I think you'll like it.....I hope

That's what he said to me the other day.

I'm flying to Perth on Monday. The boy's been keeping it a secret about where he's taking me for the week. I said I don't mind, as long as we stay somewhere that has a spa bath at least one night. Apparently, that's been arranged. The rest of the time? "Um...babe....it's not gonna be all that flash." That's ok. I can be Rugged Chick for a week.

He's been worried, because the people he told where we were going were apprehensive about whether I'd be into it or not. Granted, they don't know me, but if I was the type to worry about chipped fingernails or perfect makeup, I would agree with them. Eventually, he decided the best option was to tell me where we were going. Basically, it's the middle of nowhere.

He's taking me to Coolgardie Cemetary (wish I could find a good link), which is supposed to be great - if you like cemetaries - and I do, and Lake Ballard, which is a salt lake and, in my humble opinion, looks like it'll be amazing, with sculptures of people scattered through it.

The other alterior motive for doing this trip is so he can show me the places he works. One, so I can get more comfortable with where he is and what he does when he's away, but also coz I know he's going to get all excited, proud dad style, telling me he found this piece of rock here, or that piece of sandalwood on that tree there. It's cool that he loves what he does, so I'm excited for him, in a weird way, that he'll be able to show me all these things.

I was out shopping today for a pair of boots sorta like these and there was not one pair of walking/hiking boots in the entire centre. Being that I find shopping the evil of all evils, I wasn't pleased, but decided to see if I could find a couple of tops to wear while we're out in the middle of nowhere, looking at salt lakes, dead people, rocks and sticks. I walked into a store and found this, thought it was completely appropriate, and had to buy it. Just the fact that it amused me - and it was the first top I saw - made it worth the $10.

Three

Three subjects in one here.

1. Didn't get a call back on the interview. It's not bothering me as much as I thought it would. I checked out the company the job was for and they're a bit....stiff. Much too conservative for me. I could just imagine the first day I went in there in summer, with a skirt on and them seeing my tattoos. Ha! So......next!

2. Wooohoooooo for the Socceroos!!! To the coach of the USA... We'll see you in the next round! Oh? Sorry? What's that? Your team didn't make it through? So sad!! Hahahaha! So much for us just making up the numbers! Pfffffftt!

Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!!!

3. Since I'm a sucker for personality tests, I did the one Monica has on her blog. Methinks it makes me look like an indecisive fence-sitter. I might take it another day and see if I get different results.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||| 50% Stability |||||||||||||| 56% Orderliness |||||||||||| 50% Accommodation |||||||||||| 50% Interdependence |||||| 30% Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 76% Mystical |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Artistic |||||||||||||||||| 76% Religious |||||| 30% Hedonism |||||||||| 36% Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Narcissism |||||||||||||||| 70% Adventurousness |||||||||||| 50% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||| 56% Conflict seeking || 10% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 50% Romantic |||||||||||||||| 70% Avoidant |||| 16% Anti-authority |||||||||||||| 56% Wealth |||||||||| 36% Dependency |||||| 23% Change averse |||||||||||| 50% Cautiousness |||||||||||||||| 63% Individuality |||||||||||||| 56% Sexuality |||||||||||| 50% Peter pan complex |||||||||| 36% Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||| 57% Histrionic |||||||||||| 43% Paranoia |||||||||||| 50% Vanity |||||||||||| 43% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||| 70% Female cliche |||||||||||| 43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test

Ph-only things were less complicated

I believe I'm almost free of my evil phone company. Yes, I thought it'd all be resolved before now. For the most part it is, but I have to wait a while till the two phone companies can exchange paperwork "for legal reasons", before my services are swapped over.

However, it pays to have a bit of a bitch about your old company when you're signing up with a new company. Not wanting to be burnt again (oh G-d, I hope I've made the right choices!!), I researched exactly what I wanted and had the woman explain to me again what I will be getting for my dollar. She was very helpful. And generous. She offered me free long distance or mobile calls for the first two months. I asked what the catch was. Nothing. "It sounds like you've had a hard time, so this is just something we'd like to do for you." So...in ten or so days time, when all my details get switched over, I'll be getting $100 worth of long distance calls a month for the first two months. Aaaand I'm not on a contract at all.

