Just breathe

I'm learning patience in a number of ways lately.

Since I've got the thought of buying a house into my head again, and given that I'm in a better position to do so now than I've ever been, I want to do it NOW. But I know now is not the right time and it's not something I want to rush into. I need to sit tight for a bit, no matter how tempting some options are.

Since I've finally got my drugs again, I want them to work NOW. But I know that my body needs to adjust to them again. Yesterday I was slightly shaky and I could feel the blood pumping through my arms and legs. I need to ease into it slowly.

I'd love to work closer to home. It's not the driving 90 or so minutes every morning that bothers me. I like driving. It's that it makes my days so much longer and I just get tired of driving all that way and not doing much once I get there. I'm giving myself another six months there and I won't actively look for other work in that time. I'll do the workplace assessment and training course, get my certification, then look at my options. I'd just like it to be happening NOW.

I have one more check up at the doctors that I'd like to be done with NOW. I had a bad test result a couple of months back. I need to get that followed up. That'll happen in the next few weeks. Every now and then, I get worried about it. But there's worse things that could be happening to me, so I'll just deal, whatever the result.

I've discovered (yet again) that if a 7yo gets up at 7am and his dad is cactus from doing night shift all week, there's no way you can sleep in. Nobody should be allowed to get up that early on a Saturday. I need to teach that kid to make his own breakfast. That would be easier if he actually liked to eat.

I'd like the situation with my mother and my sister (and the two other sisters I don't talk to) to be resolved NOW. But the fallout of what I'd like to happen could negatively affect other people, so it's going to take balance and tact. My brother's girlfriend told me some things yesterday that my mother has said and done, that I didn't know about before (and mum had no right telling her either). I was feeling slightly sorry for my mother for what her life has been like. Now I'm wondering if she isn't simply mean and manipulative, and rather than unknowingly causing us all grief, she knows exactly what she says and does and how it affects those around her.

(As an aside, RisibleGirl, you might be interested in a book called Becoming Your Own Parent, by Dennis Wholey. It's a bit of a hard read (brings out a lot of emotional 'stuff'), and I've only read parts of it, but it's helping to give me a new perspective on things.)

Since the boy and I have started to rebuild our relationship, I want to see results NOW. He's trying really hard and things are better. I know it can't go from bad to great overnight, but it'd be nice if it did. I am seeing results and that's reaffirming that I've made the right decision for myself to stick this out.

I stayed living with my ex for over 7 years because, on the surface, he had everything that one would expect and want in a partner - good job, big salary, nice car, own house, no debt, top sportsman, could play music, looked good, dressed well, nice friends (who are still my friends now). He was the package. If you didn't need an emotional connection or any type of affection. I stayed because I thought I was ok with sacrificing the emotional side of me in order to live a comfortable existence - I'd convinced myself I was ok with it. In the end, I walked away from that material comfort because I was finally honest with myself that I wanted - needed - the emotional aspect more than the rest.

C and I both earn good money. We could both earn a bunch more if we took jobs in the city, but neither of us is interested in that. We have what we need and we can build on that in time. And as far as what I expect in a partner, he has all that my ex had and then some (except maybe for the musical side, but that's not important). The extra I get is in the attention and the affection. Lately, he hasn't been entirely supportive of me where it's come to us, but I'm understanding that's been more of a territorial thing than anything else. He's been hard to take at times, but fundamentally, he's a great person; someone I'm proud to be with. Overall, he's as supportive as I could hope for. I've never had someone back me as much as he does, when it comes to my family, my job, or anything else for that matter. He really is pretty good.

I'm not making choices based on what other people think and feel anymore. I used to do that all the time and I lost myself. I ask for support, encouragement or advice, depending on circumstances, but my choices are mine. I'm not going to let myself lose myself anymore, and I'm finding strength in the decisions I'm making. The past couple of months have been trying and I've had some pretty desolate moments, but they've proven to me that being true to me and striving for what I think is the right thing for me, is the right thing to do.....even if there are some major hurdles in getting there.

