Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Yeah, it's Tuesday

I know I said I'd be back Monday, but whatever...

At any rate, I'm back now. Adelaide was fabulous, and as much as we both thought it sucked that we had less than 48 hours together, we had a great time. I put a few photos on the other blog. They're not the 'scenery' type ones I've taken elsewhere, but we didn't have enough time to do that kind of exploring. Next time, though...

We didn't do all that much; wandered around the mall on Saturday afternoon looking for books and shoes. I swear we're going to need a library room if we ever get a house together. Both of us could easily spend all our money on books alone. Scary, really.

Dinner on Saturday night was at a great Argentinian restaurant called Sosta. The food was fantastic. We only had mains and a couple of drinks and that was more than enough. I had a cocktail (well two) called a Piruli that was so yummy it was dangerous. It was strawberry liqueur, butterscotch schnapps and something else. It's probably a good thing I've forgotten what it was, or I'd go and buy the ingredients and have little evening soirees by myself at home each night. Ha! Ooh ooh, I just remembered - apple juice. Wheee!

Breakfast, which we had around lunch time both days, was at a place called ETC and the food there was great too. Gotta hand it to the folks in Adelaide, they all might look and act pretty weird (seriously!), but the food rates well.

I don't really have a bunch of other news to report. Things are peachy and I'll be heading to Perth around the 15th for a week or so. No more of this 6 week waiting stuff. We've agreed that's not going to happen again. It was an anomaly that we went that long anyway, due to his work circumstances. Still, it's nice to have that agreement in place.

I've felt like I've been run over by a truck the last couple of days, which explains why I didn't rush back to post yesterday. I just couldn't be bothered. I'm not sick. My body just feels beaten and worn. A lot of it has to do with not having any drugs for the past two weeks, I'm sure. I feel half dead at the best of times. Hopefully the doc will be back this week and he'll send me a new prescription for happy pills and I'll be back on track.

Ah well, that's it for now. I have work to do...for a change...

2 Comments:

Blogger consise10 said...

Haaa ha ah About the Adelaide comment. I have thought that they mostly live in a time warp myself.Argentine cuisine hmmm interesting... I like the way they dig a hole in the ground and cook meat as in 'barbeque' inside it.

4:13 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Hey Consise, ever watch Sam do his interviews in Rundle Mall, on the Footy Show? It's not a set up. Those are really the people that wander that street. LOL We had a great time people watching. :-p

Ok, so not *everyone* was like that..... ;-)

8:17 pm  

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Friday, February 24, 2006

Picture me...

...Actually, don't picture me doing anything. It's a scary thought! Ha!
Aaaanyway, I posted more travel pics over on Snapshots, so check 'em out while I'm away. I still have photos from another 20 or so locations to upload. Insane huh?

See ya on Monday!

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Thursday, February 23, 2006

La vita bella and a nervous wait

In a way, I feel almost like I'm seeing T for the first time tomorrow. I haven't seen him in six weeks. It's a strange sensation and I can't wait.

Things are going really well and we've moved forward a lot and grown a lot closer since he went home mid January. We can now have conversations in person that, so far, we've only had on the phone....like me going there in July! Yikes! hehe

The bag is already half packed. The other half will be panic-packed at the last minute - and that's the only way to pack, otherwise you take sooo much more than what you really need. However, you'd think that being away from Friday night to Sunday evening would be a pretty easy pack job. Technically, it's only a day and a bit. In some ways, though, it's just as difficult as packing for two weeks. Being from the city of crazy weather, I tend to pack for every damn weather scenario possible. My one little bag is going to be tested. I will not take any more than one bag. I know I said it's likely I'll pack for every weather condition known to man; I still realise I'll be away for less than two days.

While I'm away, drop by and say hi to Antony at the Beautiful Life. He's my new blog tenant. Yep, I'm a bloglord once again. It's been a while, but I've been too busy for bloglord duties lately. Antony looks like a good tenant though, so I'm happy to have him here while I'm gone and for the next week. Antony's blog is a mixture of poetry and positive thoughts. I like.

3 Comments:

Blogger grrltraveler said...

You are probably off already but I just wanted to say HAVE FUN! Hope you have a lot of fun with T.

xo

3:13 pm  
Blogger RisibleGirl said...

Have a fabulous time, E!

I hear what you're saying about packing bags. I'm what I like to call a 'pessimistic' packer. I pack for the absolute worst scenario.

7:34 am  
Blogger Sara said...

Miss you!!
Please have a fantabulous time.

((((E))))

10:37 am  

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Group participation

Go check out this post on Ian's blog. Specifically, check out the comment thread and add to it, if you dare. Some of it's a bit naughty, but mostly, it's damn funny.

1 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

All fun and games :)

7:07 am  

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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A ponderance

How dishonest can you be, whilst still being honest?

And if perception is reality, then is what you perceive to be honest, not, if someone else thinks it's not?

How about...if you're not being honest with yourself, but you're honest to someone else, are you really honest, or not?

Whatcha think? ....honestly?

6 Comments:

Blogger Mel said...

Ohhhhhhhh..... *rubbing hands together and eyes lighting up*

Mental masturbation!

ROFL

Honesty=the lack of intent to deceive oneself or others; absense of the truth is a lie

I can lie to myself just as well as the next guy.
Schizophrenics have their own reality based on their own perceptions. Perception is everything?
Chew on that.

1:45 am  
Blogger RisibleGirl said...

Have you been smokin' the 'funny' stuff again, Miss E?

tee hee....

That's too much thinking to do for me this early in the a.m.

3:02 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's all about intention. If your intention is to deceive, even if that means saying nothing, it's a lie. If your intention is not to deceive, but you're just lying to yourself, that's got another name: being wrong.

:)

5:15 am  
Blogger SJ said...

If we're not completely honest, we're dishonest. We just have to decide how comfortable we are living with that dishonesty.

6:55 am  
Blogger Sara said...

I really like what Ian has to say here....

I have nothing original to say for myself - so I'll just say - I agree with Ian :)

I will also steal from my sister it's something like this "Delayed obedience - is disobedience" is it therefor true that "Delayed honesty - is dishonesty"? Methinks maybe?

:)

(((E)))

9:32 am  
Blogger Anonymous G said...

Honesty is pretty straightforward. it IS what it is.
If we're not honest with ourselves, then we're probably not completely honest with others.

-my half a cent worth ;-)

3:45 pm  

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Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Rationalising

Perth has a lower cost of living than here. I understand that. I also understand that salaries are relative. I am having such a hard time accepting that I can't get the same salary over there as I can here. I know it wouldn't be a backwards step, but I also know seeing a lesser amount deposited into my account each month is going to mess with my head.

I don't want to allow myself to get anxious about this. Logically, I get it, but it feels.... I dunno.

How do I get around that?

7 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

Stop thinking of reasons not to go! Yo uknow that's what you're doing! :)

4:32 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Hmmm...ya know, it hadn't occured to me I was thinking that for that reason. I know I worry about some aspects of it all, but I haven't really thought I wouldn't go. I have to stop thinking 'scary' and start thinking 'exciting'. :-)

6:48 pm  
Blogger kT said...

Find something small you can cut out of your regular expenditures and sock away a little money. That's what I do when I'm starting to feel overwhelmed and poor.

And HELL YES, go for Exciting.

6:23 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Forget the money E,if you can find work you'll enjoy that's the ticket and T will be the icing on the cake

7:31 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with Rich on this one. You'll have a job that keeps you where you need to be financially, plus you'll have T which just bumps you up over the top ;)

It'll be great, just hang on to that fact and try not to sweat the stuff that really doesn't matter in the end, you know?

8:33 am  
Blogger ezri.blue said...

I'm just going to agree with everyone here. Excited, excited, excited!

5:01 pm  
Blogger Sara said...

Oooh - this came in my email today...

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself"

It's Ralph Waldo Emerson.

It applies to me in about a million different ways right now, so I thought that I would share.

9:34 am  

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Monday, February 20, 2006

Stretch

Sometimes it doesn't feel as though T and I are doing the long distance thing at all. I can say that now though, because I'll see him on Friday. The last time I saw him was almost 6 weeks ago. Sounds like a long time, but not so long as well. The last couple of weeks have been frustrating.

