Camping photos

ETA: All camping trip photos are now on my photo blog.

Psyched up

I had another appointment with my psychologist this morning. Usually, I get in there and just start crying about whatever's on my mind. Today was slightly better and we had a good, happy chat about the things I'd been up to since I last saw her.

Then I started talking about my niece in Italy. I don't think I've said much, if anything, on here about what's going on with her. It's bad. Bad enough that my sister (the sane one who just moved to Perth) and I are trying to figure out how to get her and her 4 daughters back to AU. That was when I got teary. It's too draining to go into it now. I probably should at some stage, just to get it all out properly.

The box of tissues didn't get as much of a beating as usual, so maybe I am getting better at dealing with things. I spoke about the anti-me. Gee, it's weird talking about intimate stuff with her! I spoke about my online social group, and about my camping trip with the guys from work.

I'm still dealing with breaking up with T. That's something I really am not used to. Normally, I bounce back faster than this. Dr R has a way of spelling out the stuff that stings ("he must not have been that great and really didn't care as much about you as he said he did, if he was able to move on to someone else so quickly" - Ouch!) in a way that makes me agree with her. It hurts, but it makes sense. Doesn't mean I like it though!

Towards the end of the session, I said I think I need hypnotherapy. She asked what for. I couldn't really explain why and that's interesting, because last year I was so sure I knew exactly what I wanted 'fixing'. She told me that I was already doing my own hypnotherapy and that going out and being social - and smiling - was hypnotherapy of sorts, because you're thinking positive thoughts.

So she asked me again why I thought I needed hypnotherapy. My answer mustn't have been all that convincing, because she's given me till my next session (3 weeks) to come up with a reasonable justification. Damn, she's tough on me sometimes.

Tight spaces

I was talking to a woman yesterday about last weekend's adventures. I explained about how steep the cave was, that we climbed through, and how very small the hole at the other end was. She was surprised when I told her we had to lie flat on our stomachs and slide out.

When I mentioned that I was feeling really sick (heat stroke) and ended up covered in dirt from head to foot, she replied that she didn't think she could do something like that, in those conditions.

I told her I had no choice. Whether I wanted to, or not, I had to.

Life is full of tight spaces and we tell ourselves too often that we have a choice not to move forward, because we might not feel good, or we might get a little dirt on our face. What if we told ourselves there was no choice, but to follow through? What's the worst that could happen? You might come out the other side a covered in muck and maybe a bit bruised, but you've also done something you thought you couldn't do.

You might not realise it till later, when you're swimming in a creek with all your clothes on, but when you do, it feels pretty good.

Bait

Being on dating sites is a bit like fishing. You put the bait out, then sit back and wait. Every now and then you get a bite, but it ends up being nothing. Some get hooked, but they're not quite right, so you throw them back. Some just eat the bait and leave. There's always the one - or two - that got away. And sometimes, you manage to get one that looks like it just might be ok....if you have a good book, and you're patient enough to wait for it to come along.

I like fishing. Not so sure about the dating sites.

True Blue

I borrowed this one from Mel. Before I even knew what colours there were in the test, I knew I'd be blue. Do it here.

Congratulations. You are BLUE.

BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

BLUES have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone, once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Understand that no two BLUES are exactly alike. Although you share the same core motivation as many others, your personality is still unique to you alone.

The workaholic ghost

Remember I posted the other week about the door opening and closing by itself and the printer going off, while I was at work by myself on the Sunday? I totally forgot something else, till just now.

I was talking to one of the guys in my department and he mentioned that he was standing near my stock of cell phones and one rang. He said he couldn't be sure if it really rang, or if it was just a noise like the battery going flat. He waited for it to happen again, to try to figure out which phone it was, but it didn't make any more noise. I passed it off as a battery going flat and didn't think much more about it.

The next day, one of the tech guys said he'd heard a phone beeping and couldn't tell where it was coming from. I'd given the guys a bunch of returned phones to test, to see which ones worked and which ones we could send away to recycle. I asked if it was one of those and he said no, it was coming from my new stock.

The new phones come in boxes, in plastic wrap. The individual batteries are wrapped in plastic and packed in the box, but not in the phone.

