Slow roasted coffee

Today I finally got around to catching up with the boy who kept asking me to dinner at the night club a couple of weekends ago. I cancelled on him twice, for different reasons, but managed to drag myself away from the mundane of my usual weekend to go have a coffee this afternoon.

Seems like a nice guy. No chance for romance. I'm happy with that. He still wants to cook dinner for me. Wednesday. If I don't cancel....again.

Confirmation - I'm a girl!

Apparently my brain thinks like a girl, but only just, according to the BBC website survey.
This kind of stuff fascinates the geek in me. There are six parts to the test. I've posted my results below.











Part 1
Angles

This task tested your ability to identify the angle of a line by matching it with its twin. This is a spatial task, which looks at how you picture space.

Your score: 18 out of 20
Average score for men: 15.1 out of 20
Average score for women: 13.3 out of 20

If you scored 18 - 20: You have more of a male brain. On average, men outperform women in this task and those with more mathematical knowledge tend to score quite high as well. In past studies, 60 per cent of the people in this range were men.

Spot the Difference

This task tested your ability to identify which objects changed position. You lost points, if you incorrectly identified objects.

You correctly identified 11 out of 14.
You incorrectly identified 0 objects

Your score: 79%
Average score for men: 39%
Average score for women: 46%

If you scored between 67 - 100%: Those with a female-type brain generally score in this range. Your ability to remember where objects are may serve as an advantage to you when you're trying to find your way around places. You're more capable of recalling landmarks to get from one place to another.

Part 2
Hands

You said your right thumb was on top when you clasped your hands together.

Right thumb on top: This suggests the left half of your brain is dominant. Many studies have tried to establish whether there is a relationship between handedness and brain dominance. Some scientists believe that if you are left brain dominant, you would be more verbal and analytical.

Part 3
Emotions and systems

This task looked at whether you prefer to empathise or systemise.

Empathising
Your empathy score is: 15 out of 20
Average score for men: 7.9 out of 20
Average score for women: 10.6 out of 20

Empathisers are better at accurately judging other people's emotions and responding appropriately. If you scored 15 and above, you are very empathic and would be an ideal person to comfort people in a time of crisis. Women in general are better at empathising.

Systemising

Your systemising score is: 11 out of 20
Average score for men: 12.5 out of 20
Average score for women: 8.0 out of 20

Systemisers prefer to investigate how systems work. A system can be a road map, flat pack furniture, or a mathematical equation – anything that follows a set of rules. A score of 15 and above suggests you're good at analysing or building systems. Men in general are better at systemising.

Eyes

This task tested your ability to judge people's emotions.

Your score: 7 out of 10
Average score for men: 6.6 out of 10
Average score for women: 6.6 out of 10

If you scored 7 - 10: Your result suggests you are a good empathiser, sensitive to other people's emotions. Women generally fall into this category.

Part 4
Fingers
(This one may not be entirely accurate, because I didn't have a ruler)

We asked you to measure your ring and index fingers. Your ratios came to:

Right Hand: 1.05
Left Hand: 1.06

Average ratio for men: 0.982
Average ratio for women: 0.991

It's thought that your ratio is governed by the amount of testosterone you were exposed to in your mother's womb. The ratio of the length of your index finger to the length of your ring finger is set for life by as early as three months after conception. Even during puberty, when we experience intensive hormonal changes, the ratio stays the same.

Men generally have a ring finger that is longer than their index finger, which gives them a lower ratio than women, whose ring and index fingers are usually of equal length.

Part 5
Faces

This task looked at how you rate the attractiveness of a series of faces. The images you looked at were digitally altered to create slight differences in masculinity.

Your choices suggest you prefer more feminine faces.

Highly masculinised male faces possess more extreme testosterone markers such as a long, broad and lower jaw, as well as more pronounced brow ridges and cheekbones.

Interestingly, women's preferences are said to vary across the menstrual phase. A more masculine face is preferred during the 9 days prior to ovulation, when conception is most likely.

A typical 'attractive' female face possesses features such as a shorter, narrower, lower jaw, fuller lips and larger eyes than an average face.

Part 6
3D shapes

This task tested your ability to mentally rotate 3D shapes.

Your score: 9 out of 12
Average score for men: 8.2 out of 12
Average score for women: 7.1 out of 12

If you scored 7 - 9: In past studies, 50 per cent of the people who scored in this range were women and 50 per cent were men.

Words

This task looked at your verbal fluency.

Your score: you associated 8 word(s) that mean happy. We are assuming that all the words you entered are correct.

Average score for men: 11.4 words total
Average score for women: 12.4 words total

If you produced 6 - 10 words: Most people in this range have a female-type brain.

Women are said to use both sides of the brain when doing verbal tasks while men mainly use their left side. Studies have shown that girls develop vocabulary faster than boys. This difference in brain power is caused by levels of pre-natal testosterone.

Ultimatum
This task asked you how you would divide money.

If you had to split £50 with someone, you said you would demand £25

So far on the Sex ID test, men have demanded 51.6% (£25.80) of the pot and women have demanded 51.0% (£25.50), on average.

What does your response suggest?

Sex differences are small in this task. Demanding less than 60% of the pot (ie £30) is more typically female. Demanding more than 65% of the pot (ie £32.50) is more typically male.

Scientists believe that people with lower testosterone levels tend to take fewer risks so they are probably more willing to keep less for themselves. Those with higher testosterone levels tend to drive a harder bargain and are less compromising. Men's testosterone levels fluctuate over the seasons and are at their lowest levels during the springtime. This is said to influence their bargaining power.

