Family part 14 - More than one version of the truth

I've gained some interesting new insights into my family since my sister's wedding, mid December I haven't posted here at all about the sad and difficult drama my niece in Italy is going through...it's distressing me too much right now. All I'll say is that she needed money in a hurry and all I had was a credit card and I let her use whatever money was on it. That's put me in a difficult position, but she needed it more than me. Thankfully, my dad and middle sister have offered to give me money to ease the situation slightly for me, and assist my niece. Nobody else would have the desire, nor the inclination to do so. The next step is for me to organise to be POA for her, in case things in her life go more pear shaped than they are. I'll leave it at that, for now.

I realised the other day that youngest sister did not have a conversation with me the entire three days I was there for the wedding. Dad told me she didn't really speak much with him either, so I'm putting most of it down to cluelessness and focussing on the wedding.

Eldest sister, the manipulating sociopath, rang at 7am a few days ago. She was fishing for information, because there was no point to the conversation, as far as I could tell. She mentioned what '[youngest sister] did to mum over Christmas'. It was the third version of that particular event that I'd heard. Mum had been invited by youngest sister and her family to spend Christmas with them at their holiday home. The day after I came back here, mum was at youngest sister's house, spouting off about how dad had been physically abusive to her and how horrible he was (after she spent the weekend being nice to him and my step mum). My brother and youngest sister told her to stop the talk and they didn't want to hear it. Mum kept at it till eventually youngest sister told her to leave. No more was said about going away, till youngest sister's daughter went to mum's place and asked her to look after the cats while they were away.

Mum's version of events is that she was invited, then she was univinted, without being told so, and couldn't understand why. My brother's version of events is that mum was being a cow about dad and perhaps that was why she was uninvited.

Sociopath sister's version is that youngest sister is such a bitch to not take mum away with them for Christmas, with no explanation. I told her there was an explanation. She went on to side with mum and say how horrible dad was and even went as far as saying that dad beat her up, too. I said I found it hard to believe and told her of other situations in which mum had re-written history when it suited her. I know who the abuse came from when I was growing up, and it was most certainly not my father.

Fast forward to yesterday. Middle sister, new hubby and middle sister's son are moving to Perth. They had a 4 hour stopover here, so I went to say hi. It was supposed to be a quick visit, before I drove down to the anti-me's house to go see a movie. I ended up there (thankfully in the Qantas Club - yay for free food and drinks!) for a lot longer than I anticipated. In that time, I realised middle sister and I are more similar and have become closer than I'd thought. I think something clicked at her wedding - well the night before, when we spent some time with just the two of us (and her son).

We spent some time talking about my niece, the saga with my mum and Christmas, and growing up. She said she wished my brother and I hadn't had to deal with all that we went through. I asked her why nobody ever thought to have us live with dad. She said they tried and dad would have loved it. I didn't know that. She said when we were little, and mum and dad split, she said she wanted to stay with dad. Youngest sister said if middle sister was staying, so was she. Eldest sister, who apparently never got on with dad, wanted to stay with mum. Mum played the poor me card and kicked up such a fuss that the girls - and my brother and I - all went with her. Apparently, dad was devastated. I don't really get why nobody tried again to get us to live with dad when we were all a little older and the shit really hit the fan, but that's a question for another time.

Middle sister and youngest sister have always been very close and have lived with each other, or close to each other for most of their lives. Middle sister is a single mum who's always been independent and worked her butt off. Youngest sister has a hubby and a few kids, they both work, have an expensive house and other 'assets'. Although they get on great, middle sister feels the difference when it comes to gift giving times. She doesn't have all the income to spend on her son as youngest sister does. She'll spend maybe $200 altogether on him. Youngest sister will spend up to $1K or more on each kid (she has 4). Apparently, it's hard on middle sister's son, because he notices the difference too. Guaranteed he's more appreciative, though! Anyway, it was enlightening for me to see that what I thought was the perfect relationship between my two sisters maybe isn't all that perfect underneath, even though they're 'best friends'.

Yesterday was productive in that I learned (and confirmed) a lot about my family that I was previously unsure about. I also have a better appreciation of middle sister. She's always been the more friendly (less selfish) of the three and I'm glad I got to spend some more time with her. She also made a very generous and selfless gesture with regard to my niece in Italy as well, that totally blew me away. She's a much better person than I ever gave her credit for. Maybe I've always been tarring her with the same brush as youngest sister (guilty by association?) and that's been unfair.

Either I'm growing up, I'm mellowing, or something else changed, but it feels good to feel a little closer to just one person in my family. I can look at certain circumstances now and have validation that "it's not just me". I always hoped that. Now I know.