Family - part 9 - the straw & the camel
I posted about my latest family situation last Saturday. Mum sent me a text message tonight, saying:
R says they didn't see you on Sat night. What happened? Can you meet them this Friday on their way back, at dinner with C & A? Disappointed to miss you. Are you well and happy? xx
On their way back from where?
I replied.
No, because C didn't ring me till 6 on Sat night & it wasn't up to me to invite myself to dinner that everyone organised earlier and didn't tell me about. I was sick on Sun. Nobody phoned to say they were here or to talk, so it looks like they're not so interested to catch up anyway. T will be here tomorrow and we're going away for Easter.
Mum:
I'm so sorry. R really does want to see you but they're way down Wilson's Prom now. C must be more sensitive. Do try to meet them on Fri. xx
Me:
It's not up to C to phone for someone else. If R wanted to see me, she could call. We have accommodation 3 hours away on Friday so we won't be here anyway.
Mum:
A bit harsh. It was a chance for you all to see each other, not a formal dinner party. If you cared, you'd have joined them at the last minute. C was rude to leave it so late to call you.
If I cared??? WTF?
Me:
Maybe harsh, but it's not ok to not be told by the person who says they want to see me then expected me to be free at the last minute. R has never phoned so I stopped a long time ago. She doesn't know me and isn't that interested if she couldn't even let me know she was coming down. That's not C's or your responsibility. I don't really want to talk about it.
Right now, mum will be stressing out, no doubt crying and has probably called one or all of my sisters and my brother, or sent them text messages, at the very least, to see why I'm being so mean.
She probably thinks I'm mad at her. I'm not. I am annoyed about getting second hand information. I'm annoyed that I'm expected to feel guilt over this. I don't. I'm doing what I need to do for me and what is right for me. I considered sending her a message to say as much, but that would do no good.
This is just the start, and there'll be ramifications from my stubborn actions (as it will be determined to be). Might end up being the catalyst for the "I'm moving to Perth" conversation.
R says they didn't see you on Sat night. What happened? Can you meet them this Friday on their way back, at dinner with C & A? Disappointed to miss you. Are you well and happy? xx
On their way back from where?
I replied.
No, because C didn't ring me till 6 on Sat night & it wasn't up to me to invite myself to dinner that everyone organised earlier and didn't tell me about. I was sick on Sun. Nobody phoned to say they were here or to talk, so it looks like they're not so interested to catch up anyway. T will be here tomorrow and we're going away for Easter.
Mum:
I'm so sorry. R really does want to see you but they're way down Wilson's Prom now. C must be more sensitive. Do try to meet them on Fri. xx
Me:
It's not up to C to phone for someone else. If R wanted to see me, she could call. We have accommodation 3 hours away on Friday so we won't be here anyway.
Mum:
A bit harsh. It was a chance for you all to see each other, not a formal dinner party. If you cared, you'd have joined them at the last minute. C was rude to leave it so late to call you.
If I cared??? WTF?
Me:
Maybe harsh, but it's not ok to not be told by the person who says they want to see me then expected me to be free at the last minute. R has never phoned so I stopped a long time ago. She doesn't know me and isn't that interested if she couldn't even let me know she was coming down. That's not C's or your responsibility. I don't really want to talk about it.
Right now, mum will be stressing out, no doubt crying and has probably called one or all of my sisters and my brother, or sent them text messages, at the very least, to see why I'm being so mean.
She probably thinks I'm mad at her. I'm not. I am annoyed about getting second hand information. I'm annoyed that I'm expected to feel guilt over this. I don't. I'm doing what I need to do for me and what is right for me. I considered sending her a message to say as much, but that would do no good.
This is just the start, and there'll be ramifications from my stubborn actions (as it will be determined to be). Might end up being the catalyst for the "I'm moving to Perth" conversation.
posted by E in Oz at 7:44 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 7:44 pm
3 Comments:
At least she didn't write "by the way, who's T?"
It bugs her to no end that you are outside her circle of power -- her guilt.
Relationships, even family ones, are two-way streets. Some people just refuse to understand that. Enjoy your weekend away.
Gah! This reminds me so much of the dynamics in the step-mother-in-law relationship.
I'm finally putting my foot down, although that doesn't mean it's not going to come back and bite me in the ass.
This stuff is so hard to ignore. It makes me glad that my mom (the other 'issue') is so self-absorbed, because that means that she never notices that I'm ignoring her.
Ick and hugs
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