Something in my office likes electronic devices. I just wish it would help me with my paperwork.

If the shoe fits

I realised when I went away camping that I really have no appropriate hiking/walking shoes. I've been wanting some for a while. In particular, I like these and these (although I doubt I'll be scaling summits or crossing glaciers any time soon). As much as they're lovely shoes, the price hurts. A lot.

After searching on line to see if I could find them cheaper (locally!) and coming up with nothing, I took some time to peruse the various sports and camping stores around my place, this morning. The sports stores were of little use, so I took a look at a camping store. Online, they didn't have much in the way of shoes, so I doubted I'd find anything decent. When I got there, the range was bigger, but not really what I was looking for, or so I thought.

There were some nice shoes there. In fact, there were some awesome shoes there. I tried them on and wished I hadn't. Just a regular pair of nice, comfortable shoes....for $189. I put them back.

Feeling slightly upset that I may go home empty handed, or have to buy something I didn't quite want, for more than I wanted to pay, I was about to leave when a girl came along and asked if I'd seen their clearance stock. Huh? No... There was a whole separate section on the other side of the store (with all the camo clothes nobody really wants to admit they buy). I went, I tried on, I conquered.

I fell in lust with three pairs of shoes. Altogether, they cost a lot less than one of the pairs I had my heart set on, but couldn't justify. As I stood there umming and aahing about whether I'd buy them or not, the girl asked me what was quite a reasonable question. Why do you need two pairs of boots? Ummmmmm....... [see: blank look on face] She said the logic was good; I could have three pairs for less than what I'd pay for one on the other side of the store. She just wanted to know why. Ummmmmm.....I can wear the brown ones when I think I'll get really dirty and the lighter ones when I'm just walking. Okaaay, that makes sense. Sorta. Either way, I convinced myself.

The camera didn't really pick up the colours of the shoes correctly, because the flash went off. The first pair are more blue than they appear. The red are more red, and the last pair are really quite dark.

I'm excited like it's Christmas. Strange really, considering I'm not a Christmassy person. You know what I mean, anyway. I want to go and do things just so I can wear them. I might wear the red ones to bed. They're so comfy!

Of course, I'll be kicking myself when I look at my bank account between now and my next pay day (monthly pay sucks!), but I'll be kicking myself in damn fine shoes!

(I know they look like kids' shoes. I have small feet!)

Exhibit A retailed at $200. I paid $56.
Exhibit B retailed at $189. I paid $80.
Exhibit C retailed at $230. I paid $50.

My worldly charm

I thought I was more 'Spain' till I did this quiz. Upon reflection and thought, it's probably close to accurate. Old and dead things appeal to me, so Athens and Rome are really quite apt.

You scored as Athens. Athens - The greek capital is where European culture derives from. Having established all main disciplines as we know them today(Mathematics, Philosophy etc.), it has had a tremendous influence, so it can get very hot in summer and most of the buildings have been destroyed centuries ago, the spirit of the place can still be experienced today. Rome may also be fitting for you. Athens 81% Rome 75% Berlin 75% Munich 75% Moscow 69% Paris 56% London 50% Barcelona 38% Which European city is right for you?

Spoilt

Remember I mentioned to our phone supplier that I wouldn't mind a new phone? It was delivered today and I happened to miss the guy when he came.

The phone is nice. Lots of cool features. It's mine for two weeks, to see if I like it. In the meantime, the supplier is going to see what he can get from his Nokia guy.

The trouble is, it's not exactly what I want. Not that I know exactly what I want. Nor should I be complaining, since I didn't pay for it! It just feels like this phone isn't it. Perhaps I've just gotten used to my Motorola, which is a flip phone.....something I also didn't think I really wanted, when I first got it.

The one I've been given isn't exactly a cheap phone, but it's not close to being the most expensive either. I'm going to see if I can push my luck in a couple of weeks time and ask for something that I think I'll like more, for an equivalent price.

I'm also considering putting pressure on the company that supplies some of our software, cameras etc. There's a very nice little Canon digital I like!

Our ordering has increased 6 fold in the last month! There are a bunch of seriously major new projects starting up. Consequently, our workload has increased too. To a degree, I can order through whatever company I like, as long as they deliver at the right price. Of course, a new phone and a new camera would keep me happy for a while...