Keepin' on the level...well trying to

I have to say I was/am relieved to see that my latest crazy idea (see: agree to have strange guy from the other side of the country come to stay for 4 days) was well received. It appears I'm known for this type of insanity. Nobody's been surprised so far.

I can't say though, that things are at the same level they were when I first posted about it. Not for him anyway. Between series of nerves and fear (resulting in some dumb negative behaviour), he's kicked it up a gear or two over the last few days. Future talk is now on the table and open for discussion.

Honestly, I'm not sure what to think. I like the idea of it. But I also like where we're at now. It suits me. There's the possibility of maybe something happening sometime, but for me, that won't be decided till we meet in a couple of weeks.

It's hard to be encouraging and make positive anticipatory statements, yet keep the brakes on at the same time, especially when it's very easy to get caught up in the moment. There have been a few conversations that probably shouldn't have been had. There's a fine line between agreement and encouragement and I'm trying not to cross it. I think I have, if I'm to be honest with myself, and it bothers me slightly.

I've requested baby steps and keeping the status quo till we meet, with the presumption that things will go well and possibly progress. In my mind at least, that's a reasonable compromise.

I like the interaction, I'd like it to continue, but I've propped myself back up on that fence for the time being, and I'll know which way to jump in two weeks.

And I'm going to be eating steamed rice or 2 minute noodles for the next month. My cell phone bill is getting ridiculous!

Double trouble

I was looking up a friend's address online and thought I'd see if my new address and phone number were listed. I wish I could post the search results! There are only 5 people with my first initial and last name listed.

One of them not only has my same initials (first name and middle name), but also lives in my suburb and has the same street number as me. How's that for coincidence!

You just know I'm gonna have to do a drive by to check them out now!

Laugh and the world laughs...AT you?

I was over at Heidi's, snooping, as I'm wont to do. Because I have nothing better to do tonight (yet...!), I decided to copy what she'd done. Let's face it, it's Friday night and I just can't come up with an original thought to blog about right now.

Type in "(your name) needs" in a G00gle search.

Here's my 'E needs', and the first one is no joke (although the universe is joking with me, I'm sure!). It's the very first link in my search results. Geez!

E needs a man. I can see you all smirking! Stop it! I don't need a man.....I'd just like one, ok!

E needs you and your pictures. Well, ok, if you're male, mid to late 30s, financially stable...

E needs a way to make the thieves pay. So many thieves, so little time.

E needs more people like you. Mmmmm I love my blog readers. You should comment more!

E needs to know what Z is. Apparently, I also need to know how to factor N. Okaaaayyy...

E needs better quality samples. Men? Gold? Diamonds? Chocolate? What?

E needs her own space. Well, now ain't that a revelation too?

E needs me. I do? Who are you anyway? Call me!

E needs technical discussion. Um, not on a Friday night, I don't! I do need a drink now tho!

Scariness

What are you scared of? Rational or irrational. Real or imagined. What freaks you out?

I am not scared of spiders. I just absolutely c-a-n-n-o-t stand them. I have a kill-on-sight policy that's working well for me and is not about to change. So spiders don't rate on my fear list.

I'm scared of heights, but only when it comes to man-made objects. Somehow my brain computes that man made objects are more likely to fall, bend, or break than natural objects. For example, I can't go up the stairs of a water tower, because I can see through the stairs to the ground - it doesn't 'feel' safe. Depending on the height, I can't lean against balcony railings. I won't go near the edge of the roof of a building. I am, however, quite happy to climb to the top of a tall tree, or stand on the edge of a rock face. It's not rational, because I do realise I'm equally liable to fall out of a tree, slip off the edge of a cliff, or descend to my death because a balcony railing gave way. But my brain says nature is safer than man made.

I'm scared of dark hallways. I can't walk alone down a dark hallway without feeling like I'm being watched or that something bad is going to happen. Yeah, I know. Slightly paranoid. But it's my paranoia ok. ;-) I need there to be a light switch at both ends of the hall so I can turn the light on, walk down the hall, and turn it off at the other end.

I have a fear of being cut, sliced or stabbed with something sharp, like a knife. (Hey, never said my fears weren't morbid too!) The image of blood and my skin tearing makes my stomach turn. Conversely, I have no fear of guns or being shot. Analyse that!

I'm scared of being pregnant. The whole concept freaks me out. Having something growing inside me is such an alien concept, I can't wrap my head around it. And geez, having to protect it for all that time inside you? Ugh, I have images of bumping myself somehow and causing it severe damage, or worse. I cannot ever, ever get pregnant, because I will seriously need to be hospitalised in a psych ward. No joke. :-/

I'm scared of failure. But 'failure' is so evolutionary and intangible at times that I should probably just try to let that one go.

So.....fess up folks! What makes you just want to hide under the bed and not come out?

Oh well...

I'd only been working on it all morning....









Yeah, try to save. Who needs a database anyway?

Let's start with a little song

Parts of a song, at least....

I don’t wanna think about it
Don’t wanna think clear
Don’t analyze
What I’m doing here
Wanna be impulsive
Reckless

You’re giving me a feeling
It’s a sudden rush
Acting on the moment
Spontaneous
Wanna be impulsive... reckless

Impulsive
I wanna be... impulsive
I’m gonna be impulsive... reckless
And lose myself
lose myself

Points for the person who can tell me the artist (and Ian, that ought to be you).

If you know me, or you've been reading me a while, you'll know I have a tendency from time to time, to do things on impulse. So I got off the fence......in a way. And now for the story...

