To move, or not to move...or when
So the debate/discussion/issue/question to move in with C or not, continues.
Although I acknowledged that the timing and place was bad (midnight last night, in bed), it's been on my mind, and was one of a number of frustrations that have been bothering me in the last week, so I brought it up. C asked for one example of what was on my mind. I gave him a list. Anyway...
I've given up thinking about getting another place when my lease expires at the end of February. I've looked around, and even as far out as the no-man's land where C lives, finding something comparable to what I have now, will cost me about the same as my current place. Take into consideration having to find the bond money, moving costs, connection fees for utilities et al, and it all adds up to wasted money. I may as well stay where I'm at.
There's a problem though. That'll be if the landlord/estate agent wants me to sign a new lease. I'm not prepared to be locked into a minimum six month lease and waste $1,100 each month for that amount of time. I've told C I'd be happy to keep the place on, on a month to month basis for another one or two months to buy us both a little more time and so that neither of us feel we're rushing into me moving in with him purely because I have to.
C asked me to ask him his thoughts in a couple of days. I'm fine with that. I didn't expect a response last night anyway. He asked what was on my mind. I told him. I'll bring it up again on Friday. He's on night shift this week, so we won't get to see a lot of each other and it'll give us some decent thinking time.
I can't quite put my finger on what exactly bothers me about moving in. Nothing really, I guess. Maybe I'm more fearful of being fully committed than I think I am. Maybe it's just fear of the unknown.
I know what his issues are. They're to do with A and the impression he has of C and of what a relationship should look like, being that I'll be the third girl to live with C, including A's mother, and him not being married to any of us, and the example that sets for A. I understand that. It's the reason why I had reservations about meeting A so early on in the relationship in the first place.
A has asked me a couple of times if I lived with C. I asked him if that'd be ok and if he'd like that. He said yes. But I did make a point, when they both met me at my place one day, to point out that "this is where I live".
E, the ex girlfriend, only moved out a short time before I met C. His concern is that I'll officially move in (I've really been there for all intents and purposes since November), and it'll all go pear shaped like it did with her. He's also worried about me having to travel so far to my job (which is anywhere up to 90 minutes away, depending on traffic). Again, I understand the concerns. I've told him it was never my intention to stay in my job, with or without him, for much longer, so that doesn't even factor into the equation as far as I'm concerned. And I'm not E. Well, I am E, but not the other E. Well, you know what I mean!
It's all getting to me, though. I'm feeling displaced. I've been living out of a backpack for weeks. He told me I could use some drawer space and he's hung some of my clothes, but I don't feel comfortable doing those things, because I feel as though they're 'space claiming' in some way and we've not concluded yet that we'll be officially sharing space. Could be just irrational thinking on my part, but I just can't bring myself to put things in drawers and cupboards till I know they're gonna stay there.
I have to give notice to move out or to extend in the next couple of weeks. Really, I'd just like to hide under a rock and come out and have it all over and done with and be settled somewhere. I'm getting worn out not knowing where I'm gonna be living in a few weeks and not being able to organise anything.
Apart from the moving issue, things are pretty ideal really. Considering the place I was in this time last year, it's amazing. I'm just wondering if we're making the whole moving thing more of an issue than it really is?
Although I acknowledged that the timing and place was bad (midnight last night, in bed), it's been on my mind, and was one of a number of frustrations that have been bothering me in the last week, so I brought it up. C asked for one example of what was on my mind. I gave him a list. Anyway...
I've given up thinking about getting another place when my lease expires at the end of February. I've looked around, and even as far out as the no-man's land where C lives, finding something comparable to what I have now, will cost me about the same as my current place. Take into consideration having to find the bond money, moving costs, connection fees for utilities et al, and it all adds up to wasted money. I may as well stay where I'm at.
There's a problem though. That'll be if the landlord/estate agent wants me to sign a new lease. I'm not prepared to be locked into a minimum six month lease and waste $1,100 each month for that amount of time. I've told C I'd be happy to keep the place on, on a month to month basis for another one or two months to buy us both a little more time and so that neither of us feel we're rushing into me moving in with him purely because I have to.
C asked me to ask him his thoughts in a couple of days. I'm fine with that. I didn't expect a response last night anyway. He asked what was on my mind. I told him. I'll bring it up again on Friday. He's on night shift this week, so we won't get to see a lot of each other and it'll give us some decent thinking time.
I can't quite put my finger on what exactly bothers me about moving in. Nothing really, I guess. Maybe I'm more fearful of being fully committed than I think I am. Maybe it's just fear of the unknown.
I know what his issues are. They're to do with A and the impression he has of C and of what a relationship should look like, being that I'll be the third girl to live with C, including A's mother, and him not being married to any of us, and the example that sets for A. I understand that. It's the reason why I had reservations about meeting A so early on in the relationship in the first place.
A has asked me a couple of times if I lived with C. I asked him if that'd be ok and if he'd like that. He said yes. But I did make a point, when they both met me at my place one day, to point out that "this is where I live".
E, the ex girlfriend, only moved out a short time before I met C. His concern is that I'll officially move in (I've really been there for all intents and purposes since November), and it'll all go pear shaped like it did with her. He's also worried about me having to travel so far to my job (which is anywhere up to 90 minutes away, depending on traffic). Again, I understand the concerns. I've told him it was never my intention to stay in my job, with or without him, for much longer, so that doesn't even factor into the equation as far as I'm concerned. And I'm not E. Well, I am E, but not the other E. Well, you know what I mean!
It's all getting to me, though. I'm feeling displaced. I've been living out of a backpack for weeks. He told me I could use some drawer space and he's hung some of my clothes, but I don't feel comfortable doing those things, because I feel as though they're 'space claiming' in some way and we've not concluded yet that we'll be officially sharing space. Could be just irrational thinking on my part, but I just can't bring myself to put things in drawers and cupboards till I know they're gonna stay there.
I have to give notice to move out or to extend in the next couple of weeks. Really, I'd just like to hide under a rock and come out and have it all over and done with and be settled somewhere. I'm getting worn out not knowing where I'm gonna be living in a few weeks and not being able to organise anything.
Apart from the moving issue, things are pretty ideal really. Considering the place I was in this time last year, it's amazing. I'm just wondering if we're making the whole moving thing more of an issue than it really is?
posted by E in Oz at 1:33 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 1:33 pm
2 Comments:
How about if they all move in with you?
Ian - all three of us across the road from all those housing commission places? hehehe! Nah, he owns his place and after A said, "gee your place is so small!" (um two storey townhouse! lol), I don't think he'd cope well, even if it was only every second weekend. Ha!
EJ - Hey girlfriend! Well, I'd be ok with an extra 3 months max, if I had to, but to spend that amount of rent in a place I haven't slept in for at least the last month or so, I just can't justify it. It's such a waste, ya know. Sigh...the good ole days when I just met someone and moved in and that was that! LOL
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