I've been allocated a temp to help clear the backlog of work I have, so I don't have to keep working Sundays. One of the other guys has been given a part time temp too. I think I'll only need someone for a week or so, but I've got them for a month. I hope they know how to make tea.

;-)

Camping - an essay

I'm too tired to think of a catchy title to this post.

It was a hard trip for me in some ways. It reminded me a lot about the things I did with T and the places we went. Being the first time since we parted company, I felt some difficult moments. It's surprising and disconcerting that I still get so emotional. The hurt is still very close to the surface and I'm not used to that. Anyway...


J (yeah, freakin everyone in my life is called one of two names!), my workmate picked me up around 8.30am. The drive to Mitta Mitta took just over 4 hours.

The good thing about the drive was that we're the same on long trips. We didn't feel like we had to talk and there were times when neither of us wanted to talk. So we just sat. Comfortable silence.

The little English woman in the GPS tried to make us go in the wrong direction a couple of times, because she didn't allow for roadworks and sharp turns. No, we won't turn left, because there's no road there... At one point, she stopped mid sentence, which was very funny, and J said, "yeah, think about it for a bit", but overall, she did a good job.

We managed to avoid all the cows on the road (oh, they were everywhere and did not care about cars at all!) and found the camping spot with little trouble. The others already had their vehicles unpacked and their tents up. There was one other guy from our department and his son, plus two of his mates and and their kids. Four kids under 8, four guys, and me. The others didn't show.

J and I had to pitch our tents a bit further from the others, because of the way the camping ground was set up, around the bend of the creek. My tent went up first. We chose the spot because it appeared to be the most flat. After it was up, I noticed a nice big wombat hole in the slope behind my tent. The 'run' (the track the wombat uses to and from it's hole) led right to my tent. J pitched his tent about 30 metres away from mine.

We didn't do a great deal on Saturday afternoon. Really, it was too hot and we were all feeling it. The kids fished and swam and we....sat. I fell asleep sitting in a chair under the trees and I think I got a little heat stroke, because I ended up with a nasty headache (and sunburn, I discovered later). We drove into 'town' (a couple of houses, a pub and a corner store) to have dinner at the pub, but I felt so bad I could hardly eat. I didn't stay up too late after we got back to camp. I was in my sleeping bag before 10pm. The guys say they went to bed around 12.

In the night, I heard scuffling outside my tent. I had a torch, but wasn't keen on having to get out of my sleeping bag. There was lots of noise, right next to my tent. The next morning, J told me it was that loud that he'd heard it all the way from his tent. Thanks for coming to my rescue, buddy! Actually, I wasn't really bothered by it. More, it was kinda cool to feel so close to somewhat scary nature, by myself, in the dark. And I figured it was the wombat trying to work out what the heck was in the way of him getting too and from his house.

The kids were up early on Sunday morning. That meant we were up early, too. Breakfast was around 7am. Our campsite was at the base of quite a decent sized hill, so we took the kids for a walk up there. Ok, the kids either ran, fell, laughed, cried, or rode the shoulders of their dads, but we all eventually got almost to the top, before one too many ant bites and other dramas had us heading back to camp.

One guy and his two kids had to leave at lunch time, but the rest of us drove to the other guy's parents' house, to go walking and go through a cave. Again, it was stinking hot and my head was starting to thump. My icy bottle of water became hot water, and undrinkable, by the time we were done.

We trekked through the bush with assurances of "there's a track here somewhere", saw kangaroos, got spiked by blackberry bushes, and I landed on my arse more than once, jumping or sliding off things.

The cave was awesome relief from the heat. Nice and cold, and sandy (no bat poop!). In places, it was big and wide. In others, you had to stoop to get through. It was quite steep and we had to be careful how we stepped, but from the top, you could see where we were heading at the other end. The hole looked small, and we'd joked during the week about what if the hole was still that small once we got there. Well.... Let's just say I thought I'd have trouble getting through and I was the smallest of the adults. We all got through the hole by literally lying flat on our stomachs and pushing ourselves through with our toes and hands. We got out successfully, but absolutely covered in dirt. It was well and truly stuck to my sunscreen. I looked a sight, especially sweating and by that time, feeling nauseous as well.