In Which She Removes Some of the Ambiguity

I broke my dating/meeting someone criteria (my 'rules of engagement' in the Land of Singledom) and started talking to a guy in Perth (as far west on the AU coast before you have to start paddling for Africa - and of course, I'm on the east coast). Essentially, it started out as nothing, like most of these things do. As much as he seemed like an interesting person, he'd contacted me with a compliment about a couple of things in my profile, not with the intent of anything more, so I took my time replying to each of his emails. I figured he seemed ok and didn't mind corresponding, but wasn't going to go out of my way to do so. Ah, the best laid plans, huh!

We've been exchanging emails for a few weeks. Now it's daily phone calls of up to 3-4 hours each night. Who knew long distance rates capped out at $1.50 late at night! For once, I'm pleased with a telephone company! Mind you, I'm sure the lack of sleep (moreso than the usual!) is going to catch up with me pretty soon.

Anyhow, despite all the contact and the obvious chemisty, we're keeping it on a level. My brain can't compute the relationship thing just yet. My brain can't compute doing the long distance thing again (not yet anyway). It can't even compute the next three weeks at this stage. Which brings me to my original point about being impulsive.

A couple of weeks ago, I decided I was going to go on a trip here in January. I sent him a link to see what he thought........and it's all been a bit fuzzy since then. That conversation turned from, "here's where I'm going", to "what will there be there for us to do?". Freaked us both out just a little. Two strangers, never met, planning a tropical island holiday together. But then, some of you know I've been found to do similar things in the past.....

Sensibly, we thought it might be prudent to actually meet for a weekend first to see if we got on in person. Sounds fair enough, right? Ok, that weekend has morphed into a 4 day trip 3 hours from where I live, in the mountains.

Make sense? In order to find out if I can spend time away on a trip with an almost complete stranger for a week, I'm planning to spend almost a week on a trip with an almost complete stranger.

Now, before you all flip out with the precautionary stuff, I know this already. My current point of view is that I need a break - a decent break away from things - and I seem to get on with and have enough in common with this person to go and have good time, regardless of whether it is platonic or otherwise, or even if we see each other ever again.

I do acknowledge the element of risk involved, but I'd prefer to concentrate on the fact that spontaneity and a little recklessness are what I need right now. I need to have some fun and I need to do something a little out there.

It's taken a guy who licks rocks for a living (yep a geologist - at least I've moved away from damn IT engineers!) to tap into a side of me that's been dormant for a while (well, since the last time I got on a plane to nowhere...). I must admit it's also liberating in a way. It's nice to be independent and spontaneous and a little crazy, not be responsible to someone else, and be a little selfish.

Yes, there's a bunch of nervous apprehension and excitement. Yes, the thought of allowing myself to potentially get close to someone again scares the poop out of me. But flights are booked and accommodation is organised.

And I have another three weeks to happily sit on that fence of non-committaldom (it's a new word, you know), until I have to go to the airport at midnight and meet a stranger, who, if I hadn't have broken my own rules, I would never have had the chance to meet.

The bravado masks the trepidation, you know...

Unchain my heart

Timing is everything, huh?

I never lose anything. Never break anything. Always know where my keys are. The only time I've ever lost something is when it's been stolen.

I got to work today, sat down at my desk and something felt funny on my neck. My chain had come apart and the little gold and diamond 'E' was missing. I traced my way back to my car to see if I could find it, but I didn't expect to. Still, you never know.

It may have fallen off when I got dressed this morning, or doing my hair. I'll have to look when I get home. I'm not upset though, or annoyed. Perhaps a little disappointed, because I don't have or wear very much jewellery.

This particular chain was given to me by C. I started wearing it in place of a chain with a little diamond pendant that my previous bf had given me a few years earlier.

That it's now broken and part of it is lost, feels somewhat symbolic to me. Just another way the universe is freeing me from what was, and opening me up to something new.

Mmmm, yes....pensive, reflective, analytical today....and happy.

Update: I found my 'E'....in my bra. Well, at least it was holding *something* up all day.

Baaaaaaah!

Yeah, well I'm a black sheep, but I never said there weren't times I can still follow the crowd! Thought I'd jump on the "100 things" bandwagon, since I have nothing exciting to report. Can't guarantee I'll get to 100, or that the train of thought will be coherent, but we'll see how we go.

