Changing direction

The past couple of weeks have sucked, sucked, sucked in some big ways. In other ways, I've been really happy. Of course, that means my moods have been all over the place. The girls I work with have been very patient with me, that's for sure!

I'm moving out this weekend and staying with a friend for two weeks till I can move to where I'm going. I have no words to describe what life in this house has been like lately, but I just have to be out. Thankfully, I have generous friends.

Maybe I should have put this post under a family heading. I might do that at some later stage when I've had time to process things. I'll be moving in with my brother in law. He lives around the corner from me, but a friend of his is moving away, so he and I can move into their house...rent free. It's so good, I'm hesitant to be happy about it till I've met them, seen the place and have my furniture in the door. The way things have gone haywire lately, I'm not expecting it to go to plan. If it does, I'll be living with family for the first time in 20 years. I have mixed emotions about that!

I'm changing jobs in about 3 weeks. I'm disappointed about leaving the city of the dead, because it's been a great job in a number of ways. A friend from an employment agency already has a two month job lined up for me, which is good. There is other good stuff in the works, hopefully, too, but I'll just wait and see what happens.

M and I still have not met, and that's probably been a good thing. Despite that, he's been the best support I've had lately. I've been a bit crazy-woman and I'm not sure why he hasn't run far, far away.

At any rate, things are looking up and that's a nice change.

I AM DONE!

School is finished! Thank G-d!

We spent today working on our business plans/assignments. What we didn't get finished, our coach talked through with us, so he knew we understood the concepts of what we were supposed to do, then signed us off.

I'm worn out, probably going to be decompressing for a while, relieved, feel like crying and I'm a little proud, too. It's been a tough eight months, but I didn't give up. That's the main thing.

Down and Up

Down goes to Nissan, who make it virtually impossible to have something simple done, like get your car key replaced when you lose it while you're out running. Oh, you can get it replaced, but not until you've argued with no less than 5 people, all as equally unhelpful as each other, and spent a day wondering why you have to get your car towed to the dealership just to get a freakin' new key. You can get a taxi to a dealership, to get a key that doesn't work, to take it to a locksmith who should be able to cut it for you, for twice the price you paid to get the key that doesn't work, in the first place. Meanwhile, your car remains unlocked (since you had to break into it to get your clothes to wear at work, after your run) in an open carpark, overnight.

Yes, Nissan, I understand the need for security, but you suck. Especially since you made me catch a taxi to the dealership, to prove I was me, only to give me the key that does not work without me showing you one single iota of identification. Company policy? Perhaps the company should be told you're not following policy...

Up is how my mood will be after Saturday, when I will be DONE with school. Ok, so my business plan will not be completed just yet, but I won't have to turn up to class three times a week anymore. I can actually get back to having a regular life and start finding work as a PT, finally really utilising the skills I've gained and justifying the money I've spent over the last 8 months. Happy!

Dirty work

There are some things in life I'm really not very good at. One of them is face to face confrontation. I can't think straight and that's my main issue. The other is that I automatically come up with really hurtful things to say, that cut deep to the bone. Only problem is I won't say them. I realise the potency of words and I'm careful with how I say what I say. This tends to put me at a major disadvantage. So I try to stay as calm as I can, say what I need to say, and disengage.

I tried to do that on Saturday. I told my housemate not to yell. I told him when I was no longer going to listen to him, and I walked away. I told him there was no point talking if there was nobody listening to him. I went to my bedroom. He followed me and I ended up having to forcibly push my door shut in his face, because he wouldn't leave me alone.

What prompted this? I asked a few days ago that we keep our separate spaces in the house. He has his area of the house and I have mine. I asked that he stay out of mine and I'll stay out of his. He hasn't. I asked him again. He wouldn't and could not understand why 'you stay in your space and I'll stay in mine' did not equate to 'you stay in your space and you can come into mine whenever you feel like it, if I'm not home'.

Knee-capping obviously will not suffice. Amputation is the next course of action. I have a meeting tomorrow morning to determine what equipment I will need. He's at home all day at the moment, not working, with all my things in the house, while I'm out long hours. That is making me nervous.

Choices

Is it satisfying enough just to know you are capable of not just knee-capping someone, but chopping off their legs completely?

Or would it be more satisfying to tell them you could, but won't?

Or just do it?

I've found out today that my house mate has not only broken a bunch of laws in relation to my tenancy in this place, but that if I wanted to, I could report him and he'd be fined quite substantially. I'm trying to be less vindictive in my old age. It's a good thing I've learned to buy time before making big decisions...

Yeah, right.

That stuff about only being given as much as you can handle? Garbage! This week, the handle snapped off.

It started with me tipping a full cup of coffee all over my desk first thing Tuesday morning (Monday was a holiday) and got progressively worse throughout the day, including being told my contract will essentially be up in about 6 weeks, so I need a new job, then having a rather heated yelling match with my housemate about me moving out. The guy is a bully and an intimidator. Thankfully, he doesn't realise I have the upper hand in a number of ways. I won't do anything for now, but if I have to help his karma along, I will.

So I need a new job and a new home as soon as possible. It don't just rain some days!

This afternoon, as I was on my way from one job to the next, driving through the city, a guy in a truck almost took out the entire left side of my car, with the side of his, because he swerved into my lane without looking. I hit the brakes and swerved so hard that everything in my car ended up on the floor and he missed me by about an inch. Things went very slowly for a second and the crazy thing is I was thinking, "wow, that's close, the metal tray is really going to tear up my doors", like it was just any other normal thought.

