What's a girl to do?
I need some ideas and inspiration.
There are some things in life I'm pretty good at. There are others at which I fail miserably. Knowing what gifts I'd like to be given is one of those things. For the most part, I'm like everyone else and I feel good when I'm given something. There's a piece of me, however, that feels a degree of guilt as well. I understand that the other person gets satisfaction from giving a gift and that if it makes them happy too, that's important and it's a positive. I know I shouldn't feel guilt over someone else's choice to spend money (or time/energy/effort) on me when they're not in any way obliged to do so.
I suppose, in an effort not to be seen as expecting or demanding gifts, particularly those which have a certain monetary value attached to them, I sway too far in the other direction. I don't ask for, or expect anything.
The positive side of that is that it can never be said I'm high maintenance (in that regard anyway ha!), or gold-digging. The negative side is that I'm possibly doing myself a disservice by not expecting my partner to give gifts.
T and I have had this conversation a few times. He feels a certain obligation to give me gifts to show me his affections, although he does understand I don't expect that from him. From a guy's perspective, gift giving is a tricky exercise. Apparently, the idea is to give gifts that are of a high sentimental value/importance, but don't actually have a high monetary value; the theory being this will weed out the gold-diggers early, yet be appreciated by someone genuine.
I think I subscribe to that idea too. To date, T has given me two pieces of rock, a piece of sandalwood, a Swiss Army Knife with a special computer attachment (LOL), flowers, a cardigan and a book or two. These gifts do a content girl make. The sentiment behind them is worth more to me than the items themselves.
We have a problem though, and that's what I need help with. As much as I don't feel at all comfortable requesting he buy me things, and I don't want to produce a list of 'demands', I need to present to him some ideas of things he could give me, if he chooses to. He's stuck, because he's not good at coming up with ideas. I'm stuck, because I honestly can't think of things I'd like either.
Last night, I suggested he could get one of those planes to write words of adoration and undying devotion in the sky. He thinks he's a little more private than that. So I said that maybe he could just take out a full page 3 ad in a major newspaper. He said that was too expensive, so I referred him back to my original idea with the plane. He still didn't think it was a good idea.
It's difficult, because I don't really know what I'd like. Jewellery? A day at a spa? A weekend away? Dance lessons? I just.don't.know. Apart from the jewellery, everything else I've come up with is an event, not a thing. Books? Yeah, I guess. Clothes? Too hard.
If I were looking for 'practical', I could think of a bunch of things. I need new cutlery, new knives, a dinner set. I could do with another bookcase, a DVD player (am I the only person still yet to buy one??), a vacuum, or new towels. I can do "I need" really well. It's "it'd be nice to have" that I struggle with.
In particular, T needs ideas for my birthday, in August. He has a conference over three days that he'll be away for, my birthday being right in the middle. For reasons that I can't explain, it bothers me that we can't do something together that weekend. I'm not usually all that fussed about my birthday, so feeling this way is bugging me. I think it's because he feels bad about it.
It's been easy for me to come up with things to get him. It's about impossible for me to do the same for myself. Someone please inspire me?
There are some things in life I'm pretty good at. There are others at which I fail miserably. Knowing what gifts I'd like to be given is one of those things. For the most part, I'm like everyone else and I feel good when I'm given something. There's a piece of me, however, that feels a degree of guilt as well. I understand that the other person gets satisfaction from giving a gift and that if it makes them happy too, that's important and it's a positive. I know I shouldn't feel guilt over someone else's choice to spend money (or time/energy/effort) on me when they're not in any way obliged to do so.
I suppose, in an effort not to be seen as expecting or demanding gifts, particularly those which have a certain monetary value attached to them, I sway too far in the other direction. I don't ask for, or expect anything.
The positive side of that is that it can never be said I'm high maintenance (in that regard anyway ha!), or gold-digging. The negative side is that I'm possibly doing myself a disservice by not expecting my partner to give gifts.
T and I have had this conversation a few times. He feels a certain obligation to give me gifts to show me his affections, although he does understand I don't expect that from him. From a guy's perspective, gift giving is a tricky exercise. Apparently, the idea is to give gifts that are of a high sentimental value/importance, but don't actually have a high monetary value; the theory being this will weed out the gold-diggers early, yet be appreciated by someone genuine.
I think I subscribe to that idea too. To date, T has given me two pieces of rock, a piece of sandalwood, a Swiss Army Knife with a special computer attachment (LOL), flowers, a cardigan and a book or two. These gifts do a content girl make. The sentiment behind them is worth more to me than the items themselves.
We have a problem though, and that's what I need help with. As much as I don't feel at all comfortable requesting he buy me things, and I don't want to produce a list of 'demands', I need to present to him some ideas of things he could give me, if he chooses to. He's stuck, because he's not good at coming up with ideas. I'm stuck, because I honestly can't think of things I'd like either.
