Rollercoasters

It seems like there's so much negativity going on in peoples' lives at the moment...and for some, a lot of positivity.

My niece is now in her own place, with her daughters, although her ex and his family are still giving her a very hard time. I don't like the situation, but it's the best she can be in, for the time being.

My best friend here has recently separated from her husband. He's living with his mum thinking life is fine, she's at home looking after their 4 kids. She's having a hard time with it, but has been doing ok. Then her dog got hit by a car, her car broke down trying to get the dog to the vet, the computer broke, the fridge busted. Minor by themselves. Not so, all at once. Last Thursday, her eldest daughter (21) was diagnosed with lymphoma. She's having bone marrow biopsies done on Wednesday. It all just sucks. I spent the afternoon with them today. My concerns are, all of a sudden, not so significant.

I am.... I'm not sure how I am. Alright, I suppose. I'm in a situation I'd tell anyone else to run a million miles from. What it says about me that I know that, but remain, I'm not sure. There's something I need from it and I know what it is. It's multi-faceted, really.

At the moment, I'm showing the most determined, competitive, compulsive and impulsive parts of my personality...topped with a lot of compassion about a situation I should be extremely subjective about, but I am staying surprisingly objective and detached. I haven't yet worked out my motivation. Whatever it is, I feel more ... inspired? enthusiastic? ... about me than I have in a while.

Surprisingly, the stranger I lived with was the last person I felt socialised really well with my friends. I wasn't worried he would do or say something to embarrass me (although, at the time, I didn't know things about him that were worse than I could have imagined), because we always presented as the 'ideal' couple.

Last night, I took my gym trainer (G) out to dinner with my social group. It was incredibly easy and comfortable and natural. So much so that we both were completely unconscious about the fact that we were ridiculously affectionate all night. At the dinner table. Bad, bad manners! No face sucking, though. I do have some restraint! When we left, it dawned on us that we must have looked like pathetic teenagers. Sad, really. I've let myself get close to someone and I didn't think that was possible for me right now. Whether it's right or not is another thing entirely. We could crash and burn into a big fireball very soon. Or it might all just turn out ok.

At least it's good incentive to get up at 5.30am and go to gym. And I definitely need incentive to do that.