Wrapping up

It's the end of the week and the start of a weekend with el kiddo. I'm looking forward to it. We have nothing at all planned, but having A around will be nice. It's good to be around a 7yo sometimes...helps to keep the rest of life in perspective when you experience it from his point of view.

The week's been good overall. C's still plodding through the 5 Love Languages book. He reads a lot slower than me, so it's taking him a while. I'm just really glad he's continuing to pick it up and get through it of his own accord. I've had Relationship Rescue sitting on my bedside table for a while and he only noticed it yesterday. I told him I won't subject him to reading it yet, but he seemed interested in it, which surprised me. He's really trying hard to make up for the things he's said and done lately. I need more from him and he knows this and he's working on it.

I'm a little annoyed at myself. Our local paper was sitting on the bench and we always go through it and check out houses in our neighbourhood. I looked at one and said, "hey I think they advertised that cheaper on the net". Ooops. He asked if I'd been looking at buying houses. I just said I know what I can afford and that I can get something with no money of my own as a deposit. He asked if I was uncomfortable in the house now. I said no. And I'm not. But we honestly have too much furniture between us for the size of house we have now and I'd like a) a little more space and b) a place of my own. Whether I get those two things separately or together, I'm not worried about at this moment. We're ok and neither of us is fussed on moving anywhere right now. (However, his house always has been and always will be 'his house' to me. I'ts not mine. I've not made any investments in it, so I have no claim to any part of it. I don't work that way. If I got a house and we lived in that, it'd be my house, but the dynamics of things would change slightly because his would turn into a rental, and therefore an investment and we'd probably have a more formal relationship type by then anyway.)

The good thing is that that discussion got us into a more detailed discussion about buying, selling and investing, and it's an area that I've got more knowledge in than him. Yeah, the last time I had anything to do with buying property was when I was a teenager (everything was put in my bf's name and I just walked away from it all) and he's bought more properties over time than me, but I've done a bunch of study and have lots of books and have done courses (thanks to my ex), so I deflected the, "do you want to buy your own house?" question by getting into a discussion on the pros and cons of negative vs positive gearing and telling him to go read my books.

It's good to be talking about things in a future tense again. I'm still bothered by some things, but I'm working out whether they're things I have to sort out within me, or if they're to do with him, or if they're 'us' issues. Once I can do that, we can have another chat.

He's been sweet, caring and attentive all week. It's been nice and I've been looking forward to going home to see him each afternoon. That's a big improvement on how things have been lately. Still, I'm taking it day to day, but it looks like we might be past the worst of the crap and that's a good feeling.

Yay!!

Today is good!

The stupid rental bond situation is going to be resolved with just a few signed pieces of paper. I'm entitled to $500, but I'm only taking $415 and letting my stupid ex-housemate have $85 to save him bitching and it all going to court again. Besides, if I keep the ex-landlord happy, he'll go out of his way to help me if I do decide to take out a home loan and buy something sometime soon.

Also, because I don't have a huge workload on here, I sign up to do a lot of training. Late last year I did two M!crosoft courses simply because I had nothing better to do. I've had the paperwork for a major course for a week or so and I've been wondering how and when to ask my boss if I could do it. I shouldn't have worried. He approved it in less than a minute. So for 3 days in August and 2 days in September, I'll be doing a comprehensive workplace training course (that costs $2,400!! eep!). It means I'll be qualified to do workplace training in any industry. I just have to be assessed by a trainer, presenting a training course at work, within the next 6 months. Easy peasy! Since I've already completed one workplace training course, this one shouldn't be as hard as the first one was.

Things appear to be turning around.

*doing happy dance*

Glimmer

Maybe, hopefully, the sun's starting to shine again.
At least, it's nice to have some confidence back.









He apologised for all the times he's been hurtful recently.
He's never said sorry before. He was sincere.
I really needed that.

Spicks and specks

Admist all the turmoil and stress that's been my personal life the last few weeks, the underlying factor is that we both care about each other. We each care differently, and if I was honest, I'd say maybe so differently that it's not entirely healthy.

But we still care.

When we're not butting heads.

It was pretty tense when I got home from work tonight. Last night was another minor misunderstanding taken to a whole stupid level, culminating in me telling him I hated him. I did. In that moment. But that's because I care about him.

