Afternoon blather

Using my trusty, albeit limited, Word thesaurus this afternoon, I was surprised to notice a spelling mistake. Among the list of alternatives for 'ramble', it suggested 'go off ona tangent'. Unless 'ona' is a new word I've yet to become properly acquainted with, me would think that the Word spell checker/thesaurus has got itself a busted wheel.

My email to teaching staff:
Just a reminder that the comment length for sports and services reports is ...... approximately 500 characters, or 100 words.

A response:
Is this 500 with or without spaces? I have one that is 102 words, another slightly fewer. Both high 400s for characters but well over 500 if spaces included.

What I wanted to reply:
Whydon'tyouexperiment?Dothemlikethisandseehowtheyturnout.Ifyouthinkitlooksfine,thenbyallmeans,eliminateallspaces.
However,ifyouthinkitlooksbetterwiththespaces,perhapsaddafewhereandthere.

What I did reply:
Yes. Spaces included.

Since I've just mentioned someone else's lack of thinking ability, it's only fair that I mention my own case of stupid today. This morning I was cleaning my face in the shower and G-d knows how, but I managed to shove my little finger into my mouth and scratch the inside of the top of my mouth with my fingernail, as well as taking a nice chunk out of my top lip. My bleeding lip now hurts like hell and I've been 'eating' it like a damn sucker fish all day to try to get rid of the sting. I'm almost 34 and still can't wash my face without injuring myself!

In other news, I applied for a job yesterday and got a call this morning for an interview on Monday afternoon. It's not one of the positions I've been most keen on so far, but it's only a few minutes from home and that's very appealing. I'm meeting with the MD and CFO, for a job supporting both of them. It's a family business, so I think they'll go into convulsions when I tell them what money I want. Whatever happens, it'll be good interview practice.

T's been telling me how wonderful and warm Perth is, compared to the cold, bitterness that is our Melbourne winter. Nineteen degrees ain't that much warmer than 15, methinks! He told me where he is in Kalgoorlie at the moment, it was less than 3 degrees yesterday morning. I told him he had weather envy and he's just jealous that it isn't cold all winter, like it is here. I won't be selling my winter coats when I move!

My turn

I got tagged by E (go say hi and check out the pics of her gorgeous little Kira), so here goes.

I AM feeling a little less stressed than I was. That was E's comment, but it applies to me too, so it stays.

I WANT a new job, so I have something to challenge and motivate me again.

I WISH I wish I had a fish. I also wish something other than a fish poem was the first thing to enter my head!

I MISS Sara and T. Equally, but for different reasons, obviously.

I HEAR the Supernanny on a commercial.

I WONDER if the lady with the ridiculously high paying position will ring and ask me in for an interview. I hope she does!

I REGRET not asserting my independence and learning more about my 'self' before I was 29.

I AM NOT a morning person...or a night person. I'm good between 11am and 2pm. Hah!

I DANCE not nearly as often as I'd like to.

I AM NOT ALWAYS as patient as I appear to be.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS my cats crazy, if I touch them too much when they're trying to sleep.

I WRITE this blog, short stories, and poems, although I have not had much inspiration lately.

I CONFUSE T sometimes, but I'm learning how to help him understand me better...slowly.

I NEED to be more grateful about what I have done/achieved and concentrate less on what I wanted to do/have by now, and haven't.

I SHOULD do the dishes that have been sitting in my sink far too long.

I START over analysing things too much if I allow myself the time to dwell.

I FINISH work at 4.30pm.

I TAG anyone who has the inclination.

Another one, coz my curiosity has been piqued.
I AM CURIOUS about the person in TN who reads me on a regular basis, by finding me with a blog search on 'kalliope'. Hello to you!

Can we try that again, please?

I stayed home from work today. I didn't have the greatest of weekends and I woke up feeling pretty shite. Most of today has been spent lying on the couch watching bad daytime tv.

I exchanged a few texts with T and my phone was getting full, so I hooked it up to the computer to download my messages and clear the memory. Yes, I'm pathetic. I keep everything.

While my phone was still connected to the computer, it rang. I disconnected it, but somehow the call didn't come through properly. I assumed it was T. When it rang back, I answered as I usually do, but couldn't hear the person on the other end very well. It was a woman calling about a job I applied for last Thursday. A job offering a.lot.of.money. W-a-y more than I get now.

When I answered, I was still pretty sleepy, didn't have any lights on, couldn't find my pen and missed catching her name. Pre-interviews on the phone aren't all that common here, so I definitely wasn't expecting her to say she wanted to ask some questions about my skills/experience. That woke me up pretty quickly! Remind me to keep a bucket of ice water handy for future surprise phone interviews.

I think I answered well enough and she said she'd call me in a couple of days, but I'm not sure I said what she wanted to hear. I know I shouldn't write myself off so easily, but you can never really tell what they're thinking till you get that definite yes or no. On the bright side, if I do get an appointment, at least I know what things I need to clarify, that I might not have spat out properly while I was half asleep.

