Some happy news

I got to talk to Jason today. Well, it was only a few minutes and only a few lines on yahoo messenger, but I know he's ok and that's all that matters.

5 more months in the sandbox...

UPDATE
Why's bad news always have to complement the good? Just found out another friend is on his way over in a matter of weeks. *sigh*

Boys behaving like girls

Here's a minor content warning. Don't say I didn't warn you.

A senseless conversation I just had with the guy who wants to see me just to get a bj. It just proves the fact that maturity doesn't necessarily come with age.

Him : Did you f*** him?
Me : what do you think?
Him : YES!
Him : What are you doing tonight?
Me : staying in
Him : wanna go see a movie with me?
Me : no
Him : f**ken hell
Him: I wanna see you
Me : no can do
Him: F**K
Him : are you going to **** his ****?
Me : maybe (because I knew this would upset him)
Him : F**K!!!
Him: Thats not fair you owe me a root
Him :
Me : I didn't say I wouldn't ever do it, just that I don't like it.
Me : no I don't owe you
Him : yeah you do, come on
Me : why do I owe you?
Him : cuz you cancelled on me remember
Me : I cancelled on you? when?
Him : remember the Sunday you were going too pick me up and take me back to yours? (he didn't have a car that weekend, so I said I'd pick him up to go do something.)
Me : yeah but I don't owe you because of that...besides, you said you were going to cancel anyway.
Him : Nah i wasnt
Him : come on, we have to root, just to get it over with.
Me : no we don't.
Him : why not?
Him : dont you wanna f**k me?
Him : you cooking him dinner?
Me : nah he's coming a bit later on (no he's not, but he didn't need to know that)
Him : can i come over?
Me : lol no. why? you wanna come when he's here?
Him : tell him not to come over
Him : and invite me instead
Me : I can't tell him not to come over
Him : you did it to me!!!!!!
Me : I wasn't dating you
Him : oh so you're "dating" him huh??
Me : yep (well, who knows, am I?)
Him : f**k that
Him : I still reckon you and I should just have a root
Me : why are you being so pushy?
Him : Am I?
Me : totally
Him : fine then
Him : so dont talk to me anymore
Him : cuz all i wanna do is root you
Him : i'm going to watch the Simpsons and eat a Snickers bar
Me : that's so something a chick would say

The Simpsons will be over soon and no doubt he'll be back.
I'd put him on ignore if I wasn't so amused by it all.

Hitchhiker

We had awful weather here earlier in the week. I got drenched walking from my car to my office and then again at lunch time.

But I just remembered something odd that occured on my way to work. I just pulled out of my street and the rain was so hard it almost felt like hail. The wind was blowing with such a force that when I stopped at an intersection, my car was rocking.

I turned the corner and there's a guy standing under a tree for protection, but not having much luck. Next thing I know, he's put out his thumb as if for me to give him a lift. I couldn't believe it. Normally, I may have considered it, but a) he was drenched, b) I wouldn't trust anyone hitching in my area, and c) it was 7.45am and I was on my way to work. What's he think? That I'm going to just call work and tell them I'll be late because I had to drop off a hitchhiker somewhere?

I understand the poor guy probably just wanted a lift in the rain, but it wasn't going to be from me.

Meanwhile

I think I've met my match when it comes to intellectual banter. Famous guy - his name is Paul. We've been conversing on email since he first contacted me and we've talked on chat the last two mornings. I don't think we've had a normal conversation the entire time.

Come Sunday night, we' ll probably end up hating each other and not talking, or spend the entire night so deep in discussion that we're asked to leave.

This should be very interesting!

Full speed ahead

Except for the weekend, when Chris had his son, and Wednesday night when he had emergency services training, I've seen him every day - on his initiation. I said I was concerned that this may be overkill and that we might get sick of spending so much time together. He said, "well if that's the case, then we'll know we weren't meant to be together". Hmm, ok, but I don't know that we're meant to be together anyway. You can't tell these things in a week.

When we met, I told him of my chalk-eating, potion-drinking, no-fun health kick I'm on. He's been very careful about not taking me anywhere I might not be able to find anything to eat, he's read my book to find out what I can and can't have, and how much I can have. He's even gone to the extent of eating similar food to me so I don't feel I'm eating differently. Last night, he brought over a whole lot of groceries that he knew I could have, along with (what appeared to be expensive) bath and body lotions for me. That, as well as champagne (which he didn't know I am allergic to, so I couldn't drink it), dips and other stuff.

The guy is very attentive and doing everything right. He sends me text messages throughout the day, little emails, says the right things and even confessed to putting my photo up on his desktop at work (at which point I had a major internal freakout!). He's already mentioned a bbq with his friends tomorrow, the fact that he mentioned me to someone yesterday and used the term 'girlfriend' (moreso because in the context of the conversation, "this girl I've been seeing for a week", didn't fit), and hinted at a wedding to attend in a couple of months time. He did acknowledge that we're maybe further down the track than normal because of how we spent our wacky first date - we got to know each other very well, very quickly, without inhibitions.

But it's all made me realise just how bitter, twisted and jaded I have become when it comes to guys. I like him. I trust him. He's genuine. And despite all the overt wooing and random acts of kindess and the like, he recognises that it's just early days - thankfully. Still, I find myself questioning his intent.

It occured to me that it's been so long since I've really been in love with someone that I've become used to not being in love. Up until a couple of years ago, I'd always had a partner and been in love to some degree, so this is a complete turn about for me. Could it be that I've become accustomed to people being transient in my life and therefore, since my expectation is that they won't stay, I'm not allowing myself to get attached like I used to?

I wasn't sad or hurt by Ed when he stopped talking, but I was disappointed, because I really enjoyed his company. And for those who know the story, the same applies with D - I wasn't sad about it all ending, but I was really pissed off that, after 4 months, he could make one simple, but huge mistake and completely wreck, not just the relationship, but the friendship too.

Or quite possibly it's all just a filthy catch-22, a viscious circle. I want a relationship and the closeness and the partnership, and I want someone to want that with me. Yet, Chris appears on the scene and seems to want that too, and I find myself wanting to retain my independence, see whomever I like, do whatever I like and take things as they come. I like the fact that he's going out tonight and I can't go. I like the fact that I told him I'm unavailable on Sunday night because I'm going out. Not for any other reason than I just need my space and I need time to think.

I like his company, but I'm not sure what I have to offer in return. Maybe I just think too much.

Blue Eyed Soldier

She almost didn't respond. She thought his interest went no further than to obtain cheap cybersex. That first conversation lasted over four hours. A month later, the first expressions of love.

They used the analogy of a waterfall, and this became their symbol. The turmoil, the strength, the unyeilding forward push of expression and emotion, until both were tossed with the current, over the edge, powerless, not knowing how they would land, not caring. It wouldn't have helped to care. They were defenceless against the swirling wave of feelings that propelled them to each other.

He was much younger than her. Neither cared. They were drawn together by the honesty that comes with the experience of deep emotional loss and invisible scars, wounds on their hearts, each somehow healing the other.

The photo was of a proud young US Marine, tall, blonde and with striking blue eyes. His dress blues worn with perfection. The opitome of a hero with a burning desire to serve and protect. To the outside world, just another one of the brave few. But she could see the sadness in those eyes. Blue, like the ocean, and equally as deep. Blue, like sorrow. Hurt and loss only able to be seen by those who shared that look.

He talked of his mother and how cancer took her from him just days before his 13th birthday. He talked of how, eight years later, he still could not allow himself to be close to another person. He told her that he loved her, but that he was scared. She was scared too.

She'd loved before. Never completely, never unconditionally. Not until now. This blue eyed soldier, thousands of miles away - oceans away - released in her something she'd held dormant all her life. This young boy, in the body of a man, taught her the meaning of love.

They talked of a life together. They talked of the house they'd build, the dreams they had, and the love that would continue to grow. They talked of happiness. They laughed a lot. Every day, a new private joke, a new term of endearment, and endless "Goodnight, I love you's" typed onto the computer screen until one had the strength to disconnect the line.

The day of his transfer came. They knew there would be no communication until he was settled into his new job, at a new base, somewhere across the country. It will be ok, they said, we have our letters, we have our photos, and it won't be long until we can talk again.

She didn't know why he didn't contact her. She didn't know exactly where he'd gone. She sent emails every single day. She told him of her faith in him and her love and all that was going on in her life. She never gave up hope, because she knew their love was real. Somehow she knew that he simply couldn't contact her and it was up to her to find him. On the 87th day, she did.