He's on night shift this week and that's good. It buys us time and space. And it stops us talking too much. We joke that we go out of our way to talk and connect and be interested in each other's day, but then we start to over analyse things and it all gets out of hand. We sometimes wonder if it'd be better if we were just one of those couples who had the tv on during dinner, who didn't sit at the table, and just watched garbage all night, not saying a word to each other. But we wouldn't like that much. It's not who we are. We're talkers.

We didn't talk for the hour or so between when I got home today and he had to go to work. Only just as he was leaving. As I left for work this morning, I told him he didn't have a heart. I didn't want one of us to walk out the door with negativity again. So we talked....briefly, and hugged.

It's sort of a ritual that we have that I'll call him on his night shift when I'm about to go to sleep. He can watch tv while he works, so we talk about the shows we've watched. In a strange way, it's almost how we made up. I hadn't mentioned about my docs appointment, so he asked me how it went. We were both waiting on the results. He knows how stressed out I've been, wondering if I'd get the drugs or not, and how that would affect 'us', depending on the outcome. It's a weight off my shoulders, and I'd say it's a relief for him. I know I've been hard to live with. We both have, for different reasons.

He's been very selfish lately and said some things I'm not comfortable with. If I didn't have extreme faith in him, I would have been gone and not even told him. He also told me it was over, but his justification was completely irrational, so I wasn't prepared to quit. He's said some things that I know I shouldn't put up with. But I will. I'm choosing to keep working on us and I don't know if it's going to be detrimental to me in the end, or if it's going to pay off in a fabulous way. I'll know in time.

In the meantime, I know he cares. Something is keeping us together. There's an underlying feeling between us that's keeping us going in spite of the recent tears and aggravation. I can't explain it. It's also keeping us on the crazy rollercoaster we've been on. We just haven't worked out a way yet to get off.

I miss him on these nights when he's at work. On the other hand, I need these nights when he's at work. It makes him more loveable at a time when he's being difficult to live with.

You know you're stressed when...

Your boss comes up to you, asks you what you're doing, and when you respond, "Not a great deal", he says, "Having a bit of trouble concentrating huh? You need to get away."

I don't do a great deal here. I don't have a major workload, but when I'm busy, I'm flat out. Right now, I'm in a period of nothing to do. Having my boss point out to me that I'm having trouble concentrating on nothing is a sure sign I have far too much going on in my head.

I like that he cares enough not to care that I'm sitting here doing nothing and thinks that I need some time to myself, but I hate that it's completely apparent to the outside world that I'm losing my mind, just by looking at me.

I told C last night that I hated him. Guess that's not a good sign either.

I got the drugs!

I woke up today with a headache and a bad mood that could make a Rhino pass out.

It took me forever to get to the docs. I hate city traffic. It's one of the major reasons I won't work in the city. Well, that and I really can't be stuffed getting into skirts and high heels every day just to sit behind a desk.

Anyway, I passed the sleep tests....if you call not being able to stay awake during the day 'passing'. Apparently I did some weird stuff in my sleep too, during the second daytime test - leg kicking (who knew?!) and unnatural deep sleep (considering I slept for a total of less than 10 minutes during that second test).

The upshot of my freakish sleep antics is that it's confirmed the original narcolepsy diagnosis enough that I'll pass the Government's stupid new tighter drug prescription laws. An hour ago, my doc was filling out forms to send to whomever it is that doles out the 'approved' stamps. He'll get that back by the end of today and tomorrow he can send me my prescription.

I don't care what people will think about me taking narcotics (again). This is a quality of life thing for me and it's gonna make a huge difference. Not to mention, these lil white pills have the added benefit of acting like an anti-depressant, which really cannot hurt right now!

I'll be on drugs by the end of the week!! Wooohooooo! I am so freakin' happy about this!!!

Eating elephants

What's the stupid saying? Eat your elephant one bite at a time? Something like that.

But what if you can't eat the ear till you've eaten the trunk, but you can't eat the trunk because you first have to eat the leg, but you can't even attempt the leg till you've eaten the ear, but you can't eat the ear till ....... you get the point.