And if, by some strange miracle, I get that call back, I am going to memorise their entire website, visit all their venues (they're an entertainment group) and suck up so bad in the interview that they will beg me to take the job. I might even go so far as to wear makeup and put on heels (haha, I typed 'hells' initially) and a skirt. Show me the money!!

What a day!

Overheard in my office today: If it's not good, then it's probably bad.

Profound? Obvious? Whatever it was, it summed up my day so far.

I slept in, because I had hit my snooze button three times, when I thought I'd only hit it twice. I left home late, but arrived at work around the time I normally get there. My work day started reasonably well.

I was a happy camper till lunchtime. Shortly afterwards, I started getting chest pains.

The problem with having a heart problem that makes itself known irregularly and without warning, is that it can be a bit of a problem. (I know, multiple use of the same word in one sentence, but the care factor is minimal today.) My heart started beating so fast and so hard, and I was so surprised, that I even made my fearless offsider feel it thumping to show that it wasn't just in my head. At first, I just wanted to tell him so if I disappeared off to the sick bay, someone would know why. But I figured I could just deal with it and stay at my desk till it went away.

That was still someone walked past and jokingly asked if I was having a heart attack. I said yes, although I wasn't, but he knew I didn't mean it and came over to see if he could do anything. Really, I just wanted to sit there, but by that stage my boss had walked in and between the two of them, they made me go to the sick bay to lie down and see the nurse.

Everyone wants you to lie down when you're not well, even if you don't want to. These days I will, because I think it makes everyone else feel better if you lie down. Discussion ensued outside the sick bay door and the decision was made to send me home in a taxi with vouchers so I could pick up my car tomorrow. I could have driven myself home. Again, it makes others feel better when you comply with what they think is best for you, so I agreed and it wasn't really too much of an inconvenience for me anyway. For the most part, I was much better by the time I left work.

Getting home was interesting. I had a taxi driver who appeared to think he was in a competition to break the current land speed record. I was honestly more concerned for my wellbeing once I got in that car than I was with severe chest pains at my desk. I was convinced we were going to have a major accident and I tried not to look out the window. Mr Insane didn't even use his indicator a single time. Thankfully, T called and I talked to him for a while. At least my last conversation would have been a good one.

I've had some pain in the couple of hours since I left work, albeit a lot more bearable than earlier today. I watched Judge Judy and Trading Spouses. Daytime tv is the reason people go to work every day. Staying home watching stuff like that is bad for your health.

As I sat there, cat on lap, tea in hand, there was a knock at my front door. I expected to see a door to door salesperson or someone asking for donations. Instead, there was a young guy, bunch of flowers and gift box in hand. My excitement lasted only until he asked if my name was Joan. Um...no, sorry, she's next door. Sigh.... I'll have to mention this to T and see if he gets the hint.

Returning to the lounge and with cat back on my lap, I got comfy again. Till the phone rang. It was a guy from a free legal service, representing the woman from the car accident. When he said he wanted to hear my version of the accident, I laughed and told him it was probably quite different from the one the crazy lady told him. He listened, then agreed that my story did not match hers, said thanks and hung up.

There is still sunlight outside and the day is long from over. Who knows what's going to happen next. Now...I'm going to sleep!

Ooooh-kaaay

The world truly can be strange sometimes.

Last night my cat proved she really is rather strange. Her obsession for peas is not new. Or her liking for pineapple, beans and carrots. She'll also eat vegemite on toast and the occasional rice cracker, if I let her. But last night she went beyond quirky and entered the realm of seriously odd. She jumped up on the kitchen counter - something she knows she's banned from doing - to check out an avocado I'd cut in half for lunch. "Surely not", I thought, as I put the shell under her nose. She went for it like a woman eating chocolate during PMS. I was astounded and I honestly don't know if her penchant for all these foods is good or bad. I suppose I should be glad she hasn't got a thing for pizza and beer...

And just now? I checked my blog stats and am just a tad disturbed by one of the referral links I saw.... 'best online p.orn resources'. Granted, the person had done a search on a certain model of car (as you obviously do on a porn search website!), but still..... it's just a bit disconcerting.

I need a cup of tea.

Contradictions and questions

The numbers analysis a couple of posts down is fairly accurate, in a broad sense, and most numerology 'tests' I've done return similar results. E posted a link to Paul Sadowski, and my birthday analysis on there was mostly the same. However, I then had a look at what my name numbers said...

There are 16 letters in your name.
Those 16 letters total to 80
There are 6 vowels and 10 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 8

The characteristics of #8 are: Practical endeavors, status oriented, power-seeking, high-material goals.