And on my mobile......up to 200 free texts after 8pm each night to the same carrier. They're sending my new card to T's place, so I can pick it up on Monday. Haha my first mail to his address. Markin' my territory! Wonder if he realises.... :-p hehe

I'm gonna be able to talk/text with T for the next couple of months for virtually nothing!! Wooohoooooo!

Just wait though. I know how the next scene plays out. My old phone company will try to charge me penalties for quitting my contract early...even though they said they won't.

Right now, I'm happy and relieved.

Thought I should come back and edit this to add, for the benefit of people who don't live in this country (whose telecommunications provision happens to be monopolised by only two major players), that we get NU-thin' for free here. Gotta pay for line rental, local calls, international, long distance, mobile, you name it. Unless, of course, you're using VOIP, then you only pay about 10c, but that's moot, coz I can't use that at the mo'.

There's pretty much no competition for telecommunications services, because the minor players, of which there are few, simply cannot compete with the two major companies. Little choice means they can charge what they like. So free long distance and free texting is kinda like Christmas for me, especially considering this saga has dragged on as long as it has.

I hate the fact that I've had to resort to using a company I didn't want to use, on principle, because I think they're too much into making money and not enough into worrying about their customers (like any other company, I hear you say)....but at least they're not misleading in any way about what they've offered me, or what I'm going to pay.

And they're giving me free calls for no reason. Free is good.

True

"Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined."
Rodan of Alexandria

I have an interview for two positions tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Um, sir, I seem to be lost...

Keyword searches that landed people here this week include...

church of satan perth contact - christ
sister watching brother masturbate
drew sinton melbourne church of satan
8375309 song

10 things I want to say

Taken from RisibleGirl.

Here are the rules..... List ten (10) things you want to say to people but do not state who these people are.

1. If your family knew what I know about you, they wouldn't think you're as perfect as you appear to be.

2. You think I care, because I've never told you that I don't.

3. I wish you could see what a good life you have. If you did, you wouldn't be so mad with the world.

4. You deserve much, much better than the person you're with now. He offers you crumbs and you accept them as loaves. It makes me sad...and angry.

5. If I hadn't known you, my life would have been so different...for the better.

6. You didn't see me that day I had the knife in my hand. I'm glad I walked away.

7. I am so glad I met you. You're the most wonderful friend I've ever had.

8. You're an amazing person and you've taught me so much about myself and about life. I can't thank you enough for that.

9. I'm much better than you think I am. You'll never know this though, because it's enough for me that I know.

10. You are a good person. I hope you've found peace and happiness and someone to care for you. You just weren't the right one for me.

Did you say steak.....er, cake?

Me: I bought some cheesecake today.

Him: [laughs uncontrollably]

Me: Why are you laughing? Don't pick on me.

Him: Coz you made it sound like someone forced you. [still laughing]

Me: They did. I have PMS. It's not my fault.

Him: What? You were drawn to it?

Me: Yeah, it was next to Subw@y and a magnetic force pulled me in the door. You don't understand. I couldn't help myself.

Him: No, I don't. [laughs more]

Me: Well, it's PMS. I had no choice.

Him: What sort did you get?

Me: Ummm....it was passionfruit.

Him: Was??

Me: Yeah, I ate it already.

Him: Huh? The whole thing?

Me: Ummm...nooooo.....

Him: What? You got a flip top head or something? Dislocate your mouth?

Me: Nooooo.... I only bought a piece.

Him: Oh. I was picturing you inhaling the whole thing in one go.

Me: Gee, thanks.

[subject changes to my next visit...he's coming back with me to go to a conference for a week]

Him: You remember that going away party? I will have to be back for that on the Saturday.