I'll have to check tomorrow, but I'm sure I left impressive skid marks on the intersection. I got the feeling back in my legs and a normal heart rate by about the time I reached where I take my outdoor class. The good thing is he didn't hit me. That would have been icing on my already well iced cake.

But, after taking two classes tonight, I realised I'm a kick-arse trainer. I'm good at what I do. I know my stuff and I do it well. It's so not work. It certainly doesn't feel like work. The new guy I work for has only seen me take a couple of sessions and he's already organised to get the paperwork I need to make me 'official' and get me more work with other franchisees. I thought it was just a practical assessment, but there's a 'test', too. Bring it on! :p The guy I've been working for since February could have done that, but he just hasn't bothered.

After the shitty couple of weeks I've had, to have someone stand there and tell me I'm good at what I do and they want to help me to do better, and get me more work....that's cool. If it weren't for the positive feeling I get from doing personal training, I think I would have turned green, channeled my inner Hulk and gone on a rampage by now.

Life is just a tad suckful right now, but there's good stuff to balance it. Now all I need is for the good stuff to start outweighing the bad. Not too much to ask, eh?

Finally!

The week is over! Every day this week has started at about 5.30am and I've been home around 10pm. Oh, except Thursday (told ya I'd be unwell that day!), when I was laid up in bed with possibly food related stomach pains, a headache and hot/cold sweats. Nice. But, thanks to pharmaceuticals, I was recovered enough to take back to back group sessions that evening.

And they went well. So well that the coach (I can't bring myself to call him a 'boss' because it really doesn't feel like what I do is work) of that venue is already arranging my assessment to be accredited with that organisation, as well as a course to qualify me to instruct kick-boxing. Very cool, and something I should have already been given through my original coach, since I've been taking kick-boxing classes every now and then since early in the year. Things are good.

On the flip side, I sent a long complaint email to the education director of my school about the cost of the course versus the ridiculously poor administration of the course. So did another girl in my course. We've been patient for a number of months now, over a few administrative stuff ups. But the last couple have cost us time and money, so I got narky. It could turn into a 'don't bite the hand that feeds you' situation, as the education director happens to be the wife of a guy who has said he'd like me to work for him in a managerial role at some stage - and who is also a director of our school. I'll cross that bridge if I have to. I'm not going to worry about it now.

Only two more weeks left and I'm DONE! The last few sessions have been draining and the whole class has been pretty unmotivated. We've been working on sales, making phone calls, presenting our businesses, marketing ourselves etc. Due to the admin issues we've faced, we've all been unenthusiastic about it.

Today was different. We worked on public speaking. None of us were really keen on the idea and we knew we had to do a number of presentations. I don't know if it was the instructor we had, or what it was, but today was good. The thought of getting up to talk and present this morning was not something I looked forward to. I went straight to class from taking two outdoor sessions and I was tired, wet, muddy and hungry. I wanted to be alone and just sleep. By the afternoon, with two 10 minute talks under my belt, I got up and presented a talk we all had to do on the same topic (burn f@t f@ster)......and spoke for almost 4o minutes! Yeah, I rambled a bit and jumped between topics, but given that we only had about 20 minutes to prepare, I was pretty happy. I can't remember ever getting up in front of a group and talking for that long. I know I talked too fast in some places, but overall I'm so pleased I did so well and got really positive feedback. That boosted my confidence in myself and my abilities more than anything else has recently and it's just what I need right now.

I know I haven't mentioned it here yet, but I have to move again, thanks to my stupid housemate. I'm not happy about it and it's going to cost me money I don't have. I shouldn't be surprised, but he and the evil spawn can't work out why I'm pissed off and not talking to them. I'm too tired to go into detail about it now, but the sooner I get out of here, the more likely it is I won't commit murder. Then again, I wouldn't have to worry about finding enough money for rent...

Yay! for the long weekend! I'd be excited about it if I didn't have a business plan to finish....

Tunnel...light...end...soon!

Customer no-service

I saw Ian today, for the first time in...lots of months. I met his jet-lagged self at our semi-regular meeting place and we set out to get food. There are places everyone has where they go all the time, because the service is good and the food is even better. I've been going to such a place regularly for a number of years, so I figured we'd go there and it would be good. The food was good (when is lemon meringue pie not good??). The service was slooooow and with attitude. In fact, probably the crappiest service I've experienced in a long time. I was not impressed and I'm going to call them tomorrow to let them know.

Somehow, whenever Ian and I get together for food, something odd happens. The bad service wasn't odd, it was just bad.

We'd walked into the city to snoop around in one of the more 'exclusive' gyms and after we'd walked back to where we started, we thought we'd stop for another coffee - somewhere else than the first place. I ordered a cafe latte. Standard. Easy. Ian ordered a regular coffee - you know, coffee, water, a little milk. Easy, right?

No, not an espresso. Regular black coffee with a little milk. Hot milk? No, cold. Ah, a long black, with milk? No, not that strong. Hmm, a macchiato? No, you know, coffee like you make at home. Ah, a shot? No. Just a regular coffee, with water, not milk. ....etc etc etc till we gave up and hoped for the best.

It took three staff discussing it between themselves to try and figure out what we were asking for....and they still managed to get it wrong. It just did not compute. We would have been better off ordering a decaf, half shot, frappa-deca, upside down, back to front, skinny caramel latte, in a mug, with a twist of lemon and a marshmallow. People are obviously so used to making the most simple things complicated that you can't get a plain damn cup of coffee these days.

Next time we catch up, we're gonna take a backpack with a thermos of hot water and a bottle of Nescafe to ensure the next cafe staff's heads don't all explode.

But it was fun!