1. I'm 33
2. But most people think I'm still in my 20s
3. I'm naturally blonde.
4. My hairdresser keeps it that way.
5. My two cats have Italian names. It's a long story.
6. I moved out of home when I was 16.
7. I followed my boyfriend interstate when I was 17
8. Instead of going to study music and become an opera singer.
9. That might just be my only real regret in life.
10. I never expected to be working in IT
11. I'd love to write full time
12. And be paid well for it.
13. I'm already having trouble making this list!
14. I don't like my voice
15. I've had more than one long distance relationship
16. My first one was with a Marine
17. He was the first person I let get truly close to me
18. I was 29
19. Sara is my best friend
20. I hate that she lives so far away in SC.
21. I miss her everyday
22. We've only met twice (for a length of time each time)
23. I was in her wedding party
24. I haven't seen her since December 2003
25. I have two tattoos
26. One on each ankle
27. They're the Chinese symbols for faith (trust, belief) and peace (calm, tranquility)
28. I am spiritual
29. I am not religious
30. I have no debt
31. Except for my credit card
32. I'll have that paid off in the next few months
33. Then I'll look at buying a house
34. I don't care where I live
35. As long as I'm content where I'm living
36. I only have two real girlfriends here
37. I'd miss them if I moved away
38. They're the wives of my ex's best friends.
39. Most of my friends are Italian.
40. It just happened like that
41. I've had two Italian boyfriends
42. I've had two Scottish boyfriends
43. My accent changed so much with one Scottish boyfriend that mum sometimes didn't understand what I was saying.
44. I pick up accents really quickly.
45. After a month in the USA I came home with a whole new way of talking
46. Took me a while to get back to normal
47. Italians who meet me think I'm Italian
48. People are forever asking me where I'm from
49. Apparently I have a weird hybrid accent
50. I was taught to speak with a very proper English accent
51. I'm sure my mother cringes when she hears me now.
52. I wanted to join the Army as an Intelligence Officer a couple of years ago
53. The SMO knocked me back and I appealed
54. They knocked me back again and deemed me 'permanently unfit for service'
55. That was for medical reasons, despite them not having their own MO see me.
56. I couldn't watch or hear anything military related for almost a year after that
57. It upset me too much.
58. I don't like wearing skirts and/or high heels
59. I prefer jeans and boots
60. I modelled for a while when I lived in Sydney
61. I had a decent body back then
62. Mostly it was hairdressing competitions
63. But I did have some photos taken.....
64. I sing in the car every day - loudly
65. I can tell if I'm really sick
66. It's the only time I can't listen to music
67. I've been taken to hospital from work in an ambulance twice now
68. The last time, I had lost all my motor skills and couldn't move
69. The doctors couldn't explain why
70. My work colleagues were worried.
71. I sat there joking, "My legs, my legs, I can't feel my legs".
72. I eat way too much chocolate
73. I don't exercise enough
74. I can cook
75. I hate cooking
76. I notice I haven't talked much about my family yet
77. I think that's a good thing.
78. Are we there yet?!
79. I have no idea what my favourite movie is.
80. It all depends on my mood.
81. Same goes for food.
82. I prefer mountains and lakes to beaches and surf.
83. I'd like beaches more if it weren't for the sand and the salt
84. I have no piercings at all, even my ears
85. I want to get my nose pierced one day
86. I'd like to get a motorbike licence
87. I'd love to compete in the WRC.
88. I'd buy a Subaru Imprezza RSX if petrol wasn't so expensive
89. I used to want to be Colin McCrae
90. Yeah, I know he's a guy
91. I wanna be a princess too, but you can't have everything.
92. I am stubborn
93. But I am caring and sensitive to a fault
94. I hate bad spelling and grammar
95. I reserve the right to use bad spelling and grammar on my blog from time to time
96. I've never seen any of the H@rry Pott3r movies, or read the books.
97. No, I don't know why. Just haven't, ok.
98. War and human suffering makes me cry
99. I don't want kids.
100. If my 100 things hasn't completely bored you, I'll be surprised!

Happy coulda-been anniversary to me

I have been preparing myself to be moody and irritable this week. Could have been my anniversary with C. Apparently, at some stage, he had grand plans to propose today. Funny though, when I learned that, I felt more like, "yeah, right" than any disappointment you'd expect me to feel. That's mostly due to the fact that his personality was so unrecognisable to me in the end, I just didn't know who he was anymore. Can't get excited about being proposed to by a stranger - and one who treats you so badly.

I was worried about how I'd cope if I was alone today, and I have been planning on keeping as occupied as possible. It's turned out that I am alone at home right now and I have no plans to see anybody either.

But I have had a great week, on a personal level. Work has been stupid busy, which is not how it normally is, except at this time of year, so it's been a relatively good distraction. Things going on outside of work have kept me in a happy and positive mood. I'll post about one situation in particular when it's more definite.

For now though, I'll just say I'm feeling good in general, I'm happy with the way a lot of things are going, I'm trying to just live in the moment and go with the flow. It's working pretty well, considering my normal tendency is to cover all bases and have contingencies planned for the next century.

Oh, before I forget, I should mention the guy I met in the club last Saturday, who wanted to take me to dinner. I had to cancel Wednesday night, because my boss wanted some work done for a meeting on Thursday morning, but we've talked briefly a couple of times and we'll probably catch up tomorrow night. To be honest, I'm not sure why I agreed to it, but I am trying to run with the attitude of just taking whatever situation presents itself to me and going for it. Worst case scenario would be the food is awful and we have nothing to talk about. Best case would be that the food is good and I get to chat with someone interesting for a couple of hours. Either way, nothing's really lost.

Soooo....hap-hap-happy anniversary to me. Tis the start of a new chapter and it's looking pretty good so far.....whatever happens.

Fencing

No, folks, this is not the happily-ever-after type white picket fence. Never fear, I haven't completely lost my marbles! Not yet, anyway.

Rather, tis the white picket fence of indecision, on which my butt is firmly planted right now. I really should get off before it starts to get uncomfortable, or I do myself a permanent injury.

*blows kisses out into cyberspace*
I know y'all love it when I'm being obscure.

(Oh, and Anonymous from Ken0sha, it appears you've got me blogmarked. Perhaps comment to me with your blog address so I can check it out some time? :-) )

Unit-y

Took me a while to get around to it, but I have managed to download some more pics of my unit. Still no pics of the bedroom yet, because...well I think it still looks unappealing, but also because I feel a little weird about putting pics of my room on the net. A bit too personal, methinks.

I made the images a little smaller than the last ones so it wouldn't take *too* long to load on dial-up. They're a little fuzzy, but ya can't have everything!


View from my courtyard looking towards the front door.