Me: Yeah, I know. That's ok. Besides, after two weeks, you might be sick of me by then.

Him: Yeah, I was thinking that.

Me: Huh? Thanks a lot!

Him: Ha, I was joking. I knew you'd get worked up. ...

Me: Yeah, kick a girl when she's down. You're lucky they're giving you a hotel to stay in that week.

Him: But I don't wanna share a room with a farting, snoring guy.

Me: Me either. That's my point. Haha!

Him: I don't snore....well, sometimes, if I've had a drink.

Me: I know. You're lucky I like you.

Warning - talkin' about girl stuff

This one's about girl stuff, so if you're a boy, you might want to bypass it.

I've had problems with my girl bits for almost 12 years. There haven't been any major issues for a few years, but I still have to have 6 monthly smear tests. My last one was two weeks ago. I was hoping for different results than the last two, but nothing's changed. 'Low grade changes' surprisingly doesn't worry me all that much, even though it's been that way for over a year. It's not as bad as it's been before.

Maybe I should be more bothered than I am? A colposcopy is a bit like, "yeah, whatever" to me, probably because I've learnt not to really worry until I have reason to worry. Right now, I don't think I do. It's just a pain.

So I'll get a letter with a date from the hospital, take myself down there, get it done and wait for the news....with chocolate. Lots of chocolate.

That'd be right!

Remember I emailed a whole bunch of employment agencies in Perth a while back? And only one responded? I got a phone call from another one of them tonight, offering me some temp work.

I told her I was still here, but I'd be there at the end of the month for the week. She told me to see her while I'm there, fill out all the relevant skill, work and bank details and I'd be good to go when I get there for real.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrgggh! I can't believe it! I can't even get a freakin' interview over here, but I get offered work on the other side of the country without even applying!

Being effusive

...because sometimes T surprises me in the best of ways. I got an awesome card in the mail today, that said...

To my precious Sweet Pea,

I'm sorry that things have been so hard over the past while, and I'm sorry for the hurt that I've caused.

I'm truly thankful that you are in my life and that you understand and are patient with the unpredictable and crazy person that is me.

You mean the world to me and I love you dearly. I will be glad when we are together properly.

Love you. x
T

It don't get better than that. My guy rocks. :-)

Seriously, I think the apology is not all that warranted, 'cept for last weekend, coz I've been the one who's been a pain to deal with mostly.

Take off

Where you love somebody a whole lot, and you know that person loves you, that’s the most beautiful place in the world.

Ann Cameron
The Most Beautiful Place In The World
Yearling Books

I've struggled lately to find peace within myself. I've been in a low place that I still have trouble defining; including the real why and how of it all. That's passed now, it seems. Not without consequence though.

T's felt the pressure and he's coped well, considering he felt helpless to help me. Not that he could anyway, because I couldn't explain why I was feeling so crap, so there was no way he could fix something I couldn't describe.

Last week, I had the first of two visits to the doc this month. The nurse I saw suggested I start taking vitamin B6. Primarily, it's supposedly most helpful for PMS. I do acknowledge that I've been pretty unpredictable lately, mood wise and I feel like I can attribute some of that to hormones. I'm not disinclined to say that, despite the stereotypes et al, because I know age is going to bring changes that I'll have to adjust to. I never used to get freaky mood swings with PMS, so it's been an unhappy, uncomfortable learning curve. Anyway, I don't expect the vitamins to be a magic fix, or an overnight cure, but I do feel better.

The strange part of me saying I feel better today is that yesterday completely sucked. More than the last few weeks have. T and I have mutual agreements about how we operate (our 'routine' etc) and what we expect from each other. I don't put restrictions on him at all and I wouldn't tell him he's not allowed to do something (obviously within reason). However, I do expect that if what he's doing is going to affect those agreements, he'll let me know. It's not about being controlling. It's about respecting each other and keeping each other informed. Without those things, the distance would be harder than it already is. So when those guidelines aren't adhered to, it causes strain. He's done that a couple of times in the past and we've walked a fine stay/go line at times. Yesterday, on the back of my own personal craziness, having our agreement broken pushed me closer to the go line than before.

