The Image
I made myself feel pretty vulnerable the last time I posted my poetry. I figured I'd made myself that uncomfortable that I wouldn't do it again. Maybe it's like getting a tattoo...it stings a little but the pain is bearable, and almost good. So here's another one...
The Image
As I stand there
I'm sure you can read my mind.
You know my inadequacies.
I'm sure if I let my eyes meet yours,
you would reject me.
I feel different from those around me.
I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sure they all know something I don't,
something I'm supposed to know,
a lesson I should have already learned.
What is that look you give me?
You smile and we laugh.
But I sense the joke's on me.
Are you really my friend?
Surely you can see how damaged I am?
Surely, behind your smile there's pity,
because through my eyes,
you no doubt see all the wrongs of my past.
Do you truly want to know me?
Do you truly want to be my friend?
I'm not that nice a person
and I expect one day you'll tell me so.
I am not deserving of you.
I am damaged
and I have damaged.
The caring and acceptance I so dearly crave,
the need to feel the same,
not like the whole team has been picked
and I'm the odd one out,
left standing on the sidelines
....the need is great.
I don't want to be left standing
on the sidelines.
So when you look in my eyes,
please look past the hurt,
the damage,
and the emotional destruction.
And see my soul,
filled with warmth, love
and compassion.
And remind me - that is me.
The Image
As I stand there
I'm sure you can read my mind.
You know my inadequacies.
I'm sure if I let my eyes meet yours,
you would reject me.
I feel different from those around me.
I feel uncomfortable.
I'm sure they all know something I don't,
something I'm supposed to know,
a lesson I should have already learned.
What is that look you give me?
You smile and we laugh.
But I sense the joke's on me.
Are you really my friend?
Surely you can see how damaged I am?
Surely, behind your smile there's pity,
because through my eyes,
you no doubt see all the wrongs of my past.
Do you truly want to know me?
Do you truly want to be my friend?
I'm not that nice a person
and I expect one day you'll tell me so.
I am not deserving of you.
I am damaged
and I have damaged.
The caring and acceptance I so dearly crave,
the need to feel the same,
not like the whole team has been picked
and I'm the odd one out,
left standing on the sidelines
....the need is great.
I don't want to be left standing
on the sidelines.
So when you look in my eyes,
please look past the hurt,
the damage,
and the emotional destruction.
And see my soul,
filled with warmth, love
and compassion.
And remind me - that is me.
posted by E in Oz at 12:26 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 12:26 pm
5 Comments:
although all of us are 'damaged goods' in a way (cf. Radiohead "Backdrifts"), ultimately if one looks deep enough, everyone's soul shines. I admire you for putting your writing out here for people to possibly critique (either bad or good); I do not pity you. Past sins are eventually absolved, and seeing someone based upon those is folly at the best, since people generally grow from their past scelerous actions.
I've not been reading your blog for very long, so I don't know much about you yet, but you seem like a circumspect, conscientious individual with the same hopes, dreams, and fears as the rest of us have, and your light radiates from these words you just set forth here. I hope that ultimately I will be able to get a clearer picture, and that is why I continue reading. :)
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Bugger! Was logged in under the wrong name!... anyway....
Thanks for the thoughts Greyor. I agree with what you say about it being unwise to base your judgement of someone purely on their past.
This poem is a little bit of me, but mostly was inspired by someone else. I think that's probably how a lot of people write that sort of prose (be it lyrics, poetry, stories etc).... part of it comes from within and part of it comes from observations of others. If someone reads it and can relate to it somehow, then I think that's pretty cool. :-)
Wow- I could have written that.....
Well, not as well as you but you know what I mean.
Keep up the poetry E.... It looks good on you.
lots of hugs and kisses,
RG
Very nice ... I can definitely relate. I have spent way too much time and mental energy being suspicious of people who are trying to be friendly or genuine. It is sooo hard for me to trust anyone. I guess part of my self-therapy-blogging is allowing myself to expose things I never have before and not be overly sensitive to others' reactions. As a result, I am developing a better ability to share a little, rather than a lot. Thankfully no one has abused me online, and instead been either very supportive or very silent.
(sorry, I'm rambling cuz it's quite late.)
BTW, Hi, I still check in occasionally, although I've laid a low profile lately.
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