The expression or destiny for #8:
Your Expression is represented by the number 8. The 8 Expression is well-equipped in a managerial sense. You have outstanding organizational and administrative capabilities. You have the potential for considerable achievement in business or other powerful positions. You can expect to receive the financial and material rewards. You have the skill and abilities to establish or operate a business with great efficiency. You have good judgment when it comes to money and commercial matters, and you understand how to build and accumulate material wealth. Much of your success (or lack of it) may come due to your ability (or inability) to judge character. With the number 8 Expression, you exercise sound judgment in most of your affairs; you are realistic and practical in your approach to business matters.

The positive 8 Expression produces individuals that are very ambitious and goal-oriented. If the 8 energy is not in excess in your makeup, you will no doubt express these traits to some extent. No one has any more energy that a person with the 8 Expression who has a plan laid and is starting to work. No one has any more self-confidence, either. If you are expressing the positive qualities of 8, you are an outstanding manager because you can plan, initiate, and complete projects; you are very dependable and determined.

As it always happens, there can be too much of a good thing. If you have too much of the 8 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes. A negative 8 can be very rigid and stubborn. Ambition sometimes has a way of becoming over-ambition, and you may express an unreasonable impatience with the lack of progress. If your negative side is showing, you may be too exacting, both of yourself and of others. Sometimes this can even becomes a case of intolerance.

The number 8 is very materialistic and also very desirous of status and power. Neither of these drives are inherently negative unless they are taken to an extreme. You must avoid the tendency to strain after money, material matters, status, or power, to the detriment of the other important factors in your life.

Most of the above is not like me at all, and is contradicted (overruled?) by the next section/s.

Your Soul Urge number is: 7

A Soul Urge number of 7 means:
With a number 7 Soul Urge you are very fond of reading, and retreating to periods of being alone and away from the disruptions of the outer world. You like to dream and develop you idealistic understandings, to study and analyze, to gain knowledge and wisdom. You may be too laid back and withdrawn to really succeed in the business world, and you will be much more comfortable in circumstances that are tolerant of your reserve, your analytical approach, and your desire to use your mind rather than your physical being.

You are very timid around people that you don't know very well, so much so at times that casual conversation and social situations can be strained. You tend to repress your emotions to the extend that some people have a good bit of difficult understanding you. You tend to be very selective with friends and you don't easily adapt to new environments or to new people very quickly.

The negative traits of the 7 include becoming too much the introvert and isolated from others.

Your Inner Dream number is: 1

An Inner Dream number of 1 means:
You dream of being a leader and one who is in charge. You want to be known for your courage, daring, and original ideas. You seek unconquered heights. People may get a first impression that you are very aggressive and sure of yourself.

Obviously, there are more than 366 different types of people in the world, but the majority of people who do these types of numbers analysis things say they're a fair representation of their broad 'self'. I'm wondering though, how much of who we are is what we're born with, and how much of it is a result of experience, environment and other factors, like health etc.

The other question is, if these are as indicative of peoples' personalities, traits, etc, then how many people are actually doing the things they're supposedly best equipped to do, and how many people would if they could, but think they can't (for any number of reasons). If not, why not? The theory is that the more you enjoy what you do, the more you'll earn, because it's less of a chore/job. So why's that so hard to achieve?

Nonsense

Not sure if I have ever posted this little gem here before, but it's still funny...













Did you know:

Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
You're never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
You never ever run out of salt.
Old ladies can eat more than you think.
You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
Bricks are horrible to carry.
In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

Killing time

Stolen from Monica. Just in case I thought I hadn't done enough self-analysis lately.

Life Path of 7 ...

You are a reserved, analytical and peace-loving soul who is blessed with intuition and intelligence. Your ability to concentrate, learn and absorb information far outshines other numbers and you often excel at all forms of scholastics. Usually your intellectual prowess as well as the clarity and foresight of mind is very evident to others at an early age.

However at the same time you are also a very spiritual number. This is because you believe whole heartedly in the relationship between Mother Nature and science. This is part of your inquisitive nature and determination to get to the bottom of what makes the world tick.

You dislike braggarts, gossips and neurotic individuals and find socializing difficult. This is because you can barely hold back your contempt of other people, who are often, indeed acting like fools. You dislike crowds, noise and confusion, so others are more likely to find you watching television at home rather than attending a big sports events. Not sure if that's good or bad, really!

As you are so intelligent and intuitive, you almost always end up being in the right place at the right time. Number 7's tend to excel at any career that they choose as they have the discipline and mental power to master anything in half the time of the other numbers. As they are so smart, they are also often very good with money and never make the mistake of letting compound interest work against them. If you are a seven then you are the number that is probably the most reluctant to lend or borrow money. Yup. Doesn't mean I have any though! lol

Your mind works at the speed of lightening but often this makes it difficult for you to be understood by others. Others simply cannot evaluate or analyze information as fast as you. Some 7's have such quick minds that they have difficulty expressing themselves. So true. One of your life path challenges is to learn how to slow down and accommodate those that may not be as smart as you but may offer you emotional rewards in your life.