That's where I've been lately. Then I learned there was a whole other elephant I hadn't noticed before, and contemplating starting on the first elephant meant that I first had to deal with the second elephant, and no wonder I was getting nowhere with the first elephant, because I didn't know the second one was there all the time, but the first one couldn't be dealt with till the second one was gone.

But now I know there are two elephants. Although, even though I know I have to eat them one bite at a time, I have to work out which is the best order to eat the parts in, or I'll end up with really bad indigestion......or one, or both of the elephants will squash me when I'm not looking.

You can't eat your elephant one bite at a time. They don't present themselves to you in pieces and there is no simple way to dissect them. You have to work out a plan to blow up the elephant in one go and eat the pieces together in a nice big elephant stroganoff.

Such is life.

Anyone know where I can find some dynamite and a big pot?

As George Michael said, "Ya gotta have faith, faith, faith....".

(Yeah, it's a nice Muscat talking.....If we had any Baileys, it'd be that.)

Happy anniversary to me and he

I successfully shoved a sock down the fat lady's throat.
It's not her turn to sing yet.

I think the resident poltergeist has left our house and returned the guy I moved in with.
Might have to get the place exorcised just to be on the safe side.

Oooh cross your fingers for me

My specialist's secretary rang me just now. They've brought forward my follow up appointment to Monday morning. Monday! I can find out then if they'll put me back on the drugs, or not.

Please, please, please!

I want my drugs. I neeeeed my drugs. NOW NOW NOW!

In other news, my adjourned court case from earlier this week may not have to turn into another court appearance. Hopefully, it can all be sorted out with a few signatures on a few pieces of paper.....if everybody plays nice.

I need luck for both!

Sleep on this....

One of the guys from work just got back from a business trip to Sydney. He stayed in one of the hotels with a good reputation, decent star rating etc.

Apparently, it had gone down hill quite significantly since he was last there a couple of years ago, with there being cracks in the walls and the rooms looking generally 'tired'.

I said, "Well, no wonder. If it's been two years since you've been there, and considering most people may stay there a single night or perhaps two, that equates to about 600+ people in that bed since you were last there. 1200, if it was couples".

Then I thought about it a little more.....and now I'm not so sure I want to stay in a hotel bed again any time soon.

I hope they change the sheets.

And I thought I worked in a school

Bi-annually, we have 'literature week' here at school. Not only do big name authors come to do book signings etc, but there are also other activities held. For example, last week we had a snake guy here, which is pretty cool. I like snakes and it's fun to watch a bunch of school boys freaking out and holding snakes of all different sizes.

Today we've got a rock concert going on. The school kids who have their own bands are putting on a performance in the theatre in our building. Just outside the door to our office. Sweet Child of Mine, for example. And a bit of Lenny Kravitz thrown in for good measure.

It's LOUD. Right outside my office. If I closed my eyes and pretended to smell cigarettes and beer, I could be in a pub....except that the vocal mics could be turned up a bit more and the voices could be a little less flat.

Such a good thing that nobody around here has to concentrate on anything like ..uh...work. Well, everyone else except me. I'm just bloggin' and reading message boards....

Vodka and lemon thanks.

Wonder

From Natalie Merchant's Tigerlilly cd

Doctors have come from distant cities
just to see me
stand over my bed
disbelieving
what they're seeing

they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation

newspapers ask intimate questions
want confessions
they reach into my head to
steal the glory
of my story

they say I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as they see they can offer
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience and with faith
she'll make her way"

people see me
I'm a challenge
to your balance
I'm over your heads how
I confound you
and astound you to know

I must be one of the wonders
of god's own creation
and as far as you see you can offer me
no explanation

I believe
fate smiled and destiny
laughed as she came to my cradle
"know this child will be able"
laughed as she came to my mother
"know this child will not suffer"
laughed as my body she lifted
"know this child will be gifted
with love, with patience and with faith
she'll make her way"

Maybe I should get me one of these...

I stole this pic from a message board post.
Thought it was kinda appropriate.
Oh, and I don't really think all men are bastards.
I'm just easily amused.

How the world turns

I'm not sure if yesterday's developments have made me more settled or more confused.