He was amazed, they laughed, she cried. Boxes were lost in his transfer, his computer broken, and he did not know how to contact her. He was elated by her call. She was glad of her persistence.

But time and fear had worn him down. In those days apart he experienced that pain and loss he'd fought so hard to never encounter again. He wanted so much to be close to her, to be with her. They knew this was how it should be. But a dam wall had gone up where the waterfall once flowed. They stayed in touch a while, but it was not the same. His heart was no longer available and hers was broken.

It's been a long time since she heard his voice, but her love is just as strong. She dreams of the day they'll find each other again. Somehow, she knows they will. Her blue eyed soldier was with her for just a moment, but his love touched her heart for a lifetime.

Just something I wrote a while ago and have been thinking a lot about lately. Those of you who've known me for a while probably know who the people are, but I'm not going to go into detail on here. I want them to remain nameless.

"I know nothing about computers"

And she was right!

About 5 years ago, I registered with a business womens' network for computer services as part of a business I wanted to start. Things happened and I ended up getting full time work, so I forgot all about the networking register. I got a phone call today - a referral from that register!

"I need to get the internet on my computer, can you help me?" "What operating system are you using?" "Windows 98." Ok, I groan to myself, shouldn't be too difficult, sounds like easy money, why not. I got her address, said it'd cost $60 (first figure that popped into my head), and told her I'd be there at 6.30pm.

She lives in one of the better suburbs, so my expectations of her and her house were high. I should have known by the Minnie Mouse voice that that wasn't to be the case. It's been a long time though, since I've seen a house as dishevelled as its owner. She told me her husband had moved out a month ago. I didn't ask why. But apparently the husband had cable internet and worked on a laptop a lot. I didn't ask what he did. But I snooped. My immediate thought was that he'd found himself a woman on line (aren't I quick to judge huh?), but I looked in a drawer and there were business cards; he organises home loans, so that explains the net thing mostly.

Getting back to the house. I don't recall seeing any cupboards. Most of what they owned (she and, from what I could count, 4 kids), was on the floor in piles - in every room. There were huge paintings on the walls that the kids had done, with dates and names. They were the type of painting that's just big brush strokes on paper, but framed. The entire place looked like nobody had cleaned in months and, as I was to discover, nobody knew where anything was either. (Keep in mind, I'd rushed home from work, showered, changed and tried to look as respectable as possible - because I didn't foresee myself crawling around on her floor!)

I wish I had taken my digital camera, because I really can't explain well enough the whole computer situation she had going on. I've seen cable 'spaghetti' before, but this was nuts! I spent the first 10 minutes sorting out cords and working out what was plugged in and what wasn't. The lot was covered in dust. The keyboard on the pc was about as old as I'd seen and the monitor was on an angle. Not just the monitor itself, but the screen image as well.

Once I worked out where everything went, I booted up the pc and 20 minutes later the scan disk finished and I finally got to the desktop. For those who care, she's got a PII with no guts, hardly any ram, the hard drive is almost full, she's running Win98 and Office 97 and I had to pull a key out of the keypad on the keyboard because it was forcing down the 0 and 'enter' keys. LOL

Then she came out of another room with an Epson 440 printer and asked if I could connect it too. One thing at a time, lady! Bear in mind, between the woman and her kids, none of them could find the printer cables anyway. At one stage, she picked up a mouse and said, "is this it?".

While I was waiting for the scan disk to finish, I decided to look at the printer. I opened the lid and cringed. I could see a 'substance' on the bottom of it. I felt like a CSI investigator. I reached out and touched it, only to discover red ink all over my hand. So now I looked like I was part of the crime scene. Where does one wipe their hand in this instance? Anywhere! Nobody would have noticed, so I found the closest bit of paper and got rid of the evidence.

I told her that the pc she wanted to use wouldn't do what she needed it to. She told me she had another one. I think it was even older than the first! But I pulled the keyboard from it and figured I'd swap it with the one I had to rip the key out of. In the end, I didn't bother.

It seems as though the husband disconnected the phone line he was using when he left, because she had her sister's laptop (an IBM T30 ugh!) there so I thought I could at least see if I could dial in on that, but there was no dial tone. Hubby and wife obviously did not communicate! She had no idea what he did or how. Unfortunately, she figured out he had cable, but thought it was too expensive, so had already called to get it disconnected tomorrow. Since she knew nothing about what their contract was, or how much it cost, I didn't want to tell her to cancel the disconnection, in case she couldn't afford it.

I spent forever trying to explain the differences between dial up and cable and I think she finally got it. She asked what to do with the computer. I told her to dump it on the footpath. Seriously!

I feel for the woman. I think getting her onto the net (and letting 4 kids loose on it) is just going to drive her into further confusion. But I said I'd work out some figures for her tomorrow about the cost of getting a new desktop pc and a dial up connection that might suit her. I have a pc here at home that I don't use anymore, so I said if Stew doesn't want it for his mum, I'd look at selling it to her.

Just for the fact that I tidied up her desk and sorted out all the cabling, I reckon I earned my $60! But it's gonna end up costing her a lot more than that - just to get on the net.

I told her to go to the library.

Confessions

So my willpower didn't even last 24 hours. Shit happens, but still, I feel bad about it for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I really like Chris. He's a great guy. Says the right things, does the right things, conversation is easy. I mentioned in a post a while ago that I've been known to take advantage of certain situations and I didn't want to do that again. I feel like I am in a way.

I let things get to a point I didn't want to get them to. I was/am unsure how I felt, but I let the moment get to me and now I'm slightly pissed off with myself. It's not like you can take back something like that. The thing is, he said he was just following my lead. No, he was following my, "let's see how far I can push the boundaries". He called my bluff. I blinked.

I also really wanted to see if I could genuinely get to know someone without all that 'now it's at a deeper level' stuff. But last night it occured to me that if I spent time getting to know the guy and keeping it at that friendship level, then maybe I wouldn't want to take it to the next level, because I just can't imagine sleeping with any of my guy friends. Could be that's why I let my resolve go, even with all the good intentions.

Anyway, so now I feel like a horrible person, because I don't know how I feel about him (I'm not feeling the spark I expect to feel with someone). He's into me. In a big way and that confuses me. He acknowledges that we've only just really scratched the surface in getting to know each other, but he's thrown himself right into this in a big way. I'm not used to someone being so interested and not having some kind of ulterior motive. I'm not used to not being as into someone as they are into me - and having some kind of 'relationship' with them. Six days does not a relationship make.

And that makes me feel worse. Because we're not on the same page. I'm still getting a grip on whether or not page one has kept my interest. Meanwhile, he's almost done with the first chapter.

But since I'm an honest gal, he'll be told all this when I see him on Thursday.

Maybe my naturopath has a cure for lack of willpower. Ugh!

When it's raining like a monsoon

Leave home early! Please!

I don't want to get stuck in traffic anywhere near you, you inconsiderate driver who doesn't know how to use headlights in rain that makes you barely visible to me, and wind that blows my car almost into the next lane.

It would also help if you'd take the time to acknowledge the fact that although I set my alarm an hour early, I woke up an hour late, and I'm in no mood for your stupidity in inclement weather.

Thank you....and get outta my way!

'Dating' famous people

Back in February, I was approached by someone who is very high profile on a dating site. He has a history of being infamous and associating with people of seemingly lesser character. At first, I didn't believe he was who he said he was, but after a week of me sending him quite nasty emails about how I was going to find out who he was and seek retribution (eep, yes I used those words!), I finally relented, gave him my number and apologised profusely when it turned out that he was in fact who he said he was.

We went out for coffee once and my mother was horrified and said I was going to get a bad reputation for associating with him. This person was a certain Dr E, and that's all I'm going to say about him. Tomorrow I'll probably regret posting that name and edit it out, but for now, it can stay.

To my surprise, another 'famous' person contacted me last week on match. It was only a one line email and, because I can be a smart arse, I sent him back a sarcastic one liner, to which he replied with a witty phrase and an invite to dinner, while I wait for my (prince charming).

So there's been a couple of days of intellectual banter sent back and forth and we've agreed to catch up on Sunday night. He's also invited me to a property he owns on an island in the bay, but we'll just see if we both survive talking over a table first, rather than a date that includes a 90 min car trip, followed by a ferry trip then more driving.

He's in the music industry. This should prove very interesting!

I should start collecting autographs!

