Kalliope's Whinings

I haven't had much to say lately, because I've just been mentally worn out. It's not something I can easily explain. I'm not myself. Things are just blah.

I'll write more when I'm a bit more upbeat.....or I need a reality check, whichever comes first.

Jobs not so well done and other mess

You know something odd is going on when you and someone else are having completely different experiences, yet absolutely the same.

G (and K) and I have been bullied, harrassed, threatened and made to feel completely inept and unintelligent in our working environments over the past week. It hasn't been fun for anyone. They've decided to sell the club K runs. I almost walked out of my job in an absolute rage. They got legal advice. I got independent corporate psych advice. Today, it looks like that's paid off for all of us in major ways that we're trying not to get too excited about till everything falls into place. Twenty four hours waiting on a letter from their lawyer for them, 48 hours and a do or die meeting for me.

It's been tiring and not much sleep's been had. I think I've aged. :-/

But, it feels as though the worst of it is over and that's more of a relief than I can express. Part of my relief is that I met with the girl who originally placed me in my job yesterday and she's going to do her best to place me somewhere I'm a tad more appreciated. She did say I'm not good interview material at the moment - basically my esteem is so shot I wouldn't handle a high pressure interviewer and it's obvious in my eyes (apparently). I know that, if I'm honest with myself, which is why I went to see her and nobody else. She's going to pick and choose which jobs she puts me forward for, based on how 'gentle' she thinks they'll be with me at interview stage. I'm grateful.

The last weekend was really...well, weird, I guess. G got invited out with one of his newer gym members. After accepting, he thought maybe he shouldn't go in case she was interested in him (Duh!), so he asked if he could take me. She said fine. It was evident she was interested, but we get on well and when she saw we were 'together' (we had to make it look more like we were than we are) she was cool. Her very drunk single male friend wasn't so cool. After a large number of drinks, he felt the need to defend her - make her feel better by making us look bad - and started really being quite nasty to G. We left shortly afterwards. She apologised for her idiot friend on Saturday.

G got a text message from K on Saturday asking if he wanted to go see a band with her that night. He said yes. Not my call to make, but hey if you want to go be social with someone who you're trying to detach from and you're ok with sending mixed signals, go right ahead. So he went, they watched the band, started talking about work stuff, got all emotional, went back to her place, watched a movie, then he sent me a text saying he wouldn't be home and he was going to stay there the night and to trust him. Um.....ok.... I suggested that if you don't want to be questioned, you don't put yourself in a questionable position to begin with, but that it wasn't my choice to make. He sent me a message 15 minutes later saying he was on his way home. Men! He was angry with me when he got home, but acknowledged in the morning that it was only because I was right. Duh!...again.

I threw myself off a building 4 times on Sunday. Rap jumping. I do have photographic evidence of how totally petrified I was. I have a fear of heights. A huuuuge fear. The instructors had to literally lift my legs over the side of the building the first time. I couldn't move. Once I was over the edge, it was the most exhilarating feeling I've experienced. By the time I, well, every single person got to the bottom we were ready to do it all over again. The photos are on my computer at work, so I'll have to wait till I get a chance to upload them from there. All I can say is, now that I've done that, I know I can do any damn thing I like. The adrenalin and confidence I got from that experience was the best stress relief I've had in a while. And came at the perfect time.

I don't have much else to report. Like that's not enough! Or, maybe I do and I just can't remember it at the moment. I'm just expecting the unexpected every day these days.

Life is weird

Not necessarily hard. Definitely not easy. But weird. Today, I realise, I live with two rather odd men and two equally odd (in their own feline way) cats. The cats have an excuse. I'm their human mother. How could they not be slightly unbalanced and neurotic?

G is weird in that he's an (un)balance of very emotional, wear-your-heart-on-your-sleeve kinda person who is moved to tears quite quickly, and driven perfectionist with quirky OC tendencies.

T, my housemate, is another kettle of fish altogether. His quirkiness is all s3x related and I'm not sure how much I wanted to know about the s3x life of someone who is a housemate and coworker. He's on the dating sites. Not the vanilla ones, either. His profile pic is of him bungy jumping....naked. Yes, G and I have seen this. He's warned me he has a penchant for walking around the house naked. Granted, I haven't seen this yet, thankfully, but I have unwittingly viewed naked butt as he lost his towel just as he got to his bedroom from the bathroom. He's quite open about what attracts him. Blondes aren't his thing (he's more into darker colour skin), but he did offer to give me an experience he thought I might find pleasing if I hadn't tried it before. Um....yeah... :-/ Last night, he pretty much told us that if G had darker skin, he'd find him even more attractive. G thought that was kinda cool, till I explained it was an invitation. Speaking of invitations, T also suggested we might like to go to a swingers party with him some time. Like I said, um.....yeah....not.

G and K have some major financial and business stresses at the moment. G has been pretty close to having a breakdown and, on my birthday gggrrrrr, had stupid thoughts of ending it all. He's had counselling since then and a smack to the side of the head from me - figuratively. He's enabling K ridiculously to not get out of her emotional mess related to the business stuff, but at least he can see that now and will put a stop to it. After the last two weeks, I swear I should be a lawyer and a counsellor. I'd make a fortune. Just don't ask me to work on myself. :-p

When I moved in here, the plan was for G to find elsewhere. The plan didn't work out so well. He and I don't have any relationship status. He just stays here. T has a friend who has a place G could have rented by himself and I suggested he take up the offer. He asked me - and T - if he could continue to stay with us till he's had more counselling and feels better about being by himself. Not really something you can argue with. At least he recognises he needs people around him while he figures himself out.