The fact that you are so easily misunderstood makes social and love situations very challenging for you. Usually 7's suffer a great deal of rejection from their peers as they are seen as contemptuous and aloof. Overcoming shyness is also a common problem for sensitive 7's who can't understand why others don't appreciate how smart they are. Welcome to where I work haha, although I don't think I'm shy.

You are not likely to have a wide circle of friends, but once you do accept someone as your friend the bond is usually for life. The same thing goes for your love life. It is not unusual for a seven to go their entire life without a partner simply because you cannot relate to the emotions and drama that accompany most relationships. This causes you to appear self-centered to others as you opt to spend your time on more interesting subjects.

As emotions are very trying for your brilliant mind, you may find yourself feeling very unbalanced when you are in a relationship. More than any other number you are very prone to negative codependent behaviors such as obsession or acting out fears of abandonment on a partner. For this reason many close personal relationships don't often last.

You are happiest when you are alone to pursue your innermost thoughts and inner dreams. You may also be interested in the occult or metaphysical matters as well as science, anthropology, archaeology and religions. Many number 7's are great music lovers as it is an art form that blends math with spiritual qualities.

Expression of 8 ... Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities

The optimum result of your life _expression is the accumulation of wealth. Just because you are materialistic does not mean you are not spiritual, however. Many number eights believe that the wealth that they create in their lives is an _expression of their soul's ability to circulate good energy in their life. Not sure about this.

You are all about the exchange of energy and it is individuals like you that keep life in motion on earth. You have the ability to build relationships and social structures as well as connect significant individuals with each other. You are also a mover and a shaker that knows how to create opportunity in the midst of chaos. Nothing stops your will to get what you want and very few of you experience real failure. This is because your deep capacity for analysis and natural foresight often prevent you from making mistakes in the first place. Aaaah...hmmm...?

You may be materialistic but you are not greedy. You are more than willing to share your wealth with those you love and often your motivation for getting rich is to give them the best future possible. Yup.

You are also a fantastic boss and leader. Your natural knack for inspiring and motivating others will probably change many lives for the better during your time here on earth. In fact, seeing others thriving as the result of your actions is one of your greatest personal rewards.

You normally express yourself in a very polite, civil and courteous manner. If you feel an intense emotion like jealousy you don't tend to show it. You tend to hold your cards close to your chest to keep others in suspense as to what your next move might be. Your unpredictability often gives you the upper hand in business but it often frustrates loved ones who sometimes feel you do not communicate with them enough. I communicate...I'm just not always understood hehe

In general though you make an excellent spouse and parent. You are responsible, affectionate and wise. Your honesty and trustworthiness often makes you a pillar in your community. One often finds the typical number eight participating on boards and in organizations that serve or shape the future of a community. Your advice is always appreciated and you excel at giving constructive criticism. For this reason you make an excellent teacher, builder, retailer or politician.

Romantically you believe that your lover deserves only the best. Part of the _expression of your devotion often includes lavishing your loved ones with gifts and luxuries. You love grand sweeping gestures such as sweeping your spouse away for a romantic weekend or surprising them with a large present. I would, if I could.

You have good, but expensive tastes in cars, furnishings and clothing. You are very well groomed and would not think of leaving the house for two seconds wearing a housecoat. You also often judge others by whether or not they are impeccably groomed as well. You can be quite stern with children and teenagers who are messy or don't keep their lives in order. This is one matter that can trigger the stern disciplinarian in you.

As you are very ambitious and goal oriented, sometimes it is hard to fit loved ones and family into your busy schedule. Number eights also excel at sports and can be found relaxing on golf courses or horseback riding on weekends. One of the challenges of your lucky number is to make sure that family and friends are also included in your exciting plans. Except if you have a sleep disorder and are too tired to do the stuff you want to do, half the time!

Soul Urge of 5 ...What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life

You love change. You live to experience as much as possible in the shortest amount of time possible. You appreciate the fact that life is short and are bound and determined to make the most of every minute you have on this earth. You have an inquisitive mind and a thirst for adventure that is only slaked by the collecting of unusual experiences and plenty of travel. Haha this is true.

Your adaptable nature puts you at home anywhere. You are also a bit of chameleon that is able to transform its appearance and nature to suit the environment. You are a big believer in the phrase "When in Rome.. Do as the Romans do." Your closet is usually full of many costumes, as part of your soul's satisfaction is to do a bit of \"play acting\" in real life.

You also possess the rare gift of detachment. I'm not sure detachment is such a 'gift' most of the time. Emotionally this grants you the ability to have a serial number of relationships throughout your life yet not suffer any kind of trauma or nasty consequences when one ends. However your casual attitude towards relationships often devastates others who interpret your adventurous spirit as an unwillingness to settle down and put down roots. This gives you the reputation of being "shallow" or a "heartbreaker" when nothing could be further from the truth. You simply don't connect to others in the same way they do to you and you are frustrated by those who can't seem to get on with their life the same way you are able to.