Plan B

Well, Plan A hasn't worked all that often lately. Plan A being meet someone, go out, bring sex into the equation, then one or the other of us would go all weird and/or emotional and things would crash and burn, or at least die a slow, painful death from that point on.

Not this time.

Chris invited me over to his place for dinner on Sunday night. After a trip to the supermarket together to get foods that I'm currently allowed to eat, (which we thought was all a bit too comfortable for a second date, especially considering how we spent the first one), he cooked for me. We just sat and talked and listened to music.

The problem with having a sleep disorder is that I can go from wide awake to just wanting to curl up on the floor wherever I am and sleeping for 10 hours. So then came the stay/go discussion. By this time, it was after 11.30 and I had a 40 minute drive home. Not so bad, except for the fact that I wasn't quite sure how to get from his place to the highway to get home (he's in a new estate that's not in my street directory). Anyway, the consensus was that I'd stay, but we agreed nothing was going to happen.

So he got me a tshirt and left while I changed. This was kinda funny to me and I said, "I've been in hospital enough times and had enough strangers requiring to look at my 'bits' while I've been out of it, so taking my top off in front of you is not an issue". LOL, but he still left the room.

And nothing happened. And I have to say, I'm really glad.

He sent me a text yesterday (Monday) to ask to see me again and we went out to dinner last night. This time, he stayed at my place. Again, no sex.

This is big for me, because hey, I'm human. But the fact is, I really haven't decided what I think about the boy and it's too early to determine that anyway. He's super into me (which of course, after the whole Ed saga, I'm reading way too much into and looking for ulterior motives), but that he's not pushing for anything and we had a civilised, adult conversation about not getting ahead of ourselves, is a nice change.

Besides, it has been nice to have someone to talk to in the dark and wake up to, without any pressure or expectations. Don't get me wrong, it's just as frustrating as it is a refreshing change.

But perhaps if I can learn to keep sex outta the equation for a bit, I'll have a clearer perspective on where things may or may not go, and that's not a bad thing, however it turns out.

So, yay for me! I've learnt something in the last few days.

What the psychic said...

Wow, ok where do I start? I was going to go to the gym straight after my reading, so I could think for a bit, but I'm so um...overwhelmed...there's no way I could concentrate without getting this into some sort of sensible (well to me anyway) order. Bare with me, because I'm going to type it out in the order he told me.

He said I'm a number 7 (which I knew). He said I'm going through a major life change - with everything (this I also knew). What I didn't know was that this is what is called a 'power year' for me. 7 is my day number, but it's also my personal year number and my life path number. So everything that's happened since my birthday (7 August) is about change. He said 7 is the number of intelligence and knowledge, but also high boredom. If we're not changing, discovering, learning, we're bored. This is so unbelievably true for me and I've mentioned it here in my blog previously. He said basically, this cycle of change and potential will last until my next birthday and the next time this happens won't be until 2013, so I have to stop thinking about things and just do it.

He also said 7 is the number of the written word, journalist, author, traveller, PR, marketing and television.

He said he sees me as the 'professional mum' in that I'll stay at home as long as I have to, but I will have to get back to the workforce as soon as possible. He said I can't be a stay at home mum because I'll crave the adult conversation (this is so true!). The interesting thing he said was that I need a balance between both and that I can't have one or the other. Interesting because I've never been inclined to have kids and would only consider it if the person I was with totally blew me away and I had some connection I hadn't felt ever before - enough to reproduce part of them. Anyway...

He said that I'm 'highly financial', meaning that I have the potential to make a lot of money and to make it happen this year. This is not the first time I've been told this. But what else he said was that currently I'm barely scraping my potential, but in order to achieve it, I need to be doing something with a creative edge. This, I also knew.

I said I'd started writing, although I didn't tell him what that entailed, and I said I had so many things I wanted to write about that I didn't know where to start. He said to start writing anything - poetry, fiction, short stories, an IT journal, factual stories, or something journalistic - but not to do nothing because I'm not sure.

He asked about my last long term relationship and I told him my ex's b'day (18/1/60). He described him and our relationship exactly. He said L was moody, self centred, had potential but no focus, was insecure and always wanted more money and that I was his Florence Nightinggale. He also said there are three areas a couple are supposed to match in and we didn't match in any of these. I knew that, but hindsight's a wonderful thing, huh?

He said the person who is meant for me is someone I did not know before my birthday this year (I may not have met them yet). I told him that I'd met Chris on Thursday and he asked for his b'day (18/11/67). Immediately he said, "if I were you, I'd run for the hills now", because his number and my ex's are the same. He said that although his life path is a number 7 the same as mine, and that we share some matches, he has the potential to have the same moody characteristics as my ex. He also said 18 sometimes don't always mean what they said. But he did say that because we do share some aspects and that he's a number 7 as well, we have potential as long as I keep an eye out for the moodiness and run when that happens. He said he's a better possibility. Interesting. By the way, I'm going to Chris' for dinner tonight.

The number 7 rules the head, so apparently my heart and back problems will not cause me any concerns (wish I called him last year so he could tell the Army!!), and that I won't get arthritis or anything like that. But I need to be careful about my head - bronchitis, flu, sinus, headaches etc. I told him about my headaches and he wasn't surprised, considering all the changes and thinking going on in my brain right now.

I have to move out of this place in February. He said not to move closer to my work, because I'll be leaving there because it's not a challenge and it's not what I'm meant to be doing (I've been looking at leaving for a number of months now). He said to find out where I can expand my writing and find out where I can do courses and things and look for a place to live close by to there.

Here's where it gets really interesting!

Aries guys and me...He said that I get on so well and am attracted to Aries men and vice versa because we're both fire signs. But he said Aries men don't like being dominated by Leo women (ha, already knew that!) and that Aries and Leo are diabolical romantically. He said they make great friends with me, because we can relate on certain levels and have an understanding, but there'll always be battles if I get involved with one. Sheesh, I could have not gone through the trauma of relationships with two Aries men had I known this little piece earlier!

Now here's where I spun out...

I asked about travel and Sara and whether or not I'd stay in Melbourne. He said he can see me travelling with a partner, or with a female friend (or to a female friend) in the near future. He said it won't be this year, but maybe early next year. He said it may be that I travel alone, but he feels I'm definitely travelling with someone. This interested me because my last two trips overseas have been by myself and I don't know anyone I'd travel with right now. He just kept saying about meeting someone since my birthday.

Anyone who's known me a little while will know why this spun me. He said he's seeing a Canadian flag, but there's also a US connection. It's to do with someone who I've met (or will meet) since my birthday. I asked if I was going to stay in Melbourne and he said that I'd be here for the next 2-3 years, but after that I'll move north, maybe to Qld, but with the Canadian and US connections, it'd be more likely that I may be living there for a while.

One other thing he told me was that the truth will be abundantly clear to me. Meaning that whatever is said and done, that's how it is. He said, whatever it is, it's true, and to pay attention.

The funny thing is, he said to me, but I know you knew all this already and you were just seeking validation from me. And that's true.

I jokingly told him I'd send him an autographed copy of my first book. His words were, "you bloody better! Just start writing."

(Oh, and in case you're wondering, I did ask him to tell me anything negative and he said that if there was, he would have told me, but that everything looks positive and there's nothing really negative going on at all. )

Saturday morning in my street

I haven't mentioned much about where I live or who lives around me, probably because it may all seem politically incorrect. But heck, I will anyway, coz today is the stereotypical day in my street.

In the townhouse adjoining mine are a gay couple. They seem nice enough, but I've really only talked to one of them a few times. I hear them a lot though, because our bedrooms back onto each other. I won't say much more on this, except that if I can hear them, I am sure they can hear me...

On my other side, is a house that is about to fall down and a Chinese family abodes there. I don't see them often, but they did mow my front footpath and clean up the leaves (from their tree!) off my driveway, so maybe I should thank them eventually.

Further up the street is mostly older European families - Italian etc - who are all renovating and rebuilding some lovely houses. This seems to me to be the normal part of the street - the kind of street I'm used to living in and the kind of street I thought I was moving into.

But across the road from me is housing commission. How I never noticed this the three times I came to look at this place before I moved in, I'll never know. On the corner is an African family who I rarely see. I know he's a taxi driver. Next door to them is a dual occupancy house - well two houses joined right down the middle. It's directly across from me. In one is what seems to be a relatively normal group of people, mostly young women, but I've seen some kids there too.