We saw each other quite a bit between November and January. We've been lucky really. I'll see him this weekend in Adelaide and he'll potentially come here next weekend, if he can plan his work to keep him in Adelaide until then.

Hopefully, I'll be able to take time off work during the school holidays/Commonwealth Games, which is the middle of March, and spend some time in Perth. I really need to start to get myself familiar with the place if I'm going to be comfortable while I'm there. The next trip could potentially be at Easter, in mid April.

That'll mean we'll be seeing each other every two to four weeks for the next couple of months. Given the fact that we're on opposite sides of the continent, that's damn good; lots of positive things to look forward to.

May and June might be a different story, because it's about my second busiest time of year at work, so I won't be able to get much, if any, time off. I'm sure we'll have worked out how to deal with that by then anyway.

Looking at it all like that, I can see July is going to come pretty quickly. There are things I've reconcilled in my brain and things I haven't; things I am not ready to contemplate yet. However, when I'm not letting it all overwhelm me, it's exciting and I'm pretty happy and content. I don't like doing this whole distance thing, but it hasn't felt as hard - for the most part - as I expected it to.

We spend so much time in contact with each other, he doesn't feel so far away. I suppose it's because he's away from home a lot too, so I just accept it as he'd be away if I was there or not, and it eases the anxiousness (?) a bit. If I was there, he'd be away anyway and that's how I make it 'easier' in my head.

Anyway, I appreciate what we have and I appreciate that we're in a position to be able to see each other as much as we do, despite being so far apart. It's all pretty good really, and I should say how grateful I am, more often.

4 Comments:

Blogger monica said...

Have I ever told you that you're my hero! ;)

Oh, I swear... one of these days, my own prince will come. :) hee hee.

What's the name of that Capucchino whatever where all the bistos are? I spent two weeks wandering up and down in that area, all drugged up on claritin, benadryl, and just about every other allergy med I could find!!!

1:09 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Geez woman, I've got Bette Midler singing in my head now! LOL

You talking about Freemantle? There's a strip there where he took me for dinner one night, that's all sidewalk cafes and coffee shops. Sigh...not the same as Melbourne though...

Your prince will come. You just gotta put the frog back in the pond....when you're ready. ;-)

2:16 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Freemantle? OMG, lemme try again... Fremantle. Sheeesh!

2:18 pm  
Blogger kT said...

Can I just tell you what happened this morning? I'm digging out my blush while staring at my pasty, cold-ridden self in the mirror. And "Wing Beneath My Wings" is playing in my head.

I blame you. Both of you.

7:13 am  

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Troubled bridge over waters

Yay....not.

As I start this, a thought has just occured to me. Last week, I ran out of my drugs and when I went to get my new script filled, the pharmacist discovered it had expired by a week or so. Not good, particularly since my doc is away till next week and the hospital said nobody else has authority to write a new prescription for me. Needless to say, I'm overly tired right now and drinking too much diet coke, because coffee makes my heart race.

T has said previously that it seems the more overtired I am, the more inclined I am to have nightmares and bizarre dreams. Nobody has ever mentioned it before, but it makes sense. I've had a number of whacked out and scary dreams in the last week or so.

1. Debra and Raymond, from Everybody Loves Raymond were in a car, leaving a convent. They were talking about sex they'd had on a big long table in one of the dining halls (or something like that). A nun leans in the window and asks them if they had a good stay. They say yes, and the nun implies they were noisy and everyone knew what they did. Bizarre so far, right? Ok, not sure if it was the same dream, or a different one, but I was then inside the convent in a sunken room that you could see a long, dark hallway from, leading off into the distance. There was a doorway up to the left and I knew there was something not right about it. Next thing I knew, a guy was coming out (floating?) of that room and straight towards me. What was weird was that he looked just like one of the older guys from my ACoA meetings. But it was scary and he just kept coming straight at me. I woke up yelling, "Go away" over and over again.

2. I can't remember much of this one. I was on an old rail bridge. The kind that's made from big wooden sleepers. There was a guy on the bridge, ahead of me, with a small blonde girl, who I think was his daughter. As they were walking, she fell through a large hole and grabbed onto a rope (sort of) and I remember thinking she was going to smack right into a large sleeper that had also fallen and was swinging loose under the bridge. Somewhere in the dream, I was also at at train station, but I don't recall much else. It was more the sensation of the girl falling through the bridge that got to me.

3. I had two dreams last night. The first one was literally within minutes of hanging up from T, because I called him as soon as I woke up and when I asked how long it had been, he said we'd only talked 10-15 minutes before. I was sleeping over some place with a number of other people. I was staying in a lounge room and for some reason, even though there were couches, I chose to sleep on the floor. As I was going to sleep, I looked around the room and realised I knew it was haunted, so I made a comment out loud that I knew they (whoever they are) were there and that they should leave me alone. In my dream, I found myself with my arms outstretched above me and feeling like someone was grabbing onto my hands and pinning my arms down. That's what it felt like, even though my arms were in the air. At first, I couldn't talk, but I gradually found my voice and started yelling, "Hands!", and that's how I woke up.

4. The second one was a massive car crash, on the side of a cliff, on a sharp bend (I think, because I remember a shopping centre as well), involving about 10 or more cars. Hard to describe, but it was a real pile up. Not one behind the other, but all over the place. My car was at the back. Nobody got hurt.

So, does anything make sense?...

Man
To see a man in your dream, denotes the masculine aspect of yourself - the side that is assertive, rational, aggressive, and/or competitive. If the man is known to you, then the dream may reflect you feelings and concerns you have about him.

Nuns
To see nuns in your dream, signifies purity, chastity and obedience. It also indicates that you need to live up to the vows and promises you have made. It also foretells that material fortune and gain will interfere with your spirituality. Consider also the pun of being "none" or "nothing".

Convent
To dream that you are at a convent, represents your need for spiritual support and nurturance.

Railroad
To see a railroad in your dream, signifies that you have laid out a set track toward achieving your goals. To see an obstruction on the railroad, denotes the path toward your goals will not be an easy one. It may also indicate that you have lost track of your goals.

Bridge
To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. To dream of a run-down bridge, indicates that you should not contemplate any major changes in your life at this time. To see a bridge collapse in your dream, denotes that you have let a great opportunity pass you by.

Hand
To dream of your hands, represents your relationship to those around you and how you connect with the world. Hands serve as a form of communication. Perhaps you need to lend out a helping hand to someone. In particular, the left hand symbolizes your graciousness and feminine, receptive qualities. And the right hand symbolizes masculine, active attributes. It may also be a pun for some decision or something being "right".

To dream that you are holding hands with someone, represents your connection with that person. Your dream may also reflect anxieties about losing touch with him/her or that you are drifting apart. To dream that you hands are injured, denotes an attack on your ego. To dream that your hands are clasped or closed, signifies unity, completeness, acceptance or agreement. On a more negative note, it may suggest that you are close-minded, ungiving or unwilling to help.

Car
To dream that you are driving a car, denotes your ambition, your drive and your ability to navigate from one stage of your life to another. Consider how smooth or rough the car ride is. Whether you are driving the car or a passenger, is indicative of of your active role or passive role in your life. If you are in the backseat of the car, then it indicates that you are putting yourself down and are allowing others to take over. This may be a result of low self-esteem or low self-confidence. Overall, this dream symbol is an indication of your dependence and degree of control you have on your life.

To dream that you are almost hit by a car, suggests that your lifestyle, beliefs or goals may be in conflict with another's. It may also be symbolic of a jolting experience or injured pride.To dream that you are riding in an automobile, signifies that even in pleasant situations, you will still be restless and uneasy. To dream that you nearly escape from the impact of an automobile, denotes that you will successfully overcome any rivalry.

Accident
To dream that you are in an accident, signifies pent up guilt and you are sub-consciously punishing yourself over it. To dream of a car accident, symbolizes your emotional state. You may be harboring deep anxieties and fears. Are you "driving" yourself too hard? This dream may tell you to slow down before you hit disaster. You need to rethink or re-plan your course of actions and set yourself on a better path.