This relationship has been unusual for me. I've never been with someone who's openly cared for me as much as T does, who genuinely wants the best for me, who wants to give me the best. I've never been with someone who makes me feel as good as he does. And I've never been with someone who's made me so unbelievably angry at them too. LOL

We discussed that last night - that nobody's brought out that much anger in me before....but I also care for him in a way I can't explain too. Being with T has brought out all sorts of feelings and emotions I haven't experienced in a relationship before. For the most part, they're incredibly positive. It's just when he's a doofus, like he was on Friday night, that I want to break a steel pot over his head. I'm sure he's felt the desire to do the same to me though, at times, so I guess we're even.

More unusual for me is that it generally takes me a long time to get over being hurt in some way. That I wanted to scream and rip his head off on Friday night, but was able to (semi) joke about it last night, is something else I've not felt before. Maybe it's a good thing to get so mad, get it out and process things quickly like that? I don't know. I do know I don't like the extreme emotions of it all. It's not a way I'm used to being.

He's working so much - too much - lately. I'm proud of him for his dedication to what he does. I don't think I know anybody else who truly loves what they do, so despite the fact that it leaves him stressed out and time starved, I'm glad he does what he does. The downside? Eh, work, work, work leaves a boy just as grumpy as the girl he's been trying for weeks to make un-grumpy.

We'd hoped I'd be there this long weekend, but he's got too much work on. The earliest I can be there is the 26th. I've been putting off booking my flights for about a week. Yesterday, I was all "damn him, he can come here if he wants to see me". Unbeknownst to me, he'd considered flying here yesterday to make things up to me. The fact that he'd think about doing that says almost as much as if he'd have actually done it.

I booked my flights this afternoon. I can't wait to see him again.

Lions and tigers

Bad thoughts are worse enemies than lions and tigers; for we can keep out of the way of wild beasts, but bad thoughts win their way everywhere. The cup that is full will hold no more; keep your hearts full of good thoughts, that bad thoughts may find no room to enter.

Author unknown

oh six oh six oh six

This article amused me.

Lucifer's lucky number or a typical Tuesday?

AS YOU read this, it is entirely possible that the planet is wreathed in the unforgiving fire of either a Satanic or Godly apocalypse.

Graves may have opened and the dead may be walking among us. Blasphemers have presumably been hung by the tongue, women who dress in a suggestive manner may well have been suspended by their hair over a bubbling mire. And that's just Ashburton.

All over the city, goats are quite probably running amok.

It is now the sixth day of the sixth month in the sixth year of the new millennium. This may mean no more than that it is the sixth of June and a Tuesday. The committed satanist, numerologist or heavy metal nut will, however, be enjoying an eerie confluence of the calendar that spells the number of the beast: 666. Time for Satan to claim the Earth.

Six hundred and sixty six is a number to conjure with; 666 is the sum of its digits plus the cube of its digits, it is the sum of the first seven primes, is apparently found hidden in every barcode and is the street address of Donald Trump's corporate headquarters. It is defined in the Revelation of St John the Divine thus: "Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is six hundred threescore and six."
It is in the conjunction of beast and man that things get interesting, according to Drew Sinton, former Grotto Master for the Australian Church of Satan and author of The Antichrist Bible. "It is the number of man, it's from Genesis. Man was created in six days, therefore man is Satan, man is the devil," he says. Seems clear enough, if somewhat circular.

Which brings us to this morning. The message: beware of men. "It may be in the end that the sixth of the sixth may be just like the first day of the millennium, when Christ did not come again," Mr Sinton says.

The local Church of Satan is not planning to mark the day with anything more than an air of curious expectation, while, according to the Pagan Awareness Network, "Witches across Australia are cheerfully regarding this whole 06/06/06 thing as a load of old cobblers."

