Just so you know

I'm not sad. At least, I don't think I am. I'm frustrated. Not sure what about, which, of course, makes me more frustrated.

I didn't have a talk with J last night. He had another friend over, I got over whatever mood I was in, and there wasn't really an appropriate moment anyway.

I do need to stop doubting and making assumptions. Without fail, each time I get annoyed at something, the next time I see him, I discover I had nothing to doubt. It's aggravating, because it makes me feel stupid. At least I buy time when I feel that way. If I were to bring up things as that delightful committee in my head presents them.......well, I don't want to be that type of girl. Besides, buying time has proven the committee doesn't know shit and I should really stop listening to it.

I suppose I don't have a lot of faith in people at the moment. Despite what I've just said above, I do trust J. He is who he says he is, he says what he thinks, he does what he wants and I know he wouldn't intentionally stuff me around. Eh, sounds lame, but it's true. I know this from watching his friends, how they interact with him and what they say to him and about him.

This wasn't supposed to be about J. I just wanted to say what I was feeling. Although, being that I can only come up with 'frustrated' at the moment, I haven't been as succinct as I would like. Part of my frustration is that I'm not getting the contentment (?) from anyone else that I do with J. Yes, I know the dynamics are different, but..........

I'm gonna stop here. I can see myself starting a circular conversation with myself and I'm really too tired to try to think myself out of that loop.

Hey, his birthday is next week (on the same date as my nutcase sister!). Do I get him something? What?

I've got a week till I have to hand that list in to Dr Ruth.