I had to go to court yesterday afternoon for a stupid reason that ended up not being heard, and was adjourned because of beaurocracy, till a date to be advised. It was in relation to a bond that a previous landlord and I are trying to recover (No, not the stupid landlord who took me to court last year. This one is nice.)

It happens that this guy has his own home loan finance company. He lives up in Sydney now, but still does some work down here. I told him I needed a place to live again. We'd always gotten on well and at one stage after I moved out from his house, I almost moved into a place his brother owned (which was beautiful!).

He seems to think that he may be able to get me a good deal on a low interest home loan, with the maximum of the state and federal government grants, with very little of my own money down (not that I have any, anyway). I just have to give him some of my financial info.

I could sign documents within a month (if I found a suitable place), take a 90 day settlement (to save $$$ so I don't have to start making large repayments just yet, and finally have my own place.

Upside:
This is something that I've wanted for a long time.
I could do this.
I wouldn't be wasting money paying rent.

Downside:
I want to be where I am now.
I hate thinking about not being here.
I don't know where I'd live for the next 4 months that wouldn't cost me a lot of money.
By even contemplating it, I feel as though I'm giving up on something that I don't want to give up on.
I do it, and I seal the fate on this relationship for good.

Of course, there are plenty more ups and downs to it and I have so much to think about. I am really, really being tested by the Universe right now.

Shadows

It appears everything I thought I had, I didn't.

I feel as though I've been taken for a ride I didn't even know I was on.

The downside of opening yourself up and letting yourself be vulnerable is....well, you leave yourself vulnerable.

I'm in so many difference pieces right now, I don't think I'll be able to put myself back together the same.

It's over

I don't even know why. I feel dead.

.......yeah, it's what you're thinking.

Shaking my head

This is just wrong on so many levels.

Tweet tweet!

Money, money, money

Ah, it'd be nice to have some.

I hate getting paid monthly. I feel like I never have any money at all. I've just about paid off my credit card (maybe only two months to go) and I have no other debt, but I never have any cash.

It's because I've been putting all my money into my credit card to get it cleared. I understand that and it feels good to see my debt reducing so quickly.

It just really, really sucks to go online, see all that money in my account (that's there for less than a day), and within a matter of two or so minutes, a huge amount is gone to my credit card payment, a small amount is gone to savings, some goes to C for bills and things, and I'm left with $500 to last me till next month. With petrol costing me about $80 a week, it doesn't leave much to play with.

Being paid monthly sucks big time.

My stay in hop-spital

When you were a kid, did you mix up long words? I don't think I ever did, but my niece used to say 'hopspital' instead of 'hospital' and 'ambliance' instead of 'ambulance'.

So I got to hopspital right on 6.30pm on Monday night. C came in with me while I got measured (height) and weighed (ugh!). They showed us to my room and I got comfy, before they subjected me to awful breathing tests...."breathe normally....ok, now take a deep breath in...hooooold it....now blow it out....keep blowing....keep blowing..." ...till I almost turned blue and passed out. Did that twice. Dizzzzzyyy...

And off I trundled back to the room. The reception on the tv was shit, just like they said, so the boy, not being able to help himself, mucked around with the video settings to make it a little better, but it remained a pretty fuzzy picture.

He made us both some tea and I subjected him to watching Kate and Leopold with me. It was either that, or Stepmom. Ha, he didn't think that was as amusing as I did.

At about 7.30pm, one of the girls came in to start hooking me up to all the wires. (I'll post pics when I get home.) It really isn't much fun to have someone wipe antiseptic on your head, rub your head with fine sandpaper (or something that felt like it), make big red pen marks in various places, jam a glob of glue into your scalp and strap electrodes to you (head, chest and legs). The guys at work say I looked like someone who belonged in a psych ward.















C left just before 8pm and I whined, even though I knew he couldn't stay. He did send me a text message later on, so I was happy enough. (Yes, Ian, I had my phone and kept it turned on...and I probably could have taken my laptop too! Doh!)

