Time to admit defeat
I've lasted about 5 weeks transporting a box of tissues with me everywhere I've been and popping pills to the point where I and my handbag both rattle now. It's not been fun or pretty.
Last night was the final straw. At the end of last week and over the weekend, I thought I was improving. Apparently not. I got to bed relatively early last night, but by just after midnight I was awake and having a coughing fit that would rival an old man with emphysema. After that, in half hour intervals, I'd be awake and keeping the stray neighbourhood cats away with my horrid wheezing and choking. Seriously, I could hardly breathe.
At 3.15am I got out of bed (so as to at least allow the boy to get some sleep), went downstairs and got online for an hour or so. That was ok, because I could breathe if I sat up. But I had to come to work today, so off I trundled just after 4am and tried to get back to sleep sitting up. It was good in theory, but didn't really work out so well.
Needless to say, by the time I was supposed to get out of bed, my head was thumping and I felt like I'd been punched in the chest. So I rang my boss' secretary and told her I was sleeping in and I'd be in when I could. I got to work at 10.30.
But I know I can't have another night like last night. At 1pm I was alseep at my desk. I have to go see a doctor today. I've relented. I need to know what's wrong and how to fix it. And I'm sick of always being sick around C. He seems not to be bothered by it, in that his behaviour is more of concern rather than annoyance. But I don't want pity. I want to be well....better than this, anyway.
I do have a regular GP, but seeing him is an event in itself. He doesn't take appointments, he's a long way from me and basically, I'd have to take a day off work to see him. I can't do that right now. So I'll see a local GP...and I'll pray that he doesn't have an accent I can't understand. You see, I live in a pretty diverse area, multiculturally speaking, and to get a doctor who's first language is English, is a struggle. The Italian ones I'm fine with. My doctor is Italian. The ones in my area are mostly middle eastern. I'm cool with this as long as we both understand each other and they can help me to get well.
So there you have it. My body has beaten me. I have to go to a doctor. But the way I feel right now, not being able to breathe, I'd do just about anything to get it fixed.
Hmmm...maybe it's this time of year. Last time I was feeling like shit this much was this time last year when I was in the US.
Last night was the final straw. At the end of last week and over the weekend, I thought I was improving. Apparently not. I got to bed relatively early last night, but by just after midnight I was awake and having a coughing fit that would rival an old man with emphysema. After that, in half hour intervals, I'd be awake and keeping the stray neighbourhood cats away with my horrid wheezing and choking. Seriously, I could hardly breathe.
At 3.15am I got out of bed (so as to at least allow the boy to get some sleep), went downstairs and got online for an hour or so. That was ok, because I could breathe if I sat up. But I had to come to work today, so off I trundled just after 4am and tried to get back to sleep sitting up. It was good in theory, but didn't really work out so well.
Needless to say, by the time I was supposed to get out of bed, my head was thumping and I felt like I'd been punched in the chest. So I rang my boss' secretary and told her I was sleeping in and I'd be in when I could. I got to work at 10.30.
But I know I can't have another night like last night. At 1pm I was alseep at my desk. I have to go see a doctor today. I've relented. I need to know what's wrong and how to fix it. And I'm sick of always being sick around C. He seems not to be bothered by it, in that his behaviour is more of concern rather than annoyance. But I don't want pity. I want to be well....better than this, anyway.
I do have a regular GP, but seeing him is an event in itself. He doesn't take appointments, he's a long way from me and basically, I'd have to take a day off work to see him. I can't do that right now. So I'll see a local GP...and I'll pray that he doesn't have an accent I can't understand. You see, I live in a pretty diverse area, multiculturally speaking, and to get a doctor who's first language is English, is a struggle. The Italian ones I'm fine with. My doctor is Italian. The ones in my area are mostly middle eastern. I'm cool with this as long as we both understand each other and they can help me to get well.
So there you have it. My body has beaten me. I have to go to a doctor. But the way I feel right now, not being able to breathe, I'd do just about anything to get it fixed.
Hmmm...maybe it's this time of year. Last time I was feeling like shit this much was this time last year when I was in the US.
posted by E in Oz at 2:03 pm
these thoughts escaped my brain at 2:03 pm
4 Comments:
I hope this isn't a stupid or weird question for any reason...but is there any chance you've developed athsma? I developed it at the age of 32 - it started with a cold that just wouldn't go away - I had a lot of trouble breathing, especially when lying down. I went to the doc a few times - cough medicine didn't help, antibiotics didn't help. 3rd time, 3rd doctor told me within 5 minutes that it was athsma, gave me an inhaler, and then I was all better. I still use the inhaler once every couple days, depending on the time of year. I hope you feel better soon.
I hate to point this out, but your body didn't beat you, because you and your body shouldn't be in competition. Forcing through, pushing past, ignoring pain, none of that is a sign of strength, it's a sign of fear.
Sorry if that sounds witchy, but having passed out at work today and spent 6 minutes unconscious on the floor before spending 4 hours in hospital makes me want to force people I care about to *pay attention* to what their bodies are telling them.
feel better! hugs,
R
Yeah, I know it's fear, but you know me - I'm stubborn to my detriment.
As for you...are you ok now? Sending you soft hugs.
Nameless - thank you for the vibes...they're helping. :-)
EJ - The chicken soup worked wonders!
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