Crash
To dream that you are in a car crash, indicates that your beliefs, lifestyle, or goals are clashing with another's. It may also represent a shocking situation or painful experience. Alternatively, car crashes may forewarn of your dangerous or careless driving habits.

There's almost too much there to absorb. I'll have to think about it all for a while.

1 Comments:

Blogger RisibleGirl said...

I read an interesting Readers Digest article from this month (if you have it there, go pick one up because I thought of you) about dreams and what they mean.

Turns out (and I think they're right) that you are the best analyst of your dreams. The dream analysis books are mostly hooey.

Go buy the mag if you have it there. I think you'd find it interesting. They help you figure out how to know what your dreams mean to YOU.

3:47 am  

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Friday, February 17, 2006

Evolution

I have to post again, just to get those multiple pics of me off my screen. Kinda freaks me out a bit.

T and I were having a discussion the other night and it turned into one of those, "you wouldn't have even looked at me ten years ago" conversations. A pointless topic really, but a popular one I think, because the stranger I lived with also said the same thing. I half wish I didn't look at him 18 months ago, but that's another story. (The other half I'm glad for, because I met A.)

T was right though. I wouldn't have looked at him. Ok, I would have looked at him, coz he was a hot, blond boy-band contender, if a photo in his bedroom is anything to go by. I just wouldn't have done anything about it. He smoked and his lifestyle was solar systems apart from mine. Besides, I was so unsure of myself and didn't have a clue who I was, so I would have done all the wrong things and it would have ended in tears. The person I was back then would have irritated the hell out of who he was.

He sees me as confident and (mostly) self assured now, so it's difficult I guess for him to picture me as insecure and struggling to find my way. He would have thought I'd like him for his brain. Secretly, I probably would have, but nobody had ever liked me for my brain back then and nobody ever encouraged me to actually use it. It wasn't till a few years ago that I finally discovered - and embraced - my inner geek....the part of me that's proud to say I have a book addiction, that I g0og!e everything, that I spend too much time online, that I'm not a slave to fashion and that I'd rather write poetry than get drunk at a club, just to name a few.

T and I get on now because our ideals, goals and values are more closely aligned than they were ten years ago. It's better that we met now than back then. And I believe that's exactly the reason we met now. I do think all things have purpose and meaning, and that situations are presented to us when they're meant to be. We're not handed things on a platter though. It's our job to recognise and utilise the information/situation when it's presented. Nothing's for free.

I'm glad that I finally tapped into my inner geek and became more accepting of myself and who I am, and being happy (eh, well it's a work in progress) with who I am, geekiness included. In doing so, I'm more true to me and therefore present a more accurate version of myself to T (or anyone else, for that matter). That can only serve to benefit us. It also allows me to more fully accept him for who he is, and for him to be more comfortable being exactly who he is, with me.

2 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

My name's Ian and I'm a geek. It has been 3 months since my last convention..."

5:56 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amen sister! It wasn't until I accepted that I'm a smart woman and wasn't going to hide it from anyone that I found my husband. I can clearly see why our relationship is so comfortable. He met the REAL me, not the me trying to be someone else. Being me requires no work (mentally, anyway... ha ha) Being someone else requires a lot of work and it's tiring.

2:56 am  

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Mirror mirror

Mirror mirror,
on the wall,
I don't think I look like
them at all...

My friend Ian found a face recognition site, where you upload a photo of yourself and it tells you which celebrities you supposedly look like. I think I'd need a bit of work done before I was ever called upon to be anyone's stunt double. (And for the record, I must be so out of touch, coz I don't even know who some of these people are!)

















































5 Comments:

Blogger monica said...

OMG, how fun! I'm gonna have to steal that idea for my blog.

For the record, now that you mention it, you do look like Alicia Silverstone. (In case you were wondering.)

12:47 pm  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

that's funny, i thought you looked the most like Alicia too. :)

very cool!
a

1:14 pm  
Blogger SJ said...

Wow you're Japanese!!

8:44 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

LOL Ian, I know! Who'da thunk it! :-p

10:11 pm  
Blogger kT said...

That's just a tad freaky....

7:33 am  

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Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Johari Window

In true blogger style, I 'borrowed' this idea from another blog I happened to land on. From some of my more recent posts, one would probably deduce that I am going through a stage of active self analysis. I don't think I am any more than I usually do; I just happen to be finding things of this nature that interest me enough to have a bit of a play around with them. This one requires reader participation though, so I hope everyone will participate.

The Johari Window gives a graphic view of interpersonal relationships and is used to improve self-awareness (among other things). If you want a detailed explanation of it, you can read more on this site, or G00g!e it.















All you have to do is click on this link and select 6 adjectives that you associate with me. Please let me know in my comments if you've done it, so I can get an idea of how many people have participated. I'll post the results when there's a decent amount of data in there.

This could get interesting!

Here are the results so far.

6 Comments:

Blogger consise10 said...

I went in and did it,but for some reason it didnt want to register my choice of words...so I took the liberty to jot them down:

-complex
-independant
-intelligent
-responsive
-searching
-reflective

9:33 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi E - I played. What a cool site.

12:01 am  
Blogger Mel said...

Only six?!

I feel cheated. LOL

(((((E))))))

12:39 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Ok, a whole bunch of people have selected 'independent'. Is that just coz 'stubborn' isn't on the list? LOL

9:01 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stubborn enough to fear losing your independence....cool site

9:32 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay, I played!

(And I also picked independent before I even read the comments, lol!)

There were so many adjectives I wanted to pick, this was hard!

2:20 pm  

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Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Perspective

It's rare that I share my poetry on here, for various reasons. The first verse of this one came to me last night as I was getting ready to go to bed and hanging out some washing. I got lines 1-4, then 7 & 8, but I was completely stuck on the 5th and 6th lines. That doesn't happen to me often. Usually, a thought will come into my head and I'll just write. The whole thing happens within minutes.

Last night, I couldn't think of what I wanted to say. While I was searching for ideas, T rang, so I closed my book for the night. Then something happened today. Or maybe it was a series of somethings that happened, or a feeling I got. Bad things happen to good people, and people should look after each other. Life is just too short, ya know?

If I Told You

If I told you all my secrets,
could you keep them?
If I told you all my fears,
could I feel safe?

If I was running out of air,
would you help me breathe again?
If my course was turning circles,
would you make it straight?

If my nights were filled with terrors,
would you chase my demons?
If time was slipping by,
would you make it wait?

For I am here
to fill your world with sunshine.
It's my goal
to put a smile upon your face.

And I am here
to guide you over landmines.
I'll walk with you
till we find that peaceful place.

I'll share with you my secrets
and be set free.
I'll keep yours, and you know
that they'll be safe.

You and I are in
this life together.
Let's enjoy it, take our time,
it's not a race.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love this. I think I needed to read this today. I don't know... it just touched something in me that needed to be touched.

Thank you so much for sharing.

3:54 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Sweety, know I'm thinking of you. Sending you sunshine. xx

9:21 am  
Blogger ezri.blue said...

Wow this is a beautiful and touching piece of poetry.

10:18 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Thanks E. I'm glad you like it. :-)

9:46 pm  

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I think he likes me

These were delivered to my office for Commercial Love Day.



















5 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

I TOLD you that would happen! Didn't I tell you? Man, I'm good ;)

9:15 pm  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Hehe thanks guys. You can't really tell from the pics, but that bouquet is HUGE! I struggled to carry it to my car and it took up almost my whole back seat. I am pretty impressed....and a little overwhelmed, but it's all good. :-)

9:52 pm  
Blogger kT said...

I'm glad you and T are having a good day!

The whole backseat? Holy cow!

6:25 am  
Blogger ezri.blue said...

Damn girl!! Those are beautiful! Do they have a pretty scent?

10:16 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awwwww.....

2:47 am  

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Chinese water torture

I think my boss is (slowly) trying to drive us insane and I'm going to get there the fastest, because I sit closest to his office. He has a habit of playing cds while he works. Sometimes the music is ok. Sometimes not. He plays opera on occasion. I like opera. Not the type he plays and not when the volume is such that you can only hear it when the singer reaches certain notes. It ends up sounding like someone is just screaming in pain...to a beat.