At about 10.30pm the chick came back in and strapped another electrode thingy to my face, that looked a lot like a thin, green moustache, with sensors under my nose, and big pieces of tape on either side to hold it in place. All the wires went back to a central little box that I had to wear over my shoulder. I also had a pulse monitor on my finger all night. And that's how I slept. With a camera on me the whole time. Getting up to pee in the middle of the night was an event in itself.





























At 6am, I was just getting into a good sleep, when they came in, turned the light on and made me get up. Aarrrrgh! After being unplugged and unwired (and spending about 10 minutes trying to get gunk out of my hair so I didn't look like a mad scientist), I had a shower and breakfast. Just after 7am, they put more gunk in my hair, wired me up again and sent me back to sleep. They did that 4 times throughout the day, putting me to sleep for 20 minutes or so, waking me up, etc, till mid afternoon. At least I got to watch most of Dr Phil and the Runaway Bride on video. Yep, they had a fine selection of stuff there!

Some time in the morning, the doctor came in and asked what I'd like for lunch and told me he'd go and get it. Considering the psych ward was in the same building and I looked like one of them, it was a good idea that I didn't go out in public looking like I did.





























I had to have a bath last night so that my hair soaked long enough that all the crap came out of it, then had to wash it again this morning....as well as to get the blood out from where the cat gouged me.

All things considered, I slept far better on Monday night with all those damn contraptions on me than I did last night in the comfort of my own bed, at home.

I hope, I hope, I hope it was all worth it. I have to wait a couple of weeks to get the results and see if they'll put me back on the drugs and let me have a semi-normal life again.

Things that go bump in the night

I've used this title before, but it's apt once again.

I'd had a pretty vivid dream about a plane crash that I was in (see definition below), woken up two or three times, gotten up twice, and was having a pretty interrupted sleep last night.

I finally got to the point where I was getting comfortable and was blissfully asleep when all of a sudden I felt a huge weight fall on my head. I yelled, sat up and realised that the cat had fallen off the bedhead, landed on my head and taken a huge chunk of my scalp with her as she jumped off me and onto the bed.

In the dark, I pushed my hand against where she hit my head and felt liquid. Mmmm nice. Blood. So C turned on the light and confirmed there was indeed blood in my hair, but couldn't see any damage. I could feel a damn gaping wound, but he couldn't see anything?? Right...

So now I have a hole in my head. I can feel it and it's very ouchy. It's bad enough that I practically had to rip my hair out after the hospital yesterday to get the glue out of it. I'm feeling a bit worse for wear today.

Oh well... I'll update the joys of my hospital visit sometime later. Once I get the photos off my phone and if they're not too blurry, I'll post them too. They're soooo attractive! Not!

To dream that a plane crashes, suggests that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. Your goals may be too high and are impossible to realize. You are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

Forced rest

I'm going into hospital tonight for my sleep study. It's no big deal, but just having to go to hospital makes you feel a bit like you're sick or broken in some way, even if you feel perfectly fine.

Thankfully, it's only costing me $60, not the hundreds of dollars like the woman in the example from my last post paid. That's for the overnight testing. Tomorrow's is taken care of by Medicare.

I've bought a couple of books to read and they reckon "there are over 100 movies you can watch" while you're there. I wonder if any of them are worth watching. I wish I could take my laptop. Pathetic really, huh?

It'll be like going to a hotel for the night....except that I'll have wires stuck to my head and limbs and up my nose all night, I'll be watched with video cameras for the duration, there won't be a corner spa and I won't be able to steal any fluffy slippers, and C will have to go home at 8pm.

At least they're supplying breakfast. I'd hate to have to go to a cafe for breakfast in my pjs, with wires stuck up my nose and glue in my hair.

Yeah, this is gonna be fun. If I can keep my phone with me, I'll take some photos.

Proud of my boy

D,

Not often we get the chance to do this between teams but can you please pass on my appreciation to C for his efforts today in working through ... provisioning with my guys at ......

The effort C has gone to has made a frustrating day for the field guys just that bit easier through his high level of support and dedication in assisting service provisioning. You know it's appreciated when the guys in the field call in and ask me to provide this type of feedback.

Regards

Boss Man

******************

C,

From the ................... staff and myself thanks for your efforts today. As Boss Man says for field staff (your peers) to raise this means your efforts were very very good, and much appreciated.

