Not irrational?
I had another doctor appointment yesterday afternoon (which I'll talk about in another post for anyone who cares about the gory details) and I don't know what happened to me, but something in my head just snapped and I turned into my moody, irritable twin. I was fine and perfectly ok before I went in. Forty five minutes later I was ready to cry at the drop of a hat.
No explanation.
We'd planned to go to the motor show and I had no intention of letting the boy down, because this was something we'd looked forward to for a while. I told him I was unexplainably grumpy. I didn't know what to wear (I already had on what I was going to wear, so go figure), I didn't know if I was hungry or not (yes), I wanted to stay home and sleep (but wanted to go out). Every-little-thing bothered me.
We got in the car. I wanted to cry.
We drove to McDonalds, since we hadn't eaten. Of course, I haven't been there for ages, since I've been following Dr Fun-Killer's advice. The boy tells me they now do healthy salads. What's in them? Don't know. Do they have onion? Don't know. I don't want it if they have onion. Just take it out. No, everything else will taste like onion. I wanted to cry.
So, he drives into the drive-through and drives past the sign that shows what the salad looks like. How do I know if I'll like it if I can't see what's in it? There's no sign at the window where the guy's serving. What's in it? Um...chicken and lettuce and things like that. Ok, helpful.... C tells me he'll eat it if I don't like it. Yeah, meanwhile I'm gonna starve. I wanted to cry.
I get it. It has cranberries in it. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the name of the stupid things and that was pissing me off too. Meanwhile, my poor guy thinks he's done something wrong. No, you never do anything wrong, my brain is being stupid. I concentrate on eating and forget that I wanted to cry.
All is fine, although I left my happy face at home and couldn't bring myself to smile. I tell the boy every little thing is annoying me. He turns the radio off in the car. Ok, it's not that bad.
You know when you really just want to hide in a dark place for a while and go to sleep and wake up a few years later? You can't do that at a motor show. I must have looked like Mrs Miserable who was being subjected to some interminable torture by her thoughtless, evil husband, having to endure wandering through and sitting in numerous vehicles, most of which we'd never consider buying anyway.
I make a comment about how the young blonde chicks seem to go for the fat, ugly dudes with money, as we check out a prime example sitting in a lamborghini. The boy quips that I could be referring to him. Ok, make me cry!
He's taking photos of all the cars. Do not take pics of me. So I turn around after having been bent over a shiny new Audi and 'snap'. Was I in that picture? You better delete it and take another one. He gets in another car and I walk around the side. Another blonde gets in the back. He glances over and thinks it's me, then turns and sees me standing beside him. I thought that was you, you all look the same, he jokes. That's not funny. Tears coming, get a grip woman. He apologises and I tell him it's ok, but that I'm really mad and I don't know why. He asks again if it's him. (Why does he always think it's him?) No, if I knew what it was, I'd get over it.
I haven't cried in public in a long time. Thankfully, I still haven't. I kept it together, although by the time I got in the car, I just wanted to bawl. Again, he turns off the radio in case I want to talk. Nope. We had to go past his work on the way home (way after 10pm) and I opt to stay in the car while he does his stuff. I sleep for a bit and the urge to cry goes away.
I was flat when we got home. I apologised for being moody and grumpy for no real reason. He said it's ok to feel despondent sometimes. Is that what I'm feeling? Well you're not going nuts and behaving irrationally and going all crazy and yelling. Yeah, but I'm not normal. It's ok to be down.
Sigh. I woke up feeling better, but I'm pissed off with myself for bringing us both down for 6 hours for no real reason.
In case you care, and even if you don't, here are some of the cars I'm considering wasting my money on in the next six months.
C3 Pluriel (Citroen)
Honda Integra Type S (replaces the S2000, which was previously on my want list)
Holden Tigra (which isn't very practical, coz it's only a two seater, and not yet available anyway)
Audi TT Roadster
Audi A4
Ford Focus Vignale (also not yet available, sadly)
Subaru Impreza RS
Subaru Impreza RV
Mazda 3
Yeah, I know, there's a bit of a difference in all those vehicles (and that's not my whole list!), but who ever said I had to be decisive?
No explanation.
We'd planned to go to the motor show and I had no intention of letting the boy down, because this was something we'd looked forward to for a while. I told him I was unexplainably grumpy. I didn't know what to wear (I already had on what I was going to wear, so go figure), I didn't know if I was hungry or not (yes), I wanted to stay home and sleep (but wanted to go out). Every-little-thing bothered me.