In the last short while today, I've endured the Baby Elephant Walk, Breakfast at Tiffany's music, Moon River, the Pink Panther theme, Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head, The Carpenters and some pan pipe music.

Oooh, ok, now I can hear a flute. Maybe he's listening to James Gallway now.

Whatever it is, it's sending me to sleep...and that's not good, coz I haven't had my drugs today.

Sing, sing a song. Make it simple, to last the whole night long................

2 Comments:

Blogger kT said...

I had a roommate like that. She played Yanni. More than once.

6:25 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy Cow--- you did NOT put that song into my head for the rest of the day!

I believe you did.

sheesh!

2:45 am  

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Monday, February 13, 2006

Moods

My weekend sucked. They say things come in threes and I had three big, suckful issues to deal with over the weekend, which resulted in a lovely migraine and kept me in bed most of Sunday. Probably the most majorly suckful thing (yes, when you're stressed, you can use made-up words) was when I happened to pour a bottle of mineral water into my laptop. Not the brainiest of things I've ever done.

Needless to say, this was me for most of the weekend.
















But the boys I work with are legends, and it turns out I didn't destroy my hard drive, which means I've still got all my data (which I'm now copying to the hard drive of my work pc - just in case). So, now I'm feeling more like this.


















.........except for the bit where I may have to pay $$$ for a new main board. But I don't care. I have my data!!

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

well yay, im glad your files are safe :) shame about the mobo, although it'll get fixed! hehe.

11:44 am  
Blogger monica said...

Hope the other two "issues" work themselves out as well as the computer part did.

(((((((((E)))))))))

1:39 pm  
Blogger SJ said...

I wouldn't want the guys in work having a look on my hard drive ;)

8:42 pm  
Blogger ezri.blue said...

LOL sounds like me this weekend. Only for different reasons. :D

Good to hear you didn't destroy it though!!

10:40 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate suckful weekends... they suck, suck, suck. And I actually know what you mean about being glad it's a Monday. Sort of helps to be at work to take your mind of of the suckage.

(((((Hugs))))) Feel better soon.

5:52 am  
Blogger kT said...

Ah, well, the grind of the week is back to at least give some routine to the chaos, right?
(((hugs)))
And kudos to your data for surviving a waterfall!

6:09 am  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

Ouch! That DOES suck. Sorry to hear it but glad to hear that the data is safe! That's the most important bit!
a

3:53 pm  

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Saturday, February 11, 2006

Purely positive

I don't think I've specifically written a post on here about T. That's largely because he's much more private than me, in that he doesn't put his life and thoughts on line for the world to see, so I try to respect that as much as I can, while still sharing my own thoughts. It's also because, apart from some of the normal miscommunications most couples have, everything is ridiculously peachy; I don't want to perpetually gush.

I think we've both got pretty normal fears or insecurities that come with a new relationship. What I'm finding is that the distance component is not as difficult as I thought it would be. Yes, it totally sucks sometimes and on a day like today, where we're both having crap days, it'd be great if we could be together. But, save being in the same time zone, I couldn't be more content.

I thought the stranger I lived with was good at showing how he felt and following through. Initially, he was, but when he started saying things like "relationships are about competition" and "you need to keep secrets from your partner", I began to see that we didn't really share the same ideals at all.

T is unlike anyone I've ever had a relationship with before. That bothers him sometimes. He worries that it's a negative. For me, it's definitely a positive. He brings out a part of me I've not shared before and it's more of who I am than I've allowed myself to be previously. He's content with me being me. It's hard to wrap my head around sometimes. I know I can irritate him. He's an instant reaction kinda guy. I prefer to think about things for a while and work out the best way to approach it before I react. It makes him think I am mad at him, when more than likely I'm just taking longer to process the situation.

He's very funny. He doesn't think he is. I do. He's intense to the same degree as me, but in a different way. We both worry to an irrational degree about each other's wellbeing. I like it though. It's because we care.

He likes my cats, which is a good thing, considering he'll be forced to endure living with all three of us in a few months' time. The fact that he thinks they both have psychological issues is something else. I tend to agree with him, particularly since one of them has a distinct "what do you think you're doing with my mother?" look whenever he contemplates getting close to me. I really should take a photo one day.

We talk for a good couple of hours every day. Time differences mean that my already disturbed sleep is further interrupted. I wouldn't have it any other way. Well, yes I would. Can't be changed though, so I accept it. I'll be pleased the day daylight savings is over, and three hours difference becomes two. We'll both get more sleep.

He sends me text messages all the time. More than anything, it's nice to know someone's thinking about you, even when they're doing something completely unrelated.

It was pretty scary for me to think about getting involved with someone again and allow myself to be vulnerable. I'm glad I did. The next step is accepting the vulnerability that I don't feel yet, but am sure I will, about putting my life here on pause (and ultimately leaving it behind), to have a chance at a new one. Scary, but exciting....and definitely worth the risk.

5 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

He'll be forced to live with your cats in a few months time...

That's what you said...

Something you want to share? Some big announcement...?

9:35 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

You miss this one, my friend? ;-)

http://kalliope72.blogspot.com/2006/02/go-west.html

I'm gonna go over there for about 3 months to see how things go and take it from there. :-)

12:37 pm  
Blogger SJ said...

Holy Crap! Well, good for you! I'm sure it'll work out fine...

6:13 am  
Blogger kT said...

It sounds good. I mean, it doesn't sound all head over heels insane so that we'd all wonder why you're moving across the country, but it sound good.

Sending peace and serenity.....

6:14 am  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

It sounds like the way it should be. Love like you want to be loved, for the person you are now! I'm excited for this new plan... have to figure out how i can.visit.you. lol

hugs,
a

3:51 pm  

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Well.....

For two very different reasons, I've been trying to remember two pieces of advice today. The first piece is something one of the guys at ACoA said last week. "In all that you do, be serene." I'm finding that one tough today. The second one is advice I gave T on how to handle a situation a couple of nights ago. I realised that if I posted what I intended to, I would have been ignoring my own advice.

Situation #1 is a complete pain. I spilt about a cup of mineral water all through my laptop this morning. It also got into the workings of the (expensive!) phone/answering machine T bought me for Christmas. The phone is fine, thankfully. The computer? Well I won't know for another 24 hours till it dries out and I can turn it back on. Worst case, I lose everything. Best case, the hard drive is fine and I just have to replace the motherboard and keyboard. Right now, I'm using my old pc, which is completely infected with viruses, but at least it works.

Better judgement suggests I probably shouldn't post the rest here and perhaps I'll eventually remove it. However, since it was removed by R from where I originally posted it, in order to be read by a few, I've unfortunately had to post it here, to be read by many. I don't like it, but I've been left with no choice.

I've debated with myself for a while about how to deal with [this issue], because it affects all of us [who post on a private blog]. I was going to copy a couple of chat messages and emails from R which would help to explain why I've found it necessary to take a step back (and therefore make myself look uncaring). Even though they'd explain 'my side' better, I've chosen not to.

I know she's made the decision to make public comments about how angry she is about my apparent conditional friendship and that I've somehow deserted her. (However, a subsequent email after my post was removed suggests she may have been talking about another friend who's taken the same action as me, but I don't believe that to be the case....) .......

I left a message on her blog a while ago with an explanation of why I was choosing not to read her blog anymore [although I have checked back there occasionally], because it was affecting me negatively. For reasons of her own, she chose not respond to me, and not to publish it.

There are two sides to every story. I'm choosing not to post specific reasons that made me come to the decision I did, I'm just trying to explain, if possible, why I did. R is within her rights to say what she feels about me on her blog and gain feedback/empathy. I just don't want to go down that path (and I feel ill discussing this here, but I have things I need to say).

Because I've taken a step back does not mean I care less, nor does it mean I am unsupportive. It means that because I care, I can't support (there's a difference between being unsupportive and simply not being able to support), because of the effect it's having on me to do that. I can't be there for someone if in doing so, I will damage myself. BTDT and won't do it again.

Like I said, there are two sides to everything and I can only assume that [the people on the private blog] know the other side, simply due to time and distance proximity and the ability to keep in touch more easily. I imagine the assumption is that I'm being mean, or that I don't care. That's far from the truth. If stepping away for my own self preservation makes me the bad guy, then so be it.

