Ponderance
So we're driving along last night and I'm talking about R and M and Brad as if I've met you all in real life (well sometimes it feels like it). C asks me how many people regularly read my blog and I estimate. Then he said something about how it's funny that all these other people read what I have to say every day, but he doesn't even know the address. Hhhmmmm.....
He wasn't asking for it. I know he didn't want me to offer it up to him. He did say he understands that it's like my diary, so he can see why I'd keep some thoughts to myself. I told him that he knows pretty much everything I say on here anyway. Really, the only things I don't relay back to him are the parts where I'm battling my own insecurities - because they're for me to deal with and they're more often than not (well rarely) anything to do directly with him.
Still, I feel a little bad for not wanting him to know some of the things I think and say. I guess it's because I work a lot of things out here before I actually tell him. These are my raw thoughts, rather than the structured ones that he hears - that sometimes make more sense.
I dunno. There wasn't really much of a point to all of this, except that it's obvious he's thought about the fact that so many 'strangers' read my blog, but he doesn't. Then again, he gets the real me...in person. I dunno which is worse. Ha!
(Brad, sorry 'bout last night. I didn't end up going home at all (which is why we were talking about you in the car, coz I missed our rendezvous), but I'll be there for a while tonight.)
He wasn't asking for it. I know he didn't want me to offer it up to him. He did say he understands that it's like my diary, so he can see why I'd keep some thoughts to myself. I told him that he knows pretty much everything I say on here anyway. Really, the only things I don't relay back to him are the parts where I'm battling my own insecurities - because they're for me to deal with and they're more often than not (well rarely) anything to do directly with him.
Still, I feel a little bad for not wanting him to know some of the things I think and say. I guess it's because I work a lot of things out here before I actually tell him. These are my raw thoughts, rather than the structured ones that he hears - that sometimes make more sense.
I dunno. There wasn't really much of a point to all of this, except that it's obvious he's thought about the fact that so many 'strangers' read my blog, but he doesn't. Then again, he gets the real me...in person. I dunno which is worse. Ha!
(Brad, sorry 'bout last night. I didn't end up going home at all (which is why we were talking about you in the car, coz I missed our rendezvous), but I'll be there for a while tonight.)
posted by E in Oz at 9:42 am
these thoughts escaped my brain at 9:42 am
2 Comments:
I like J Cool. :-) He's your C.
It's funny, I gave B the URL within 3 days of starting my blog. I know he doesn't read it often, has read it more times here in my living room than he has when I'm not around, but he knows that it's here for him to check any time he wants to. Originally I did not intend to give the URL to anyone that I know other than him. I wanted him to be able to see whatever I'm *really* thinking, no censoring myself. Even though I know he might read it, I pretend he has no access and just put whatever I really want to say. I think I'm bassackwards. lol
hugs
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