Looking in from the courtyard to the kitchen.









Another exciting kitchen shot!








The currently unappealing courtyard in desperate need of outdoor furniture and plants. The window through the glass doors is the window of my room. Lots of natural light!






A little dark. Looking to the courtyard from the kitchen.








My bathroom. You were just waiting to see a pic of my toilet, weren't you? Oh, and my washing machine.







The world's smallest shower!








Aren't they exciting photos!








View from the toilet. Had to put up a painting so I had something interesting to look at.







Pretty fish and starfish, because there is a girly side of me waaay deep down inside somewhere. Really, I just wanted some colour in the room.

The things people do

This is an article from the Sydney Morning Herald newspaper online. In my mind, this woman's actions may be partially justified by her age, reduced faculties etc, but I don't think the blindness had anything to do with it. Methinks rather it was a case of, "seemed like a good idea at the time", that turned out to be not so smart after all.

Still I couldn't imagine contemplating doing this...

Blind woman dies after microwave tragedy

An elderly Newcastle woman has died in a house fire after apparently trying to dry her clothes in a microwave oven.

Police were called to a home in the suburbs of Birmingham Gardens at about 5pm where they found the body of a blind 86-year-old woman in her dining room.

Investigators believe the woman placed some clothes in a microwave which then set the garment alight.

They believe that the women's night dress caught fire when she tried to remove the burning clothes from the oven.

A crime scene was established and fire investigators called to examine the home. The kitchen and dining room sustained minor damage due to the fire.

Police inquiries are continuing and are preparing a report for the Coroner.

Mmm....close

How You Life Your Life

You are honest and direct. You tell it like it is. You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think. You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintnces. Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

How Do You Live Your Life?

Sayin' goodbye to the 70s

The unit I've moved into is brand new. (Yes, Ms Mabel, I did take more pics on the weekend, just haven't put them on the puter yet...I know, I'm slack!)

There are a few things that weren't 'complete' when I moved in (although not as bad as the last place, where I didn't have electricity or an oven for almost a week). One thing I don't have, and am going to need as it becomes warmer, is security/screen doors on my front door and the doors to my courtyard. It's not an issue now, so I don't mind if they take a while to get it done.

The more important thing is that I haven't had a tv antenna. This has meant that since I moved in (in the beginning of September - how time flies!), I've been watching grainy, fuzzy and mostly black and white tv. It's also meant that, because each channel has a different frequency, I've been having to get up and move the internal antenna lead each time I wanted to change the channel.

Nothing makes you endure crap tv shows more than the thought of having to get up and adjust the damn leads to watch something else. Sad though, if I think about it too much, that I'd sit there and watch crap tv rather than move 5 or 10 feet.

I got a call this morning from the guy who's been booked to install the roof antenna. Apparently they had a death in the family, and that's why it's taken them so long to contact me to let me know when they're going to do the installation. The good news is that I should actually be able to watch the news tonight and see the people, read the words and have colour!!

Now I can just be a lazy couch potato, rather than a lazy, frustrated couch potato! Woohoo!

Lessons

The universe seems to be pushing me to land in a situation I've been in before. I learnt a lot the first time(s) around. Perhaps there's more for me to learn? I'm handling it differently this time.

It has me intrigued, excited, apprehensive and nervous. The adrenalin rush is leaving me speechless at times.

Whatever the lesson, I'm looking forward to seeing how it all plays out.

The aftermath

They say you should try something once before you knock it. Well, we tried the internet dating site event last night and now we can officially knock the heck out of it. N-e-v-e-r again!

If we hadn't have paid the $15 to get in the door, we would have turned around and walked straight out again. Part of us felt we couldn't really slam the rest of the people who were there because...well because we were there... but our justification is that we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into. A true, "they didn't mention this in the brochure" scenario. In fact, the 'brochure' (the ad on the dating site) showed lots of photos of young people - pretty people - laughing and having fun. (We realised afterwards that the pretty people, single or otherwise, probably already knew the decent places to go to and didn't have to go to organised events.)

Reality was much, much worse. It was a bit of a freak convention, to be honest. The women looked to be in competion to see who could be the most drunk and wear the most revealing clothes. (When you hit a certain age, 'less is more' only applies to alcohol and makeup, not clothes.) The men looked.....actually, it was more of a creepy, sleazy vibe they were giving off, suits or otherwise. As for the 25-45 age range, I reckon they should have checked IDs at the door, because if some of those dudes were under 45, then they must have had hard, hard lives. My dad looks younger than some of the oddballs who thought they were charming and suave.

And men, if you're reading, I don't care if you're in a suit and tie, or you're wearing a garbage bag, it is NOT appealing to women if you come up to us, beer in hand, and say, "Hey, check out my mate's tongue. Pretty impressive huh?", while your mate proceeds to stick out his fat slug of a tongue for approval. Not to mention the attempt at flattery, "Hey, they said it was an over 30s event, what are you girls doing here?" To which, I really wanted to reply, "Yeah, they said it was under 45s too, so get your arse outta here pops". But I'm too nice, so I just thought it.

We did end up having a relatively nice 29yo guy hanging around with us (see: following us around puppy dog style), but his name was the same as C's, so he had no chance before he even started. I went to the bathroom at one stage and he asked my girlfriend (who's also called C) if I would go out with him. What are we, 12? She said to ask me. Aarrrgh! So he did. I told him he could give me his number, but that I wasn't going to promise to call. I wanted to say no, straight out, but who can say no to a puppy dog? I felt bad for him. I took his damn number.