But I just can't continue to watch R be in a situation that I feel is physically and mentally unhealthy for her. If I could change it, or if she would change it, then I would probably not have found it necessary to step back like I've done. But I can't change it and she's not ready to change it, and it hurts me too much to be a part of it. For that, I'm sorry.

............... I'm not going to sit on my hands and pretend I don't care. I don't think I'm the only one who wants better for R and who wants her to want better for herself. I also don't understand why nobody's willing to say it.

I'm too old for this....

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Friday, February 10, 2006

Jung Typology Test

I haven't done one of these in a long time, so when I saw it again on Monica's blog, I had to see what the results would be. It's very long, but mostly accurate. Click the link in the post heading to take the test yourself, and/or skip the entire post if you don't care to read my personal psycho-analysis.

Your Type is INFJ


Strength of Preferences %
Introverted 67
Intuitive 75
Feeling 62
Judging 33

INFJ type description by J. Butt and M.M. Heiss

Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists -- INFJs gravitate toward such a role -- are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power.

INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ.

"There's something rotten in Denmark." Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words.

INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately. Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche.

Introverted iNtuition

Introverted intuitives, INFJs enjoy a greater clarity of perception of inner, unconscious processes than all but their INTJ cousins. Just as SP types commune with the object and "live in the here and now" of the physical world, INFJs readily grasp the hidden psychological stimuli behind the more observable dynamics of behavior and affect. Their amazing ability to deduce the inner workings of the mind, will and emotions of others gives INFJs their reputation as prophets and seers. (This makes sense out of the times I get asked how I know something and I'll say, "I don't know, I just know".) Unlike the confining, routinizing nature of introverted sensing, introverted intuition frees this type to act insightfully and spontaneously as unique solutions arise on an event by event basis.

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted feeling, the auxiliary deciding function, expresses a range of emotion and opinions of, for and about people. INFJs, like many other FJ types, find themselves caught between the desire to express their wealth of feelings and moral conclusions about the actions and attitudes of others, and the awareness of the consequences of unbridled candor. Some vent the attending emotions in private, to trusted allies. (Yup.) Such confidants are chosen with care, for INFJs are well aware of the treachery that can reside in the hearts of mortals. This particular combination of introverted intuition and extraverted feeling provides INFJs with the raw material from which perceptive counselors are shaped.

Introverted Thinking

The INFJ's thinking is introverted, turned toward the subject. Perhaps it is when the INFJ's thinking function is operative that he is most aloof. A comrade might surmise that such detachment signals a disillusionment, that she has also been found lacking by the sardonic eye of this one who plumbs the depths of the human spirit. Experience suggests that such distancing is merely an indication that the seer is hard at work and focusing energy into this less efficient tertiary function.

Extraverted Sensing

INFJs are twice blessed with clarity of vision, both internal and external. Just as they possess inner vision which is drawn to the forms of the unconscious, they also have external sensing perception which readily takes hold of worldly objects. Sensing, however, is the weakest of the INFJ's arsenal and the most vulnerable. INFJs, like their fellow intuitives, may be so absorbed in intuitive perceiving that they become oblivious to physical reality. The INFJ under stress may fall prey to various forms of immediate gratification. Awareness of extraverted sensing is probably the source of the "SP wannabe" side of INFJs. Many yearn to live spontaneously; it's not uncommon for INFJ actors to take on an SP (often ESTP) role.

Famous INFJs:

Nathan, prophet of Israel
Aristophanes
Chaucer
Goethe
Robert Burns, Scottish poet

Introverted iNtuiting Feeling Judging
by Marina Margaret Heiss

INFJs are distinguished by both their complexity of character and the unusual range and depth of their talents. Strongly humanitarian in outlook, INFJs tend to be idealists, and because of their J preference for
closure and completion, they are generally "doers" as well as dreamers. This rare combination of vision and practicality often results in INFJs taking a disproportionate amount of responsibility in the various causes to which so many of them seem to be drawn.

INFJs are deeply concerned about their relations with individuals as well as the state of humanity at large. They are, infact, sometimes mistaken for extroverts because they appear so outgoing andare so genuinely interested in people -- a product of the Feeling function they most readily show to the world. On the contrary, INFJs are true introverts, who can only be emotionally intimate and fulfilled with a chosen few from among their long-term friends, family, or obvious "soul mates." While instinctively courting the personal and organizational demands continually made upon them by others, at intervals INFJs will suddenly withdraw into themselves, sometimes shutting out even their intimates. (Yup, that's me.) This apparent paradox is a necessary escape valve for them, providing both time torebuild their depleted resources and a filter to prevent the emotional overload to which they are so susceptible as inherent "givers." (So, so true!) As a pattern of behavior, it is perhaps the most confusing aspect of the enigmatic INFJ character to outsiders, and hence the most often misunderstood -- particularly by those who have little experience with this rare type.

Due in part to the unique perspective produced by this alternation between detachment and involvement in the lives of the people around them, INFJs may well have the clearest insights of all the types into the motivations of others, for good and for evil. (This is sometimes good, sometimes a burden.) The most important contributing factor to this uncanny gift, however, are the empathic abilities often found in Fs, which seem to be especially heightened in the INFJ type (possibly by the dominance of the introverted N function).

This empathy can serve as a classic example of the two-edged nature of certain INFJ talents, as it can be strong enough to cause discomfort or pain in negative or stressful situations. More explicit inner conflicts are also not uncommon in INFJs; it is possible to speculate that the causes for some of thesemay lie in the specific combinations of preferences which define this complextype. For instance, there can sometimes be a "tug-of-war" between NF vision and idealism and the J practicality that urges compromise for the sake of achieving the highest priority goals. And the I and J combination, while perhaps enhancing self-awareness, may make it difficult for INFJs to articulate their deepest and most convoluted feelings.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. *nodding* Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally
well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership. Psychology and counseling are other obvious choices, but overall, INFJs can be exceptionally difficult to pigeonhole by their career paths. Perhaps the best example of this occurs in the technical fields. Many INFJs perceive themselves at a disadvantage when dealing with the mystique and formality of "hard logic", and in academic terms this may cause a tendency to gravitate towards the liberal arts rather than the sciences. However, the significant minority of INFJs who do pursue studies and careers in the latter areas tend to be as successful as their T counterparts, as it is *iNtuition* -- the dominant function for the INFJ type -- which governs the ability to understand abstract theory and implement it creatively.

In their own way, INFJs are just as much "systems builders" as are INTJs; the difference lies in that most INFJ "systems" are founded on human beings and human values, rather than information and technology. Their systems may for these reasons be conceptually "blurrier" than analogous NT ones, harder to measure in strict numerical terms, and easier to take for granted -- yet it is these same underlying reasons which make the resulting contributions to society so vital and profound.

INFJ type description by D.Keirsey

The Portrait of the Counsellor Idealist (iNFj)

The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and directive and introverted in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people. Haha, I'm not complex, just layered. :-p

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors have strong empathic abilities and can become aware of another's emotions or intentions -- good or evil -- even before that person is conscious of them. This "mind-reading" can take the form of feeling the hidden distress or illnesses of others to an extent which is difficult for other types to comprehend. Even Counselors can seldom tell how they came to penetrate others' feelings so keenly. (This really unsettles T sometimes, because he thinks I can read his mind. I wish!) Furthermore, the Counselor is most likely of all the types to demonstrate an ability to understand psychic phenomena and to have visions of human events, past, present, or future. What is known as ESP may well be exceptional intuitive ability-in both its forms, projection and introjection. Such supernormal intuition is found frequently in the Counselor, and can extend to people, things, and often events, taking the form of visions, episodes of foreknowledge, premonitions, auditory and visual images of things to come, as well as uncanny communications with certain individuals at a distance.

Mohandas Gandhi and Eleanor Roosevelt are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, after reading yours had to try it myself...looking at ones self can be scary

1:48 am  

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How ironic!

What animal was I in a past life? I was hoping for a cat, or a cheetah, or at least a dolphin. I like the blurb though - that bit isn't too far wrong! Ha!

