WTF happened?
Last night we went out with Ian and Tara and had a really great time.
I have no idea what happened, but a normal happy conversation in the car turned into a stupid discussion over something that's very important to me. I told him my stance on something. He didn't agree with it and said something along the lines of if he doesn't think it's a big deal, then I shouldn't think it's a big deal either....but it's a huge deal to me. There's more, but that's the basis of it anyway.
We never argue. We never disagree. So this has my head spinning.
I don't know how to fix it, coz I don't know if he was just being stubborn in the moment, or if he really won't ever get my point of view. I'm really disappointed with both of us (I know I didn't handle it as well as I could have). I don't know how to make it better.
I hate hate hate feeling like this, because it's so not 'us'.
*****update
Ok, call off the fire brigade...the aliens returned his brain.
He just called. Started off by saying, 'so we didn't have a good night last night'. No kidding. He said he got defensive and took what I was saying as though I couldn't trust him...because of an incident that occurred a few years ago that I'd told him about. He said he made it all about him and he took it personally. That he wasn't hearing what I was saying to him, because he was making it an issue of trust. He said of course he'd never do something that upset me in that way and that he'd always take my feelings into consideration, because the way the situation makes me feel is what's important.
It took him all day to figure all that out. I didn't think of it in terms of him thinking it was all about him. Strange how two people can have the same conversation, but hear completely different things.
I got my guy back...that's the main thing. (Even though he's gonna get a knock to the side of the head when he gets home...)
I have no idea what happened, but a normal happy conversation in the car turned into a stupid discussion over something that's very important to me. I told him my stance on something. He didn't agree with it and said something along the lines of if he doesn't think it's a big deal, then I shouldn't think it's a big deal either....but it's a huge deal to me. There's more, but that's the basis of it anyway.
We never argue. We never disagree. So this has my head spinning.
I don't know how to fix it, coz I don't know if he was just being stubborn in the moment, or if he really won't ever get my point of view. I'm really disappointed with both of us (I know I didn't handle it as well as I could have). I don't know how to make it better.
I hate hate hate feeling like this, because it's so not 'us'.
*****update
Ok, call off the fire brigade...the aliens returned his brain.
He just called. Started off by saying, 'so we didn't have a good night last night'. No kidding. He said he got defensive and took what I was saying as though I couldn't trust him...because of an incident that occurred a few years ago that I'd told him about. He said he made it all about him and he took it personally. That he wasn't hearing what I was saying to him, because he was making it an issue of trust. He said of course he'd never do something that upset me in that way and that he'd always take my feelings into consideration, because the way the situation makes me feel is what's important.
It took him all day to figure all that out. I didn't think of it in terms of him thinking it was all about him. Strange how two people can have the same conversation, but hear completely different things.
I got my guy back...that's the main thing. (Even though he's gonna get a knock to the side of the head when he gets home...)
posted by E in Oz at 1:37 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 1:37 pm
5 Comments:
Not sure if this is good advice since I don't know what the subject was, but I guess... are you more upset that 1.he doesn't think it's a big deal 2. he doesn't share your opinion 3. he didn't validate your right to a different opinion 4. he didn't recognize that it was a big deal to you or 5. he was inflexible on it?
Because the way you deal with it would be different, ya know? If it's more abt his reaction, that's one thing. If it's more abt the different value, that's another. If it's more abt the way you two handle the rare disagreement then that's yet another.
Am I making any sense?
hugs hugs xo
Hey R, it's all those things LOL. I should know he's like this. It's kinda the same way he handled the painting incident, but he just didn't talk on that occasion. This time he talked too much. I should know not to let it get to me till after 24 hours, coz that's how long it seems to take for him to work out where I'm coming from. Remind me if this ever happens again!
Hugs,
E xxx
I'm way late on this but just wanted to say, I'm glad that it's all worked out! :)
You're lucky though you could talk it out fairly quickly and get it resolved! It's all about communication =D
Good to hear you guys sorted it all out. Relationships wouldn't be half as much fun if both parties shared the same opinion on everything. It's all a matter of respecting each other's point of view and reaching a mid ground.
Yes, I know - relationship advice from a single guy....!
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