Thinking
I've found that I've been doing so much thinking lately, but I haven't felt at all inclined to actually talk or type or in any way vocalise my thoughts. I haven't made any phone calls, emailed anyone, chatted on line. Not for a good few weeks. I've just been think, think, thinking.
I read the blogs and message boards I visit at least daily, know what I'd like to say....and don't say anything at all. It's almost like I physically can't.
(edited to remove some stuff I promised not to share)
Of course, there are also the blogs that I read less frequently that I rarely comment on. I visit them because they're interesting, they offer a different perspective on life than mine, they keep me openminded to other peoples' lifestyles that I may not otherwise fully understand (such as Rae, Heidi, and Bill & Eve). But because they're different, I don't often relate (or maybe I do?) and therefore don't often really have anything intelligent to say. I know some of them read me and probably don't comment for the same reasons. I like the idea of someone having an interest in my life and in that respect, I hope that by visiting theirs, I'm saying to them, "I'm interested in your life too".
My life has changed in the last few months. I'm finding myself 'fitting in' in different areas and not quite fitting in anymore in others. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit anywhere. Tis the fluid nature of life, I suppose. We're meant to be constantly changing, adapting and growing. It's what we learn from it that counts.
Interestingly, I'm gravitating again towards older people, or people who've 'been there'. The book I mentioned to RisibleGirl in my last post, Becoming Your Own Parent, talks about certain ways to overcome adult child problems. One way is to develop a 'family of choice'. A person is responsible for finding at least 5 people who are recovering holistically and developing positive lifestyles. So find at least five people who you make your family of choice and hang around them. I need to start to do this. I'd like to think that includes online people in some way, because I know who I'd pick. You also need to make at least five lifestyle changes if you're going to recover. This one is tough, but I'm going to work on it too. What five to pick?
Maybe I'm also seeing things and people (and me) differently now. Could be that's why I'm doing so much thinking and not much of actually vocalising my thoughts. My perceptions are changing. Do I not like what I see anymore?
Or is it just that it's very close to my birthday and I'm starting to feel old again?
I read the blogs and message boards I visit at least daily, know what I'd like to say....and don't say anything at all. It's almost like I physically can't.
(edited to remove some stuff I promised not to share)
Of course, there are also the blogs that I read less frequently that I rarely comment on. I visit them because they're interesting, they offer a different perspective on life than mine, they keep me openminded to other peoples' lifestyles that I may not otherwise fully understand (such as Rae, Heidi, and Bill & Eve). But because they're different, I don't often relate (or maybe I do?) and therefore don't often really have anything intelligent to say. I know some of them read me and probably don't comment for the same reasons. I like the idea of someone having an interest in my life and in that respect, I hope that by visiting theirs, I'm saying to them, "I'm interested in your life too".
My life has changed in the last few months. I'm finding myself 'fitting in' in different areas and not quite fitting in anymore in others. Sometimes I feel like I don't fit anywhere. Tis the fluid nature of life, I suppose. We're meant to be constantly changing, adapting and growing. It's what we learn from it that counts.
Interestingly, I'm gravitating again towards older people, or people who've 'been there'. The book I mentioned to RisibleGirl in my last post, Becoming Your Own Parent, talks about certain ways to overcome adult child problems. One way is to develop a 'family of choice'. A person is responsible for finding at least 5 people who are recovering holistically and developing positive lifestyles. So find at least five people who you make your family of choice and hang around them. I need to start to do this. I'd like to think that includes online people in some way, because I know who I'd pick. You also need to make at least five lifestyle changes if you're going to recover. This one is tough, but I'm going to work on it too. What five to pick?
Maybe I'm also seeing things and people (and me) differently now. Could be that's why I'm doing so much thinking and not much of actually vocalising my thoughts. My perceptions are changing. Do I not like what I see anymore?
Or is it just that it's very close to my birthday and I'm starting to feel old again?
posted by E in Oz at 5:32 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 5:32 pm
3 Comments:
As you know, I've completely dropped off the message board. Lots of reasons, but mostly because I don't have time.
I am fickle about the blogs. I read for a while, then get bored and drop 'em like a hot potato.
There are many blogs that I do not comment on for many reasons. The ones I do comment on are because I care about that person (such as you) and what you to know that you're not alone.
If I don't relate, then I don't comment because there's nothing I feel that I can add of value.
I have found that if a blog is continually serious, I don't comment. Not that I don't read but sometimes no matter what you might say just feels stupid to read back.
Ian, I was gonna say I wasn't sure that 'serious' was in your vocab, but I do know there is a serious side to you that balances the hilarity that is your mind (meant in the nicest possible way lol). I hear ya though, on how things sometimes might just sound 'wrong' no matter how you word it.
Post a Comment
<< Home