You Were a Spider

You tend to be the master weaver of fate - both for yourself and those you know.
A creative force, you tend to work from divine inspiration.
What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Eh, while I'm at it, more truths...

Your Life Path Number is 7

Your purpose in life is to find truth and meaning

You are very spiritual, and you are interested in the mysteries of life.
You are quite analytical and a great thinker. You have many theories and insights.
A life of solitude is perfect for you. You need time to think and do things your way.

In love, you are quite charming. You attract many with your confidence and wit.

While you enjoy being alone, sometimes you take it to an extreme.
You can become too isolated, shutting out loved ones and friends.
Express yourself a little bit more, and you'll be surprised where it takes you!


3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Past lives. I find it already difficult to understand (my) present life. (;

5:40 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't know where you find this stuff but they are right on.

1:25 am  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

Your life path number summary is interesting. From reading your blog and ivillage, some of the things I remember certainly fit here. Is that true?

a

12:24 pm  

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Thursday, February 09, 2006

Tardis communique

T is out somewhere near the middle of nowhere this week; not quite there, but close to it. Close enough that his phone may not work and he might have to find a public phone box in order to call me.

Remember what they look like?



















A few hours later, I'm pleased to say that he managed to find a phone, and give me a number I can contact him on some time tonight. I'm pretty lucky. Even almost in the middle of nowhere, he's still busting his butt to talk to me. Can't ask for more than that. :-)

4 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

I once saw a solar powered telephone box in the Northern Territory. I couldn't get a dial tone, because it was night...

10:42 pm  
Blogger kT said...

We have a few of those here in America's Siberia. A few of them even still have phones in them. Which is nice for the 5 of us in the world who don't have cells.

Good attempts at communication are an AWESOME sign. Go T!

6:03 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Ian, you're a dork lol.

kT, my brother's gf is one of those 5 people who don't have mobile phones. As for T, poor guy couldn't get the phone in his room to work, or his mobile, and the phone boxes only took phone cards....which he didn't have....so he called me through the operator and reversed the charges so we could talk, and I wouldn't worry that he'd fallen down a ditch somewhere. He follows through on everything he says he's gonna do. Way cool, methinks.

...and how's Dino Boy? ;-)

10:25 am  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

yep, he sounds like a keeper. i remember that Irish always did things like that that i'd learned not to expect from previous relationships. he kept me on my toes, in a good way. :)

a

12:25 pm  

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Stolen from kT

Not quite sure about the party bit...
You Are Scooter

Brainy and knowledgable, you are the perfect sidekick.
You're always willing to lend a helping hand.
In any big event or party, you're the one who keeps things going.
"15 seconds to showtime!"

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Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Stupidity is more offensive

Airline defends asking woman passsenger to cover up tattoo

Airline Jetstar has defended a decision to ask a woman with a tattoo to cover up on a flight last month. The 36-year-old mother of two was on a flight to Brisbane when the incident happened.The tattoo is on her shoulder and shows a naked man and woman in an intimate embrace. Jetstar spokesman Simon Westaway says the company has yet to receive a formal complaint from the woman and will look into the matter when it receives one.

"It's not a case of our airline being a social police by any way, shape or form, but a duty of care requires our aircraft cabin to ensure that people aren't upset with each other," he said.

"We've carried almost seven-and-a-half-million people since we started flying - we haven't had a complaint of this nature before.

"So as I said, let's not get ahead of ourselves - let's receive the letter. I'm sure it'll arrive at our head office today or tomorrow and Jetstar will look into the matter."

I just saw the story about this on a current affairs program. It's PC gone stupid. Guys! The tattoo is on her shoulder blade, was 75% covered by her clothing and um...when she sat down, who the heck was gonna see it?

I've seen airline stewards and stewardesses with bad hair and too much makeup. That is offensive to me. Does that mean if I ever have to fly with that airline again, I have the right to ask them to put bags over their heads, so my poor offended eyes don't bleed? Seriously!

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Ebb and flow

I mentioned the other day about a girlfriend who called me out of the blue, after we'd gone quite a while without catching up. In fact, I've moved house four times since I last talked to her (yeah, I'm part gypsy). She asked what I'd been up to, where I was living, and all those standard questions, to which I replied I'd send her an email, because I couldn't talk about it all at work. I haven't sent the email yet. Where to start and what to say are things I'm struggling with, and I haven't determined why. It's not that I don't want to email her. I just can't get started.

She's a nice girl (I should say woman, because she's in her 40s now, I think), and I like her, but we're worlds apart in numerous ways and I'm not sure in what capacity I'd like her in my life. We met when I was an executive assistant to the chairman and MD, and she was a senior secretary of a company we both worked for years ago, but we didn't really socialise until after we'd both left.

We have nothing much in common. She's from the country. I'm from the city. If we were colours, she'd be pink and I'd be black. She's settled and likes routine. I'm....more of a free spirit. Regardless, she's come back into my life for a reason and I'll find out what that is soon enough.

Having her contact me again made me reflect on another friend that my girlfriends and I no longer talk to. We had to make that decision a couple of years ago, because the choices she was making in her life were directly affecting our lives in a very negative way. Her behaviour, and the drama that surrounded her everywhere she went, was starting to cause problems, drama and stresses in our whole social group. Other peoples' marriages were straining, because she made statements that implied the rest of us were party to and participated in similar destructive behaviour.

I had been close friends with her for about 8 years and her daughters referred to me as their other sister. My other two closest friends had been best friends with her for over 20 years. It was sad and hard on all of us to walk away and we assumed the role of 'bad guy' for a while, because it was assumed that we all deserted her when she needed us the most. The fact is, we offered help, guidance and support, and she chose to ignore it (or rather, wasn't ready to hear it).

One of my friends still feels a lot of guilt about what happened, and because of the dynamics of our group, we hear what's going on in this person's life, because she's still on the periphery of the circle of friends and acquaintences. I, however, don't feel the guilt. I did my best to be there for someone who was so caught up in her own self-made dramas that she couldn't see how her actions were dragging her family and her friends down, causing rifts in lifetime friendships, that spread like a virus.

My headspace was being consumed and my energy was being drained, because I was worrying too much about this person's welfare. I didn't see what it was doing to me. When I chose to remove myself from the situation and support the other two friends, I did so not because I didn't care about her, or could not accept who she was, or the choices she was making, because I know she felt she was making the right choices for herself at that time, to get herself to where she thought she wanted to be. I did so because I needed to protect myself.

I was at a stage in my life where I was newly single, becoming more self aware, liking myself more, and needing as many positive influences in my life as I could find. I knew if I focussed too much on trying to help and understand someone else, I'd lose focus of what I needed to do to help me.

I have a male friend who is like this too. He's a lovely, sweet guy, but if you let him, he can keep you on the phone for 3 hours discussing how his latest love interest has broken his heart. For that reason, I rarely contact him, because it takes so much energy to not allow him to take all my energy. Some people just do that. They can't produce enough positive energy of their own and when you interact with them, you can physically feel them drawing it out of you.

And people change. I know I certainly have in many major ways in the last year or so. I've learnt a lot. One of those things I've learnt is that sometimes, in order to do the right thing by me, I need to let go of trying to do the right thing by others. That doesn't mean I care any less, or that I don't recognise the positive contributions they have made to my life. It doesn't mean I disagree with the choices they're making. It doesn't mean I think they're unworthy of my friendship; the friendships with some can remain, only at a distance. It doesn't mean I judge. Who am I to say that someone else's decisions are wrong for them, solely because I wouldn't make those decisions for myself?

It simply means that I've realised that my own personal growth, self preservation, mood, and attitude are determined in part by the people I actively choose to surround myself with on a regular basis.

The personal space I'm in now, and the choices I'm making now, are all positive and productive. I know myself, and I cannot afford to let myself become anxious about other peoples' situations (and therefore circumstances completely beyond my control), because I know I'm not far enough into the process of helping me get to where I need to be, to be able to be there for someone else and remain focussed on myself.

I am not the same person I was when I was 15, or when I was 25 (thank G-d!). I'll be a different person again, next year when I'm 35. We change. Life changes. Friends change. It's not a bad thing. It's not a good thing. It just is.

2 Comments:

Blogger kT said...

Yes. Just yes. To all of it.

