Family part 15 - Communication, or lack thereof
The dynamics between siblings in my family have always been a bit strained. Sometimes, not on the surface, but always underneath.
Sister #1 has a smorgasbord of health and mental issues that have caused rifts and she's done things to some of us that are hard to forgive. I won't go into the details of her issues, but most make her a social outcast in general society.
Sister #2 has spent most of her years in the shadow of sister #3 and relying on her for support and friendship. Sister #3, it seems, now feels sister #2 will owe her a debt of gratitude for eternity and must adhere to sister #3's requests every time she says "jump".
Sister #3 is selfish and has only ever been out for personal gain. She has her own family and the rest of us are insignificant. That's just how it's always been.
Then there's me.
And my brother. He's always been the one who gets on with everyone. Until recently. He's become rude, arrogant, and caught up in the hype of himself and his cool, new job. He's getting married in November.
S#1 sent my birthday present to my brother, because I was moving at the time and his fiance said they'd deliver it to me. That was some time in July. He left me a voicemail message on my birthday about coming to see me, but has not been in touch since. S#1 has been trying to call him constantly to see when and if they're going to deliver the present, or work out how to otherwise get it to me. He never answers the phone, never returns her calls. Mostly, he's always been like that with S#1, but now he does it with everyone. You can't get him on the phone and he won't call anyone back.
It was his birthday yesterday and I know I should have called, but I didn't. He upset me a lot last time I saw him and I need an apology I know I won't get. His wedding is in November and I'm completely unenthusiastic about it. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that.
S#1 tried calling him, too, and left yet another message. Next, she called me. In tears. I admit there are times I don't answer the phone when I see it's S#1. Often she calls for no particular reason and at times when it's difficult to just sit and listen to her talk about nothing for ages. But I took the call and was more than surprised when she broke down. For all the things she's said and done over the years, I can still empathise with her hurting, because I get why she does.
She gets treated as a second rate person by everyone, myself included. Again, that's over stuff I've not yet learned how to forgive. She's unwell, and she's ostracised by people. She stays home, rarely goes anywhere and has nurses and people who need to come to her house to help her each day. They're supposed to come after lunch, to give her time to get up, get dressed etc. Her maintenance guy turned up before lunch yesterday and let himself in. His wife also came over and walked straight through the house. S#1 was still in her dressing gown. The wife said she didn't mind. S#1 was in tears as she was telling me that nobody cares if she minds that people are over when she's not dressed, or not feeling the best. I completely understand. She's grateful, but wants to be treated like a human, with a bit of respect.
Sigh...from a family perspective, it's hard to be respectful of someone who can cause hurt and not feel the slightest bit of remorse, although I can justify that lack of response by seeing that one can only admit fault if they believe they're at fault in the first place. From a human perspective, she should be shown compassion.
S#1 has never opened up to me like she did yesterday. I've never heard her cry like that. I guess my brother not answering yesterday was more than she could handle. I told her to call dad, because I really didn't know what else to do and dad has a calming effect on all of us. Even if he has no idea what to do, or say, he'll listen and sometimes that's enough.
That was yesterday morning. In the evening she called me asking for help on her 3-b@y shop, because she was getting intense headaches and vomiting like she was before she had her stroke and couldn't do her work. My niece's recent hospital admission in Italy, because of her heart problems, can't be helping S#1's stress levels. I did what she wanted and told her to call her doctor. She asked me not to tell mum, but it's fathers day today and I'm going to tell dad when I talk to him.
What I haven't told anyone (IRL) is the sharp headaches and dizziness I've had for a while now. I wonder if vomiting the other week for no apparent reason, at the city train station, in peak hour is related, but I'd like to think not. At any rate, I have an unrelated hospital visit scheduled in about ten days and I'm going to ask to see someone about it while I'm there.
Sister #1 has a smorgasbord of health and mental issues that have caused rifts and she's done things to some of us that are hard to forgive. I won't go into the details of her issues, but most make her a social outcast in general society.