We got in the car. I wanted to cry.
We drove to McDonalds, since we hadn't eaten. Of course, I haven't been there for ages, since I've been following Dr Fun-Killer's advice. The boy tells me they now do healthy salads. What's in them? Don't know. Do they have onion? Don't know. I don't want it if they have onion. Just take it out. No, everything else will taste like onion. I wanted to cry.
So, he drives into the drive-through and drives past the sign that shows what the salad looks like. How do I know if I'll like it if I can't see what's in it? There's no sign at the window where the guy's serving. What's in it? Um...chicken and lettuce and things like that. Ok, helpful.... C tells me he'll eat it if I don't like it. Yeah, meanwhile I'm gonna starve. I wanted to cry.
I get it. It has cranberries in it. For the life of me, I couldn't remember the name of the stupid things and that was pissing me off too. Meanwhile, my poor guy thinks he's done something wrong. No, you never do anything wrong, my brain is being stupid. I concentrate on eating and forget that I wanted to cry.
All is fine, although I left my happy face at home and couldn't bring myself to smile. I tell the boy every little thing is annoying me. He turns the radio off in the car. Ok, it's not that bad.
You know when you really just want to hide in a dark place for a while and go to sleep and wake up a few years later? You can't do that at a motor show. I must have looked like Mrs Miserable who was being subjected to some interminable torture by her thoughtless, evil husband, having to endure wandering through and sitting in numerous vehicles, most of which we'd never consider buying anyway.
I make a comment about how the young blonde chicks seem to go for the fat, ugly dudes with money, as we check out a prime example sitting in a lamborghini. The boy quips that I could be referring to him. Ok, make me cry!
He's taking photos of all the cars. Do not take pics of me. So I turn around after having been bent over a shiny new Audi and 'snap'. Was I in that picture? You better delete it and take another one. He gets in another car and I walk around the side. Another blonde gets in the back. He glances over and thinks it's me, then turns and sees me standing beside him. I thought that was you, you all look the same, he jokes. That's not funny. Tears coming, get a grip woman. He apologises and I tell him it's ok, but that I'm really mad and I don't know why. He asks again if it's him. (Why does he always think it's him?) No, if I knew what it was, I'd get over it.
I haven't cried in public in a long time. Thankfully, I still haven't. I kept it together, although by the time I got in the car, I just wanted to bawl. Again, he turns off the radio in case I want to talk. Nope. We had to go past his work on the way home (way after 10pm) and I opt to stay in the car while he does his stuff. I sleep for a bit and the urge to cry goes away.
I was flat when we got home. I apologised for being moody and grumpy for no real reason. He said it's ok to feel despondent sometimes. Is that what I'm feeling? Well you're not going nuts and behaving irrationally and going all crazy and yelling. Yeah, but I'm not normal. It's ok to be down.
Sigh. I woke up feeling better, but I'm pissed off with myself for bringing us both down for 6 hours for no real reason.
In case you care, and even if you don't, here are some of the cars I'm considering wasting my money on in the next six months.
C3 Pluriel (Citroen)
Honda Integra Type S (replaces the S2000, which was previously on my want list)
Holden Tigra (which isn't very practical, coz it's only a two seater, and not yet available anyway)
Audi TT Roadster
Audi A4
Ford Focus Vignale (also not yet available, sadly)
Subaru Impreza RS
Subaru Impreza RV
Mazda 3
Yeah, I know, there's a bit of a difference in all those vehicles (and that's not my whole list!), but who ever said I had to be decisive?
posted by E in Oz at 9:34 am
these thoughts escaped my brain at 9:34 am
1 Comments:
Ummmm, we could be soul-twins right now. I kept saying "yep", "yep", and "yep" along with everything you said (except for the cars.. heh)
I have my suspicions as to why I'm this way, and it has to do with revealing too much of my "broken" past with hubby back in December. Because that seems to be when all of this emotional behavior (on my part) started. Of course, there have been other factors going on to add to my emotions but I think that might be it bottom line. I maintain pretty well, and he has NO idea what is bubbling under the surface because I've been really good about keeping it in.
I made an appointment for Monday with a therapist. I refuse to let my past ruin a relationship with a wonderful man. Hopefully, it'll be a quick fix since I've already dealt with my issues before. ;)
I hope you get to the bottom of what's going on with you girly-girl.
xoxo
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