Beside them is an Aboriginal family. I haven't worked out (and I've been here since Feb) who lives there or how many there are. One of these days though, the current affairs programs will turn up in my street. I know it! These people drink so much and fight so long and so loud, I cannot comprehend how the women next door manage to stay there. I've been upstairs in my bedroom and the younger (I assume) Aboriginal guys have thumped the walls of the house so hard I honestly thought the place would fall down. I've felt the knocks from my place! They also like to play music loudly - late at night. But not just any old music in any old way. I've heard a lot of Nelly...well a lot of one song. See, they'll play a few bars of the song, stop it, start it at the beginning again, let it play for a bit, stop it, back to the beginning, play the whole thing, stop, start etc etc etc, over and over for up to a few hours at a time.

I joked one day that they would kill each other. A week later, I came home from work one afternoon and found two police cars, two ambulances and a police van outside my place and their place. The ambulance guys were standing around on the street looking perplexed, while the police tried to get the woman into the ambulance. All the while, she's yelling, "and if he ever f***ing comes back, I'll kill him meself". I figured I didn't need the police asking me stuff, so I went to the supermarket at that stage. When I got back, they were all still there, but had managed to get all the battered bodies off the street.

I woke up this morning and thought I was in the Land of Oz and I'd become Dorothy, coz I could hear the Aboriginal family (did I mention they're loud) laughing and seemingly having a good time and it sounded like they were having some sort of bbq get-together. I've never heard them happy and I certainly haven't heard them in the morning before, so it was a bit surreal. But by the time I got home from the shops and the naturopath, they were back to fighting, drinking and yelling again. Normality in my street had returned.

Speaking of the naturopath, all this food weighing, drinking foul concoctions and peeing on sticks seems to be paying off finally, coz I lost a kilo this week, despite falling off the wagon a few times. He's given me some magnesium to take, because he seems to think this will stop all the headaches I've been getting. Apparently weight training uses a lot of magnesium, so I need to replace it more often now that my gym routine is mostly weights. This time though, it's a chalk that actually disolves in water and tastes a whole lot better than the last stuff too.

He also added to the list of foods I could eat, which is good, because I'm about over celery and carrots. Aaand I bought a box of protein bars, which to me, look and taste just like the bottom half of a Snickers bar. He says eating these doesn't count towards the amount of protein/carbs I have to weigh etc. In that case, I might just ditch the rabbit food weighing and live on these bars for a while! So good to be allowed to eat something covered in chocolate!! :-)

I still have to weigh food for another week till I get the hang of how big the portions should be, and my bathroom is starting to look like a pharmacy display unit, but I feel better about doing this whole thing now.

The Aboriginal family is quiet right now... February can't come soon enough, and I'll be outta here!

If you're totally bored

This pissed me off and amused me in equal amounts. (I hate those mouse tail thingies.)

The nameless blogger had a link to it.

Go to Brad's blog...

and take the Death Robot quiz.

Tis only fair that since most of those of the male persuasion who read my blog completed my 'classic pin-up' test, that I refer you to Brad's Death Robot quiz, so you can get your tough guy images back.

I'm an ABC Warrior:

In bars frequented by colossal death robots, you're always the quiet guy at the back who no-one ever bothers. And for good reason. You've fought in several nuclear wars, could beat the sun in a staring match, and have a chin larger than many articles of furniture. Morals are not a concept you understand, but strangely enough, nobody ever questions your judgement. Usually because they're dead. Even Judge Dredd wets himself when you turn up. Grrrr.

While you're there, check out his stories. :-)

Oh what a night!

Ok, I have to say this up front... Ian (in case you weren't chaperoning me tonight), you HAVE to go to Fed Square tomorrow night or Saturday night coz it's the last two days this festival thingy is on. Tomorrow night is Elvis night and Saturday night is Latin night.

Would you believe we both turned up half an hour early? LOL I'm not sure why he did, but I did because I wasn't sure how long it'd take me to get to the city, so I left extra time just in case, plus I needed to get money. But when I got there, he sent me a message to say he was already there.

First impressions, he's not much taller than me and sorta looks like Tom Cruise with freckles. Well he has that 'look' happening. He kept looking at me like he wasn't sure what to think (haha happens to me all the time), but assured me later it was a good thing. Anyway, since we both arrived so early, we ditched the idea of not talking till the entertainment started.

Have you heard about those laughter clubs? That's what I got caught unawares in. The first part of the evening was laughter yoga, where basically they show you different types of laughs and actions to go with them and you completely and utterly embarrass yourself in front of hundreds of other people by going up to them and touching them and laughing in their face, pulling faces and generally behaving like a three year old. This was good, because you couldn't tell the line between people laughing out of embarrassment, fun, or because they had to. To do all this on a first date immediately after meeting was a little unsettling, but more fun than I expected it to be.

The second part of the night was group karaoke, which meant the entire few hundred people got to sing as badly and loudly as they liked. Hey, we'd all just laughed ourselves stupid and already looked like dorks, so nobody cared how they sounded by then. Well, the boy couldn't have picked a better night, for two reasons. The first being that the first karaoke song was I Am Woman by Helen Reddy and this is my all time favourite karaoke song, so guess who belted that baby out good and proper! hehe Next was A Long Way to the Shop by ACDC, which went down well with the men in the crowd. The best bit was that because the crowd had to learn the songs, we got to sing them over and over again.

The second reason he got his timing right was that it was also Country night and I can't help it, I love country music. So we got to do a couple of country songs karaoke style too.

Then there was a country band, who were great. Ian do you know Jon Stevens or the Scared Weird Little Guys? Well, they were in this band. And they were fantastic.

But the best part of the night was watching the crowd. It was amazing! There were hundreds of people there. At 6pm the mix was mainly people just out of work or families with little kids and just general passers by. After a while, from I don't know where, it looked as though a bus load of special needs people had been dropped off to see the show. They all went down the front near the stage. Was amazing to see these people with no inhibitions (moreso than the rest of the crowd) just dancing around and having fun and mixing it up with whoever was standing around them.

As the night wore on, the freaks started to appear and the families started to go home. There was the old man in the baseball cap who danced so fast I swore his legs were gonna come out from underneath him and he'd land on his face. There was an old Chinese man with white gloves on (no kidding LOL) who did a mixture of tai chi, the nutbush, line dancing and whatever else he could think of. A girl in a big red rain jacket who danced like she had been electrocuted (dance like nobody's watching!). An aboriginal woman who had some pretty cool moves (till she started a small fight with another woman who turned out to be her friend and they danced together later on). The 'normal' people in the crowd who did their own boogey thing by themselves. Then later on appeared the drunken 20-something guys who joined forces with the rain jacket girl, two other girls who looked like the nerdy chicks who never leave the library, the Chinese guy and the old hat guy. At that point, a circle of weirdness had formed and they did this whole crazy country/nutbush thing, like a crazed hip hop dance off.

Oh, I forgot to mention the drunken skin head chick and her friends, but she gets the nutcase award for flashing her breasts at the guys on stage, then dropping her track pants as well - all this while having one arm in plaster and not being able to walk at all and hardly being coherent. To think that she might have gone further than this, is too scary to ponder. Thankfully, her drunken friends turned up to distract her.

We had the most excellent time dudes!! (Spoken like Keanu Reeves or a Ninja Turtle).

By the time the show was over, it wasn't yet 9pm, but we were starving, so we walked across to Southbank and finally got to have a relatively normal conversation. Afterwards, we walked back to where my car was parked and we talked until we had to rush coz both our cars were going to be locked into our respective carparks if we didn't get them out by midnight. So we pulled out of the parking lots and parked on the street and talked in my car for about another hour.

Um what else can I say? Just had a really good, fun time, and he seems a genuine and nice guy. Am not gonna count chickens or put eggs in baskets, but I had a much better time than I anticipated. So we'll see... he's a scorpio, so me has to do some reading. Have not met a scorpio boy in a few years. :-p

I'm home safe and well now, and fairly content (but super tired!), so you can stop fretting about me. :-)

You all got me wondering....

It's really surprised me that the general consensus is that this guy I'm meeting tonight is an axe murderer or a player, or just plain odd.

I've been trying to keep the pessimistic me at bay since we started talking. I've been on the net a long time and I've met a lot of people, here and overseas, so it's not like I don't know what I'm doing. I can look after myself in that regard.

So far, I've found this guy to be open, funny and honest..and his emails aren't full of the usual, "I like movies, wine in front of an open fire, walks on the beach and coffees on a Sunday morning" blah that everyone else does, so that aspect of things has been refreshing. Honestly, I'm going with no expectations except to see what happens and hopefully have a nice time.