More trekking through the bush with promises of a track not too far away, more blackberry bushes - I ended up with bits of stick in my hair - barbed wire and careful steps, we made it back to the house, where I stayed entrenched under the ceiling fan till it was time to go back to camp.

The second we got to camp, we all got in the creek, in our clothes, and stayed there a long time. The water was cold and I really think I would have been ill if I didn't cool down in it. Despite how crappy I felt, I also felt great. I was so pleased that I'd kept up with the guys...and they were impressed too.

Afterwards, I banned the boys from going around the bend of the creek, got rid of my wet clothes and just sat in the water and felt clean (no soap in the creek tho!!) for the first time all day. Apart from the boys (because you really don't want the people you work with to see you nekkid), I didn't really care if anyone saw me. Being in the water, in the middle of nowhere and just being felt good. And my headache went.

We spent the evening talking about work, relationships, arguing about constellations, watching satellites, pondering alien life and generally talking crap. Surprisingly, no alcohol. We ate twisties, chicken chips, nutella, and drank chocolate milk. So good!

It rained in the night. J got up and put the fly on his tent. I didn't know where mine was, so I didn't bother. Thankfully, the only water that got into my tent was in the place I'd put my bags of wet clothes. Our workmate and his son didn't have their fly on either and they got rather wet. By 7am they'd almost packed up everything into their car.

J and I had all our stuff packed up by 9am. Earlier than we expected, but the rain didn't make the day look promising. Before starting our drive home, we decided to drive to the Dartmouth Dam, 20 minutes out of our way. We didn't get 'breakfast' till 12. Photo opportunities distracted us. Me, mostly. (Still yet to be posted on my other blog.)

It was late afternoon when I was eventually dropped at home. I was tired. I'm still tired! But I had an awesome time and I can't wait to do it again.

If only it didn't make me think about T so damn much. Funny how the brain blocks the bad stuff and only remembers the good. Strange that the good can hurt more than the bad.

Coz I know you're dying to know, I took my own tpaper and mostly did what I call 'bush pee'. There was an enclosed pit toilet, but it was a bit of a distance away and it stunk, so I preferred to stick close to camp and be at one with nature. :-p

Dusting off the dirt

I'll post more tomorrow about my camping adventures - and it was an adventure. For now, just a few pictures. The rest, I'll put up on my photo blog in the next couple of days.

Got a bit of heatstroke on Saturday and felt unwell, but I was ok. Sunday, we bush-walked one hill, then another. We went through a cave where we literally had to drag ourselves along on our stomachs like lizards to get out...and ended up filthy from top to bottom. Walked down the hill on barely existent tracks, through blackberry bushes (got the scratches and bruises to prove it). My bottle of water got too hot to drink in the heat and I felt unwell again. We drove our filthy selves back to camp and went in the creek fully clothed. If I didn't, I would have passed out. (Sat and Sun were both over 39C, or 102F.) Stay tuned for the rest of the story.

The first photo is from our campsite. The second was taken this morning. The misty area is where the cold water from the dam is mixing with warmer water from the river.

If anyone was in any doubt about whether this country was in a serious drought, take a look at the third and fourth photos. That is Lake Hume......or, it should be. The third photo shows a boat ramp, with a sign saying boats may only go at 4 knots when the lake is below 10% capacity. Meaning....the boat ramp should be partially under water at 10%. Look at the last picture. All you should be able to see is water.

In the distance, in the fourth photo, is an old rail bridge. That entire area should be under water. It's almost overwhelming to comprehend. It's just....dry. Makes you appreciate how important it is to be saving water.

Phone a friend

I don't like politics. I especially don't like politics at work. My company is huge. My job, technically, is national and where suppliers are concerned, that makes me a key person.

Unfortunately, when I started there, I came into the middle of a political dispute between our company, the country's major telco, and a national reseller of their business (phones, data, etc). It's come to a head recently, and because my boss has been seconded to another project offsite, indefinitely, I've had to make some decisions I would have preferred to delegate.