In fact you can't think of a bigger disservice to one's soul than to give up one's right to pursue their heart's desire. You feel smothered by individuals who define love as giving up your heart and soul for another. Your definition of love is more spiritually sophisticated. You believe that an _expression of true love for another soul is the courage to let them go to pursue their own path. ...As she tells T she'll support him moving overseas, if he has to...

Another one of your blessings is that it simply does not occur to you to be overemotional about things or create dramas. You are a very difficult person to pick a fight with as you have a pacifist nature. You simply see ugly emotional scenes as beneath you and you are often long gone before a battle of wills is likely to take place.

You are also very accepting of different cultures and in particular, religious and political points of view. Unfortunately others see this omniscience as procrastination or as two faced as you have a way of "agreeing with everyone." Your refusal to take a stand sometimes costs you dearly professionally. This is often a mystery to you as from your point of view all you were doing is being fair. Fair isn't always equal, and equal isn't always fair...

You intrinsically understand that without change there is no evolution. This is why somehow, many of you end up as being the catalyst for change in many situations. Sometimes the change that your very presence provokes is constructive and good and sometimes you are the culprit that causes complete chaos. However often your motivation for revealing secrets or destroying relationships is to clear out the old and create way for the new.

You are also graced with an astounding amount of courage. Like water you have the ability to wear down obstacles like water in a stream wears down a rock over a long period of time. Although you may appear unpredictable or unreliable to others you are actually a very complex individual who often harbors a clear vision of who they want to be and how they want to live in the future.

123numerology.com

Hot n cold

It's cold damn freezing, dark and rainy here.
















It's warm(er), sunny and bright where T is.













Despite the weather, I still think this city is the best place to live (ok, except for the fact that T lives elsewhere).

Tears and rain

It's seems like it's been so long since I've seen T, but he was here just this week. I've had a busy time at work with some things going right, some not so right in the last few days.

PMS (yes, I know it's the cause) has had me re-thinking, over-thinking, analysing and reviewing everything that's been going on in my head to the point where I'm not sure if I'm the right way up, or upside down. I've had an overwhelming sense of frustration about just about every facet of my life lately, and I'm having trouble getting my mindset clear and back on track in a positive way.

I've also noticed the headaches, which I used to get quite frequently, are not coming as often, but during PMS it's almost guaranteed now that I'll get one that lasts at least two days. This week's started on Thursday evening, caused me to leave work at lunchtime on Friday and lasted till Saturday night. I woke up feeling better this morning and a couple of interesting comments from people at the hairdresser yesterday - of all places - had me determined to force myself to try and get out of this stupid funk I've got myself in.

Then I got a message from T saying he wasn't well. I rang him a short while later to ask how he was and he mentioned (for the billionth time lately) that I sounded sad. Enter stage left, the tears. He thinks he's making me sad and he's not. Situations are making me frustrated and that's making me mentally tired and feeling down, but he's not making me sad. Still, he feels partially responsible...and unable to do anything to help. It's a girl thing....I don't want him to fix things, I just want his understanding while I sort it out for myself. He's doing his best, and I appreciate it a lot.

I don't know where the tears came from today. I wasn't feeling that down. I realised I'm struggling to deal with the huge gap between where I expected myself to be at this stage of life, what I wanted to be doing, where and how, and how far away I feel I am from achieving those things. This time last year, some of those things appeared to be within reach, then the rug got pulled from underneath me. I'm still trying to get back on track, or at least to a place where I can see those things happening sometime soon, rather than just sometime. Not necessarily relationship things either - just me things.

I went grocery shopping today and was pushing my trolley back to the car, up quite a steep ramp and almost laughed out loud. I thought, this is my life right now, I have this load and it's mine and I can do something with it, but while I have to keep pushing uphill, I won't be able to do anything with it.

RG, I've been thinking about what you said. I do like change and I like things to be new, because I get restless if I feel like things around me are stagnating, but I don't like upheaval. The thing is, things around me are calm, for the most part, but I've stopped seeing that, because inside my head, it's not calm at all.

For instance, my job. It drives me nuts, is uninspiring and I don't have enough to do. The upside is, I have a boss who understands my need to have time off to go to doctor appointments, who knows I don't always turn up on time, who will always be on 'my side' (or anyone else's in my dept) if there's an issue that needs resolving, who knows I get tired and need medication. I can take leave at pretty regular intervals, because of school holidays, wear casual clothes every day and I get paid fairly well. Those things, especially the medical stuff, make me really apprehensive about getting another job....especially going back to corporate. In my mind, my qualifications and skills look damn good on paper, but I worry about how negatively my health stuff is going to affect my work prospects.

The flip side of it is, if I stay, I'm going to become more frustrated than I already am, and to be honest, being in the relaxed working environment I'm in (in my department anyway, not the campus as a whole), means the adjustment back to the 'real world' will be greater, the longer I leave it. I'm feeling stuck.