But from the feedback I had on my original post, thanks mostly to my two cyber guardians, Ian and Rob, it would seem that when someone breaks from the norm in an attempt to just do something a little more interesting, we all start to question what ulterior motives that person may have.

Are we all so battle scared and weary that we can't accept people at face value anymore? Are we that untrusting? What are your thoughts?

Either way, I'll find out in about five and half hours...

Oh and Ian, we're meeting at 6 opposite Flinders, in case you wanna chaperone. LOL

I am....

Brigitte Bardot!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?

I've been challenged!

I started talking to (emailing) this guy, Chris from match.com on Saturday - well he contacted me. So he invited me on a date for tomorrow night, specifically (as described in some flyer he has):

Stretch your vocal chords at Federation Square every night of the Festival by Last year's Festival showed that anyone can dance. The Festival invites you to find your voice. For 17 nights Federation Square echoes with laughter, singing and weird and wonderful noises made by the voice and it's completely FREE every night.

First of all, I'm not sure how I feel about making a total dork of myself with someone on a first date. Nothing like making a lasting first impression! Second, he's laid down an additional challenge:

When we meet, we introduce ourselves, and find our way to the space where the action is, but we don't talk! No small talk.... none of the awkward first questions... we just check each other out. And we have to do just that.... so no looking aimlessly around checking out the other spunky guys... see how long we can last until the singing starts, then all bets are off !!

Ok, I think I'm fine with making a fool of myself. I'm good at that. However, I'm a girl and I just don't know if I can not talk for however long it takes between us meeting and the 'stuff' beginning. If anything, I can see myself getting that stupid uncontrollable giggle thing happening that starts when you're nervous, because if I can't talk, the nerves are gonna have to come out somehow!

I'm excited. I know it could all crash and burn and I don't want to be too excited, because of the way the whole Ed thing crashed and burned. I swear I did my best to scare the guy off. I told him all my hangups, insecurities, health problems and anything else I could think of to make him run. Next thing I know, he's inviting me on a date. LOL So this may be interesting.

But things get more interesting. On the same day, another guy, Steve contacted me on match.com. He lives in Darwin. (R, you will laugh your butt off, but I only just found out he's an Aries too!!) Now, for those who don't know, Melbourne is almost as south as you can get in AU and Darwin is as north as you can get. It's not like he's around the corner. But he's keen - overwhelmingly so. Like I did with Chris, I told him every possible horror story about me in an attempt to see how fast he'd run. And like Chris, it just seems to have made him more keen. LOL

Things could get very interesting soon!

Meanwhile, I have a challenge to psych myself up for! Oh well, if he's as attractive as his pics, at least I'll have a valid excuse just to stare!

I need Ginkgo

I have a course to go to tomorrow. We all know I endured one for all of last week as well. On Friday I have another one to go to. That's all fine, but.....I can't remember which course I'm doing tomorrow. I didn't go to work today, so I don't have the paperwork.

I know where I have to go, because I've been there before. I just don't know what I'll be doing when I get there! This'll be interesting!

*mumbles and searches for train timetable...hate the city during working hours*

Peanuts or just nuts?

I am Schroeder! Hmmm...

Which Peanuts Character are You?

Pain

Good pain

• Tattoos. Such a strange pain, it's addictive.
• Sprinting the last few metres of a really hard run.
• The cold wind from the Southern Ocean on your face when you're standing on the beach at midnight in winter.
• A sports massage. Got one today and it hurt like hell - good pain!
  
• Bringing your pet home from the vet and knowing they're ok.
• Overcoming adversity.
• Waking up with a dead arm coz your partner has been sleeping on it all night.
• Trying to stay awake all night to watch the sunrise.
  
• Being in love.

Bad pain

• Hyper-extending your shoulder joint in a combat class within the first few minutes.
• Rolling your ankle the next time you do that combat class...then twice more.
• Slamming your fingers in the kitchen drawer coz you tried to do too many things at once.
• Falling off your bike coz you decided to ride home from a party drunk (just ask Ian lol).
• Kicking your toe on the end of the bed in winter (well, any time really).
• Migraines.
• Realising your gym has a close up video of your butt in a purple g-string.
• Being in love....with the wrong person.
  

Just MY opinion

Tis my blog and I can say what I like. This is not a political statement, just something I think is important. Make your own minds up. From The Truth About Iraq...

Tired of the mainstream media telling you what to believe about the situation in Iraq? So are we, so we made a commercial telling the truth about Iraq and are now airing it on cable television.

• 57% of Iraqis say that any price they are paying is worth it to be rid of Saddam.
• 72% or Iraqis think democracy offers the hope of peace and a better life.
• The truth is, most Iraqis think Saddam was a weapon of mass destruction.

You won't see this on CBS news - unless we pay to put it there. Help us keep our commercial on the air by making a contribution today!

Click here to view our commercial (Quicktime video, requires the Quicktime Player.)

You can also help get the word out by telling your friends and family and posting a link to our website on your favorite BLOGs.

The election is just around the corner and Americans must know the truth before they vote!

Well it started out a quiet day

After being at the course all last week, it felt like I hadn't been here in ages when I walked in this morning. And it was quiet. I'm talking no noise at all. For a Monday in a school with a bazillion staff and 1,800 teenage boys, quiet is something that is very much appreciated. It doesn't happen often.

My boss is away in Denver, CO, my faithful offsider Leon is away on leave and my boss' secretary has not spent the entire day yapping on the phone to her family and friends. Peace!

Till this afternoon...

We seem to have a problem with ants in our department. It's not a problem for the ants though. They love it here. Whole ant empires trek overland for days to nest in anything warm and electrical - especially those things electrical that we don't actually own - like laser printers and photocopiers. Our department is ant Utopia in that regard.

When you were a kid, did you ever hold a magnifying glass over an ant and watch it burn? Multiply that by a few thousand and add in the smell of burning flesh and that's what you get when ants decide that fuser oil is the best thing they've ever tasted, and that nesting in the workings of a laser printer, right next to the fuser oil, is the logical thing to do. Get as close as you can to the food source, of course.

So the guys from Ricoh came out and politely asked the ants to move on outta the laser printer a few months back. The pest control people came in and gave them little happy pills so they'd be sent off to ant heaven in their sleep and we thought that was the end of that.

But, no.

Today we discovered the ants had regrouped and found a new abode...under the glass of the photocopier. How they got there, we don't know. They did a better job in covering their tracks this time, using the grey carpet well to disguise their route. How they managed to get inside the glass and set up a small military camp, we don't know that either.

In comes Mr Xerox with his super suction vacuum and bye bye to ant camp in the photocopier.

Needless to say, with all these antics (haha get it? ant-ics) going on, and people walking past commenting in fascination about the keenness of the ants to live in our equipment, it's not quiet anymore.

I want it to go back to quiet! I want to surf the net and chat and blog and pretend to work in peace!

Damn ants! I killed 4 that stupidly strayed onto my desk. I feel better now.

Who is Kalliope?

I get asked a lot who Kalliope is and/or why I chose that name. Kalliope (or Calliope) is a Greek goddess - Muse of Epic Poetry.

Someone asked me recently why I chose Kalliope (epic poetry) over Erato (love poems). I chose Kalliope because she was the most senior, also because of the musical aspect, definitely because of the perserverence and patience, but also because epic poetry can encompass all emotions, not just love. And epics usually tell of a whole journey or a complete story, rather than just a moment.

"..... the Muses were considered to be the goddesses of music and poetry.... However, Homer provided us with one more of their qualities, the fact that they were the goddesses of memory and eventually those who hand down values, principles and morals. In other words what are widely accepted to be the essential elements for a nation to survive the course of time.

Kalliope, the first of the Muses and the most respectable of all, was the Muse of epic poetry, Kleio of history, Euterpe of flute-playing, Terpsichore of lyric poetry, Erato of wedding (thus of love poetry), Melpomene of tragedy, Thaleia of comedy, Urania of astronomy and last but not least Polyhymnia, of mime. .......either as a single group, or each one separately, the Muses symbolized the grandeur of art and the element of beauty not only in shape but in content, as well. They were bright and mild figures who up to our times represent the soothing effect that art and morality can have on men's lives and the beauty which is given to them....."

Wanna know more? You can go here or here.