Well done

Other Boss Man

What is up with daytime tv?

There are at least three or four cooking shows on throughout the day. Big meals, some do multiple courses. They focus on taste and don't seem to bother with things like watching how much oil or other fatty ingredients they use. I can understand that. They have to make them look nice and let's face it, sometimes the pastries and things covered in cheese just taste yummier.

But my G-d, I've been home for 4 days and all I've wanted to do is eat and eat and eat. Damn shows. I haven't even been watching them. Just knowing they're there is making me hungry. Even the freakin commercials are foodie things (except the 'donate to a poor, starving child' ones to guilt you after you've eaten out your entire cupboard and fridge).

No wonder people who are at home more often are also a bit more on the fatty boombah side!

I like.....snakes.....but

Not sure about this one.

A girlfriend sent me this email and the two photos below.

On a farm in a north west province of Sth Africa, this fella tried to get through the electric fence and when the thing shocked him , he tried to strike at it, check out the teeth !!

I like.....bats

Had another date night last night. We went to the same hamburger place as last time, then went and saw Batman. I liked it. It was pretty dark and more violent than I thought it'd be in some places.

What neither of us could get over was the number of small kids there. The film was rated M ("These films contain material that requires a mature perspective"), but there were kids there well under 10 years old. One had a booster seat so she could see over the seat in front of her.

One of the opening scenes is a pretty full on jail yard fight. C and I noticed kids that looked like they were actually cowering next to their parents. Way to go parents. Look forward to the nightmares.

I like Batman. I always have. I have a gold ring in the shape of a bat that was made for me for my 17th birthday by an ex boyfriend. It's one of my favourite things. Now that I think about it, maybe I'll get a bat as my next tattoo.

I'm really starting to like these date nights. I'm glad we're continuing to make the effort to do the little things to stay connected. We were going to go away for the weekend and stay in a b&b somewhere, but we decided against it. Instead, we're going to spend Saturday night in a fancy-schmancy hotel in the city.

Over the next couple of months, we've got a ski trip, exclusive theatre tickets, and a ten day trip to the Gold Coast, not to mention anything else that comes up in between now and then. (We did already turn down another ski trip.)

I'm starting to feel like I already don't have any money, but I suppose the most important thing is that we're spending all the fun coupons we've worked for. I don't feel guilty anymore for getting out and having fun and enjoying myself (ourselves). I earn my fun coupons.

This time last year...

...I was at a beautiful b&b in the country. I was single (apart from the fact that I was kinda hangin' with Navy Guy). I did what I wanted, when it suited me.

Today, I washed floors, did laundry and supervised a 7 year old making a cake. Now I'm staying home while the boys go to a drive-in movie, so I can have dinner prepared when they get home. My G-d, I've turned into a stepford wife!!


What an artwork!


Mmmmm....yummy!

Super nanny

I saw this job advertised...

GOVERNESS
Do you want a change?

A governess req. for 4 energetic children on Distance Ed. Good wage. Close to town. Board and keep supplied. Retired or student teachers or anyone who is organised, likes children and can read and write fluently is welcome.

What exactly is a governess? Is that like a high-powered super nanny? My mother had a governess when she was a small child living in England, but then she also went to school in a castle, so her life wasn't exactly normal.

'Governess' just sounds to me like a very moral middle aged woman, with her glasses on the end of her nose, very proper accent, wears only starched grey outfits, hasn't smiled in about 30 years, and carries a stick around with her to whack the backs of the kid's hands with. *shivers*

Goin' on a huntin' expedition

Some days I like my job. Like today. I have absolutely nothing to do. It's school holidays, so I'm sitting here reading blogs and message boards and, most importantly, looking for other jobs.

I've been thinking for ages that there is nothing out my way, no agencies and no real job seeker resources. Today I discovered I was wrong. I found a local government website with every single business in my area listed, with website links to some.

I have all of next week off. I can see myself spending all of next Monday contacting the places I found today. Hopefully next week will be super productive and bring me closer to getting out of here and working nearer to home. I'm sooo looking forward to the day that happens.