Oh yeah, that's the other thing. They gave us cards as we walked into the door ("Oooh a game! Yippeeee!" Ugh..) and we had to find a 'match'. Mine was to find a guy with a dog. C's was to find a guy who was drinking Crown. We made the 29yo say he had a dog and he was drinking that beer, so we could enter the raffle. That's before we knew what the prize was.....a cheap bottle of budget Champagne. Sooo not worth having to go up to a bunch of freaks and ask if they have a dog or not, especially since I don't drink the stuff!

I also have to mention that, prior to experiencing that freak convention, I'd been considering going on a 3 day trip, organised by the same dating site, to an island in the Barrier Reef in December. I will not be going! Less than two hours stuck with those people was bad enough. Three days on an island with no way of escape? No thanks! (Instead, I'm pondering something way more outrageous and impulsive, but not completely out of character. I'm not going to go into detail on that just yet though, so you'll have to wait a while to find out what it is that I'm considering doing.)

Anyway, it wasn't even 11pm yet, but we were feeling really uncomfortable in the middle of oddball central, so we had to get out of there. We were really concerned then that we'd be forever tainted as boring old farts if we went home, so we decided to hit a club in the cas!no that we used to go to. Another $15 entry fee.

At first, we thought we'd made another mistake. The music sucked. Different songs, but the beat did not change at all. Instead of actually being able to dance, all we could manage was a lame attempt at some side to side leg shifting. But dammit, we paid $15 so we were staying!

This particular club has a resident band and they've been there a long time....and they're fantastic, so we knew it'd be worth suffering the crap mix the dj was playing, to listen to the band and be able to dance normally. We hadn't been there long when a guy ('D') came straight up to me on the dance floor, got right in my face, tells me his name and asked me to dinner.

"Why should I?"
"Because I want to take you to dinner."
"I'm not so sure about that."
"Can I have your number?"
"No."
"If I give you my number, will you call?"
"I'll ponder it. Does anyone ever say no to you?"

No response, gives me his business card, kisses my arm, and off he goes. I showed his card to C and she says his cousin is her mum's doctor. Too funny! (This happens with just about every Italian I meet! I guess that's what you get when all your friends are also Italian.) A while later, he came back and we had almost the same conversation again, and I added....

"So, how old are you anyway?"
"Aaah....twenty......five..........twenty six....next June. I'm a Gemini."
"Hmm so you've got a split personality too? I'm too old for you."

We do the stupid age guessing thing and he thinks I'm 28. I decide he's ok. He finally gets to 33.

"You know, I'm old, bitter, resentful, pessimistic, untrusting and I have a crapload of BAGGAGE." (See, I tell everyone all my good points as soon as I can! LOL)
"You have kids?!"
"No."
"So, can I take you to dinner? I'd like to cook for you."
"I will call you."

At that point I wasn't sure, but he wasn't being overly pushy and I was pretty amused, so I was considering it. I also liked that he didn't hang around us the whole time, pestering me. He just went off and did his own thing and came back every now and then to say hi (and ask me to dinner ha!).

My girlfriends and I generally keep to ourselves when we go out. We don't mind guys talking to us, as long as they give us space, let us do our own thing and back off when we're clearly not interested. Most of the other guys who were there really were annoying and bordering on harrassing. Apparently, it doesn't matter how old, guys still think it's funny to touch you on the arse then blame their mate. I swear I'm too old to deal with highschool games. I just wanted to punch them! If you can believe it too, two were called C. That made three I'd met in less than 4 hours. Bizarre!

By 2.45am our legs were about ready to drop off and I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to feel my toes again, so we bailed. The funniest part of the night was watching C as she tried to use the ticket machine to pay for our car parking. It wouldn't have been funny if she was trying to use the actual ticket machine, but watching her try to figure out where to put the card in the C0k3 machine was hilarious.

It took me three attempts at asking her if she was trying to get a bottle of water, or what it was that she was trying to do at all, before she realised I was pointing out that she was at the wrong machine and the ticket machine was beside the C0k3 machine. Luckily there was only a security guard around to notice, but it was funny as hell! Neither of us were drunk either!

In the car, I sent D a text message for amusement's sake.

I spent all of yesterday recovering. I didn't drink very much, but my head was thumping like nobody's business and my body ached. I'm sure I took way more than the recommended dose of painkillers, and spent the majority of the day watching the MotoGP and the F1 racing on tv. Yes, I like that stuff, but even if I didn't I couldn't move anyway, so I would still have watched it.

D rang in the afternoon. It appears the dinner invite was serious. ...Wednesday. Stay tuned.

Desperate times

Sometimes in life, you just gotta do what you have to do. A girlfriend I haven't seen in a while called me tonight. Being that she's recently separated and I'm recently...emancipated...we decided we'd go out to a club, or bar, or somewhere, just to pretend like we really do lead exciting social lives.

So, where do you wanna go?

I dunno. I was hoping you'd know.

Gawd, how would I know? I haven't been out in forever.

Me either. I thought you'd know these things.

Well, (very popular dating site) has a singles night on tonight.

I saw that. Can I wear jeans? I don't wanna have to get all froo-frooed up.

Me either. I think you can.

Yep folks, we're going to a singles night, put on by the kind dating site people. Said dating site allows you to purchase 'contacts' in lots of 6, but it's rather expensive. Neither of us have found 6 people we're remotely interested in contacting, so the investment is not appealing.

Indeed, it could be said that if one were to find a life partner (heck, even a coffee partner), then the investment in 6 contacts would be worth it, even if you didn't use them all. Apparently, neither of us operate that way.