Novel concept

A 40 something Chinese woman in Sydney has bought $5,000 worth of billboard advertising in order to find a husband. That's one damn expensive personals ad! But she got herself and her email address on the news and thousands of people will drive past that billboard every day. Perhaps even her prospective husband.

The lady has guts, that's for sure!

Why didn't I think of that?

Visit #2 with Dr Fun-Killer

Colin. That's my naturopath's name. I saw him again today at my now weekly visit. You, I'm sure, will be as pleased as I am to know that I no longer have to eat chalk every day. I do have the choice though, to continue drinking the apple cider vinegar. Yippeee! Methinks I might. Well, I'll start putting it on my salad anyway. It's not like I've been bounding out of bed each morning, clicking my heels in anticipation of drinking the stuff, but it's not completely awful...almost.

I woke up miserable today. To the point where I really needed a good cry. Once I left the house though, I was fine. I didn't cry. Then Colin told me that I'd actually put on a bit of weight this week! WTF? Ok, then I wanted to cry again! All that chalk eating, drop taking and vinegar swallowing did squat! "Oh, but it doesn't mean much, it was just to condition your body for the routine." Ha! Fine for him to say that! When I left his office, he said, "well I hope to see less of you next week". Must be a naturopath in-joke or something, but it did amuse me slightly.

Anyway, no more chalk swallowing for this little black duck. I do still have to take the Renetone drops each morning, but they're bearable now. But there are two more things I have to take. The first is flaxseed oil in capsule form. Going by the website I've linked, flaxseed oil is good for just about anything coz it contains Omega 3 and other essential fatty acids. See? You learnt something today!

The second thing I have to take is another liquid called Natural Weigh. I couldn't find any net resources on it. The booklet I have says it's helpful in improving glucose and insulin action, thermogenisis and basal metabolic rate. Whatever. Really it means that stored fat is turned into energy and with the improved energy, you become more alert etc due to less toxins in the bloodstream.

I had to go out and buy a set of kitchen scales. I'm supposed to weigh my food portions and write down what I've eaten during the day, that I've taken all the gunk I've got to drink, and that I've been drinking water and exercising. This is gonna suck! Big time! I hate cooking, because I hate to prepare things and now everything revolves around preparation!

Oh the other thing I have to do is pee on a stick each morning. Oh the joys!! This is to determine if my body is burning enough or too much fat. Well, that's the simple version. Read up if you really want to know more lol.

They say some of the side effects for the first week are fatigue, headaches and the like, from your body adjusting to less sugar, getting rid of fat etc. And the best one - bad breath! Which brings me to:

Things I can't have this week:

• Sugar - none at all. Sugar suplements are fine.
• Salt - none at all. Well, that's ok. I don't eat all that much.
  
• Milk - none at all. "A splash of milk in a hot drink is acceptable". Gee, thanks.
  
• Alcohol - none at all. Did you know that alcohol is the first fuel to burn, so your body won't burn fat? See, you learnt something else.
• Caffeine. After I overdosed on it last week, I can handle this. Two cups per day, max.
• Fun. No fun allowed apparently. Who has time for it with all this oil drinking and food weighing?
• Sex. No, none of that either. The fatigue, headaches and bad breath should ensure that won't be happening any time soon!

The bit that amazed me was that Colin said I would notice a difference in my body this week, then more next week. He said that I'll notice fat reduction around my upper body this week, then lower body next week. Meanwhile, I wondered how my body would know that in week one it's gotta get rid of fat around the bra line, week two, it does the hips and butt. He said I'd actually be able to tell by the way my clothes fit by the end of the week. Needless to say, this interested me a lot!

Now you're probably thinking it sounds all a bit obsession-like. It's not really. I'm not fat. But for my height, age, etc, my fat percentage is high, so it needs to come down and gym work alone hasn't been helping.

I've never done anything like this before. Never really dieted, so it's a huge challenge for me in a lot of ways.

It's just shy of 8pm now and I'm dying for some chocolate. Maybe I'll just go to bed early so I don't have to think about it.

A compliment...in a weird way

I checked back into that millionaires dating site thingy that I registered on for fun, today. You can see who's read your profile and who's added you to their favourites. This guy added me to his favourites, so I thought I'd check out his profile.

I don't know if he wrote his 'this is me' and his 'what I want' sections before or after he saw my profile, but it's almost IDENTICAL to mine! He's changed a few words here and there, but really, it says the same thing as mine does.

Strange compliment in an odd sort of way....

Persistence...does it pay off?

I went out to meet up with a guy called Steve tonight. (R, he's the cute one who has the website of all the photos from him in Italy. Sara, he's the one who we chatted with that day.)

Steve's been pestering me for at least 5 weeks or more to meet him. Well, to sleep with him. Specifically, because he has a thing for bjs and thought I might be interested (no, he's not the sodomy guy). So much so that he's practically begged and pleaded every day for the entirity of that time, in between normal conversation, for me to give him a bj.

In a way, I have to admire his dogged pursuance of something he's been told is not likely to happen - ever. He's a nice looking guy and there are plenty of other girly fish in the sea. Methinks it could simply be the thrill of the chase for the boy. I asked him tonight if anybody else had ever knocked him back and he said, "all the time", so me wonders what his strike rate is.

Anyway, I met the guy tonight. He looked like his photos, but different. Better, or worse, I'm not sure. He was pretty honest, as he's always been, about what he would like from me. (How many times can a guy take rejection without it sinking in?)

What I don't get is that he has one or two girls who he's not really into, but who he calls with some regularity when he feels like a bj or two. Yet he is looking for 'the one'. How can you find 'the right one' when 'the right-now one' is on her knees in front of you? Is it a guy thing in general to take what you can get while you're on the quest to find 'the one'?

At the end of the evening, he didn't want to go home. Well not to his home. He wanted to go to mine. Like I said, he's persistent. Normally, I woulda sent his little toosh packing a long time ago, but in between all the pressure for a bj, we have some pretty interesting conversations. The balance is teetering, but bearable for now. (By the way, he didn't get to see my place.)

I told him we could catch up again on Sunday - not for sex. The thing is, I'm starting to get the whole 'this could be beneficial for me' thought process happening and it's a little disconcerting, because I'm trying really hard not to be that way anymore. I could keep the equilibrium till I feel the need to have no strings sex, but if I wanted that, I could call someone with whom I already have a prior agreement.

Neither option interests me, but the fact that Steve (yikes, they're both called Steve hmmm....) is overly interested makes me less interested. Wow, that sounds like a very 'guy-like' statement. I'm not interested coz there's no thrill of the chase; it'd be an easy kill.

Maybe I've learnt something about me this year. I've now turned down three very attractive, very willing guys on my quest not to settle. Not sure if I'm proud of myself, or kicking myself.

Please remove the sign from my back

Someone has most definitely stuck a sign to my back. Something like, "if you're 18, think I'm 'hot' and you live interstate, or if you're 48 and marvel at 'how pretty' I am, or if you think 'athletic' means you get up often from the couch to go to the fridge, then puulleeeeeese contact me! I can hardly wait!" I'm sure there's a big pink neon flashing light back there too.

Now, I don't claim to be the best thing since sliced bread. I'm nowhere near it. I have some serious flaws. But I'm not delusional either. But these dudes are! For the life of me, I cannot work out what I'm doing to attract every type of guy on the planet, except for the ones I'm attracted to.

There are a couple of really lovely guys I'm talking to right now. By simply being who they are, they're helping me to keep my faith that eventually something will work out with someone and that all guys are not arseholes, delusional, uncommunicative, or a combination of those and more. To them, a resounding THANK YOU!

But I'd really like for someone (a guy?) to explain to me why people who have no chance think they have a chance. For instance, I received a well written email last night that started off like this.... I of course saw your ad on the internet and really want to get to know you and see if you and I can form a relationship with the goal of creating a family........At this time in my life, I am ready for children and hopefully if we connect we will have some together. HUH? We haven't even met yet! In addition, this guy is old enough to be my father and lives in America. How about, "hi, liked your profile, here's some stuff about me, hope to hear from you soon, if not, good luck..."?

Or... Hi, I think I'm in love, you look great and I love to meet you ,can you please call me on 0412 xxx xxx. No! You potential stalker guy! I don't even know what you look like, but thanks! What I didn't mention to you was that I'm a stalker and now I'm going to harrass you and send you crude emails and text messages for the rest of eternity.

And the most recent, and by far the best... I am lonely. are you into sodomy?? if you are I can meet you when you like and I'll pay for the hotel. Ok, this guy was HOT, but WTF???