Based on some information I had on Wednesday afternoon, I made decision to have the telco supply us with some stock I urgently needed. I'd been told the reseller couldn't deliver what we wanted. OMG! What a drama. Telco called my boss. Telco called reseller. Reseller called my boss. Reseller called me. My boss called me. Everyone was in a flap. All this happened between 5pm yesterday and 8.30am this morning and I was unaware till I listened to the frantic messages on my voicemail.

The situation was made better, because I had a 9.30am meeting with the telco and the guy was bringing the stock I'd asked for. At 9.15am I was told not to accept it and I had to order it through the reseller. Somehow, I managed to fill half an hour with the guy and basically made up stuff to talk about and tried to get more information out of him about the politics that had been going on.

At 10am I received an email from the reseller to say TWO of them were coming into to deliver the stock to me and they'd be there soon. Sigh... at least I got my hair done last night, with all these people coming to meet me!

Shortly afterwards, they arrived and I learnt even more about what exactly has been the situation and how it's gotten so sticky. I think I have all three sides covered now.....probably more than anyone else.

At the end of the meeting, reseller dude #1 asked me if there was anything else I wanted. "Well, I could do with a new phone...." Talk ensued about my lifestyle and what I needed in a phone. "Ok then, if you happen to receive a (cool new) phone in your next order of (contentious stock), don't send it back...." Niiiiiice!

I've done such long hours this week and I'm ridiculously tired. Weary in my bones. It's almost midnight now and I have some work to do for a private client I have (that I'd forgotten about during the week). I'm being picked up at 7am tomorrow morning to go camping with the boys from work for 3 days. Now there's one other girl going, so at least I'll have some female company. She's bringing her boyfriend, though, so I might take a book or two.

I still haven't fully packed. Hopefully, I'll be able to sleep for some of the 4 or so hours it'll take to get where we're going.

There's a movie on tv right now called Atomic Twister that appears to be about a tornado that hits a nuclear power plant. Call me over-analytical, but wouldn't they not build a nuclear plant somewhere there might be the chance it could get blown to bits in a storm? Maybe I'm too practical. Could be why I work in IT and not in the movies.

Back Monday...or Tuesday. Depends how tired I am. True camping. No conveniences. It could get interesting.

Not so perfect timing

Today, of all days, I got a single letter in the mail. No bills. Just one letter.

.......addressed to E & T Hislastname.

It was from the place we stayed at the very first time we met.

Thanks for the memories. Sigh....

That's not what I needed.

The Book of Love

Happy Valentines Day everyone...if you're with someone, or if you're not.

Book of Love - Peter Gabriel

The book of love is long and boring
No one can lift the damn thing
It's full of charts and facts and figures and instructions for dancing
But I
I love it when you read to me
And you
You can read me anything
The book of love has music in it
In fact that's where music comes from
Some of it is just transcendental
Some of it is just really dumb
But I
I love it when you sing to me
And you
You can sing me anything
The book of love is long and boring
And written very long ago
It's full of flowers and heart-shaped boxes
And things we're all too young to know
But I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
And I
I love it when you give me things
And you
You ought to give me wedding rings
You ought to give me wedding rings

Conversation

I really like my agent who I lease my house with. He's a nice boy. Who couldn't like someone who tells other people in front of you that you're their favourite tenant?

But he's going away and I'm distressed.

E: Hi M. Here's this month's receipt. Hope you're well.
M: Thanks E I haven't received a copy of that lease back! Did you send it in?
E: That blue paperwork that is sitting on my table with a 'send this!' note on it? Yup. I still have it. I'll give myself detention and send it to you!
M: Great was just chasing it up as Thursday is my last day here im off to London on Monday!!
E: Huh? Why? For how long? Why wasn't I invited?
M: Yeah going for a working holiday! Not sure how long for, and your more than welcome to come. I leave on Monday the 19th at midnight!
E: If only! A girl needs some notice! ...and a decent bank balance! You know I don't want to have to deal with anyone else. This is going to send me to therapy, you know!
M: You will be fine!! But make sure you give the new person grief!! About how good I am!! Her name is K, seems ok!
E: She won't be as good. I bet she doesn't have a farm with cows n chickens n stuff!

