Fragments

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Happy sighing

This afternoon, I'm off to see T in Adelaide for the weekend. He got there last night and was given a room that was not the same (read: not as good) as the last one we stayed in and did not have a bath. Thoughtful guy that he is, he arranged to change rooms this morning coz I really wanted a room with a bath. After all, according to him, this weekend is all about pampering me, because I won't see him for my birthday. This is where I want to go to dinner on Saturday night. We went there last time and the food was great.

How looking forward to this weekend am I? Well, I even did my hair all girly this morning, just for T. Of course, by the time I get there, it'll probably have flopped and look nothing like I wanted, but at least I tried. Ha!

A week later, they're still looking awesome.

Ignition sequence start

Why I like flying with a certain airline. Said by Scott, the cabin supervisor:

"I'm offering free hugs to anyone who wants one. If you're feeling a bit grumpy this morning, I'm here to hug you."

To the flight staff:

"Cabin crew, please arm doors and cross dress".

When running through the emergency procedures:

"Please stow all hand and emotional baggage in the overhead lockers, or well under the seat in front of you."

"Remember, like a stalker, your nearest exit may be behind you".

"If you don't know how to turn off your mobile phone, please pass it to the child nearest you and have them do it for you".

"Gas masks will drop from the ceiling. Stop screaming and place the mask over your face before assisting others".

"Please fasten your seatbelts and keep your seat in an upright position, as we prepare for blastoff".

Once we were in the air, he continued with the standard announcements in a strong Indian accent.

"Welcome aboard (airline). We have no tandoori chicken or tikka marsala on this flight, but we have other food and beverages...... As you know, there are not many shops in the air, so we have things for you to buy onboard. Why not spend more money than you already have?..."

The captain spoke next:

"Apologies for the delay in departure, do to the fog. I know you want to get to (destination) on time, so I've put an extra 220kgs of fuel on board. That way, I can fly you faster and get you there on time. As you know, the price of gas is extremely high these days, but I added the extra fuel just for you..."

Before landing, the crew had us doing 'airline aerobics', where everyone had to raise their arms and move their legs, and do a mexican wave up and down the entire aircraft with the safety cards in hand.

Lots more to mention, but those were the highlights.

Previously, the only time I've ever been on a flight where everyone clapped once we arrived safely, was when everyone had thought we were going to crash. After cabin supervisor Scott did his final speeches, the whole plane broke out into spontaneous clapping. Twas certainly one of the more enjoyable flights I've ever been on.

Oh, everyone behaved at the funeral and there were even some funny things I have to share. I'll post that separately soon.

Family - part 11 Fun-eral times

This was never going to be an easy time in life, but it was looking like it might all go as smoothly as it could, considering the family dynamics. Dad seems to be coping well. I organised my flights and I'm flying up on Wednesday morning, back that evening. I booked my brother on the same flight up, but he's going back Thursday morning.

My mother and sisters live about 15 minutes from the airport. Mum said she'd pick up me and my brother, take us to the funeral, and take me back to the airport afterwards.

Last night, I got a call from one of my sisters, telling me she and the other sister who lives there were going to tell our mum she couldn't go to the funeral. She said they didn't think she should be allowed to go to the funeral because she's always putting dad down and bad-mouthing him. I said dad had not said anything about her not going when I'd spoken to him about mum's offer to drive me. I said it's dad's decision, not anyone else's. I also stated that I was not going to get mixed up in politics, because I was going for dad and my grandfather, nobody else. My sister replied with, "Well, that's good, because we thought you might". "No. Why do you think I moved two states away?"

I'm glad she called, because they'd have been creating drama if they went ahead and told mum to stay away from the funeral. I'm not glad they assumed I'd buy into any drama. That just indicates how little they know me anymore.

Mum rang a short while ago, saying she'll put in money with me and my brother to give to charity instead of buying flowers. Fine, I'm happy with that. She stated two charities she thought we could give the money to. I said I'd ring dad and see if he agreed with those or if we should go with somewhere else, if that's what my grandfather would have wanted. She wasn't pleased with that, but I think it's the right thing to do. It's not about her and dad.

What she said next makes no sense, but it's typical of my family. My brother and I are flying there on the same plane. Somehow, it's been decided that one of my sisters will take my brother to the funeral. My mum and my sisters live in the same street, not far from the airport, but my mum will be picking me up and my sister will be picking my brother up. Surely I'm not the only one who sees the stupidity in that? As with deciding to tell my mother not to go to the funeral, they've created just the drama they said they wanted to avoid, by doing this. Mum doesn't know all the details. My sister hasn't talked to her all weekend, so I assume she got that information from my brother. She suggested we (all four of us) drive to the funeral (over an hour away) in the same car. Methinks my sister's idea was to avoid that. I suggested it may not work anyway, since I'd have to be leaving early and that may not suit everyone else.

I just do not understand. Everyone is making this all about them and I've about had enough of it already. All the reasons I moved away and have little contact with everyone have been reinforced in the last few days.