I would love just one sane, nice, attractive guy (relatively close to my age!) to say, "Hi, if you're interested, I'd really like to go have coffee and a bit of a chat".

Too much to ask? Please tell me it ain't so!

Go here...

Yes, here! What's a little self promotion among friends, right?
Sign up with blog explosion and get more traffic on your blog. Of course, once you've signed up, make sure to rate my site! hehe

Ugh...never been good at sales. Just go do it, ok?
Please...if you want to....have a look...maybe...I'll be your friend if you do...

Three days down....two to go

For someone who never intended to get into IT, I've done that many courses in the past three years that I have a dedicated in-tray for my certificates on my desk at work. Seriously!

This week's course is Programming Microsoft SQL Server 2000. I did the Querying course two years ago. There is another course that's supposed to be done in between the two. Somehow, nobody thought it'd be necessary for me to do the middle one.

So I've been sitting there this week trying to remember things I learnt two years ago, pretending to know what the guy is talking about when he refers to things taught in the second course, and trying to not feel like my brain is working so hard that it's about to explode and seep out my ears and onto the desk that I've been struggling not to fall asleep on by 2pm each day.

Coffee and I usually don't mix too well. Not good for someone whose heart already beats a little too irregularly. But I've lived on coffee and water (and free lunches) the last three days. Coffee to help to keep me alert. Water to give me frequent need to get up from the desk and go pee so I don't fall asleep or have brain meltdown - whichever comes first.

But only two more days. I'll be glad to get the damned piece of paper for this one. I'll certainly have earned it.

It doesn't stop there, of course. Next week I have another two Microsoft applications courses with a whole different training company.

I'm blonde! Nobody ever told me I would have to think this hard!!

Australia's a safe place to live.....really!

It's an awesome country we live in, and very safe. But you wouldn't know it...

Ian's been stung by a wasp. For the second time.
Spiders have started moving into my house.

The Queensland Government has praised the Queensland Parks and Wildlife officers who coordinated the rescue effort after Monday's crocodile attack in far north Queensland. Two campers were attacked by a four-metre saltwater crocodile at Bathurst Bay on Cape York Peninsula.

Fire Ants inflict a painful sting and if not eradicated will seriously affect our lifestyle.

Blue Ringed Octopus. Don't pick one up - by the time you see the electric-blue rings, it's too late!

Even our shells are bad!

Redback spider bites occur frequently, particularly over the summer months.

Overall tiger snake venom is one of the most potent of all known snake venoms, though slightly less potent than common brown snake venom. (comforting, huh?)

And I bet you think Kangaroos are pleasant and sedate. How wrong you are!

Having recently encountered an overly curious emu, let me tell you, they're not cheery creatures either!

Because of the Great White Shark’s size and formidable teeth, attacks on humans are frequently fatal, some victims having been completely eaten.

Even our birds are vicious. Magpies love a good attack on an unsuspecting passerby.

Are ya scared yet?

Head slapping moment

Ok, so I was talking to the most interesting person tonight and he happens to be a model. He's going to Apollo Bay (most awesome place) for a shoot for two weeks, then up to Cairns. Stupid me says, "oh have fun and take a camera". Hmmm....I'm thinking there'll be a few there already.

D'oh!! Must be bed time....

Well, I am blonde!

Then again, it's not as bad as what Stew did. Made a list of things to do and one thing on the list was 'phone bill'. Took him two days to work out that he had to actually pay the phone bill and that was why he couldn't remember who 'Bill' was.

Ben's asking some interesting questions

Ben's asking this....

Consider the situation in which a physician informs his or her patient that he or she will financially benefit from enrolling the patient in a certain clinical trial. The patient doesn't necessarily want to participate, but what will he or she expect after declining? Can they expect their doctor to be happy with them now that they've not secured that financial incentive? What consequences can this have on current and future care from the same doctor?

Opinions? Go comment.

Someone obviously thought they made sense...

Ever wonder who comes up with the odd things we say? Things that we think make sense, but do they really? Things like.....

• You're the apple of my eye. Ouch?
  
• Mind your own beeswax. Makes me think of BDSM, but let's not go there.
  
• Caught with his pants down. Does this really happen that often?
• He has a chip on his shoulder. Are we talking crisps or fries?
• Cute as a bug's ear. WTF?
• Don't try to teach your grandma to suck eggs. Okaaay, I'll remember that.
• Fate worse than death. Like what?
• Wouldn't you like to be a fly on the wall? Um...no.
• Go to hell in a handbasket. Sounds kinda painful.
• I'll have his head on a platter. Anyone seen the movie, 'The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover'? Eeeew.
  
• Make no bones about it. Huh?
• Pick up your ears. As said to Van Gogh.
• Shit for brains. Now there's an interesting visual!
• By the skin of his teeth. Someone needs to floss!
• Wouldn't know him from a bar of soap. Showering could be so much more interesting!
  

The crazy thing is, all these sayings used to have practical and logical meanings.

Arachnophobia

Ok, I know I live in a nice townhouse and all, but who the hell invited all these spiders to live with me? I've never seen so many spiders of various sizes. Fat bodies with long legs. Short legs with tiny bodies. All of them gross! All of them (that I've found) dead. The downstairs of my house looks like an arachnid graveyard.

My mother used to say anything with more than four legs, or less than two, shouldn't be allowed. I can handle snakes and lizards - I actually like them, but spiders? They have to go. All of them!

When I was little, a nest of baby spiders burst on me, under our house, in the dark...hundreds of them. Don't think I've screamed so loud since that day. So you can see why I don't want an entire tribe of the damn things moving in with me!

I just hope I get all the little bastards before they decide to climb the stairs to my bedroom and I start swallowing them in my sleep.

G-d, I'm gonna make myself have nightmares!

Perfectly flawed

I started a course today. It's a database programming course and on Friday I'm going to be so proud of myself for having made it through the week. Today wasn't so difficult, but apparently, it's gonna get quite tough. Yay...not!

Anyway, I walked into the room and the trainer was a young guy called Josh. Very nice looking boy...made it easy to pay attention! As I sat down, he was setting up the computer for the other guy doing the course (yeah, only two of us). He finished and walked back to the front of the room and I noticed he had a distinct limp. At this point, I was going to say something intelligent like, "hey, what happened to you?", but it occured to me he might have a natural limp, so I kept my mouth shut. It wasn't till later he said, "by the way, I didn't have a stroke, I twisted my ankle at indoor soccer and just got off crutches".

In between trying to keep up with learning things I won't remember tomorrow, trying to stay awake, wondering why Josh used so much gel in his hair, what the other guy's wife looked like and staring at his lips (he looked like he'd had botox injections) , I started thinking about people I'd met this year and their imperfections. Yeah, I think a lot!

The first person was D. He had football injuries that made him walk funny...like a cowboy who's had too many falls.

Next was A. Very sweet guy with a lovely face...and one leg significantly shorter than the other, which left him always in pain, and couldn't walk long distances.

Another D. He has a sinus problem and is always blowing his nose. If he knew what he wanted out of life, we'd probably be together.

Then there's Ed. No physical flaws, but completely emotionally inadequate. Shame, coz I still believe he's fundamentally a nice guy.

Another guy I met - J. Is interested in dating me...has a significant, noticable problem with one of his eyes. The fickle part of me hasn't come to terms with this yet.

Yet another J. Lives in Malaysia, but he's moving here, we've talked once on the phone (although we've had numerous talks on poetry and how we're going to save the world), and he's in love. Overwhelming.

I shouldn't forget my ex of 7+ years, who had a thyroid problem needed corrective surgery to fix a serious impairment with one of his eyes.

Now it all sounds pretty fickle and shallow to be appearing to judge people on appearances or things I think are 'wrong' with them. But I don't think these things are 'wrong' at all. All these people and their flaws have been brought into my life to teach me something. Shit, I've got a heart that doesn't work properly. Who am I to say someone else is inadequate?

But these 'inadequacies' aren't that at all. They're what make us all individual and unique and they've taught me even more to look below the surface. To go beyond those initial judgements that would otherwise have us 'reject' the person.

Some of these people have hurt or taken advantage of me. Some of them have been proven to be real friends. All of them have taught me it's perfectly ok to be imperfect.

We don't have to like every physical or emotional trait of every person we meet, but we meet them for a reason. We cross paths because we're meant to teach each other something.

I think I've worked out my lessons.

Being healthy tastes disgusting!

