Thinking thinking...pros and cons
Chris went out on Friday night with the wife of a friend of his, to a party she had to go to, so I didn't get to see him. I really didn't mind because it was only the second or third night we hadn't seen each other since we met and, frankly I needed the break.
I rushed around on Saturday doing all my usual Saturday stuff, including seeing the naturopath (who said I was doing well but had not lost any more weight....methinks not losing weight is not doing well...hmmm). Anyway, Chris had told me about a bbq he was invited to and asked if I'd go too. I'd said yes, but he didn't tell me it was early (1pm), so we got there fairly late, because I still had my own stuff to do.
I asked him who he was going to introduce me as (friend, gf?) and he said he didn't know. He also hadn't warned the hosts that he was bringing me along. Needless to say, the lady of the house answered the door with, "And you must be Eliza" (his ex whom they'd obviously never met). At this point, I laughed and said no, and she and Chris both went bright red and apologised profusely. I thought it was pretty funny.
I ended up getting on great with everyone, which is cool because sometimes at these things you can find yourself sitting in a corner not relating to anybody - but there was enough geeky talk (all the guys were engineers) and not too much baby talk (one lady was pregnant), so I was happy.
Afterwards, we went back to Chris' place and he initiated 'the talk' - where are we going, what speed are we going at, what do you want, have you thought about how my son fits into my life, you realise I have to have a friendship with his mother, do you like spending time with me, etc etc etc. My responses - I don't know, full speed ahead, I'm not sure, yes I'm aware of your responsibilities, yes I'm fine with the fact that you and his mother are friendly, yes I like spending time with you. I told him straight out that I wasn't sure that I was ready to give up my independence and start being responsible to and for someone else, but that we could continue spending time together and just see what happens. Probably a bit of a cop out, but it's how I feel and he was fine with it. Somewhere in all of that, I think the status changed to 'official exclusive relationship'. After just over a week, I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but at least I know he plans on sticking around. I just don't know if I will...
He did give me heart palpitations when I talked about having to move out of my place in February, when he said, "well by then we'd be looking at you moving in here". I'm all for forward planning, but still.....!
Yesterday was strangely domesticated. He went grocery shopping, bought and made breakfast (which turned out to be lunch because we hadn't realised daylight savings had kicked in and we were an hour ahead of where we thought we were), and mowed the lawn while I cleaned up. Then we went clothes shopping for me.
I hate clothes shopping. With a vengeance. Nothing ever fits, because I have a pretty small upper body, but bigger hips - and I'm in between sizes at the best of times. I tried on a pair of jeans in one store and if I had have been by myself, I would have gone home after they didn't fit. But I perservered and the boy was patient. We went somewhere else and three more pairs of jeans later and insecurities issues about my body fully depressing me, I said I didn't care about stinking jeans anymore and wanted to try on shirts. When three of those fitted fine around my torso, but not in the sleeves, I was about mental.
Then he found me a top (yes, the boy was actually having a good time looking for clothes for me, while I was in the middle of a crisis), which seemed great. Was black stretch material, quite hugging, with a low cut v-shaped neckline and no sleeves. I had really high hopes for that top. I put it on and it looked like it might be a winner. But after adjusting, the bottom of the v-cut was..um...toooo far down and it clung so much I looked like I had no chest at all. Now, I'm all for plunging necklines, but when the top is formed so that anything that was being plunged down to is squished beyond recognition and no longer able to be seen, it defeats the entire purpose of the plunge. So that top went back on the rack and I demanded that we have coffee and go home before I went postal. I watched him eat cake and I felt better. I hate shopping!
It wasn't till we got back to my place that we realised we'd been an hour behind all day. I had my dinner with famous guy to go to, so C got sent home and I got ready. That dinner was an adventure in itself and I'll post about it separately. I had told the boy that I was going out to dinner with this guy, but it hadn't occured to me to ask if he was ok with it, so I asked him about it when we were out shopping. He was cool with it. Not that it would have made any difference to me going or not, but it was good to know he wasn't going to go all weird on me for no reason.
Still, I'm feeling a little restricted. He had the top down on his cabriolet yesterday and, sitting in the passenger seat, I seriously felt like the stereotypical blonde in the sports car with the dark haired guy in shades driving, and it all looked too much like the 'perfect picture' scenario. I know I shouldn't question everything and that I should start to just go with the flow and accept that we have a good time together. I just need challenge, and excitement and spark but everything appears so normal and so 'right' that I might go a bit stir crazy after a while.
Maybe I should go abseilling or skydiving... I need to do something extreme.
I rushed around on Saturday doing all my usual Saturday stuff, including seeing the naturopath (who said I was doing well but had not lost any more weight....methinks not losing weight is not doing well...hmmm). Anyway, Chris had told me about a bbq he was invited to and asked if I'd go too. I'd said yes, but he didn't tell me it was early (1pm), so we got there fairly late, because I still had my own stuff to do.