Sister #2 has spent most of her years in the shadow of sister #3 and relying on her for support and friendship. Sister #3, it seems, now feels sister #2 will owe her a debt of gratitude for eternity and must adhere to sister #3's requests every time she says "jump".
Sister #3 is selfish and has only ever been out for personal gain. She has her own family and the rest of us are insignificant. That's just how it's always been.
Then there's me.
And my brother. He's always been the one who gets on with everyone. Until recently. He's become rude, arrogant, and caught up in the hype of himself and his cool, new job. He's getting married in November.
S#1 sent my birthday present to my brother, because I was moving at the time and his fiance said they'd deliver it to me. That was some time in July. He left me a voicemail message on my birthday about coming to see me, but has not been in touch since. S#1 has been trying to call him constantly to see when and if they're going to deliver the present, or work out how to otherwise get it to me. He never answers the phone, never returns her calls. Mostly, he's always been like that with S#1, but now he does it with everyone. You can't get him on the phone and he won't call anyone back.
It was his birthday yesterday and I know I should have called, but I didn't. He upset me a lot last time I saw him and I need an apology I know I won't get. His wedding is in November and I'm completely unenthusiastic about it. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with that.
S#1 tried calling him, too, and left yet another message. Next, she called me. In tears. I admit there are times I don't answer the phone when I see it's S#1. Often she calls for no particular reason and at times when it's difficult to just sit and listen to her talk about nothing for ages. But I took the call and was more than surprised when she broke down. For all the things she's said and done over the years, I can still empathise with her hurting, because I get why she does.
She gets treated as a second rate person by everyone, myself included. Again, that's over stuff I've not yet learned how to forgive. She's unwell, and she's ostracised by people. She stays home, rarely goes anywhere and has nurses and people who need to come to her house to help her each day. They're supposed to come after lunch, to give her time to get up, get dressed etc. Her maintenance guy turned up before lunch yesterday and let himself in. His wife also came over and walked straight through the house. S#1 was still in her dressing gown. The wife said she didn't mind. S#1 was in tears as she was telling me that nobody cares if she minds that people are over when she's not dressed, or not feeling the best. I completely understand. She's grateful, but wants to be treated like a human, with a bit of respect.
Sigh...from a family perspective, it's hard to be respectful of someone who can cause hurt and not feel the slightest bit of remorse, although I can justify that lack of response by seeing that one can only admit fault if they believe they're at fault in the first place. From a human perspective, she should be shown compassion.
S#1 has never opened up to me like she did yesterday. I've never heard her cry like that. I guess my brother not answering yesterday was more than she could handle. I told her to call dad, because I really didn't know what else to do and dad has a calming effect on all of us. Even if he has no idea what to do, or say, he'll listen and sometimes that's enough.
That was yesterday morning. In the evening she called me asking for help on her 3-b@y shop, because she was getting intense headaches and vomiting like she was before she had her stroke and couldn't do her work. My niece's recent hospital admission in Italy, because of her heart problems, can't be helping S#1's stress levels. I did what she wanted and told her to call her doctor. She asked me not to tell mum, but it's fathers day today and I'm going to tell dad when I talk to him.
What I haven't told anyone (IRL) is the sharp headaches and dizziness I've had for a while now. I wonder if vomiting the other week for no apparent reason, at the city train station, in peak hour is related, but I'd like to think not. At any rate, I have an unrelated hospital visit scheduled in about ten days and I'm going to ask to see someone about it while I'm there.
posted by E in Oz at 9:19 am
these thoughts escaped my brain at 9:19 am
3 Comments:
Hmm. Your brother seemed alright when I met him. Guess times change...
I think you should definately get yourself checked out. Especially with your PT job, dodgy innards are not good things to play around with
Yeah, he was. He's changed a lot since then.
Couldn't even do 15 pushups the other day. Felt like my head was going to explode, so, yeah, it's not good for business...
<--Trusts that you'll do what you need to do to take care of you.
And I'm not just talking health stuff--though that'd be first on the list...
(((((((((( E )))))))))))
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