Cat-man-do

My pea eating feline has decided lately that whenever I move away, my chair is fair game. Really, I think she's just been trying to find out what I write about her online. The other one couldn't care less and asked that I please not take her picture again and, no, she won't smile for the camera.

















These are the beautiful tulips T had sent to my work on Friday. He bought the two statues for me when he was here the other week. (Disregard the crappy jug I had to put the flowers in. My vase broke.)

The boy knows how to make me smile, that's for sure. :-)

So much to say, so few words

Wow. I don't know where to start.

I'm mentally drained today. I have been all week. This morning my dad rang to tell me my grandfather passed away yesterday afternoon. I asked him how he was doing and he said he was ok. He sounded like he was in a place of acceptance. I hope I get to that place soon. Only yesterday I was thinking I should make another trip up there to visit. Today, he's gone.

Everyone said I was his favourite and he talked about me a lot. I knew that, and that makes me wish I'd spent more time with him. After the last visit in May, I had so many questions I wanted to ask him - things I would have liked to have known about him and his side of the family - things even dad didn't know - and I planned to try to see him in August.

I'm trying hard not to beat myself up about it. Dad said he appeared to be in good health right up until Tuesday. Yesterday, they found a tumour in his stomach nobody knew about (apparently he never complained of pain or anything). An hour later, he was gone. He told us in May that he wasn't going to be around much longer. I said to dad it sounds like he was just ready to go, so he went. He was a bit like that.

Boy...I didn't mean to type all that. I s'pose I needed to get it out more than I realised.

In other news, my job is looking more and more like it won't exist in the coming months. Things that have involved convoluted processes and hands on 'managing' are being streamlined and automated in our main database system. That means, soon I'll have nothing to do. I really have to step up the job searching!

T seems keen to pursue a position in the UK, if that becomes an option. He's asked me to look into getting myself a British passport. As it is, my Australian one is about to expire and I have to renew it anyway. The paperwork though, is insane!

Sigh...what else? Oh, I got a phone call from a guy who read an ad I placed in a womens' business directory in 1999-2000, saying he's from a PR company and would I set up some business forms and do computer training for a client of his, who happens to be in the mining industry. This could be good, so I hope the woman from that business calls me back soon.

I'm overdue for the hairdresser.

I'm flying to Adelaide to see T next Friday, for the weekend. I can't wait!

Last night, he made a statement that I think is both profound and accurate:
"Just because you can't see a future, doesn't mean there isn't one."

He's a smart guy.

Things always get better

This is what I posted this time last year.

Saturday, July 16, 2005
It's over. I don't even know why. I feel dead.
.......yeah, it's what you're thinking.

Isn't it good that thing happen, situations change, and the clouds eventually pass? The ground fell out from underneath me last year. Everything I thought was real, wasn't. Everything I thought I had, I didn't. Amazing, the power of the lie.

When you're in the moment, it's hard to believe you'll make it out with your sanity intact. Maybe you don't. But it's nice to know it comes back eventually.

I feel so lucky now, in comparison. I have absolutely no doubt about how T feels about me. I have absolutely no doubt that he wants to be with me, and he likes me for me. All the fundamental things....I have no doubt about where he stands and what he wants. It's incredible the amount of pressure that takes off the relationship. It's nice to not have to worry about those kinds of things.

Sure, we have our disagreements and we have plenty of misunderstandings, but we talk about them and work them out. That doesn't always happen straight away, but we're getting there. I talked with him recently, about something that bothers me at a very deep level. I've never really felt able to talk (to a partner) about it before. It was difficult at first, but just to feel able to talk about it and have him understand, for the most part, was a relief. Being able to talk...and to talk about anything...it's just good.

Today, I'm feeling content. I don't know where I'll be in another year. But I'm hopeful and I'm happy. And that's really all that matters. Today, I feel lucky.

Aaaaah romance!

Mr Pottymouth says the sweetest things sometimes....

"I like you a lot! Bloody f'kin shitloads!"














I get to see him again in two weeks, then two weeks after that, then two weeks after that. August is looking good! MUCH better than last year!

Oh...all the photos from our trip are up now. Here.

All clear

The doc said it looks like I'm fine. She said it looked like there was nothing to worry about and got her boss in to double check. They didn't even feel the need to do a biopsy. Soooo glad about that! They did a couple of tests, just in case, which I should have the results for within 4 weeks.

This means I can go back to yearly tests, not 6 monthly. Finally!

I'm relieved, but I still want to cry....just to release the tension.

Faith

On Thursday, I have to go to hospital for a relatively minor procedure. I guess you could call it that. It won't take long and I haven't given it much thought until now. With two sleeps to go, I'm getting a little anxious and I'm not sure why. Last week, I had my medical records sent to me from my very first op, back in 1995. I wanted to take them in to show what I had done and what the results were. Even reading that - and it was much worse than what I think I'm dealing with now - I haven't been all that bothered. So why now? Especially considering I'm expecting to be told everything's fine. Still, there's that niggling voice that says maybe not. I wish it would shut up!