Neither group is therefore likely to claim responsibility for the striking street posters you may have spotted advising that "The Antichrist is coming". These refer to the movie release The Omen 666. This is a remake of the legendary 1976 The Omen, which, as you will recall, deals with devil spawn Damien Thorn. It is presumably this, rather than anything more biblical, that has convinced some impending parents to alter their birth plans.

"I did have a couple of parents who said they were loath to have their babies on that day," said one leading Melbourne obstetrician. Presumably he will meet with similar demands around the time we see the first screenings of the Poseidon Adventure remake.

Not that they mean to be killjoys, but the Australian Catholic Film Office advises that the sixth of June is not in fact 06/06/06 anyway. The calendar as we know it was concocted in the fourth century, an exercise in transposition from the original Roman date system that erred by four years. "We assume Satan knows that the sixth day of the sixth month in 2006 was in fact June 6, 2002," Father Richard Leonard says.

And is therefore, already among us. Perhaps in the Big Brother house. Who knows?

Family - Part 10 - 6 Degrees of Separation

It just gets more weird.

Eldest sister called me out of the blue last night. I'd say I'm not sure why, but I realise it was to bait me in a couple of ways. She started by asking what I'm up to. "Working." Am I seeing someone? "Yep." What's his name? "T." Where's he work? "He lives in WA", (I'm not going to give my conniving sister the name of his employer). How old is he? "37." Are you going to keep him? "Yes." Oh, she said I should have a child, too. You know, coz everyone should have one, coz they're fun to play with and all, and if they're pretty or talented, you can show them off and live vicariously through them. So, she didn't say that verbatim, but I'll never be the cool kid on the block till I have one. Eldest sister and my mother are so similar. It's hard to tell who's speaking through whom a lot of the time.

She makes jewellery. She's actually pretty good at it. She's always been creative and can make dresses, jewellery, can draw etc. The downside is that generally, she's used her creative mind for evil, not good, till now. She gets cash for what she makes, so it bugs me that she's still scamming, but at least she's doing something useful and constructive for a change.

I'm not big on the type of stuff she makes. I can see the talent and the art in it, but it's not me. It's beadwork, dangly pieces, shiny stuff. I prefer much more classic, plain jewellery, but I hardly wear it anyway. Eldest sister then asked me what my email address is. That set off a warning beacon in my head. When I asked why she needed it, she told me it was so she could send me pictures of her work. I said I wasn't interested.

I'll tell you why I didn't want to give her my email address (even though she could ask my niece for it, if it occured to her). When I first moved to Melbourne, she was already living down here, although I didn't know where. I didn't know Melbourne at all. After I'd been here a while and my housemate-turned-partner and I moved out of the place we rented and into the house he owned, I went to get the phone connected (why am I forever having issues with phone companies???), and they said I had a $2,200 outstanding bill from when I lived in a certain suburb. I told them I had no idea where that suburb even was and more importantly, I was living in another state at the time the calls were made. Upon asking for more details, I discovered eldest sister had used my name on the bills, with her as the person to contact, then didn't pay. The phone company required me to prove - by contacting all my previous employers for that time frame - that I was living and working interstate, so the debt wouldn't become mine. I told them it was my sister's debt. They said to get her to contact them. Yeah, right! She's never apologised. That's just one incident. It's bad enough that my mother gave her my street address and my home phone number. Her being able to use my email address in some way is not something I want to happen.

I have a couple of 'main' email addresses, but they're attached to stuff I do online. Do a search on the name part of them and you can end up here, or linked to other things I do online. Not really something I want someone of her calibre doing. I gave her an old h0t-male address that I only keep active in case I need to use chat. She seemed disappointed that it was my full name. That confirmed to me it was the right way to go.

Now cue the twilight zone music.