Having said that, I'd also convinced myself lately that I need to stay there, because of all the uncertainty over where T is going to be 6 months from now. But I also realised, when I applied for that full time job on impulse the other night, that putting the move on hold shouldn't mean I put everything else on hold. That constant feeling of treading water has been eating at me and I have to make changes to eliminate that. I can't do nothing simply because I don't know when I'll move...all the more reason not to do nothing, really.

I'm just overwhelmed with things and I don't know why, maybe coz I'm getting older (ha!), but I'm noticing more now than before how unsupported by my family I feel. I have things going on, good things and bad things, but I can't share them and I can't get feedback...and there's things I just want to be able to talk about to someone and can't....so it spins in my brain till my brain spins out of my head....like it's doing now.

There ends the venting post that's only just scratched the surface of my frustrations and has no real point...

Huh?

It seems I have convinced myself of one thing, only to go and do the opposite.

I applied for two jobs. One is for casual work and I've said I'd be interested in weekends only - as a supplementary income - so we'll see how that goes. The other is a 6 month contract doing something I think I'd really enjoy and it's very close to home, but it's not something I've done before. In fact, neither of them are, which limits my chances of getting either. That doesn't worry me though. Both were impulse applications.

Granted neither are full time or permanent, but I'm still having those, "you really have no idea what you want to do" type thoughts.

I very much feel like I need to be doing something new or different right now, whatever it is. Preferable too, would be that it makes me money, instead of costing me money....I guess that's why I didn't think too hard before hitting the submit buttons.

I shouldn't do this kind of thing when my head hurts and I'm not thinking clearly. Or maybe I should. See? I have no idea about anything right now. I'm hoping that's just a passing symptom of PMS...

And in a case of perfect timing, this email just arrived...

A state of flux

Nothing's wrong, but I'm feeling unsettled. A couple of weeks ago there was a plan....give notice, pack up my things, put the job on hold, spend a week travelling across the country, get settled, find new job, start next adventure. Now there's no plan, everything stays the same and life continues as it did before, until we know more about where T's going to be in the next six months.

It feels like I'm in a holding pattern, waiting for the time I can get started on the new plan. There's no point looking for a new job here. I could, but then I'd have to start all over again accruing holidays etc, and I have it pretty good where I am....apart from the fact that I'm mind numbingly bored most days (although this week I'm psychotic busy). The thought of having to go through a few months of getting settled in a new job, then go through it all again a few months later is just more effort and complication than I really need.

I've also realised that I handle things a lot better when T is home. According to my calendar, he's been home for about 9 days since the beginning of April (including this week). As of today, he's home till Tuesday morning. That's the longest he's been home in one stint since some time in March. Even though he's not here, when he's home, it's somehow easier for me than when he's working elsewhere. I can't explain why that is. Maybe it is the semblance of stability....which I don't feel within myself at the moment. By that, I mean I don't feel stable. I don't mean I don't feel stable within the relationship. Despite me feeling irrationally needy this week, I feel pretty good about 'us'. We're in a good place.

It's just this feeling of being in a holding pattern that's bugging me. I need to accept that the equilibrium will remain the same for now, not allow the routine to become...well, routine...and enjoy what I have now while I wait for the time this current adventure becomes a new one, whenever that might be.

*Sneaks back in*

I'm back. He's gone home. We're good.

Work is crazy busy and I have no time to post and nothing exciting to report.

That's about it! Ha!

Hopefully I'll come up with something enthralling to say in the next couple of days.

How is everyone?

See ya Tuesday

T will be here in a few hours. Why I can't manage to get myself organised prior to the last second, I have no idea! It doesn't matter though. I'm just excited he'll be here.

I won't be around for the next few days. I'll be back on Tuesday, hopefully with some photos if we manage to take a day trip somewhere tomorrow.

So, I'll see ya Tuesday.......unless you're Ian, who will be made to put up with our company on Sunday. What more reason to leave the country for 7 weeks does one need? Hahah!

Congratulations too, to Jenn & Graeme (and big brother J) on the birth of their baby daughter Mackenzie Reece Taylor, on 8 May. I'm really happy for you all! :-)

When one saga (almost) closes....

....another re-opens.

Okay, so my phone company said they'd do what I want in relation to my contract with them...keep it, change it, or get out of it without any penalties or additional charges. After two days of driving myself crazy spreadsheeting my last 6 months of call costs etc, I've calculated that I'm better off ditching them altogether and going with another provider. If that provider allows me to connect with them for no charge (I doubt it, but gotta ask anyway!), I'll swap....if my current company will let me actually ditch them altogether. Not sure they will, but they've screwed me around for so long it would be understandable if I wanted to.

The next steps are for me to ring provider #2 and make sure the deal really will suit me - don't wanna get burned a second time - then call provider #1 and tell them that's what I want to do. I'm ready for this to be over now. At least I'm almost there.