Gggrrrr. First Ian, now my estate agent. All the fun people are going away! I wanna go away too!

Shpooky

I went into work for a couple of hours today. We have an underground carpark with an entrance directly into our office, through a security door. You swipe your card and you have to push the door with both hands because it's heavy.

I walked in the door to the office, went the couple of metres to the security room, and turned the alarm off. You have to sign a book when you turn the alarm off so anybody else who comes in knows there's someone else in the office. As I did that, I heard the door to the carpark open. I poked my head out into the hall to see who was there, just as the door was closing. Nobody came in and I didn't hear anyone go out, (they can come up a set of stairs right next to the door), so I opened the door to see who'd gone out. There was n.o.b.o.d.y. Odd.

Off I went to my desk. I didn't know where the main light switch was, so the office was dark, but not so dark that I couldn't work. After I'd been there for a while, I started hearing noises like people were doing work. I stopped what I was doing and just listened. I could hear the noise of a printer that sounded like there was a bunch of stuff being processed.

Did I mention there was nobody in the office? Hmmm... A bit later on, I had to walk to the other end of the office to copy something. All the equipment was turned off when I got there.

There was definitely something (someone?) in the office with me. It didn't bother me. It just felt strange.....like they could see what I was doing, but I couldn't see what they were doing.

Workaholic ghosts. What next?

Minor war wound

I just noticed the small price I've paid from go-karting. Smaller than the bruises I got from horse riding and less painful than my last go-karting experience. But no wonder my leg felt funny... That's my calf muscle.

From horse riding to horse power

Who is the next go-kart champion of the world?! Uh-huh! Me! Yup!

The anti-me got a partial integration into another part of my world today; social acquaintances, at an indoor go-karting place. It looked like a dump when we got there. Neither of us said anything till we were home, but both J and I were very disappointed - it took a bugger of a long time to get there - and the activities didn't look promising!

Then everyone organised themselves, we sorted out a misunderstanding with the staff about who was going to go on the karts and when, and we were finally set. And everyone's mood lifted considerably.

Last time I did go-karting, it was a big outdoor track, a number of years ago. I hit some tyres on a hairpin bend and slowed down long enough to try to correct myself. At that point, another girl didn't even see the bend and T-boned me. Let's just say it hurt...a lot. I had a massive bruise on my thigh (think whole thigh) and couldn't really walk properly for about 6 weeks. Keeping that in mind, I had every intention of staying out of everyone's way today.

So, today, after warm up laps, then time trials, I was 4th on the grid for the race. I knew I passed two people and lapped a few and I thought I was coming second the whole time. We weren't told the results straight away. It wasn't until after we'd played dark zone laser games (at which I failed miserably! - eventually, I worked out how to use the gun...) that they gathered us up to let us know our final places.

WOOOHOOOOOO! I WON THE GO-KARTING!!!

I got a trophy, too! LOL it does say "Western Auto Indoor Raceway 1st Place Champion", which I think makes me sound like some bogan drag-racing chick. Just a bit different from dance trophies, lemme tell ya!

J came in 6th. He did collect a couple of other drivers along the way and had a few altercations, so I made him feel better by thanking him for taking out my opposition to let me win. He got a much better score in laser games than me, so we're even.

There was only one person in our group who truly irritated me. He's one of those people you wanna smack just coz he's breathing. Man, he annoyed me! He was a sore loser in the go-karts (came second by a full minute!), so he targetted me in the laser games. That was ok, coz I got as many other people as I could to team up with me and go after him. Hehehehee! Oh well, J and I figure he has to live with himself for the rest of his life, so that's enough bad karma on him that we didn't have to pull his hair and poke his eyes out (even though I really wanted to!).

It's rare that I win something. I don't participate in anything competitive, so it was good to win just by having fun.

I'm supposed to go out to a girlfriend's daughter's 21st party tonight. I'm so freakin tired though, so I may stay home and watch dvds.

Being go-karting champion of the world is hard work!

