Perhaps you'd like tea instead?

I did my first coffee course last night. There's a reason why the certificate says 'has participated in', rather than 'has successfully completed'. The guy told us not to expect to be able to make great coffee at the end of the night. He didn't tell us how potentially crap at coffee making we could be. I say 'we' under the assumption that other people there felt they sucked at it as much as I did.

I am now qualified to make a reasonable espresso. Want something with milk in it? As long as you don't mind it being full of bubbles and looking rather unattractive, I could give you something almost drinkable. There's a good reason they have practice sessions they suggest you do before taking the second, more advanced course. I will not be inflicting any hot beverages on the unsuspecting, paying public for a while.