I asked him who he was going to introduce me as (friend, gf?) and he said he didn't know. He also hadn't warned the hosts that he was bringing me along. Needless to say, the lady of the house answered the door with, "And you must be Eliza" (his ex whom they'd obviously never met). At this point, I laughed and said no, and she and Chris both went bright red and apologised profusely. I thought it was pretty funny.
I ended up getting on great with everyone, which is cool because sometimes at these things you can find yourself sitting in a corner not relating to anybody - but there was enough geeky talk (all the guys were engineers) and not too much baby talk (one lady was pregnant), so I was happy.
Afterwards, we went back to Chris' place and he initiated 'the talk' - where are we going, what speed are we going at, what do you want, have you thought about how my son fits into my life, you realise I have to have a friendship with his mother, do you like spending time with me, etc etc etc. My responses - I don't know, full speed ahead, I'm not sure, yes I'm aware of your responsibilities, yes I'm fine with the fact that you and his mother are friendly, yes I like spending time with you. I told him straight out that I wasn't sure that I was ready to give up my independence and start being responsible to and for someone else, but that we could continue spending time together and just see what happens. Probably a bit of a cop out, but it's how I feel and he was fine with it. Somewhere in all of that, I think the status changed to 'official exclusive relationship'. After just over a week, I don't know if this is a good thing or not, but at least I know he plans on sticking around. I just don't know if I will...
He did give me heart palpitations when I talked about having to move out of my place in February, when he said, "well by then we'd be looking at you moving in here". I'm all for forward planning, but still.....!
Yesterday was strangely domesticated. He went grocery shopping, bought and made breakfast (which turned out to be lunch because we hadn't realised daylight savings had kicked in and we were an hour ahead of where we thought we were), and mowed the lawn while I cleaned up. Then we went clothes shopping for me.
I hate clothes shopping. With a vengeance. Nothing ever fits, because I have a pretty small upper body, but bigger hips - and I'm in between sizes at the best of times. I tried on a pair of jeans in one store and if I had have been by myself, I would have gone home after they didn't fit. But I perservered and the boy was patient. We went somewhere else and three more pairs of jeans later and insecurities issues about my body fully depressing me, I said I didn't care about stinking jeans anymore and wanted to try on shirts. When three of those fitted fine around my torso, but not in the sleeves, I was about mental.
Then he found me a top (yes, the boy was actually having a good time looking for clothes for me, while I was in the middle of a crisis), which seemed great. Was black stretch material, quite hugging, with a low cut v-shaped neckline and no sleeves. I had really high hopes for that top. I put it on and it looked like it might be a winner. But after adjusting, the bottom of the v-cut was..um...toooo far down and it clung so much I looked like I had no chest at all. Now, I'm all for plunging necklines, but when the top is formed so that anything that was being plunged down to is squished beyond recognition and no longer able to be seen, it defeats the entire purpose of the plunge. So that top went back on the rack and I demanded that we have coffee and go home before I went postal. I watched him eat cake and I felt better. I hate shopping!
It wasn't till we got back to my place that we realised we'd been an hour behind all day. I had my dinner with famous guy to go to, so C got sent home and I got ready. That dinner was an adventure in itself and I'll post about it separately. I had told the boy that I was going out to dinner with this guy, but it hadn't occured to me to ask if he was ok with it, so I asked him about it when we were out shopping. He was cool with it. Not that it would have made any difference to me going or not, but it was good to know he wasn't going to go all weird on me for no reason.
Still, I'm feeling a little restricted. He had the top down on his cabriolet yesterday and, sitting in the passenger seat, I seriously felt like the stereotypical blonde in the sports car with the dark haired guy in shades driving, and it all looked too much like the 'perfect picture' scenario. I know I shouldn't question everything and that I should start to just go with the flow and accept that we have a good time together. I just need challenge, and excitement and spark but everything appears so normal and so 'right' that I might go a bit stir crazy after a while.
Maybe I should go abseilling or skydiving... I need to do something extreme.
posted by E in Oz at 9:58 am
these thoughts escaped my brain at 9:58 am
2 Comments:
Wow - you went clothes shopping with a guy? You must feel very comfortable with him.. Chris sounds like a great guy...sounds like you're not sure yet though - don't let him rush you! Take your time, enjoy being adored, and don't give up anything you're not ready to! That being said, have lots of fun.
Sandy, yeah he really is lovely - and patient. LOL
I think I just don't want too much of routine and normality just yet. But I haven't quite figured it out. Too early really.
EJ, there's definitely chemistry. We get on fantastically (sometimes to the point where we think we agree with each other too much). I'm ok with exclusive as long as I don't start feeling claustrophobic.
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