5:57 am  
Blogger grrltraveler said...

Ditto what kT said.

a

12:29 pm  

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Value for money?

A moment ago I saw an ad on tv for life insurance. They said they provide the best value for money and a 30 day money back guarantee if you’re not satisfied.

How exactly does one determine what good value for money is when someone dies? And a 30 day money back guarantee? Someone dies, they give you a payout and if you complain that it’s not enough within 30 days, you get all your contributions back? It’s not like you can say, “no thanks, the money’s just not enough, I’d like you to resurrect my family member please”.

I can understand ‘value for money’ and ’30 day money back guarantee’ when it comes to white goods and such, but life insurance? I’m not so sure.

2 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

Makes perfect sense to me. "I'm not happy with my dead aunt, I want my money back!"

6:15 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if somehow the corpse ends up coming back from the dead, well -- you can give the money to it. that's probably what the 30-day guarantee is trying to allow for, if you ask me, because what if the corpse doesn't receive enough? ;)

11:46 am  

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Monday, February 06, 2006

Family, feuds, fears, facts and food

Patient posting promotes positive ponderances. Isn't alliteration so annoying? Almost as much as getting a stupid song stuck in your head, but not quite.

On Friday night, I was out for dinner with my mother, my brother and his girlfriend. The subject of people we know who look like famous people, came up. Stupidly, I mentioned a teacher who used to work here, who looked just like the guy from Greatest American Hero. Every time I saw him, that damn theme song would start running through my head. Of course, my mother and my brother's gf had to start singing it and the torture has begun again.

In case the cyberworld really wants to know, my sister was released from hospital late in January. She still needed to go back in each day to have dressings changed, but at least she was at home. After a couple of days, she started complaining of chest pain, light headedness etc and was admitted back into hospital because she had a pulmonary embolism. After a dose of anticoagulant drugs, she was out on Thursday... and my mum came back down here to stay at my brother's, before going home yesterday afternoon.

So we were having drinks at one restaurant while we waited for a table at another restaurant and we started talking about ghosts and haunted houses. Mum has lived in two haunted houses; one when she was a child, and one that my brother and I grew up in. She told me more information about an incident that happened to me one night in a house we were holidaying in when I was a teenager. I certainly remembered it, because it still freaks me out to think about it. Hearing the rest of the things she had to say made me feel a lot less like I've been overreacting about that night, and a lot more justified in still feeling that intense fear when I let it into my head for too long.

If the conversation had stayed on ghosts and things that make you scream in the night, I would have been happy. Unfortunately, the subject of my dad came up and mum sat there and told some horrendous untruths and some simply uncalled for remarks. Honestly, if I had my car there, I would have fought with myself about whether to leave or not. As it was, I turned away and allowed myself time to calm down. Sure, I could have said something, but one person's inappropriate comments don't validate the next person doing the same thing. And mum would have started crying and I really wasn't in the mood to deal with it.

T and I had some major miscommunications during the day, compounding a headache I woke up with, and I'd left my phone at my brother's by mistake, when we went out, so I had no way to tell T what I was up to...and that was part of the miscommunication in the first place. I had to use my mum's phone to call him, which was bad for two reasons. The first was that it was noisy where he was and where I was, so he heard, "I'll call you in a hour" when I said, "we're not eating for another hour, I'll have to call you when we get home". More miscommunication. The second bad reason was/is that now my mother has his phone number (and she felt the need to remind me in passing again yesterday - "oh is this T's number...?"). Because T didn't hear from me when he thought I was going to call, and I wasn't answering my phone, he rang my mum's phone. Sigh....

Despite everything, the meals were great and we managed to have a decent time overall. However, I went home as soon as we got back to my brother's house, because my head was about to explode. I spoke to T on the way home and we resolved the stupidity from earlier on in the day, only for a new issue to rear its head.

I will just say one thing in that regard. Withholding information because you don't want to upset someone, or have them worry, just makes them twice as upset when they do find out later - 1) for the original reason and 2) because it was withheld. In this instance, my issue was the withholding, rather than what was withheld. I do understand the motivation to withhold info. I think everybody does it to 'protect' someone else at one time or another. I'd just rather know about an issue when it's singular, than when it's compounded. Anyway, that's sorted out too and I'm actually glad it came up how and when it did. Hard for me to explain really why that is, but it's true. It was reassuring, in a bizarre way - not the withholding, but the timing of the resolution.

I haven't mentioned here enough how awesome I think T is. He rings me at the same time every night, religiously, he contacts me throughout the day, when he can, is thoughtful and generous and constantly makes me speechless with the lovely things he says about me. He makes me feel smart and feel good about myself and he's funny and I love spending time with him. It's daunting to think about moving over there, but he's an amazing friend and I'm really looking forward to it.

All in all? Things are pretty good in this little corner of cyberspace right now.

4 Comments:

Blogger SJ said...

"Withholding information because you don't want to upset someone, or have them worry, just makes them twice as upset when they do find out later"

I entirely agree. And people always find out!

6:29 am  
Blogger kT said...

I agree, too, but timing is important sometimes.

I'm thinking way positive thoughts for you and T.

7:48 am  
Blogger consise10 said...

Tell us more about the 'haunted houses'...

10:24 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know the "withholding info" part all too well -- it cost me my relationship with my ex. miscommunication, too, is hopefully easily resolved, or at least should be in theory, and it sounds like you two were alright in that respect.

i agree: more haunted stuff. i want to hear about the shades in that house, especially since I'm working on Chuck Palahniuk's Haunted right now ;) love reading your work as always.

11:44 am  

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Friday, February 03, 2006

Hatching an idea

Considering I tend to feel horribly ill at the thought of being pregnant, to the point of being phobic, you can imagine how disconcerting it was for me to have a dream about being pregnant last night.

In line with most of my dreams, it was unpleasant and slightly creepy. For the gals from the UG who read here, some of you were in my dream too, but I don't remember who. I think you were trying to reassure me.

I remember that I was pretty far along and someone was talking to me and I was not at all happy, because the baby's arms and legs were moving all over the place. Not like small kicks that you can normally see and feel. Rather, you could see a whole forearm or leg/foot extend and push right out. It was just foul and I can recall wondering how something that bony was going to come out in a way that wasn't going to hurt like buggery.

As usual, I had to find out what it meant....

Pregnant
To dream that you are pregnant, symbolizes an aspect of yourself or some aspect of your personal life that is growing and developing. You may not be ready to talk about it or act on it. This may also represent the birth of a new idea, direction, project or goal.

Belly
To see your belly in your dream, indicates that your are processing and integrating your ideas and feelings from the unconscious to the conscious level. The belly symbolically holds repressed emotions and unexpressed feelings. Your dream may also be telling you to trust your gut feeling and intuition. To see a pregnant belly, represents emotions that are due to come to the surface. They can no longer remain suppressed. To dream that you are stroking or touching a belly, indicates that you are coming to terms with certain feelings. You are slowly confronting and acknowledging your repressed emotions.


And no, I am most certainly not pregnant!

Thoughts?

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hm, well, I dreamed the other night that I gave birth to a little baby puppy version of my dog. That was a bit... surreal.

Perhaps we're just mental.

2:35 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The reasoning you included in your post seems quite logical. I don't ever remember my dreams to the point that I feel as though I have none. Your planned progression with T may be at the root and I would go with the "trust your gut" and not start second guessing. True friends are a gift of God and it's nice to "grow a relationSHIP" with a friend.

4:55 am  
Blogger kT said...

Yikes. I'd be disturbed, too, but the imagery you posted makes a lot of sense.

What's your source? Book or online?

6:17 am  
Blogger SJ said...

Maa-ma!

7:58 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Angela, that worries me! :-p I knew I was slightly mental, but I thought you were doing ok. lol

Rich, I really like that ship analogy you use and I've still got the whole thing you showed me from the wedding saved somewhere.

kT, I think you were one of the people in my dream. I can't remember, but I do know I woke up thinking I'd been talking to you. I get the interpretations from dreammoods.com.

Ian, I think you just like torturing me. lol

1:18 pm  
Blogger Margaret said...

