Layers of cheese

J (the anti-me) has two Rotties. They're great dogs and what I like most about them is that their personalities are so similar to my girls that their behaviour makes me laugh all the time. There's the boy, who is much bigger than the girl and always has to be the centre of attention. The girl just sits back and hopes you'll notice her sitting there and invite her over. Mind you, as soon as you do, the boy comes along and pushes in front of her. I feel for her, because she's always literally being pushed aside.

When Kaiser (boy dog) is standing on his back legs, he's almost as tall as me. Last night, he wanted to sit on my lap. I pushed him off, with great effort, and he gave me a look of sheer disappointment, like he couldn't understand why I wouldn't want him on my lap. I prefer my legs unbroken.

I feel for the girl, Missy. She stares at you with a look of hope on her face, and waits patiently for attention. Both have wonderfully expressive faces that allow you to see exactly how they feel. Of course, when a massive dog leaps onto your lap with a toy in his mouth, there's really no mistaking what he wants.

Playing with the fur kids was nice, but I was there to watch tv. J is unbelievably laid back and accommodating. He's one of the more agreeable people I've met. He just accepts that things are. This is an attractive quality in that it's something I admire and would like to be better at sometimes. Having said that, he's still the anti-me, even if he hasn't had a cigarette in the last two weeks; he makes up for it well enough with the other things he ingests. Is it growth or denial that allows me to look past those things and enjoy his company? I'm not sure yet. Either way, I'm not questioning it for the moment.

Heroes started, and he ordered pizza. It's been a while since I've eaten pizza, so I was looking forward to it. This is where I have to mention I've become a bit of a pizza snob. I live in a very Italian area and my friends are Italians. There's pizza and there's pizza. If you asked me the last time I bought pizza from a chain outlet, I couldn't tell you.

J's local pizza place is Dominoes. They don't rate on my 'best pizza' scale anywhere above -5. It's pizza, not pizza. However, I was willing to put aside my snobbery, because the company was good and, hey, I wasn't paying. Accept graciously and say thank you...

Two for the price of one, plus chicken thingies that happened to be more pleasant than I expected. The pizza left a lot to be desired. There was a special called 'triple ripple', or something equally catchy. You got your pizza topping, but you also got a layer of cheese sauce (much like bechamel sauce) and a layer of bbq sauce. Can you say, "Too rich. Order my stomach pumped, Doctor!" We both managed two pieces each before we gave in. I could feel my arteries clogging, just looking at what was left. I had to get up in the middle of the night to get water. I wasn't sure if I was going to die in the night from dehydration or clogged arteries. Remind me not to eat pizza from chain restaurants again.

Heroes was good. We both liked it. Ian, you're right; the Asian guy is funny and I was impersonating him at work today. I think I just looked constipated, but the guys were amused. I did have my back turned when the girl put her hand in the insinkerator. J made a face and I turned just in time to see gore. Not my thing. My poor stomach was already doing backflips. I'm glad her hand grew back. Next week, I won't be driving to the anti-me's house to watch (because I left there at 7.10am and got to work at 8.55am!!! NOT again!), but I'll be staying in with my girls for company and I'll be practicing how not to burn healthy food in my George Foreman grill. (I haven't so far, btw!)

Honestly, I'm not sure what to say about J. Yep, I had another sleep over. Yep, we've been talking more lately - actually talking, not just sending text messages. Yep, we get along fabulously. I got there and he already had towels etc out and ready for me to use, because he knew I'd come straight from work/massage/acupuncture, and looked and smelt the same. He buys water, because he knows I'm not drinking anything else these days. He anticipates what I want and gets it for me, or organises what I need. He bought me a toothbrush (probably the thing that's surprised me the most, so far). He know how I have my cup of tea. He doesn't judge me for the mixture of vitamins and other things I do and take to stay healthy. He doesn't get offended that I take my own breakfast cereal with me. Those qualities, I like.

But.... I like even more the fact that neither of us are interested in anything more than where we're at now. I like that it doesn't bother either of us if we don't communicate for a day or two. I like being able to say I'm busy and mean it. I like not feeling guilty if I have something else to do during the only times we can conveniently catch up. I like that I don't cancel my plans to see him. Too often I've done that for boys and it's nice to feel secure enough (because there's nothing to be secure to) to work around my plans instead.

He's a nice boy and he's teaching me patience and acceptance. In a way, he's teaching me to relax. Similar to how I believe I was meant to meet the stranger I lived with in order to learn from his son, I am sure I was meant to meet J to learn something else again. Knowing what that is and putting it into words are two separate things. I can't articulate it yet. I can feel it, though.

It's that feeling that's enabling me to continue down this path, wherever it leads. It's all good. The ending - the next chapter, even - doesn't really matter.