We're hoping that our $15 entry fee will be a better investment and that the few people who sparked our interest will be there as well.

We're telling ourselves we're just going out to have a great night...and trying to forget that we would have had no idea where to go without the pre-arranged event organised by an internet dating site.

I have no idea what clubs to go to anymore? Man! I must be getting old!

These moments...

...made it worth it.

Yo, just chillin'

Blinded by the light

My boss just sent me cross-eyed.

We're always getting new gadgets in our department. The latest is an 8 megapixel digital camera from K0n!ca M!n0lta and it appears to take fantastic pictures.

My boss wanted to show me how it works (see: wanted me to see how cool it was and make the appropriate noises of approval), and decided to take a photo of me. Clearly recognising it's late afternoon and the little makeup I applied in the morning would have well and truly gone, and knowing I was going to have that lovely shine happening, I wasn't keen on the idea.

Still, he made me stand there and smile, smile more, are you smiling yet, when I already felt like I looked like this:






Next thing I knew, there was a click and a flash!! and everything went yellow. Now everything I look at seems as though it has yellow amoebas floating over the top of it and my eyes feel like they're permanently turned in towards my nose.

Glad I get to go home soon....as long as I can find my car. It'll be the blue one with yellow patchwork....

Daily grind

You know your laser printer has serious issues when the sound it's making jolts you into remembering you have to organise to get your lawn mowed.

Mindset

Sometimes, some things sink in.

I've felt completely unable to make a rational decision in the last few days. I'm not sure why. I'm assuming it's based on a number of things, but sitting in my ACoA meeting tonight, one piece of the puzzle seemed to fall into place.

I have a habit, when I introduce myself to people (men and women), of launching into a list of the negatives about me. My "if you can deal with the thought of this, then maybe you can actually deal with being around me having to deal with all this on a regular basis", in some warped attempt to scare off those less brave people, so as to not waste my time or theirs in all that getting to know you stuff, if nothing's going to come of it. "Normal people can't handle me, so I'm just letting you know what you're getting yourself into...."

The brave few will throw back, "Is that all you got?", when presented with my laundry list of "reasons why you won't like me", and I think to myself, "yeah, let's see how long that's gonna last". Hey, nobody negative self-talks me better than myself! Hit me with optimism and I can come right back atcha with the doubt. Not always. But when I do it, I'm good at it.

I realised tonight that all I'm doing when I send out that 'list of faults' to the universe, is reinforcing to myself the things I don't want to define me as the things that do. So hopefully, within the next 24 hours, I'm going to make a list of all the positives about myself. I want to turn my 'I'm not worthy' list into a 'this is how worthy I am' list.

I don't know all the multitude of reasons why I (we) berate myself so much, when I know the fundamental me is someone a lot happier, healthier, smarter, funnier, braver, more proud and more worthy than I tell myself I am on a more than daily basis.

So I'm going to start to turn that thinking around. Today. Because I can. Because I will tell myself I can. The mindset is not going to change overnight. I've had 33 years of practice. It's gonna take a while to undo the mess.

At least now I can see the mess and I can start to clean it up.
Yep, I'm making progress and I'm grateful.

Mirror Mirror

Two people have commented to me this morning that there is a new teacher here at school who looks just like me. I can't even begin to explain how disconcerting that is to me. I do not want to be walking around campus and suddenly bump into myself.

I was here first, dammit! She's gonna have to dye her hair!

Contraception

• Watching Super Nanny
• Friends with teenagers
• Thursday nights at the supermarket
• The toy section in Target
• Working in a school
• Unsupervised toddlers with pre-teen siblings in the street
• Long distance relationships
  

Must be the newly single thing

Or maybe I'm just over the drama of the last couple of months.
I stole this one from Risible Girl.

What Classic Movie Are You?

Provocative?

I've just been wandering around over at Blog Explosion and discovered some things I hadn't noticed before. Not only did I not know I had a profile. But I didn't know that my blog had been rated by "most readers" as 'provocative'. Turns out that's what the review thingy is, at the top of the page, when you're surfing blogs through Blog Explosion. I've never paid attention to that before. I'm usually too busy waiting for the damn counter to get to GO.

Provocative, huh? Geez, now I have a reputation to uphold.

A good idea at the time?

We have a regular dishwasher in our department here at work. It's fairly straightforward to operate. However, it's in a position where it gets bumped often and it starts because someone's lent on the buttons. Generally, it's one of the guys. Don't ask me why they don't just turn it off when they hear it start - must just be a guy thing.

Someone put it on - on purpose - this morning and my boss went to take everything out when it finished. One of my coworkers must have lent against it at some stage, because the childproof lock was on. My boss and his secretary couldn't work out how to get the childproof off, so they called me in to save the day.

I showed them what to do and opened it. The instructions for how to turn off the childproofing are on a sticker on the inside of the dishwasher door.

Yeah, that makes sense...

Updates on random goings on

The date last Friday night
Only just stopped short of being a complete disaster. I'd had a headache since the morning that no amount of drugs could fix, and I'd told him I was not in the nicest of moods (mainly because C was being a complete jerk - which I'll get to in a sec). We were originally meant to meet on the Sunday, but he suggested we go out Friday night anyway and that maybe he could cheer me up. (Ha! Shows he doesn't know me!) Anyway, I was grumpy, not very talkative. He didn't look as nice as his photo (why's that always happen?), and he had really bad teeth. I was distracted by them, and the pounding in my head, the entire time, so after a lemonade and a hot chocolate, I bailed out. He still wanted to catch up on Sunday. I still felt like crap on Sunday, so I slept all day and didn't see him. He wants to go bowling this Sunday. I'm torn. I want to do things to get out of the house and I've told him straight it's only a friends thing...but maybe I don't even want to bother with that? I have to think about it.

