Inward or outward?
My blog has become a lot less 'me' lately. I'm not sure whether that's because I don't have time, I don't have the inclination, or I don't have the energy. Mostly, I think it's because I'm having my most reflective thoughts at inopportune times.
I'd like to bring it back to being more me; more of the philosophical, reflective thoughts I have. It's time to become exposed again. Trust me, you'll thank me when I say that doesn't involve naked pictures. My vulnerable, emotional side is suffering lately, because I don't have a release. My poetry has suffered, because I've been uninspired and lacking creativity since long before Christmas. So close to the final product, yet it seems a distance away right now.
I've realised I've shut down incredibly and unexpected barriers have appeared where I thought I was finally rid of them. Perhaps if I take them down here, they'll come down in other ways.
Without going into the context of the conversation (which, in its entirety, makes the comment a smaller deal than it'll probably present here), the anti-me confessed to missing me tonight. Joking, yes, but the first outward expression of ...something... nonetheless. It was equally a nice boost to the ego, and annoying. Closeness scares me right now. I'm not ready for it and I don't want it from him. At least, not any more than I already have. Blissfully noncommittal and unhindered by expectations, or complications.
This brings me to the thought that prompted this post. What do we expect when we meet new people? What do they expect? Are we looking for someone new and interesting, so we can learn about them, grow, expand our horizons, open our minds and become better people? Or are we looking for someone new and interesting to say what we want them to say about us, to focus on us, to give us attention?
Do we seek the thrill of a new acquaintance because we need some drug-like fix to boost something lacking within? Or do we seek interaction with others because they have value?
Probably all the above. I hope I'm not kidding myself when I say I try to aim outward. Imagine if everyone did. Non-parasitic symbiosis.
If only midnight weren't such an inconvenient time to blog.
I'd like to bring it back to being more me; more of the philosophical, reflective thoughts I have. It's time to become exposed again. Trust me, you'll thank me when I say that doesn't involve naked pictures. My vulnerable, emotional side is suffering lately, because I don't have a release. My poetry has suffered, because I've been uninspired and lacking creativity since long before Christmas. So close to the final product, yet it seems a distance away right now.
I've realised I've shut down incredibly and unexpected barriers have appeared where I thought I was finally rid of them. Perhaps if I take them down here, they'll come down in other ways.
Without going into the context of the conversation (which, in its entirety, makes the comment a smaller deal than it'll probably present here), the anti-me confessed to missing me tonight. Joking, yes, but the first outward expression of ...something... nonetheless. It was equally a nice boost to the ego, and annoying. Closeness scares me right now. I'm not ready for it and I don't want it from him. At least, not any more than I already have. Blissfully noncommittal and unhindered by expectations, or complications.
This brings me to the thought that prompted this post. What do we expect when we meet new people? What do they expect? Are we looking for someone new and interesting, so we can learn about them, grow, expand our horizons, open our minds and become better people? Or are we looking for someone new and interesting to say what we want them to say about us, to focus on us, to give us attention?
Do we seek the thrill of a new acquaintance because we need some drug-like fix to boost something lacking within? Or do we seek interaction with others because they have value?
Probably all the above. I hope I'm not kidding myself when I say I try to aim outward. Imagine if everyone did. Non-parasitic symbiosis.
If only midnight weren't such an inconvenient time to blog.
posted by E in Oz at 11:38 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 11:38 pm
2 Comments:
Well, without going into a 100 page paper on the subject, I think I'll just say I agree with you that it's probably a combination of needing other people in our lives to better ourselves and also as a basic human need for interaction. As much of a hermit as I am, there are days where I just need to leave the house and go somewhere that I can walk amongst the people, just to not be alone.
Personally, I like when you ask the questions.
I start answering for myself.
Introspect is a good thing.
Until we become obsessed with the thought...which won't likely happen. LOL I'm too dang ADD!
Oh, look.........a chicken!
:-D
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