Bite me, world!
I'm in one of those moods where I want to do something but I can't think of anything that will interest me right now. I can't be bothered exercising, although I know I should, because I feel like a big fat pig. I can't be bothered watching tv, because it's all shit for the next hour, at least. I can't be bothered going for a walk, because, well just because I can't be bothered. I can't even be bothered being bothered.
Last night was largely suckful. Ok, the first part was ok. T got home late, late last night (my time) and somehow, a normal phone call turned into a ridiculous conversation that shouldn't have been had and left me wanting to scream and him saying he wanted to be under a rock. Way to start the day (coz technically, it was already a few hours into today for me by the time we got off the phone).
Work was blah and uninteresting, as usual, and I had a sekret bitch/vent in one of the few places I can bitch/vent in private these days. I'm not sure how much it helped my sanity, or the situation, but I'm glad I got it out.
I've had the plasterers here the last two days, fixing cracks in my ceiling and now my house smells like paint. Hopefully the fumes will knock me out and I'll sleep well.
Meanwhile, I got a bill from my phone company. The same phone company I've had to yell at each month for the last few months, because they've screwed me around and over charged me, neglected to tell me of call cost changes and almost sent me around the bend. Last month, I think I paid a good couple of hundred dollars more than I expected to. This month, I'm paying 3 times as much as I expected to. I think the poor guy I spoke to today, along with his supervisor, is going to have to take time off till his ear recovers. Forty five minutes of me at the end of my fuse can't have been good for his hearing.
The most suckful thing is that I could get out of their damn contract for about $300, but to connect to another company will cost an additional $59. For that cost, I may as well stay till July with the idiots I am with now.....and just not make any phone calls, because my long distance rates (the whole reason I changed to this company) that I thought were $2 for an hour, are costing me up to $16 an hour, depending on the time of day. Yes, the brainiacs put me on a new plan (that I requested), but didn't tell me all my discounts would be lost and I'd be paying premium rates. I am sooooo not happy.
Meanwhile, T wants to pay for half the bills I currently have. If I didn't have to call him, blah blah blah. I get it. I appreciate it. I'm grateful for the offer - truly........but I'm too damn stubborn and independent to accept it. I can afford it. He says I shouldn't have to 'afford' it, because the phone company screwed me around. True, but not much I can do about it now. I gotta wear it. I know he'll probably just put the $$ in my account and I won't be able to do much about it, but still.... The whole thing just pisses me off! He shouldn't have to pay for their damn shifty business practices either.
And right now? He's out at a work function for one of his co-workers and I can feel myself getting pissed off already (despite the caring, understanding, patient call he just made to me), because when he calls later on, he'll be drunk, I'll get (more) frustrated and I can see myself not being a very nice person. I don't want that to happen, but I'm feeling narky and resentful already. Tell him not to call? Nah, he would anyway, because he knows I'd prefer he call so I know he made it home intact than wonder about it. Oh, it's a long story. The issue is mine, not his, but sometimes things just bring up old family crap in me that I don't yet know how to deal with effectively.
I have this bizarre sensation of a mix of anger, resentment, sadness, frustration and apathy in me at the moment. It's weird...and stifling. I'd scream if I didn't want to cry. I don't know if I want it to be tomorrow already. I just want it to be something other than now.
And why am I SO DAMN HUNGRY???
I'd buy a punching bag if I had anywhere to put the damn thing. I could use one.
Last night was largely suckful. Ok, the first part was ok. T got home late, late last night (my time) and somehow, a normal phone call turned into a ridiculous conversation that shouldn't have been had and left me wanting to scream and him saying he wanted to be under a rock. Way to start the day (coz technically, it was already a few hours into today for me by the time we got off the phone).
Work was blah and uninteresting, as usual, and I had a sekret bitch/vent in one of the few places I can bitch/vent in private these days. I'm not sure how much it helped my sanity, or the situation, but I'm glad I got it out.
I've had the plasterers here the last two days, fixing cracks in my ceiling and now my house smells like paint. Hopefully the fumes will knock me out and I'll sleep well.
Meanwhile, I got a bill from my phone company. The same phone company I've had to yell at each month for the last few months, because they've screwed me around and over charged me, neglected to tell me of call cost changes and almost sent me around the bend. Last month, I think I paid a good couple of hundred dollars more than I expected to. This month, I'm paying 3 times as much as I expected to. I think the poor guy I spoke to today, along with his supervisor, is going to have to take time off till his ear recovers. Forty five minutes of me at the end of my fuse can't have been good for his hearing.
The most suckful thing is that I could get out of their damn contract for about $300, but to connect to another company will cost an additional $59. For that cost, I may as well stay till July with the idiots I am with now.....and just not make any phone calls, because my long distance rates (the whole reason I changed to this company) that I thought were $2 for an hour, are costing me up to $16 an hour, depending on the time of day. Yes, the brainiacs put me on a new plan (that I requested), but didn't tell me all my discounts would be lost and I'd be paying premium rates. I am sooooo not happy.
Meanwhile, T wants to pay for half the bills I currently have. If I didn't have to call him, blah blah blah. I get it. I appreciate it. I'm grateful for the offer - truly........but I'm too damn stubborn and independent to accept it. I can afford it. He says I shouldn't have to 'afford' it, because the phone company screwed me around. True, but not much I can do about it now. I gotta wear it. I know he'll probably just put the $$ in my account and I won't be able to do much about it, but still.... The whole thing just pisses me off! He shouldn't have to pay for their damn shifty business practices either.
And right now? He's out at a work function for one of his co-workers and I can feel myself getting pissed off already (despite the caring, understanding, patient call he just made to me), because when he calls later on, he'll be drunk, I'll get (more) frustrated and I can see myself not being a very nice person. I don't want that to happen, but I'm feeling narky and resentful already. Tell him not to call? Nah, he would anyway, because he knows I'd prefer he call so I know he made it home intact than wonder about it. Oh, it's a long story. The issue is mine, not his, but sometimes things just bring up old family crap in me that I don't yet know how to deal with effectively.
I have this bizarre sensation of a mix of anger, resentment, sadness, frustration and apathy in me at the moment. It's weird...and stifling. I'd scream if I didn't want to cry. I don't know if I want it to be tomorrow already. I just want it to be something other than now.
And why am I SO DAMN HUNGRY???
I'd buy a punching bag if I had anywhere to put the damn thing. I could use one.
posted by E in Oz at 7:52 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 7:52 pm
3 Comments:
Wow I bet it felt great getting all that out here! Writing as therapy...interesting concept.Life can be a bag sack of potatoes sometimes heavy and burdensome.I think we all feel that at times.I sincerely hope you can sort out your family issues and find some kind of peace E.
Oh ick. Been there. All over there. The worst is going to sleep pissed off or upset about something...for me that hardens into resentment in the morning. Hope today's better for ya. (((E)))
I'm glad today's better.
Without the boy drama, I had your day on Wednesday. A glass of wine and a hot bath after 30 minutes of shoveling heavy, wet snow helped immensely. It was PMS. It sucks.
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