Last night, I suggested he could get one of those planes to write words of adoration and undying devotion in the sky. He thinks he's a little more private than that. So I said that maybe he could just take out a full page 3 ad in a major newspaper. He said that was too expensive, so I referred him back to my original idea with the plane. He still didn't think it was a good idea.
 | I need inspiration for gifts that are somewhere in between these two extremes. |  |
It's difficult, because I don't really know what I'd like. Jewellery? A day at a spa? A weekend away? Dance lessons? I just.don't.know. Apart from the jewellery, everything else I've come up with is an event, not a thing. Books? Yeah, I guess. Clothes? Too hard.
If I were looking for 'practical', I could think of a bunch of things. I need new cutlery, new knives, a dinner set. I could do with another bookcase, a DVD player (am I the only person still yet to buy one??), a vacuum, or new towels. I can do "I need" really well. It's "it'd be nice to have" that I struggle with.
In particular, T needs ideas for my birthday, in August. He has a conference over three days that he'll be away for, my birthday being right in the middle. For reasons that I can't explain, it bothers me that we can't do something together that weekend. I'm not usually all that fussed about my birthday, so feeling this way is bugging me. I think it's because he feels bad about it.
It's been easy for me to come up with things to get him. It's about impossible for me to do the same for myself. Someone please inspire me?
posted by E in Oz at 2:40 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 2:40 pm
9 Comments:
It's great he's thinking so far in advance! My Hubby didn't give me anything to opne on my birthday this year. I don't really mind, because we were on vacation, but even a small trinket would have been nice.
We don't really do the gift thing with each other, usually only on Christmas, and even then I usually know what he got me.
Does T take hints well? Maybe if you're out shopping somewhere and you see something you like, you could drop some hints. I can tell you that a day at a spa is fabulous! I'm not high maintenance either, but I really enjoy pampering myself at a spa every now and then. There's also nothing wrong with practical gifts. At least you know they'll be put to good use!
How about a canoe?
Hm, I don't really know... gifts and preferences are such a personal thing and I've never been big on "requesting" things or making lists for people. (Well, except for Santa, but that was the rule!)
Honestly, I think when guys really put their minds to it, they do a pretty darn good job of coming up with great gifts--they just don't give themselves enough credit. But to me the best part of a gift isn't the actual item itself, it's the thought and reasoning that went into why the person decided on that gift, and the element of surprise when unwrapping!
I think a canoe is a great idea.
I like events as gifts, personally. I'd rather go and do and have a memory than have another thing I need to store.
I'm with kT. Why not do an activity? Or take a trip somewhere pretty? (So you can take some photos, which is something you enjoy!) If that's what you prefer, then I'm sure he'd want to know.
Personally, I dread getting gifts- particularly expensive ones... because I'd hate for anyone to spend a lot of money on something I don't like or won't use. (I didn't have a DVD player until I got one as a gift, BTW.)
I love buying stuff for people. Rather than tie things to occasions, if I see something I think someone would like, I buy it right then and there. Since folks tend to associate gift giving with occasions, I generally hold onto the purchase until then, but I've bought gifts several months in advance. I love giving someone something that shows I was thinking of them, rather than bought something just for the sake of buying them something. And I don't expect anything in return, because that's not why I give people gifts.
Since I'm practically hijacking your blog anyway, what if you let us make up a list of things we think you might like? How much fun would THAT be?
Just a thought... anyone else interested?
DNA - No, he's not so good with hints, although when I told him about the guy who turned up at my door with flowers, he got the message. Haha!
Ian - You mean I'm up the creek? Shouldn't I ask for a paddle too? LOL
Angela - I agree. It's not the gift. It's the thought, but still... :-p
kT - LOL. Me too. Then I'd need some gear to go with it, something to transport it in, a holiday house near a river....
Monica - Really, I am an 'acitivity' girl. But coz we're apart, I don't really want to do that kinda stuff by myself and it's more being able to physically give something when we're together, or in the post, kwim?
And YES, I would luuurv you all to come up with things you think I'd like! That's what I need help with!!
No restrictions, except it can't be pink and it can't be a cooking appliance. And yes Ian, that means no pink cooking appliances. LOLOL
Hubby and I vowed early on in our relationship that we'd never give each other 'occasion' gifts. TOO.MUCH.PRESSURE!
Instead, we buy things for each other when we see something we know the other one would like.
As a matter of fact, I got one of those gifts yesterday. It's a t-shirt from Microsoft (with Microsoft logo on the sleeve) that has the word GEEK in front, and a definition on the back.
Of course, I'm not one to wear t-shirts in public, but I *LOVE* that shirt and I love it that he got it because he knew I'd love it.
What if you hop online and just start surfing around on jewelry/crafty/beauty supply/clothing websites and start sending him links to things that strike your fancy? That way he'd get a good idea of what you'd want to receive and he could pick and choose what to get you.
Another idea- how about seeing the same movie or reading the same book... or choosing some other small activity that you could take turns picking (maybe cooking/eating the same meal?) You might not get to do it at exactly the same time, together, but it's still a chance to share an experience.
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