Quick-ish update on 'stuff'

So, the diagnosis as of today is "a-typical narco.l3psy with hyp3rsomnol@nce and depression". Yeah, well no wonder I'm depressed, the docs have been giving me the run-around for the last couple of months. But today, I got lucky.

It started out bad...the sleep centre told me on Monday my appointment was Thursday 26th. They didn't say anything about it being MARCH 26th. So I took time out of work, went there, found out it was the wrong day and subsequently lost the plot. I said I needed to see someone TODAY. The receptionist called a doc who was due to come in later, and got him to come to work early to see me. Yes, I like them both. A lot!

The doc actually listened to me, took a billion notes, made some phone calls and got authority to prescribe my wonderful "controlled drug". I said, "Will you please be my doctor?!" He said yes. He's told me I have to take a low dose till I go and have another Transthoracic Echo (get a video of my heart, basically). Damn things are uncomfortable, because they dig the camera in between your ribs (not fun), but hey I'm going to do whatever this guy wants. I also have to find a regular (intelligent!) GP who can do all my running around and co-ordinating for me in future. Not some idiot who puts 'epilepsy, but no seizures' on a referral coz he's not paying attention to what I'm saying.

In other news....

M (the ex-boyfriend from high school) has almost convinced me to take him up on his offer to fly me up there for a visit. I have some reservations, for various reasons, which he knows. I'll see how I feel once I've been on the meds for a couple of weeks. I told him it was all a bit too hard for me to comprehend that we'd both still feel the same after so many years. I said I'm too cynical and this kind of thing only happens in story books, not real life. He replied asking where I thought they got the ideas for the books from in the first place. Fair enough. Point taken. Still, I'm taking this one slowly. There are too many things that make anything more than friendship less than possible, but who knows. For now, I'm just pretty damn happy we are where we're at.

Work is insane due to the fires. But I can't say a great deal about it here, because it's not public knowledge. Let's just say it's crazy busy and although it's hard to deal with, it feels pretty cool to be part of it all....and knowing we're doing something good.

So very tired

I try to be enthusiastic, but it's hard to stay that way for more than a few hours at a time without wanting to just be asleep.

An interim doc has given me some drugs to help me sleep through the night - basically trying to remove my REM sleep, so I don't wake up all the time. Some days it works, some days, it doesn't. What it does do every time is make me feel drunk. So very drunk. I can't think, talk properly, and type properly. Actually, my typing is the funny part. So awful! But it knocks me out after about half an hour, so as long as I get to bed in time, it's not that noticeable. Most of the time. :-D

The really bad side is this same doc has referred me for a mandatory Fitness to Drive test next week. I am smoke-out-the-ears furious, but there's nothing I can do about it. If I don't go, I could lose my licence anyway. If I wasn't already anxious and stressed, I am moreso now, thanks to this damn situation. But I'm collecting research to take with me (that show other idiots on the road are more of a danger than me being tired).

My specialist is back next week. I feel like I'm in a catch 22 situation. I walk a fine line. If my symptoms show up in a negative way on the drive test, I may be forced onto a restricted licence, which will severely impede my quality of life. If I 'pass' the test, they might think my symptoms are not severe enough to go back on medication and I'll go on feeling the way I do. I'm somewhere in between both. I am fine to drive, but I do need medication to make life easier....better. Normal. I don't know how to de-stress between now and this time next week.

The bushfire situation is mentally and physically draining. I'm seeing it on tv, hearing it on radio, smelling the smoke, watching the water chopper go over the house, and working with it every day. I have to say, I'm seeing the truly good in people at work. I can't go into a lot of it for privacy reasons, but the number of people who have volunteered to help with dis@s.ter vic tim ident.if ica. tion (don't want go ogle picking this up) is just overwhelming. We've received huge food donations from companies we've approached to help us feed the volunteers 24/7 for the next few weeks. And so much more. The generosity humbles all of us who work there.

Overall, I'm so extremely tired and when I'm not having to concentrate, my brain goes blank. Even when I have to concentrate, I'm finding it pretty difficult to keep a train of thought.

But many people have it much worse than me right now. I'm keeping perspective, despite my whining.