And now...about us

Last week sucked. The last couple of weeks have been....tense. The ridiculous thing about it all is that we really don't have any major problems. We're both very good at talking things through and explaining our position. Unfortunately, we got ourselves hung up on a topic that we're probably not going to ever see completely from each other's point of view. It's the only point of contention between us. But it's not even the problem. Our problem is that once we start to get into this topic, we stop talking about the topic and focus on just trying to get our point across and make the other person listen. Ironically, we have great communication skills, but our individual skills don't work with each other. We have to change how we disagree. Not necessarily so we always agree on things, but so that we can stick to the subject at hand and get some sort of resolution instead of us both getting so frustrated with each other that he thinks I'm irrational and I think he needs a good smack with an iron pot.

But like I said, we don't have any major problems. LOL

Last week makes it three major arguments since we've met. Not bad, but how we handle them is obviously not good.

After he said, "we're breaking up", we actually had a pretty good, calm conversation about things. That was Thursday night. On Friday night, we went to counselling. The lady was great and we both felt really comfortable with her. I was in part feeling completely insecure and I was wondering where everything was heading. But at the same time, I was completely confident that things would be ok, because there was no justifiable reason to break up.

The counsellor said it was nice to see a couple come in who were sitting close, holding hands and smiling and laughing with each other. I assume it'd surprise most people that we were like that. Maybe it's testament to how well we really do work together. I was nervous, because I didn't know what C really was thinking, but I knew what he felt. That's probably what kept me so calm.

Saturday was strange. He was very affectionate and we slept in. At lunchtime we went clothes shopping for me (and if you've been reading a while you'll know it's my pet hate). In the evening we went to dinner with Ian (who we think rocks), then to the football with Ian, my brother and a friend of his. Of course, our team lost, but we're getting used to that the last couple of years.

I think I mentioned in the comments of one of my posts that C said he wished he never said what he did. I wish he didn't too. But it's done now. He asked me (the confined space of the car for a few hours probably did us some good) to not think of us as being on shaky ground, but acknowledged that's easier said than done. I'm ok. A little wary perhaps and maybe second guessing things I shouldn't, but that's understandable too. This relationship stuff takes work. At least now we've openly stated that we're both prepared to do what it takes.

One counselling session does not a problem fix, although for me, it reiterated that we're good together....even when we're bad. What one counselling session did for us though, was more than we expected. It brought up stuff about my past. At the time, I was bothered by the fact that the counsellor seemed to think that me working on my issues was more important than us working on our issues. Panic about whether or not you are soon going to have a roof over your head can do that to you.

So this week, on Friday, I'm going by myself. When I agreed to that, I really didn't want to. I was more concerned with saving my relationship. (We have a counselling session lined up for a week or so, through C's work, so we might use that to resolve 'us' stuff.) Now I see that the relationship will survive for a while without intense counselling, so I'm ok with fronting up on Friday and talking about me.

Actually, I'm not ok with that. I'm ok with the fact that we're good and not in immediate need of super therapy. I'm not ok with digging up stuff I haven't really discussed about me in depth with anyone before....certainly not to the extent of deep analysis. Yep, I've had counselling before, but managed to vaguely dance around issues that I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with. I mean, when I deal with them, what's it going to do to me? Is it going to change me? For better? For worse? How's it going to affect me in my relationship? How's it going to affect the way I see the world? Am I fundamentally me because of who I was created to be? Or am I me because of the experiences that I've had and will sorting those out make me someone different? Someone I'm not. These are the things that worry me.

Crazy as it sounds after last week, I'm so stupidly happy with C. I couldn't ask for someone better. And we're doing fine. He's lying beside me in bed, reading Bill Bryson, the cats are doing their best to push us both out of bed and get themselves under the covers....and I'm sitting here at an odd angle so the boy can't see the kooky stuff that comes out of my head at this late time of night.

I should now say thanks to everyone for your thoughts and friendship. It means a lot to me. And I know C appreciates it too. Without me getting it all out here, he'd probably be living with a neurotic, over-thinking nutcase. Ok...so he is. But I'm not that neurotic.