Meanwhile, T's dealing with something that I wish he didn't have to and I find it awfully hard having to watch, but being unable to help in any way other than with words. It sucks knowing someone else's [ongoing] actions are causing pain to someone you care about. It makes me angry and want to do something to 'make things right'. Outta my control though. It seems that T has exhausted most of his avenues in an effort to be at peace and make things right over this situation too. What makes it harder is him having to watch this person's increasing successes, knowing they haven't been made accountable and that those successes are based on deceitfulness and a lack of integrity.

I believe karma, or whatever you think it to be, always rights wrongs eventually. This has gone on so long that I guess he's finding it hard to see if/when that might happen. It's relatively new to me though, so I suppose that's why my optimism is higher. That, and I really believe people pay for what they do to others. I don't like to think that I'm actively wishing ill will on someone. Instead, I just have faith that there will come a time when the record is set straight and T can feel like justice really has been done....in whatever way that happens to be.

If I happen to find a hitman between now and then, who's willing to knee-cap the guy, that won't be so bad either...

Still

I think I've spent half of the last two weeks feeling like I've been turned upside down. It's such a strange sensation to have been feeling like parts of what I have with T have been reinforced and strengthened - the things we've been sure of, we're more sure of. Other things have had me in deep reflection.

I'm supremely tired right now and I'm not sure what I really want to talk about. I put him on a plane at lunch time today and this afternoon is the first time I've had any length of time to myself, to just do nothing, in the last couple of weeks. It's been good in a way, but it's just not the same when he's not here.

Funnily, he's always complained about Melbourne and our crazy weather. Perth is generally a lot warmer. After having spent a week here, despite it being cold and rainy, he and his co-workers all said they reckon the place is awesome and their company should move their office here. Ha! They loved the shopping and the restaurants and the architecture. It was kinda nice to go out last night with a bunch of people I'd never met before, some who hadn't been here before, have them say all good things about where I live. I dunno why that made me feel good, but it did.

After dinner, everyone wanted to go for a drink before going home, but it went kinda weird (too many different personalities trying to find a solution that would work for everyone), so T and I went for a couple of drinks by ourselves. We've never done that before. We stood at the bar and had a great conversation that helped us to reconnect...something we've been trying to do for two weeks with varying success. It was what we needed and made it much easier to part today.

Speaking of moving..... I don't know what I should say here really. Basically, it looks like the type of projects T works on will keep him busy for the next 6-12 months. After that, he has pretty much said he'll need to head overseas. Unless something goes seriously awry between us, that'd mean me going too. Scary to contemplate, but exciting too. No need to count chickens right now though. I'm happy to keep doing what we're doing and take whatever things come along, as they come along. Too much brain power spent on too many variables otherwise.

He absolutely drives me batty sometimes, but he has a kind heart and always the best of intentions. He's my best friend and I miss him already.

Not quite Mordor

It's funny how some of the biggest spanners happen when we have no time or ability to deal with them. Around lunch time on the day before I left, one of my cats was beaten up pretty badly by another bigger cat. So much so that I'm not kidding when I say I had to clean up blood spatter, from when she ran inside the house, for AN HOUR afterwards. She bled all over the floorboards (thank G-d I don't have carpet!) and all over my cream coloured lounge (thank G-d I water/stain proofed the micro-suede!). In fact, when we got back here, I found more on my kitchen cupboards and my vertical blinds. A trip to the emergency vet (why do these things happen on a Sunday afternoon, costing you twice as much?) and a lotta money later, I took a drugged up kitty home and gave instructions to my girlfriend about how to give her antibiotics while I was away. Thankfully, she's ok now, although she has a nasty gash in her stomach.

It's taken me a while to get back here, for various reasons, but I'm back. I haven't had a chance to update my photo blog yet (there's over 400 pics to sort through!), so I'll post a few from our travels on here.













I've been to a few similar places, but nowhere I've been can be compared to the WA goldfields...for a number of reasons that I might explain in another post, when I have more time.

Proof we were in the middle of nowhere for most of the time. Looking east and west on one of the many never-ending roads we travelled.
























The pic on the left is what is left of a town called Siberia, name sorta self-explanatory.












The truck on the left is just one of many wrecks we passed. When the mining ended, these old towns were basically just left as they were after the people left.










This is Niagara Dam. A bucket load of money was spent constructing it, only for water to soon afterwards be found close to the town.











The picture with the statue is Lake Ballard, which is a salt lake...looks and feels like walking on crusty snow with red mud underneath.











Ruins at Kookynie, where the photo of the truck was also taken. Current population 13. You might have to click on the pic on the right to read the inscription. Sad.


















Along the road in the pics above runs an old train line. T and I went a bit mental taking all sorts of shots of the decaying sleepers and worn away rail bridges. Most of the pics I have are of him bending over that tripod. On the right is a house made of corrugated iron, taken at sunset. It's in a ghost town called Gwalia and, like the other ghost towns we visited, everything is left exactly as it was up to 100 years ago...including the things inside the buildings.


















Another of the houses in Gwalia. Another statue on Lake Ballard.


















This is the Super Pit in Kalgoorlie. If you look closely at the one on the right, you can see a dump truck, to give a bit of perspective on the size of the place.