After a while, she said in passing, "Oh, have you heard about your brother?" Assuming she was talking about the only brother I have, not my step brother, I told her no. Apparently youngest sister (9 yrs older than me) did a 'net search on their (my three sisters) father and somehow discovered his son instead (as well?). Youngest sister had contacted their dad years ago and they'd exchanged photos, but there wasn't any real interest in keeping in touch, as far as I can recall, on his side. Having found his son and where he worked and lived, she wrote him a letter. He happens to be in the Navy in Sydney. I've mentioned here before, middle sister's new boyfriend is also Navy and is going to Sydney for a period of time before he gets sent to Perth later this year. Youngest sister asked middle sister's boyfriend if he knew the guy, or could get in touch with him, and if it was possible to pass the letter onto him. He agreed to do that, then looked at the name on the letter. It's his best friend. How weird is that??

Nobody's going to tell mum. I'm really not sure why eldest sister told me....apart from the weirdness factor.

Heavy sigh...

The light at the end of the tunnel? I ain't seeing it. Only a long tunnel.

T feels kinda helpless and like he's done something, or is doing something wrong. He hasn't. Not at all. He's being great.

It's just the circumstances that suck. I am not quitting, backing out, or giving up. It's just hard at the moment. And I don't like how it's making me feel...how I'm making T feel.

Well then...

The comments everyone made in my previous post don't help me. I say that in a sincerely appreciative way though, coz it proves my difficulty.

Because T and I are not in the same location, it's nice to have things around us, to make us feel more connected. For example, I keep the rocks and the sandalwood that he gave me on my tv. I get to see them each time I plant my butt on my couch, and they're a talking point when people come over (rare as that is!). I have the books (lots.of.books!) we've bought together, beside my bed. He's actually had to put together a whole new bookshelf just to store what he's bought recently! (And I just bought him more on eb@y! Eeep!)

Yesterday morning, I woke up in a good mood. By the afternoon, I didn't want to talk to anyone, even T, and I couldn't really work out why. Thankfully, the boy is patient and after I reassured him a thousand times that he hadn't done anything wrong, he let me wallow for a while. (Just an aside here, but why is it that guys can ask and ask and ask us incessantly what's wrong, or what they did, when we've explained that it's just us and they haven't done anything...yet if we ask them the same thing more than once, we're busting their arse or nagging?)

I really wasn't feeling like I wanted to talk to him last night. After sending him a few text messages of increasing frustration (see: I don't know what's wrong!! When I know, I'll tell you!!), he called me. He's brave sometimes. Haha! And patient.

I've been feeling pretty agitated lately. He's spent a lot of time away from home in the last few months and where he's going and when, changes frequently. Even though he's the one who's doing all the travelling, I've been having to adjust to it each time, too. He's been seriously time starved, working long hours and 7 day weeks, and will continue to be for a while. Part of the whole gift conversation we've had has been me feeling a little stuck because I can't send him things when I don't know where he's going to be, and he doesn't even have time to consider sending me anything...and besides, when he's out in the middle of nowhere, it's not like he can drop in to a shop or go on line to send me stuff.

Anyway, we ended up talking for about 2 1/2 hours, which is longer than we've been able to talk in a while. We talked about rational and irrational thoughts on the pros, cons and pressures of the expectations people have in relationships when it comes to giving and receiving things. He's pretty good. He goes out of his way to understand me. Doesn't always get there lol, but that's ok, coz I can't expect him to get what I'm thinking/feeling if I don't know myself.

He asked me what difference it would all make if I was living there. Um....I could see you! LOL

I don't often spoil myself. I suppose that's why I have trouble when it comes to giving suggestions to others about what I'd like. However, I did pick up another set of 4 (of the same) Waterford crystal glasses that I'd been paying off, last weekend. They're not cheap, but every six months, they have buy three, get one free. I think I should have the whole set of that collection in about 3 years... T and I joked that I'd have to store them in a glass fronted cabinet with a retina scan/laser beam security system so nobody could touch them. If we ever used them, people would have to wear white gloves and sign over their first born (assuming it was good looking and well behaved) if they chipped one. Sometimes I wish I was one of those girls who likes clothes, shoes, makeup and perfume. Alas, I'm not. No way I'm letting the boy buy me crystal though!