(Sometimes my mum can be very funny. I sent her a text message to say I won a go-karting trophy and I wasn't even wearing flannos and ugg boots. Her reply...."Fabulous. You'll be on a massive pub crawl tonight, I expect. Or dragging down the Princess Highway??" Maybe only Aussies will get that, but it cracked me up, coming from my mum.)

I wanna be a cowboy

Hmmm, ok, cowgirl.

I had the most awesome, busy weekend.

About half an hour's drive from me, there's a horse riding school that does trail rides. One of the girls from my online social group organised riding for a bunch of us. I haven't been for a fair while and I wasn't sure how I'd go, but I signed up for the more experienced group. In the end, all of us, including the inexperienced riders, were in the same group.

I got a great horse called Roller. She was stubborn and sometimes didn't want to do what she didn't want to do, but she came good in the end. Except that every.single.time we stopped she had to eat.

I took my camera with me, but the only pics I could get were when we stopped at the top of a mountain to have a rest and something to eat. Trying to get the camera organised and staying on a horse who liked to do her own thing were too hard to do at once. By the time we'd walked off the farm and crossed the road into the bush, I had skin off three of my knuckles. My hands stung, my left thumb was bleeding and I was loving every minute of it.....once Roller got out of a slow trot (my poor arse!) and into a smooth canter.

Towards the end of the ride, I had aspirations of becoming the Man from Snowy River. There were about 30 of us in the group and we took a small track up towards a long, wide slope. The guys who were taking the ride asked if we wanted to do one last full-on canter. Of course!

O-M-G! I don't think I've been so scared and excited at the same time. We all took off in a group. Due to the drought, the ground was all dry and dusty, so the horses were kicking up an amazing amount of dirt. So much dirt that I literally could not see a thing and was just counting on the horse to know where to go and not crash into anyone else.

When we finished the ride, I was completely covered in dirt and dust, bleeding, and sore....and looking forward to doing it all over again. I was wearing sunscreen, so the dirt stuck well. My shirt had sleeves, but I had a dirt line at my shoulder. I had dirt down my shirt and bits of filth up my nose. It felt good.

The eight of us in our group went and had lunch in an outdoor cafe afterwards. We were scruffy, tired, and probably smelt, but we didn't care.

I drove home, had a shower, packed an overnight bag and went for a sleepover with some of the girls at another girl's place. We watched dvds till the early hours of the morning. I think I was too adrenalin filled to feel all the pain. I had a lot of difficulty getting out of bed on Sunday morning! My poor back! The bruises on my legs! The skin off my knuckles!

I staggered to work at lunch time (yes, on Sunday) and did a couple of hours, before I got a message from J inviting me over. I said I had no money (sigh...a whole other drama) so I'd take some dvds and we could watch a movie. Daylight savings mucked us up a bit. I got there around 4pm, but we ate and yapped till after 7pm or so. It looked like it was still lunch time. I can't remember if we got dinner first, or watched the movie first. Either way, it was late by the time it was over. I hadn't expected to stay and didn't take anything with me. J mentioned, "I notice you didn't bring your overnight bag". Huh? Didn't think I'd be staying.

After saying just a few days ago that I wouldn't be doing that again on a work night, I did. Truth is, I was glad to stay and leave early, after a decent sleep, than drive home late and night and tired. The only trouble with that plan was that I had to leave an extra hour early to get home in time to get ready to go to work. At least it only took an hour to get home, unlike two hours to get to work last week.

It doesn't really make sense to enjoy someone's company and spend decent amounts of time with them, yet not want to have a serious relationship with them. Does it?

Go-karting, sumo wrestling and blindfolded dodgem cars next Saturday! LOL

Oh, and we've already booked to go horse riding again on 3 March!

Layers of cheese

J (the anti-me) has two Rotties. They're great dogs and what I like most about them is that their personalities are so similar to my girls that their behaviour makes me laugh all the time. There's the boy, who is much bigger than the girl and always has to be the centre of attention. The girl just sits back and hopes you'll notice her sitting there and invite her over. Mind you, as soon as you do, the boy comes along and pushes in front of her. I feel for her, because she's always literally being pushed aside.

When Kaiser (boy dog) is standing on his back legs, he's almost as tall as me. Last night, he wanted to sit on my lap. I pushed him off, with great effort, and he gave me a look of sheer disappointment, like he couldn't understand why I wouldn't want him on my lap. I prefer my legs unbroken.

