Having a negative moment
I've had a hard year so far. Not really relating to T - everyone has ups and downs - but to do with other stuff that's being going on with me - health, work, money etc. How those things have affected me, I've been told, are part of why T wasn't feeling so positive about things recently.
My stuff, coupled with his stuff, put a strain on the relationship.I've realised that, as much as we were supportive of each other's issues and wanted to be there for each other while we sorted them out, we took our own issues out on each other. Recognising that woulda been half the battle towards not doing it anymore. That's part of my theory anyway. All of the things we were dealing with were situational. Eventually, all would have passed and our individual lives would have been much calmer. That's the way life works.
This afternoon, in this moment, I'm pissed off. I just wanted support. Yes, I got it, for the most part and I'm very grateful. But to place blame on that need for contributing to our splitting, is unfair. At least I know what my issues are, I own them, I take responsibility for my actions and am working on resolving what I can.
My stuff, coupled with his stuff, put a strain on the relationship.I've realised that, as much as we were supportive of each other's issues and wanted to be there for each other while we sorted them out, we took our own issues out on each other. Recognising that woulda been half the battle towards not doing it anymore. That's part of my theory anyway. All of the things we were dealing with were situational. Eventually, all would have passed and our individual lives would have been much calmer. That's the way life works.
This afternoon, in this moment, I'm pissed off. I just wanted support. Yes, I got it, for the most part and I'm very grateful. But to place blame on that need for contributing to our splitting, is unfair. At least I know what my issues are, I own them, I take responsibility for my actions and am working on resolving what I can.
posted by E in Oz at 3:52 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 3:52 pm
6 Comments:
((((E))))
Not knowing what the particulars are, it's hard for me to comment. I can see that you're conflicted and not really sounding resolved about your reasons for your split.
I hope you'll come to terms and find some peace in your life.
You deserve peace and happiness. Yes, you do...
xo
Aye, it's been a hard year...
I feel like for the past few years I've kepts saying "it's been a hard year"... I'm starting to think that maybe it's just hard being a grownup!
I'm hoping you're finding peace with your decision, and if not that you can work through what is bothering you. Thinking of you often...
The end is never really the end and who knows what the universe has in store for the two of you. I learned alot about myself the 10 months i was separated (ok, broken up) from M and I daresay he learned even more because we were able to pick up the pieces and move forward. It sounds like you still have some work to do as far as figuring out the whole story and there's nothing wrong with that. He's not the 'stranger that you lived with', he's still a good guy that you love and he's trying to find his way too. You never know what'll happen.
Sorry if that sounds too like garbage but sometimes I tihnk that's all i can produce right now! lol
big hugs and prayers to you getting through each day.
a
If I could explain why some folks get the fairytale and others don't, well... anyway...
Hope things are making more sense today. And if they don't, well then I hope at the very least, things are more "acceptable." (I'm afraid I'm not putting this correctly, but I don't know how else to say it.)
A, you're right. He really is a good guy. He just did the same stupid thing one too many times and I reacted the way any person would in those circumstances.
I might start to rant if I think about that anymore right now. I'm in a good mood, so I'll just go play quietly in the corner instead.
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