Mindset
Sometimes, some things sink in.
I've felt completely unable to make a rational decision in the last few days. I'm not sure why. I'm assuming it's based on a number of things, but sitting in my ACoA meeting tonight, one piece of the puzzle seemed to fall into place.
I have a habit, when I introduce myself to people (men and women), of launching into a list of the negatives about me. My "if you can deal with the thought of this, then maybe you can actually deal with being around me having to deal with all this on a regular basis", in some warped attempt to scare off those less brave people, so as to not waste my time or theirs in all that getting to know you stuff, if nothing's going to come of it. "Normal people can't handle me, so I'm just letting you know what you're getting yourself into...."
The brave few will throw back, "Is that all you got?", when presented with my laundry list of "reasons why you won't like me", and I think to myself, "yeah, let's see how long that's gonna last". Hey, nobody negative self-talks me better than myself! Hit me with optimism and I can come right back atcha with the doubt. Not always. But when I do it, I'm good at it.
I realised tonight that all I'm doing when I send out that 'list of faults' to the universe, is reinforcing to myself the things I don't want to define me as the things that do. So hopefully, within the next 24 hours, I'm going to make a list of all the positives about myself. I want to turn my 'I'm not worthy' list into a 'this is how worthy I am' list.
I don't know all the multitude of reasons why I (we) berate myself so much, when I know the fundamental me is someone a lot happier, healthier, smarter, funnier, braver, more proud and more worthy than I tell myself I am on a more than daily basis.
So I'm going to start to turn that thinking around. Today. Because I can. Because I will tell myself I can. The mindset is not going to change overnight. I've had 33 years of practice. It's gonna take a while to undo the mess.
At least now I can see the mess and I can start to clean it up.
Yep, I'm making progress and I'm grateful.
I've felt completely unable to make a rational decision in the last few days. I'm not sure why. I'm assuming it's based on a number of things, but sitting in my ACoA meeting tonight, one piece of the puzzle seemed to fall into place.
I have a habit, when I introduce myself to people (men and women), of launching into a list of the negatives about me. My "if you can deal with the thought of this, then maybe you can actually deal with being around me having to deal with all this on a regular basis", in some warped attempt to scare off those less brave people, so as to not waste my time or theirs in all that getting to know you stuff, if nothing's going to come of it. "Normal people can't handle me, so I'm just letting you know what you're getting yourself into...."
The brave few will throw back, "Is that all you got?", when presented with my laundry list of "reasons why you won't like me", and I think to myself, "yeah, let's see how long that's gonna last". Hey, nobody negative self-talks me better than myself! Hit me with optimism and I can come right back atcha with the doubt. Not always. But when I do it, I'm good at it.
I realised tonight that all I'm doing when I send out that 'list of faults' to the universe, is reinforcing to myself the things I don't want to define me as the things that do. So hopefully, within the next 24 hours, I'm going to make a list of all the positives about myself. I want to turn my 'I'm not worthy' list into a 'this is how worthy I am' list.
I don't know all the multitude of reasons why I (we) berate myself so much, when I know the fundamental me is someone a lot happier, healthier, smarter, funnier, braver, more proud and more worthy than I tell myself I am on a more than daily basis.
So I'm going to start to turn that thinking around. Today. Because I can. Because I will tell myself I can. The mindset is not going to change overnight. I've had 33 years of practice. It's gonna take a while to undo the mess.
At least now I can see the mess and I can start to clean it up.
Yep, I'm making progress and I'm grateful.
posted by E in Oz at 10:08 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 10:08 pm
5 Comments:
I can think of at least a few hundred positives about you, and I know some other ladies who can offer lists of their own. So if you find yourself stalling for any reason, you know where to go...
You did it for me last summer, after all!
xo
Wow - what a great insight. Talk about a powerful place to be standing - you're on the verge of creating a new reality for yourself - a new context. I, too, could quickly and easily name off a list of great things about you...I know you weren't looking for that, but it's tempting right now! Anyway, goodluck with your inner work. :)
I'm completely LOVING the idea of this! I agree with Randy- if you get stalled, ask your readers for a few things.
Hell, I'm still impressed over your trip to the US last year (it was last year, wasn't it?)
You rock. You really do.
Thanks guys. :-) You're the best.
And, L, can you believe it was 2003! April then December (which I know is the trip you're referring to). Time flies huh!
Have I told you lately how terrific you are???
You are. And I'm proud of you.
just big hugs,
G
p.s. that was nearly 2 years ago?
time do fly. :-p
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