Evolution
I have to post again, just to get those multiple pics of me off my screen. Kinda freaks me out a bit.
T and I were having a discussion the other night and it turned into one of those, "you wouldn't have even looked at me ten years ago" conversations. A pointless topic really, but a popular one I think, because the stranger I lived with also said the same thing. I half wish I didn't look at him 18 months ago, but that's another story. (The other half I'm glad for, because I met A.)
T was right though. I wouldn't have looked at him. Ok, I would have looked at him, coz he was a hot, blond boy-band contender, if a photo in his bedroom is anything to go by. I just wouldn't have done anything about it. He smoked and his lifestyle was solar systems apart from mine. Besides, I was so unsure of myself and didn't have a clue who I was, so I would have done all the wrong things and it would have ended in tears. The person I was back then would have irritated the hell out of who he was.
He sees me as confident and (mostly) self assured now, so it's difficult I guess for him to picture me as insecure and struggling to find my way. He would have thought I'd like him for his brain. Secretly, I probably would have, but nobody had ever liked me for my brain back then and nobody ever encouraged me to actually use it. It wasn't till a few years ago that I finally discovered - and embraced - my inner geek....the part of me that's proud to say I have a book addiction, that I g0og!e everything, that I spend too much time online, that I'm not a slave to fashion and that I'd rather write poetry than get drunk at a club, just to name a few.
T and I get on now because our ideals, goals and values are more closely aligned than they were ten years ago. It's better that we met now than back then. And I believe that's exactly the reason we met now. I do think all things have purpose and meaning, and that situations are presented to us when they're meant to be. We're not handed things on a platter though. It's our job to recognise and utilise the information/situation when it's presented. Nothing's for free.
I'm glad that I finally tapped into my inner geek and became more accepting of myself and who I am, and being happy (eh, well it's a work in progress) with who I am, geekiness included. In doing so, I'm more true to me and therefore present a more accurate version of myself to T (or anyone else, for that matter). That can only serve to benefit us. It also allows me to more fully accept him for who he is, and for him to be more comfortable being exactly who he is, with me.
T and I were having a discussion the other night and it turned into one of those, "you wouldn't have even looked at me ten years ago" conversations. A pointless topic really, but a popular one I think, because the stranger I lived with also said the same thing. I half wish I didn't look at him 18 months ago, but that's another story. (The other half I'm glad for, because I met A.)
T was right though. I wouldn't have looked at him. Ok, I would have looked at him, coz he was a hot, blond boy-band contender, if a photo in his bedroom is anything to go by. I just wouldn't have done anything about it. He smoked and his lifestyle was solar systems apart from mine. Besides, I was so unsure of myself and didn't have a clue who I was, so I would have done all the wrong things and it would have ended in tears. The person I was back then would have irritated the hell out of who he was.
He sees me as confident and (mostly) self assured now, so it's difficult I guess for him to picture me as insecure and struggling to find my way. He would have thought I'd like him for his brain. Secretly, I probably would have, but nobody had ever liked me for my brain back then and nobody ever encouraged me to actually use it. It wasn't till a few years ago that I finally discovered - and embraced - my inner geek....the part of me that's proud to say I have a book addiction, that I g0og!e everything, that I spend too much time online, that I'm not a slave to fashion and that I'd rather write poetry than get drunk at a club, just to name a few.
T and I get on now because our ideals, goals and values are more closely aligned than they were ten years ago. It's better that we met now than back then. And I believe that's exactly the reason we met now. I do think all things have purpose and meaning, and that situations are presented to us when they're meant to be. We're not handed things on a platter though. It's our job to recognise and utilise the information/situation when it's presented. Nothing's for free.
I'm glad that I finally tapped into my inner geek and became more accepting of myself and who I am, and being happy (eh, well it's a work in progress) with who I am, geekiness included. In doing so, I'm more true to me and therefore present a more accurate version of myself to T (or anyone else, for that matter). That can only serve to benefit us. It also allows me to more fully accept him for who he is, and for him to be more comfortable being exactly who he is, with me.
posted by E in Oz at 12:46 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 12:46 pm
2 Comments:
My name's Ian and I'm a geek. It has been 3 months since my last convention..."
Amen sister! It wasn't until I accepted that I'm a smart woman and wasn't going to hide it from anyone that I found my husband. I can clearly see why our relationship is so comfortable. He met the REAL me, not the me trying to be someone else. Being me requires no work (mentally, anyway... ha ha) Being someone else requires a lot of work and it's tiring.
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