I dreamed I gave birth to a pig....a girl pig.....I guess that explains why it was pink. I found it a bit disturbing as well. I do not have kids planned, but I like your explanations.

7:15 am  

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Thursday, February 02, 2006

Random

I bought a hot dog for lunch from our canteen, because I couldn't be bothered getting in my car and driving down the road to buy food. After I bought it, the thought of eating it made me ill. I gave it away. I've had no lunch. I'll have a chupa chup later. Mmmm nutrition...

Ever consider who touched the bowser before you, when you go to fill up with petrol? I did yesterday. Now I wish I hadn't.


I got a phone call today from a girlfriend I haven't spoken to in over 18 months. I thought about her just the other day. She's nothing like me and our lives are completely different. But I like her.

My cat eats peas. She loves them. The other day, I tried to give her meat off a pizza, but she didn't want it. Later that night, she bothered me until I shared a marshmallow with her. I think she needs pet therapy.


I've decided to start working the Dr Fun-Killer 'diet' again. It's not really a diet and I am not going to take all the potions like last time. It'll make me feel better. Oink oink oink!

There's a girl on a message board that I post on who has seriously unrealistic expectations of the real world and jobs. She doesn't realise that sometimes you have to do a job you don't like, to earn a living, even if you have a degree that says you're qualified to do something much better. It can't respond to it. It's too frustrating.

7 Comments:

Blogger consise10 said...

Funny about the hot dog! Today I purchased a big packet of Burger Rings and didn`t even share them, and that made me feel like a real slob!

10:37 pm  
Blogger Ariel said...

My sister has 2 degrees and doesn't understand the concept of work either. A degree is not a right to a good job. Most people know that you go to work, you pay the bills, and maybe save a little. There is no such thing as a free ride...

3:49 am  
Blogger kT said...

One of my cats spent dinner time last night playing with a cracker. He loves them and will steal them off the counter if I leave the bag there.

I have several degrees. They mean that I have several pretty pieces of paper. I'm still a mid-level bureaucrat who doesn't get paid much and works hours of unpaid overtime. I'm cool with that. Most of the time.

5:56 am  
Blogger SJ said...

You didn't go on a diet because of that banana and pineapple muffin drizzled in chocolate you had the other day, did you? ;)

By the way - that walk we did around Albert Park was 5km!

6:35 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hm, I'm about 99.9% sure who you're talking about regarding that last thought and I'm right there with you in the frustration... although I'll admit, it is turning to annoyance...

And what on earth is a chupa chup? I think the language barrier is rearing it's ugly head here ;)

7:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

    chupa chups are lollipops. we have some of them here, hehe.
    hotdogs are divine! i'd never offer up one to the chthonic gods. the bowser, I'm guessing, is the gas nozzle? since I feel invincible usually, I don't worry.
    opposites attract -- even with friends usually.
    cats are insane, I've found out in my research. marshmallows are alien food. meat off a pizza is fundamental.
    diets are crazy, hehe. but I wish you luck in yours, dear. and I know a lot about jobs I don't like, lol... not as much as some, but I still do. hopefully I'll find a job with my PhD though.

9:31 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

Consise, I have not had burger rings for eons! Mmmmmm...

Ariel, yep. A piece of paper doesn't make anyone 'entitled'.

lol kT, my cats don't steal stuff, but they will sit there and make me feel guilty for eating in front of them, particularly if I don't at least show them what I've got.

Ian, lol people are gonna believe the things you say about me here! It was banana and something though...and dry as all hell. I thought that walk was 5km. Didn't feel like it.

Ang, I reckon you know who it is too. As for chupa chups, they first went on sale in 1958, with a logo designed by Salvador Dali. http://www.thinkspain.com/news-spain/2227
You've never had one? Go find one. mmmmm

Greyor, marshmallows are alien food? That explains everything!

9:49 am  

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Go west

Go west, life is peaceful there.
Go west, lots of open air.
Go west to begin life new...

Stupid Village People putting lyrics into my head! I hope you're all singing along now, too. No reason I should be the only one to suffer!

There's something about putting things in writing that makes them more real. Putting them in writing and sharing them makes them real, and a little scary. In a conversation with T on Sunday night, I brought up the topic of me going to Perth on a trial basis for 3 months. We'd talked about it before, but never with a timeline. Now we've got one.

My lease ends in early April. There's no way in the world either of us would be ready for me to go there at that time. It's too soon and nine weeks is not enough preparation time. Having said that, I moved from Brisbane to Melbourne in four weeks, but that was 10 years ago and I had much less to consider.

July is more do-able. That gives us another 5 months to freak out. Ha! (Only joking, T!!) No, it gives us another 5 months to plan how we're going to do it, plan what I'm going to do with regards to work (my biggest headache), allow me to get some money together, and make a few more trips over there so I'm more familiar/comfortable with everything. And meet his family and friends....without passing out from nerves.

...and get used to their bad drivers (I wouldn't have thunk it if I hadn't have seen it!)

...and no late night shopping, except on Thursdays

...and lower wages

...warmer winters and cooler summers (ok, that one's not so bad)

...no daylight savings

...so.far.away.from.everything

At least I'll miss most of this Melbourne winter. Then again, it means I won't get to wear all my cool winter clothes.

So there you have it. Looks like I'll be having a birthday in Perth this year. Hopefully, that means I won't be sick for it and it won't be as cold and raining, as seems to be the case recently.

Now that I think about it though, July will depend also on some doctor visits I have in June. I think I posted last year when I had a bad smear result (sorry guys, but I'm a girl, so you're gonna get some girly info on here from time to time), and I had to go for a follow up. I did that a couple of weeks ago and it's still not good. Not bad bad, but not good. The follow up for that is June. If it's still not good, then it's off to hospital again for biopsies and all that fun stuff. I'm not all that concerned really. The BTDT factor means I don't usually worry about it till it happens, and it's better that way! I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. My other doc's appointment at that time is with my specialist. That's really just to appease the government so they'll keep giving me prescriptions for my happy pills.

Oh, another impulse thought that actually seems to make some sense...

July might turn out to be the ideal time to do this 3 month trial, as long as I can get the leave from work. That'll take me through to the end of September, which coincides with the end of school holidays and means it technically shouldn't be as much of an issue here with work. I could work the last school term and use the second half of December to relocate. Wow....weird to say the word...

It's a little daunting sometimes, when I think about it too much. But I knew I was getting into this when I signed up to do this LDR with T. Only way for us both to find out if it's worth it, and I think it is, is for me to go over there and see how we go. The thought of it makes me happy, though, and that's what counts.

I never would have thought this time last year that this year, I'd be considering living on the other side of the country, by this time next year.

7 Comments:

Blogger Anonymous G said...

EEEK!

12:30 pm  
Blogger consise10 said...

Three months should be adequate time to get a feel for one anothers living 'quirks'! Best of luck with your looming health issues too...they sound scarey.

10:48 pm  
Blogger Ariel said...

Good luck on all counts! And I looked up Perth, looked lovely....

3:52 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Holy cow!

I remember when I was like you... oh so long ago....

Fun FUN FUN! adventure ADVENTURE ADVENTURE!

Life is more sedate for me now, and I think I'm learning to like it that way.

4:17 am  
Blogger kT said...

It's scary, but some things you can never know without taking a risk.

Sending healthy thoughts to the down under.....

5:53 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

take your time with it -- make a move soon, obviously, before the window disappears -- but July is probably good. is Perth in the middle of nowhere or something? I don't know Aus all that well... I have a friend in Sydney though, hehe. hope the doctor visits turn out well -- I'm sure they will, you'll be great. and hey, it'll be good that you're closer to your boy -- may make things easier and all right? hehe.

9:27 am  
Blogger E in Oz said...

G - Totally eeek! LOL but I'm mostly ok with the idea. When I moved here, it was a toss up between here and Perth, so going over there has always been an idea I've played with anyway.

Consise - I think 3 mos is good too. I'm trying to consider all the 'what ifs' in the process. I've got half a plan. The rest will work itself out when I'm there. Thanks for the health luck too.

Ariel - thanks. And yeah, Perth is pretty.

RG - I like your type of sedate. :-)

kT - you're right. Only one way to find out. Sending health vibes back atcha too.

9:38 am  

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