I feel for the girl, Missy. She stares at you with a look of hope on her face, and waits patiently for attention. Both have wonderfully expressive faces that allow you to see exactly how they feel. Of course, when a massive dog leaps onto your lap with a toy in his mouth, there's really no mistaking what he wants.

Playing with the fur kids was nice, but I was there to watch tv. J is unbelievably laid back and accommodating. He's one of the more agreeable people I've met. He just accepts that things are. This is an attractive quality in that it's something I admire and would like to be better at sometimes. Having said that, he's still the anti-me, even if he hasn't had a cigarette in the last two weeks; he makes up for it well enough with the other things he ingests. Is it growth or denial that allows me to look past those things and enjoy his company? I'm not sure yet. Either way, I'm not questioning it for the moment.

Heroes started, and he ordered pizza. It's been a while since I've eaten pizza, so I was looking forward to it. This is where I have to mention I've become a bit of a pizza snob. I live in a very Italian area and my friends are Italians. There's pizza and there's pizza. If you asked me the last time I bought pizza from a chain outlet, I couldn't tell you.

J's local pizza place is Dominoes. They don't rate on my 'best pizza' scale anywhere above -5. It's pizza, not pizza. However, I was willing to put aside my snobbery, because the company was good and, hey, I wasn't paying. Accept graciously and say thank you...

Two for the price of one, plus chicken thingies that happened to be more pleasant than I expected. The pizza left a lot to be desired. There was a special called 'triple ripple', or something equally catchy. You got your pizza topping, but you also got a layer of cheese sauce (much like bechamel sauce) and a layer of bbq sauce. Can you say, "Too rich. Order my stomach pumped, Doctor!" We both managed two pieces each before we gave in. I could feel my arteries clogging, just looking at what was left. I had to get up in the middle of the night to get water. I wasn't sure if I was going to die in the night from dehydration or clogged arteries. Remind me not to eat pizza from chain restaurants again.

Heroes was good. We both liked it. Ian, you're right; the Asian guy is funny and I was impersonating him at work today. I think I just looked constipated, but the guys were amused. I did have my back turned when the girl put her hand in the insinkerator. J made a face and I turned just in time to see gore. Not my thing. My poor stomach was already doing backflips. I'm glad her hand grew back. Next week, I won't be driving to the anti-me's house to watch (because I left there at 7.10am and got to work at 8.55am!!! NOT again!), but I'll be staying in with my girls for company and I'll be practicing how not to burn healthy food in my George Foreman grill. (I haven't so far, btw!)

Honestly, I'm not sure what to say about J. Yep, I had another sleep over. Yep, we've been talking more lately - actually talking, not just sending text messages. Yep, we get along fabulously. I got there and he already had towels etc out and ready for me to use, because he knew I'd come straight from work/massage/acupuncture, and looked and smelt the same. He buys water, because he knows I'm not drinking anything else these days. He anticipates what I want and gets it for me, or organises what I need. He bought me a toothbrush (probably the thing that's surprised me the most, so far). He know how I have my cup of tea. He doesn't judge me for the mixture of vitamins and other things I do and take to stay healthy. He doesn't get offended that I take my own breakfast cereal with me. Those qualities, I like.

But.... I like even more the fact that neither of us are interested in anything more than where we're at now. I like that it doesn't bother either of us if we don't communicate for a day or two. I like being able to say I'm busy and mean it. I like not feeling guilty if I have something else to do during the only times we can conveniently catch up. I like that I don't cancel my plans to see him. Too often I've done that for boys and it's nice to feel secure enough (because there's nothing to be secure to) to work around my plans instead.

He's a nice boy and he's teaching me patience and acceptance. In a way, he's teaching me to relax. Similar to how I believe I was meant to meet the stranger I lived with in order to learn from his son, I am sure I was meant to meet J to learn something else again. Knowing what that is and putting it into words are two separate things. I can't articulate it yet. I can feel it, though.

It's that feeling that's enabling me to continue down this path, wherever it leads. It's all good. The ending - the next chapter, even - doesn't really matter.