The situation is not ideal. I've joked with G that if I find someone I'm interested in and I want to bring them home, that he'll have to sleep on the floor. We laugh about it, but it is a bit of a spanner in that regard. But honestly, it's not like I'm really in the market for another guy right now. And why would I be? There's enough of a saga going on in my home without bringing someone else into it. I'm watching it all from a semi-detached point of view and I don't have to fight with anyone over the popcorn.

Here I am!

Oooh boy! Lots to update, but I'm not sure where to start, or if I can remember it all.

Did I mention my new house mate started working for my company the day after I moved in here? Bizarre coincidence, no?! Thankfully for both of us, he works in a different location, so we're not in each others' face. He's rocked the boat already, by the sounds of it, which I think is funny. I'm the cause of dissent in my department and he looks like he'll be the outspoken one in his. Hehe, wait till the bosses find out we're sharing a roof.

Yes, it's my birthday today. I'd just about forgotten about it. Thanks to everyone who's sent me messages. Ian I got yours! :-) My mum sent me a text message and also a parcel to my work. I didn't go in today, though. I feigned a sore throat. As it turns out, that was a good thing, but more on that soon. G gave me a typical 'from a boy' card. The outside says "enjoy your birthday". The inside says, "...because tomorrow the focus is back on me". It's actually a dig at himself, coz for the first time in his life, he has a female friend (me, duh) who can restrain herself from getting intimate with him.....or should I say, is making him restrain himself while he sorts his life out.

And that's the latest saga.... I'm not going to go into major detail, but G and K own and run two separate franchises. For some reason, the franchisors have taken it upon themselves in the last few weeks to become nasty, back stab and play G and K off each other to the point where they're both completely stressed out. From the voicemails and emails I've seen, G and K have both been accommodating and professional. The franchisors have become complete bullies. A few months ago G & K were the golden children. Something changed, and they don't know what, but it looks like it's all come to a head today.

I turned up to meet G for lunch just as he got off the phone from their head office. It looks like they've just about been bullied and cajoled and pushed to the point where they'll be forced to sell their businesses. And that sucks. They work hard, they have good businesses. They're outspoken when they think there's an issue, but they've always done the right thing. I don't know how they will get out of this and still be able to maintain their businesses, operating under their current 'management'. If they don't find a way, they're both without jobs and without money. I'm angry for both of them and the way they've been treated. Hmmm, I'm too fired up to say anything more about it.

I don't have a lot else to report. G and I are working hard at just being friends and that seems to be going well. He has a lot of stuff to sort out (now more than ever), so we have new boundaries. I've walked a fine line between being supportive and allowing him to just spin his wheels (eh, at least I recognised it and have corrected it), so my support has taken on a new form. I don't offer any assistance now. If he wants something, or needs something, he has to ask. It's working. And that's good for both of us.

Work is...well, they're still bastards and I was stressed to the point of tears last Friday, but I'm not in the right frame of mind to look for something else just yet. I have another appointment on the 20th with the guy from the agency, so I'll just see if I can coast through the days till then.

That's about it.

Fumes

On Monday, I did my best to gas myself in my car. No, it wasn't on purpose and it took me a day to figure out what I'd done, and it wasn't pleasant.

Early, early Monday morning, I went back to my old place to do a final clean up. In my wisdom, I used towels and a load of disinfectant, then threw it all in my car with the last remaining cleaning bits and pieces, drove to my storage unit, then to the truck hire place, to pay them, then to the real estate to take my keys back, then to work. All the while, coz it was cold, I had the windows in the car all wound up. I got to work just before 11am, so I was about 2 hours all up, in my car.

By 3pm, my head was hurting. By 4pm, I couldn't think straight. I left at 4.15, because if I didn't go then, I would have thrown up for sure and not been able to go anywhere. Brainiac that I am, I didn't smell the fumes in my car from all the chemicals, till I got back in my car to go home. I was at least smart enough to open the windows despite the weather, but it was too late.

It's now Wednesday morning and I still have that 'my head's been hurting' feeling. My car still stinks. Monday night was so bad I was in bed before 5pm, lights out, and even the light from the screen on my mobile phone hurt my eyes. Not the most ideal second night in my new abode!

I'm still living out of boxes and can't find anything. The cats are freaked out, but doing ok. G (who used to be a serious animal rights activist) has befriended a stray cat that hangs around the front door, despite my protestations. It's a nice cat and the neighbours all look after it, but it's a boy and he'll beat my girls up and I don't want to have to get nasty with it. I told G to find a new home for it, or he could always sit outside and keep it company. He's already named it and snuck food from my fridge to feed it. Ggrrrrr!

My new housemate seems easy going. He's certainly patient. All my crap is scattered around the house and tonight will be the first time I'll have a decent chance to organise it...and his kids will be over for the night, so that should be interesting! He did mention in passing one night that he sometimes walks around the house naked. I couldn't tell if he was joking or not. Soon find out, I suppose!

G and I have made a mutual decision to go back to being just friends. So far, it's working much better than we expected. We still hang out, he still stays over. There's just no intimacy - by choice - and it feels comfortable and we're liking it more than we thought we would. Company without the complications.

Whatever else I had to say, I can't remember. Either it wasn't as important as I first thought, or the fumes of the last couple of days have killed more brain cells than I first thought. Oh well, good reason to hire a cleaner next time...