While I'm at it, anyone remember that fateful day I spilt mineral water in my laptop? Well, I still haven't got it fixed and am using a loan laptop from work. The latest quote is $1,200 for a new motherboard and keyboard....which means I'll be using the loan computer for a while longer, till I figure out how to come up with that, or if I should just go ahead and buy a whole new laptop for not much more. My brain hurts.

Meanwhile, I got a call this morning from the woman at fault in the car accident I was in just after Christmas. It looks like this saga is now going to court. She wants me on her side. I'm not. She's trying to screw me over and she tried to blame me for the accident and she's trying to get out of liability for hitting the other driver in the first place. She said he said he was stationary when she hit him. That's the only thing I agree with her about. He wasn't. She also said her car was not able to be driven because of the chassis damage I caused to the rear of her car. This is soooo untrue, because I hardly scratched her car at all and she destroyed the front of her car when she hit the guy in front. Sigh....

Anyway, I called the other driver's insurance company and they've given me the phone number for their lawyers, coz I want to find out exactly what's going on and I don't want to talk to this chick again - I don't want her saying I told her things I didn't say.

T is understandably furious, as I am. If this woman had insurance NONE of this would be happening. Things like this just reinforce my opinion that it should be illegal to drive a car without at least a minimum of third party insurance.

Just for fun. Here are the pics T took of our cars. Mine's the blue one. Hers is the white one. Yeah, I really made her car unable to be driven! *rolling my eyes* Stupid woman! Wish I had pics of the front of her car and the back of the other one, but oh well...

Finally

As much as the hype surrounding the mine rescue has annoyed me, that these guys are finally above ground makes today a pretty good day.

Read about it here.

Opposite influences

The boy's spent a lot of time in the country lately and the longer he stays there, the more colourful his language becomes. I doubt that will change, but what has changed is that I've got him using products on his skin.

So I had to laugh this afternoon as he was driving along and had to stop for a train, and this came out of his mouth....

"Man, this train's f-king long! It's got bloody f-kin' triple decker car carriers on it. I've never f-kin' seen triple deckers before! I'm gonna try to get a photo of it. [pause] I might only have time to have a quick wash before I get on the plane. My skin feels so dirty. I forgot to bring my facial scrub with me."

Yep. He might have an occasional potty mouth, but at least he's trying to keep his skin clean.

Workin' it out.

As much as I'd been telling myself that I was going to move in July, I hadn't really gotten to the stage of acknowledging that I wouldn't be at my job anymore after that time. It wasn't till T and I talked on Saturday that I realised I hadn't wrapped my head around that yet. Instead, now I have to wrap my head around the fact that I'll be staying there indefinitely. Not that it really makes sense, but I have been relieved thinking I wouldn't be working there anymore, even though I hadn't really thought about what that actually meant. As much as the stability and money it provides is good, I have been unmotivated for a long time. Having to stay there longer (because there's no point changing jobs really), is going to test me. ....a day at a time....

T has been so caught up with work recently, doing 7 day weeks, except for when he's been with me, that he hadn't noticed time going by so quickly. When I reminded him that I'd have to give notice to my boss and that there was only 8 weeks till I'd be relocating...I think that's when he started to see just why I'd been so wound up lately (notwithstanding the whole phone saga too).

Throw in his workload and the fact that he's more than likely going to do another stint (or two) overseas, it makes sense for me to stay put till he's more sure of what's going on. I'll tag along with him to the UK or Toronto, if he wants me to - if he asks nicely haha. I'm kinda glad Africa isn't an option though! Neither of us are particularly pleased with the idea of being long distance for any longer than we have to, but if this is how we have to do things to get the right result, then we're ok with that, I think. Sure, we've had other difficulties between us that we need to address, but now that some of this other pressure is off, I think we'll both deal more easily with those too. Buying some time won't be a bad thing for either of us.

I joked that I would have to re-learn French again. He said, "Babe, they speak English in the UK". Ya think?? I replied, "Aaah, yeah I know that, but I'll be able to go to France from there." I think I'll have to get him back for that comment when he gets here Friday. Smarty pants!

Anyway, that's where it stands for now. I'm staying put for the moment and he could be in any number of locations by the end of the year. It's a good thing I'm a patient girl....most of the time....

At least I'll be able to call him some of the time now!

Meanwhile, I'm glad my weather pixie has found it within herself to dress more appropriately for the cold. 'bout time...

Weighty issues and waiting

I have three lots of news to report.

I got back last night from visiting my dad and grandfather. Noteworthy things my grandfather said while we were there:

#1. To me shortly after we got there:, "Gee, you've put on a bit of weight, haven't you?" Not really that much, but anyway....!

#2. He's telling us about a photo of himself taken a long time ago. "I looked a lot younger then. I wonder how that happened."