I mentioned last week that I went to a naturopath/nutritionist that I got a free consultation with through my gym. I went back yesterday to get started on the program.

I have entirely some of the worst eating habits in the world. I bought the brocolli, cauliflower, spinach, mushrooms etc that my trainer told me to. They're still in my freezer. I did start to eat the nuts and tuna I bought...but when that ran out, I didn't buy anymore. I already only ate wholegrain bread, so I guess I earn a point for that, and I'd already switched from margarine to butter. Another point. What I can't get my head around is that they said not to eat low fat dairy - low fat anything. The reason being, they say low fat is great, but it has more carbs, so it ends up being bad in the end. Dunno. I bought full cream cheese and milk, but I feel bad eating them! Guess I have to change the brainwashing.

But back to yesterday. The n'path gave me this little bottle of white powder called Colozone, that I have to have a level teaspoon of each night, with water, for the next five nights. Have you ever eaten a piece of chalk? A big piece? That's what this stuff is like! It doesn't dissolve in the water, so when you stir it and the water looks like it's mixing it, it's not! You swallow and only then do you realise that you simply drank water and the rest of the damn chalk gunk is sliding down the side of the glass and into your mouth by itself. A mouthful of chalk! Swallow. No, it won't go down. Grab another glass of water and hope to G-d it makes it go down. Finally!

If I thought that was the worst of it, I was wrong. Next is one and a half teaspoons of apple cider vinegar, diluted in a glass of water. Never tried it before? Do yourself a favour, go get some. Then, when you have children, you'll know the best punishment you could possibly give them. Oh, no. You can't get in trouble for child abuse, coz it's supposed to be a wonder drug. Torture disguised as a health benefit! Perfect!

I got up this morning with a spring in my step. So much anticipation for the morning routine! No Colozone in the mornings (thank the Lord!). Instead, some stuff called Renotone. (Google kept trying to tell me I was looking up 'ringtone'. Ugh!) I have it in liquid form and need to put ten drops under my tongue each morning. Now, if I was in charge of a pharmaceutical company, I'd make all these supposedly good-for-you things, taste good. Chocolate, strawberry, or even some minty flavour would do. Renotone tastes equally as foul as apple cider vinegar, but in its own special way. Had me screwing my face up and waving my hand in front of my mouth like I was eating something hot, simultaneously reaching for the tap so I could down another glass of water to get rid of the taste.

The horror of having to drink the apple cider vinegar again made me shiver, but I did it.

I gotta say, at this rate, drinking 8-10 glasses of water a day is going to be a breeze, because it takes at least half of that to kill the foul tastes from all these supposedly healthy and beneficial drops and powders.

The worst bit? No sugar after 5pm. Give me strength!

Everybody likes parfaits

It occured to me that my blog probably makes me appear to be confused and slightly schitzophrenic. Maybe I am. LOL well I hope not. I'll have to go and talk to myself about it later.

I'm layered. Complex, yet simple. Some parts soft. Some parts slightly harder. But, like a parfait, it's all good. It's me. I didn't start this blog with the intent of sharing it. It was meant solely for me to use as a vessel to capture my thoughts and to reflect. To get things out of my head.

I'm glad I shared it with some of my friends...and I'm glad to have 'met' some new and interesting people in the short time that I've been venting. I appreciate everyone who takes the time to read my ramblings.

Honest. Vulnerable. Me.

"Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet."

Well I think it's funny anyway

Since my last post about the things I have to deal with at work, nothing much has happened. Till yesterday.

Leon, my fearless offsider, and I sit within about 5 paces of each other, but because of where we sit, it's sometimes a lot easier (and smarter) to email or use messenger to talk to each other.

Some background:
Leon's girlfriend of 6 years is overseas on a holiday. He's supposed to be going to meet up with her for a few weeks and leaves next week. He's thinking of proposing while he's over there (but hasn't got a ring yet - long story). While he's overseas, he's supposed to go to a conference for work, which means work will pay for some of his ticket. It also means his travel needs to be approved. Our boss still hasn't gotten the travel approved. Yes, Leon's supposed to leave next week and the travel is not approved! Our boss is also going overseas next Wednesday. He organised and got his travel approved and paid for.

Pam is a lovely lady in her 50s. She works in our bookroom and is in charge of selling all stationary and books to students. She's a very intelligent lady, degree qualified and a lovely person. But she does not have a single clue about computers....at all!

Part of the database that Leon and I built/administer is for Pam to register all sales and these go directly to the accounts dept and they process the sales through their part of the database. She's supposed to scan the items, hit a button and that's it.

So this email Leon sent me yesterday late in the afternoon, cracked me up. This only ever happens on a Friday afternoon. I really feel for the guy.

Pam is officially retarded. That is my medical opinion.

She hasn't been pressing the Big Bright Orange "Finalise Order" on the screen because she "didn't want to print out receipts".

So... there is $26,000+ worth of Bookroom items that have not been charged to kids accounts.

Now do I:
a) tell Greg right away and spend the rest of my time at work stressed as f*ck working overtime on top of not knowing when he'll pay for the ticket.
b) delete all the records so the kids get the books and stationary they "bought" for free. Thus "correcting" the error.
c) ignore it all until I am safely overseas and send Greg an email telling him of the situation so he can deal with it on his own later?

One thing is for sure.. I aint doing anything about it today :)

I'm just glad I'm doing a course all next week so I won't be there to witness the fallout.

Me and the military....a year later

It's just over a year since I got the letter back from the SMO in Canberra that my second appeal to join the military was rejected. The letter was nice enough, two pages, explaining that I was too much of a medical risk for them to accept me. It pissed me off because their MO down here didn't even look at me. They made the decision based on positive feedback from my GP and my specialists, saying that my fitness was above average and I didn't pose any risks. The military wouldn't do their own health and fitness assessment - something I'd worked on passing for the entire year. They just stamped their letter 'permanently unfit for service'. I hate that phrase!

A number of things made me upset. I had wanted to join years earlier, but never had the guts to go ahead. At the time, I didn't even know of my heart condition (nobody had diagnosed it), so I could've gotten in and if something had happened it wouldn't have been 'pre-existing'.

The day I took all the tests (IQ, mathematical, literacy etc), there were a couple of hundred people, all testing for all services. I wasn't the first to finish, but I did answer all the questions in the allotted time and I did achieve the highest marks for the day. I was the only one to get a one on one interview in an office with a recruiter. He told me, going by my testing, that I could pretty much have whatever job I was interested in. I said I wanted air crew. I wanted to be in the Air Force. I wanted to fly. But I didn't do physics in high school, so I was competing against fit teenage boys who had and he said it'd be unlikely I'd get in. I didn't want to just enlist. I wanted to be an Officer. So he suggested Royal Military College, Duntroon (RMC). The thought terrified me, but I'd prepared myself and knew it was what I wanted to do. My second preference after air crew was intelligence. The next, combat communications. I spent an entire year studying everything anybody could possibly need to know about every facet of the Australian military. Wanna know something? Ask me!

I decided I'd go to RMC and become an Army Intelligence Officer. It was all underway. I was good to go. All that I needed was to pass a physical. The physical I never got to have.

Joining the military was the single one certain thing in my life that I truly knew I had to do. Until then, I didn't have any real direction. I didn't know what I wanted.

You probably wonder what took me so long to decide or what finally prompted me. Well, like I said, I never had the guts when I was younger. I didn't have the confidence in myself. Then, shortly after I left my ex, I went to Bali with my girlfriends and met some guys in the Portuguese Army who were on rec leave from East Timor, where they were part of the peace keeping contingent. Young guys, 18-23. Boys who already had physical and mental battle scars, who'd seen far too much in their young lives. Boys who were making a difference. I met them in the Sari Club on my 30th birthday. It got bombed just a few weeks after we left. One of their friends didn't make it home.

Then people started shipping off to Iraq. And I was at home doing nothing, but desperately wanting to make a difference somehow. I know it sounds all too noble and idealogical, but that's what I felt. I still do.

So a year later, I'm back to wondering what direction to take, with an ever increasing need to do something. I can't join ASIO coz you need a degree (something I was going to get through RMC). I applied for a simple job with the DSD in Canberra just to get my foot in the door and work up. Yes, I was willing to move to the most boring place on Earth and do a menial job. Guess they thought I was over qualified or something. I applied for the AFP, but they're not recruiting for another 18 months, plus they have the same fitness criteria as the military.

And here I am. I need to do something. I just don't know what.