The date this Friday night
Is with a boy I've started referring to as Sporty Guy. He lives really close to me and I actually drive past his house each day on my way home from work. I have absolutely no feelings for him at all - which is fantastic! He's a nice guy who gets that I just want to be out and about doing stuff and making new friends for now. Besides, he participates in and/or coaches a half dozen or so different sports, so who knows how he finds time to socialise in between, let alone have a relationship. He thinks I'm 'funny and interesting'. Just wait till he meets me! *grins*

The neighbours
I met most of the people who live on our street on Saturday night. An African lady who lives across the road forgot which was the accelerator and which was the brake on her car......and drove straight out her driveway and into the pole that connects my fence and next door's (the little old lady I already tried to scare). The boys up the back of my place (who appear to be the only people in the street around my age, and who I think may be the owners of my place), asked her if she had a licence. She said yes. The lady who lives behind me told me on Monday afternoon that the rumour is she only has a learner's permit. Whether she has or hasn't, her car is still parked across the street, after they rolled it off the footpath, and is all smashed up, so she'll have a nice bill for that and the neighbour's fence. Mine's not so bad. Mind you, at the time, I about had a heart attack from the noise of the crash. I thought someone had actually hit my house. I didn't stay on the street too long. Told them all I needed to go back inside and have alcohol. I ate chocolate instead, and felt better.

The stranger I lived with
Odd to say it, but I think he knows who he is even less than I do. I didn't post about it at the time, but the last couple of months I was there were the toughest I've had in a long time. His attitude towards me, the negativity, disrespect, lack of empathy and everything else...it was hard to take. Especially since he'd convinced me so well that he was supportive, understanding and would stick by me while I sorted out my 'stuff'. In the end, he made me feel worse about myself than I had in a long time and instead of supporting me to heal from my past, put me down and resented me for it. There was a day I seriously considered driving my car into a truck and I haven't felt that bad in G-d knows how long. Then I discovered he'd been on the dating sites while I was still there. After I moved out, I found more information about him which completely threw me. It's stuff that could mess up his life in a big way if his friends or family found out. He was being a jerk about giving me back a computer I'd accidentally left at his place. I had to threaten to show his family what I found out in order to make him just give it back. It all got so crazy and stupid and I wonder now if I even really knew who I was living with. I certainly don't know who he is anymore. On a positive, related note, A's mum has said I can keep in touch with him through her any time I like and I've really appreciated her support of me in the last few weeks.

I'm sure there's more I have to say, but that's enough for now.

What can I say?

I'm a Leo. I should have expected this result. Then again, I'm sure the stupid thing lied!

(stolen while spying on Rae)


Congratulations! You're Haldir!

Which Lord of the Rings character and personality problem are you?

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Bali reflections ~do something~

~~Yes, it's a post somewhat removed from my regular musings. Take a look.~~

There's been yet another bombing in Bali. I'm not sure what my thoughts and feelings are yet. Those of you who've known me long enough will know that I spent my 30th birthday in Bali with my girlfriends. Every night, we partied at the Sari Club till about 4 or 5 in the morning. We met some fantastic people in the weeks that we were there. The whole experience was one of my most memorable and certainly one of my happiest. A few weeks later, the Sari Club (and Pady's) was gone.

That date is also the anniversary of the suicide bomb attack on the USS Cole.

Since then, there's also been the 2004 Jakarta embassy bombing.

I honestly believe it's only a matter of time before something occurs here. It would be naive of us to continue thinking we're untouchable. We're no longer living in a world where "everyone loves the Aussies". The fact is, our support of military action in Iraq et al, in particular, our support of the USA, makes us a prime target for those who oppose them. Whether we as individuals agree with the western military presence in Iraq, or not, as a country we've taken a position and there are those who will seek direct retribution for that.

As much as it concerns me (and it seems even a little surreal to be saying it), my opinion is that if any city in Australia were to be an initial target for terrorism, it would be Melbourne over Sydney. I'm not sure that's a concept I can even comprehend at the moment and it's something I hope I never have an opportunity to experience. However, I do contend it's probably a matter of when, rather than if.

Now....what to do? Being that I'm generally guilty of feeling bad, but not doing a great deal to be productive when major crises such as terrorist attacks like this occur, on impulse (literally as I've been typing this post) I've decided to try to do something for a change.

So....I've set my paypal button in my sidebar to a USD$5 donation. I'll keep it that way until at least 15 October 2005 (I'll review it depending on the response). I will give 100% of whatever money is collected to the Australian Red Cross who as yet have not launched an official appeal.

And now I ask for your help, either by donating yourself (which would be fantastic!), or by posting a link to this post on your blog, and asking others to do the same.

I've never done something like this before, so I'm not sure what the response is going to be. However, you never know if you don't at least try, right?

The Balinese people rely almost solely on travel and tourism for their livelihoods. I'd like to think I could help, even in a small way, to give something back to the people who helped me to have one of the happiest times of my life.

PLEASE NOTE: I don't intend for this post to start political debate on the pros and cons of anyone's presence in Iraq or similar. In fact, it's not for debate of any nature. This is simply my expression of feelings and hopefully a way of doing something constructive, however small, to help out. I'll delete any comments that I believe start, or attempt to start, a debate.

Thanks all!