The dead are dancing

I haven't had an intense dream in a while. It occured to me the other day that I've had pretty peaceful sleep lately, which is a nice change. Till last night.

My dream was so vivid that I had to turn the light on and I couldn't get back to sleep. The unusual thing about it was that I had it within a few minutes of getting off the phone with T. When I woke up, less than 10 minutes had passed since I'd talked to him. Tis one of the lovely idiosyncrasies of a sleep disorder - none of this going through sleep stages stuff - cut to the chase, get straight into the dream, and wake right back up again.

So, I'd just gotten off the phone, turned off the light and got comfy. The room was dark and all of a sudden, the grim reaper was at the foot of my bed, kneeling on my bed. He was shrouded completely in black and where his face should have been, there was darkness. Nothing. I was lying prone, with the covers up over my shoulders and my arms in front of me, but by my side. He moved further up the bed and pinned me down, using his legs, either side of me, disallowing me to move my arms. I couldn't move at all. Then he put a pillow over my head and tried to suffocate me. I remember thinking that I wanted to scream, but I didn't have the energy.

I don't know what woke me up, but even when I put the light back on, I couldn't breathe and I was sure the whole experience was as real as day. I felt like he was still in my house. I didn't call T back though, because me freaking out would have only served to freak him out and it's not like he could have done anything anyway. It was just a dream...

And here's the key word analysis...

Die

To dream that you die in your dream, symbolizes inner changes, transformation, self-discovery and positive development that is happening within you or in your life. Although such a dreams may bring about feelings of fear and anxiety, it is no cause for alarm and is often considered a positive symbol. Dreams of experiencing your own death usually means that big changes are ahead for you. You are moving on to new beginnings and leaving the past behind. These changes does not necessarily imply a negative turn of events. Metaphorically, dying can be seen as an end or a termination to your old ways and habits. So, dying does not always mean a physical death, but an ending of something.

On a negative note, to dream that you die may represent involvement in deeply painful relationships or unhealthy, destructive behaviors. You may feeling depressed or feel strangled by a situation or person in your waking life. Perhaps your mind is preoccupied with someone who is terminally ill or dying. Alternatively, you may be trying to get out of some obligation, responsibility or other situation.

Grim Reaper

To see the grim reaper in your dream, signifies the negative, rejected aspects of your personality. It represents aspects of yourself that you have repressed. Alternatively, it symbolizes death or the end of something.

Suffocating

To dream that you are suffocating, signifies that you are feeling smothered or oppressed by some situation/relationship. Something or someone is holding your back. You are experiencing stress and tension.

Scared

To dream that you are scared, indicates that you are experiencing self-doubt and feelings of incompetence. You may be feeling a lack of control. Anger often masquerades as fear, so also consider issues about which you are angry about in your waking life.

Scream

To dream that you are screaming, symbolizes anger and fear. It is an expression of your powerful emotions which you have kept pent up inside.If you try to scream, but no sound comes out, then it suggests that you need to immediately confront some situation. Perhaps you are unable to pinpoint your fears or feelings.

Movement

To see slow, difficult movement, indicates a fear of failure. Something is holding you back and preventing you to take chances.

Bed

To see your bed in your dream, represents you intimate self and discovery of your sexuality. If you are sleeping in your own bed, then it denotes security and restoration of your mind. You are looking for domestic bliss and peace.

So what's it all mean? I think it has nothing to do with T and everything to do with work, my boredom there, my need for change, and figuring out how to get my Cert IV sorted out (I am being met with constant road blocks). It also has to do with things I want to be doing, but am not and cannot be doing yet. The feeling of those things being in sight, yet not being able to reach them yet, is an incredible frustration...and it's making being at work even more difficult, because it's so obviously not what I want to be doing.

It's apparent I needed a brain dump. I knew I was stressed. Just didn't realise how badly. I stayed home from work yesterday and slept most of the day. As I've been typing this, it occured to me that the need for that sleep and rest was probably related to the dream and a need to de-compress, even if it was just for a day.

Funny how your brain manages to tell you stuff, no matter how much you try not to tell yourself. If you don't listen to yourself, the Grim Reaper's gonna come in the middle of the night to try to suffocate you.

Literally a wake up call for me.....