I was moodier yesterday afternoon than I'd been lately. Strange that it was also the first day I started taking vitamin B6...which is supposed to help alleviate freaky girl mood swings...

Now...I'm gonna throw this question out there.... What do you like as gifts? Don't be giving me that "massage/day spa/I don't need anything" stuff. As much as they're very cool and I would appreciate vouchers for those things, it's different from actually opening a box, kwim? If someone were to actually give you a thing and you had a choice on what it was, what would it be? Or...if you've already been given something that you thought was an awesome gift, what was it?

(Oh, and RG, I love those geek shirts. I want the one that says "I'm blogging this".)

What's a girl to do?

I need some ideas and inspiration.

There are some things in life I'm pretty good at. There are others at which I fail miserably. Knowing what gifts I'd like to be given is one of those things. For the most part, I'm like everyone else and I feel good when I'm given something. There's a piece of me, however, that feels a degree of guilt as well. I understand that the other person gets satisfaction from giving a gift and that if it makes them happy too, that's important and it's a positive. I know I shouldn't feel guilt over someone else's choice to spend money (or time/energy/effort) on me when they're not in any way obliged to do so.

I suppose, in an effort not to be seen as expecting or demanding gifts, particularly those which have a certain monetary value attached to them, I sway too far in the other direction. I don't ask for, or expect anything.

The positive side of that is that it can never be said I'm high maintenance (in that regard anyway ha!), or gold-digging. The negative side is that I'm possibly doing myself a disservice by not expecting my partner to give gifts.

T and I have had this conversation a few times. He feels a certain obligation to give me gifts to show me his affections, although he does understand I don't expect that from him. From a guy's perspective, gift giving is a tricky exercise. Apparently, the idea is to give gifts that are of a high sentimental value/importance, but don't actually have a high monetary value; the theory being this will weed out the gold-diggers early, yet be appreciated by someone genuine.

I think I subscribe to that idea too. To date, T has given me two pieces of rock, a piece of sandalwood, a Swiss Army Knife with a special computer attachment (LOL), flowers, a cardigan and a book or two. These gifts do a content girl make. The sentiment behind them is worth more to me than the items themselves.

We have a problem though, and that's what I need help with. As much as I don't feel at all comfortable requesting he buy me things, and I don't want to produce a list of 'demands', I need to present to him some ideas of things he could give me, if he chooses to. He's stuck, because he's not good at coming up with ideas. I'm stuck, because I honestly can't think of things I'd like either.

Last night, I suggested he could get one of those planes to write words of adoration and undying devotion in the sky. He thinks he's a little more private than that. So I said that maybe he could just take out a full page 3 ad in a major newspaper. He said that was too expensive, so I referred him back to my original idea with the plane. He still didn't think it was a good idea.

I need inspiration for gifts that are somewhere in between these two extremes.

It's difficult, because I don't really know what I'd like. Jewellery? A day at a spa? A weekend away? Dance lessons? I just.don't.know. Apart from the jewellery, everything else I've come up with is an event, not a thing. Books? Yeah, I guess. Clothes? Too hard.

If I were looking for 'practical', I could think of a bunch of things. I need new cutlery, new knives, a dinner set. I could do with another bookcase, a DVD player (am I the only person still yet to buy one??), a vacuum, or new towels. I can do "I need" really well. It's "it'd be nice to have" that I struggle with.

In particular, T needs ideas for my birthday, in August. He has a conference over three days that he'll be away for, my birthday being right in the middle. For reasons that I can't explain, it bothers me that we can't do something together that weekend. I'm not usually all that fussed about my birthday, so feeling this way is bugging me. I think it's because he feels bad about it.

It's been easy for me to come up with things to get him. It's about impossible for me to do the same for myself. Someone please inspire me?