm also drowning...in tiredness, in responsibility, in lack of time to do [insert task], lack of money and needing the part time work, which increases the whole lack of time thing. The financial thing is just scary. All this good stuff is going on and looking like it's getting somewhere positive, but each week I worry that I'm sinking and how I'm going to get out of that by the next week.

I've turned going to K0k0d@ into a business idea that is getting really good feedback. But let's not discuss the fact that I still haven't fully paid for that trip. And I won't be working for most of August.

Yes, I'm whining....well, staying just short of panicking, really.

It will get better. I know it will. I'll just keep pretending till then that life feels as good as it looks.

(And, M, yes, I now have a page on FB!)

2 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

omg.....

I'm weary and panicked just reading.

*sigh*

10:11 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

(((hugs))) I miss you. Know I'm thinking of you, even when I'm not 'visiting'. x

8:33 pm  

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Sunday, May 10, 2009

Oh and...

I quit my job on Tuesday. Nobody would tell me what was going on, including my bosses who you'd think would know. They didn't want to get involved with all the cr@p that was going on, which basically meant even though they had no issues with my work, I had nobody on 'my side'. So I called bullshit on the whole situation and said I had enough. I offered to stay until they found a replacement, but they didn't want that. I wasn't owed anything except leave pay, but they offered to pay me out in addition. Guilt, much?

It's weird. I'm not stressed about it at all.

I REALLY need clients now, but I feel good about things.

5 Comments:

Anonymous Angela Noelle said...

Wow, well, this will definitely give you a great opportunity to get your clients and really follow those dreams rather than working in a job where you aren't appreciated. Good luck!!

3:02 pm  
Blogger Mel said...

Wow.
Seriously?

Geeze, they don't play well with others, huh? *shaking head*

Onward into drumming up customers. Dunno how one does that--hang around healthclubs with a billboard around your neck, maybe?
Just being creative! LOL

9:38 pm  
Blogger SB said...

*waving*

good vibes your way for tons and tons of wonderful clients. :)

I MISS YOU!

S

7:33 am  
Blogger Mandy said...

Hoping the client hunt is going well!

:)

Have you made a page on FB yet? Maybe your local friends can help out with the word of mouth thing.

9:27 am  
Blogger cc22 said...

角色扮演,
睡衣,
SM,
潤滑液,
情趣玩具,
愛愛,

情人趣味用品,
情人趣味千奈,
情人趣味愛戀,
情趣味用品,
情趣用具,

跳蛋,
G點,
按摩棒,
跳蛋,
飛機杯,
充氣娃娃,
自慰套,
情趣娃娃,
自慰器,
情趣用品,情趣,

8:02 pm  

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Saturday, May 09, 2009

Getting to the heart of the matter

I'm a bit disappointed. I don't think I'll be going back for another Echo in the near future. This is a bit of a shame. It means I probably won't get to see Jarrod again. He's the guy who ran the test. Twenty-three, very nice looking, and charming. It was worth all the annoyance for that. Ha! He sent me behind the curtain to take my clothes off and put the gown on. I said I didn't see the point in going behind the counter if he was going to be seeing my nekkid top half anyway. :-D

Why do I think I won't be having another Echo any time soon? Well, someone, somewhere along the line got the message very wrong. It turns out Jarrod's 'supervisor' was the woman who did my original Echo back in 2000. They both looked at the results while I was there. Normal. WTF? Yes, there's very minor regurgitation and a definite murmur, but inconsequential. Right. So I have NO idea why I was told there was an issue all this time.

The test results still have to be reviewed by the cardiologist, but Jarrod and the other lady both agreed there was pretty much nothing to there that was anything to worry about. My doc should tell me in about two weeks. It still means the pains I get are unexplained, but I can put up with that knowing that I'm 99.5% ok otherwise.

I had a full blood test last weekend, too. My (other) doc called me on Friday afternoon to let me know the results were all good. Blood sugar levels, good cholesterol, triglycerides etc are all pretty much normal.

All this is good news, because I have to have a full medical before I go to K0k0d@ in August. Now the only hurdle is making sure I'll be able to take class B controlled drugs into P@pu@ New Gu!nea. A note from the doctor should be ok, I hope.

Speaking of 'the trek', I did an hour of step-ups carrying about 14 pounds of weights in a backpack today. My legs aren't all that sore, which is good. I need to be able to do a few hours at a time, with about 20 pounds of weight. I really do like punishing myself, don't I?

2 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

O
M
G

I'm trying to simply be grateful--after 9 years of all that 'stuff'..... Wow.

k.

I'm grateful. Really!

10:24 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Crazy, huh! I told the other doc when he called about my blood test and he was horrified that I'd been made to worry for so long. They can't explain the pains I get, but right now I'm just glad to have one less thing to worry about. And one less doctor to see! I am grateful.

If only they could find a way to fix the wonky brain thing. :p

10:45 pm  

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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Excuse me, I seem to have lost my month

Where'd the time go?

This is a fly-by....

M will be here from 24 May to early June. I am nervous and excited.

My personal training business has had a positive boost. I'm cross promoting in two stores of a major womens' fitness wear retailer. Hopefully, that will bring lots of new clients. I NEED new clients.

K0k0d@ is booked and I've paid the deposit. Somehow, I have to find the money (or the sponsors to give me the money) to pay the balance and buy the equipment I need. In just over three months, I'll be trekking through the jungle for 10 days.

Work....sucks. Faaaar too much to explain, but the bottom line is I'm 99% certain I'll be finishing there at the end of next week. Right now, I don't care, except for the lack of income, which I really need. This is why I need the personal training business to kick off. Fast.

All things medical are pretty good. Medication is working, having some blood tests on Saturday, the heart Echo is next Friday, and my regular girl check up showed no issues (nice change there!!).

Most important current project is somehow producing all my marketing and promotional material with no money. And sponsors for the trek; that would help a lot! I'll find a way.

Hugs and all good things to everyone. I miss you and I know it's remiss of me to not have been in touch lately. Know you're all in my thoughts always.

5 Comments:

Blogger RisibleGirl said...

ACK, that reminds me that I need to make an appointment with my cardiologist.

If you're not happy where you're at, follow your heart. easy for me to say since I'm not currently employed, but damn, it's nice!

9:12 am  
Blogger Mel said...

I must need some vacation time--I ALMOST said I'd like being unemployed!

Oh noooooo...I'd be bored stiff and crazy within three weeks.

But yaknow--I think I'm excited that you're excited, even if a bit scared....or a lot scared... I'll hope the excitement overrides the fear.

*sending hopeful thoughts!*

12:00 pm  
Blogger Mandy said...

Good luck with the cross-promotion! In the States, a lot of small businesses use Vistaprint to print out small quantities of materials. Basically, they discount your order significantly if you let them print their ad on the back side of your business card...

I did a quick google search and came up with Saltprint, which is in Australia but has a similar business model. HTH.

http://www.saltprint.com.au/freebusinesscards.php#FAQs

11:55 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You all make me smile. :-)

I do use Vistaprint. Am waiting on an order as we speak! :-)

I did not know about Saltprint, though, so I will investigate. Thanks! I have a few friends who use vista...waiting for the stuff to turn up is the only bummer about that site.

E :-)

12:06 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! SP is about 4 times the price of VP!! That's insane for something that's local.

9:24 pm  

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