#3. We're looking through some old photos and dad jokes about being good looking. G'dad says, "You were a good looking baby." Dad replies, "Yeah, but what about now?" G'dad repeats, "You were a good looking baby." :-|

I was beyond anxious on the plane. Moreso when I drove through the area my mum and sisters live. I got to the place I had to meet dad early, so I hung around the train station taking photos. I'm sure if I wasn't in a little country town, someone would have harrassed me for taking photos of infrastructure, but nobody was around. I could have played on the tracks if I wanted to.

I met dad and we drove up to see my g'dad. He was glad to see me. Dad hadn't told him I was going to be there, so it was a nice surprise. We took him out to dinner and he was happy with that. Dad showed him my mobile phone and g'dad started going on about how people have no privacy anymore. I said, "You want no privacy? I'll show you no privacy", and promptly started taking photos of him with my phone, then said, "Now you have no privacy!" LOL poor guy. Once he wrapped his 87yo head around it, he was cool with it and we took some photos I'll have to send him.

Dad and I practically froze in the cabin we stayed in. He got the main room and I got the bunk beds, but it was a novelty for me and I slept on the top one just coz I could....after we both sat up there watching tv for the evening.

On Friday morning, we went back to see g'dad and we went through stacks of old photos he had. Some are just amazing and I've brought a bunch home to scan and copy, including some that are almost 100 years old, some from WWI and WWII, and some hilariously embarrassing kid pics of me and my brother, which I will post here at some stage for the amusement of the cyber world.

I'm still fairly anxious about dealing with the fallout of my family finding out I was up there and didn't see them, but I'll cross that bridge then.

The second bit of news I have is that my phone company contacted me yesterday. A lovely guy called Paul told me they'd reviewed my complaint and that I didn't owe them any money at all. In fact, they've revised all my bills (as I had requested, but didn't think they'd do!) back to December last year and I'm actually in credit almost $60, rather than in debt almost $300 that they were claiming till now. I asked him to put it in writing and he said he would. He's also having someone contact me next week to see if they can find the right type of plan for me, that we all agree on....aaaand, he's having someone follow up with all the people and all the departments I complained about in my letter and having them retrained, or something like that. Hehe, I think that was the bit I felt most happy about (apart from being in credit!). My anxiety levels decreased almost the second I got off the phone to that guy. It's taken 6 months, but I'm glad I stuck to my guns.

My latest news, and probably the most important, is that I'm not moving in July. For good reasons, not bad. The boy may be seconded overseas to Africa (not happy 'bout that) for a couple of months and potentially the UK or Toronto for longer term, by the end of the year. He would like me to go o/s too, but it doesn't make much sense for me to go there now while his situation is as fluid as it is and could potentially become. So, for now, I'm staying put. We had a good talk about this today and my mind is at ease (moreso than it was previously anyway). He'll be here on Friday, till Monday. I guess I'll know more about things after we've had a proper talk in person.

I don't feel quite so much like I'm going insane anymore.







I took this on the plane coming home.

Alrighty then...

It wasn't just the bad spelling in this sign that had me laughing...and concerned...

Disordered ramblings

Who hears a local comedian talking on the radio about how he's looking for decent paintings, and decides they should track down his email and forward him the url of their dad's website? I do. Maybe. I'm thinking about it...

I haven't seen the strange wheelchair guy lately. Perhaps his busted arm and leg make it difficult for him to dress warm enough, so he's staying out of the cold.

My right ear was burning this afternoon. It felt like it was on fire. The theory is, that means someone was talking positively about me (left ear is negative). If that's the case, and you're reading, please tell me what you were saying. I could do with hearing some nice stuff at the moment...

There's a jobs expo on this Friday and Saturday. It's free and I figure it can't hurt to talk in person to a few people. Surely there'll be someone there who is from, or has contacts in, Perth. I have to remind myself to print out some copies of my resume tomorrow. Gotta show up prepared!

I'm making a stealth trip to my home state on Thursday. I'll be there 25 hours in total, to see my dad and my grandfather, who's not well. I have to drive through the place my mum and two of my sisters live. Only my dad knows I'm going. I don't intend on seeing anyone else. More on this in another post...

I spent yet another 20 minutes on the phone to my horrid phone company this evening. The stupid jerks charged me late fees that they've been told to waive by the ombudsman. They're crediting me....as they should! I was told I cannot call their 'department' to discuss my case. I have to wait for them to call me. That's ok with me. They have till the end of the week to reach a compromise with me, or the ombudsman starts playing hard ball. Bring it on!

Showing just how anal I can be, I get technical when I send text messages. When I want to shorten 'you are', I type 'ur'. When I want to type 'your', I type 'yr'. I notice most people just use 'ur' these days. I don't know why I have to do that. I just do. At least I know it's disturbing that I'm still trying to type the 'right' abbreviation.

The boy and I are about to kill each other. But that's because we care. He'll be here on the 12th. His ticket is so expensive, he's paying almost twice what I normally pay. I think he likes me.