Baby did a bad, bad thing
I don't like to waste peoples' time. I don't like my time wasted. Frankly, this past two weeks has worn me out.
I've been struggling with the two sides of Ed. There is the guy who's affectionate, funny, charming, opens doors for me, tells me I'm pretty/beautiful and whose company I enjoy. Then there's the Ed who says he's honest, but isn't, says he's not keeping his options open, but is, gives out hope when there is none and insists on being deceitful even when I've called him on it.
So, like I said, I don't want to invest my self, my time and my emotions into something that's not going to go somewhere. As much as I hate to admit it, I set up a dummy profile on the site we met on - where it's free to chat - and started talking to him last night.
I eventually got him talking about me and what's going on with us. Most of what he said, I already knew, but I needed the confirmation in order to decide what I was going to do.
1. he is NOT seeing/sleeping with anyone else
2. he IS keeping in touch with other girls and keeping his options open
3. he says I'm too nice....why do guys like girls to be bitches?
4. he says if he was with me he'd probably stray..I assume coz I'm too nice??
5. he does like talking to me
6. he says this is the stage he backs off at...I guess that means the point where it gets 'official' or not.
7. he did feel really guilty about how he's treating me - and so he should
Meanwhile, I was talking to him on line as me too and he was going on about how I think too much and all that jazz. Mind you, it was almost 1am and I was starting to get a bit narky (have had a huge headache since yesterday morning), but the conversation till then had been fairly light. Kinda ended a bit badly though. Well we left it hanging, didn't say goodnight etc.
He's coming over tonight...if we get past today's phone call. I'm thinking of just telling him that my gut tells me he's not as into me as I'd like and that if that's the case I'd prefer we just let it go. I don't want to play games or compete with anyone else and I certainly don't want him considering other options and keeping me around till something better comes along. I don't want to waste my time on that stuff, but it's not a conversation I want to have over the phone either.
I know I probably shouldn't have made a new profile up to talk to him on. It makes me just as dishonest as him. But seriously, how long was I supposed to wait till he either told me how he felt or simply moved on? In my book, that situation is not good enough. Tell me now, let me deal with it, I'll be fine.
Yup, I did a bad thing in order to protect myself, but I'm not sorry about it. I will not be mislead or treated in a lesser manner than I deserve. It's as simple as that really.
Hopefully, Stew and I can hang out this weekend. His new interest has gone a bit weird on him as well, so it might be nice to catch up and go do something fun together to get our minds off things.
At least I'll have some good company back up there on that top shelf. :-)
I've been struggling with the two sides of Ed. There is the guy who's affectionate, funny, charming, opens doors for me, tells me I'm pretty/beautiful and whose company I enjoy. Then there's the Ed who says he's honest, but isn't, says he's not keeping his options open, but is, gives out hope when there is none and insists on being deceitful even when I've called him on it.
So, like I said, I don't want to invest my self, my time and my emotions into something that's not going to go somewhere. As much as I hate to admit it, I set up a dummy profile on the site we met on - where it's free to chat - and started talking to him last night.
I eventually got him talking about me and what's going on with us. Most of what he said, I already knew, but I needed the confirmation in order to decide what I was going to do.
1. he is NOT seeing/sleeping with anyone else
2. he IS keeping in touch with other girls and keeping his options open
3. he says I'm too nice....why do guys like girls to be bitches?
4. he says if he was with me he'd probably stray..I assume coz I'm too nice??
5. he does like talking to me
6. he says this is the stage he backs off at...I guess that means the point where it gets 'official' or not.
7. he did feel really guilty about how he's treating me - and so he should
Meanwhile, I was talking to him on line as me too and he was going on about how I think too much and all that jazz. Mind you, it was almost 1am and I was starting to get a bit narky (have had a huge headache since yesterday morning), but the conversation till then had been fairly light. Kinda ended a bit badly though. Well we left it hanging, didn't say goodnight etc.
He's coming over tonight...if we get past today's phone call. I'm thinking of just telling him that my gut tells me he's not as into me as I'd like and that if that's the case I'd prefer we just let it go. I don't want to play games or compete with anyone else and I certainly don't want him considering other options and keeping me around till something better comes along. I don't want to waste my time on that stuff, but it's not a conversation I want to have over the phone either.
I know I probably shouldn't have made a new profile up to talk to him on. It makes me just as dishonest as him. But seriously, how long was I supposed to wait till he either told me how he felt or simply moved on? In my book, that situation is not good enough. Tell me now, let me deal with it, I'll be fine.
Yup, I did a bad thing in order to protect myself, but I'm not sorry about it. I will not be mislead or treated in a lesser manner than I deserve. It's as simple as that really.
Hopefully, Stew and I can hang out this weekend. His new interest has gone a bit weird on him as well, so it might be nice to catch up and go do something fun together to get our minds off things.
At least I'll have some good company back up there on that top shelf. :-)
posted by E in Oz at 9:19 am
these thoughts escaped my brain at 9:19 am
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