Apathy

Something is wrong with me. I am bored at work and uninspired. Not the regular type bored, but complete and total inability to feel the need to do anything. At all. I have so much to do. I c-a-n-n-o-t bring myself to do anything that I really do need to get done.

I am tired and apathetic. I need a change. A big change. I need to not be here anymore. It's not what I want to do. It's not what I like doing. It's what I'm good at and that's what got me here.

Now I need more. But that 'more', whilst I've figured out (for the most part) what it is, is not financially viable right now. I feel stuck.

There's a part of me that acknowledges that it's mostly due to things that are going on now and that once they're over I won't feel the pressure I'm feeling now. But I'll still have that apathy. I get no satisfaction in what I'm doing here and I feel almost like I'm dumbing down.

I need to use my brain and feel constructive and like I'm contributing to something with some measure of worth. I'm getting restless. I haven't felt so restless in a while.

I need a major change. What that is or how I'll achieve it, I don't know. I just know it has to happen soon.

Meanwhile, I just don't know how to force myself to do what I need to do to walk through the 'now' of everything. I've lost all drive and motivation.

I'm not depressed. Not at all. I'm simply incredibly restless and need everything in my life to be new. The question is exactly how does one make that happen?